The Incredible Melting Man (1977)

Posted: 28/02/2013 in Trash movies
Tags: , , , , ,

This movie is about a man who melts, melts, melts, and eventually melts away. That’s pretty much it.

We noticed that this is going to be an awful movie before it even began. How? Simply. We saw MGM logo. That logo usually marks the beginning of 90 minutes of  bad acting, low budget, plot with more holes than a Swiss cheese, incoherent script, and many other bad things which cross your mind when you see MGM. Pay attention now. This is going to melt your brain.

Space expedition on Saturn ring, consisted of 2 men in space ship. Their names are Ted (played Burr DeBenning) and Steve (played by Alex Rebar). I don’t know what they were looking out there. Anyway, it’s not important. Suddenly they see some strange lights through the window and Steve starts bleeding on his  nose and getting cramps. Ted shows no signs of any sickness and he is doing just fine. A moment later, we see Steve lying in the hospital bed, surrounded by  blackman doctor with an afro haircut and really fat nurse. The moment the doctor leaves the room Steve gets up from his bed. Terrible wounds can be seen on his face. He has become the incredible melting man (for the rest of this review he will be known as a Timm). Timm starts chasing fat nurse. Next we are  getting fat nurse running through hospital hallway in slow-motion. And that goes on and on, until she eventually runs through glass doors. I really doubt  that even steel doors would stand any chance against such destructive force this woman causes when she hits you in her full speed. She is running on the  street now and that’s where this chasing ends. Next scene sends us to the morgue. There is a HUGE body on the table. We find out that Timm has eaten fat  nurse’s brain. They decide to call Dr. Ted about this.

Fat nurse running

Meanwhile, somewhere in the nature, far outside a town a dorkish looking fisherman is having his time. Suddenly, from the bushes, Timms approaches and cuts his  head off, followed by 5 minutes close scene of head while it floats in the spring, eventually falls of mini-waterfall and crushes into pieces like a  watermelon. Totally without any pity to poor fisherman, we are skipping to scene where 3 of ugly, ugly children are trying to have their first cigarette.  Two little boys and one little girl. Finding that smoking is too hard they start innocently chasing each other until the moment when the little girl stumbles  upon Timm. She starts screaming and runs away to her mother, who tries to convince her that she hadn’t seen anything (why no one ever believes kids). But Ted is close. He tries to find his friend Steve (Timm) with help of Geiger’s counter. I guess that already melted parts of Timm’s body (like his ear) are leaving much of background radiation. No one bothered to explain why exactly, but hey, who needs reason, sense, and logic in such movie.

                    GlavaHeads up!!!

On the other side of desert, young model Sandra is having foto-session with her photographer. After couple of photos, photographer couldn’t restrain himself so  he tears up Sandra’s top, leaving her small tits exposed to us. Sandra, who didn’t want to be raped, started running away of horny photograph, until the  moment she stumbles upon decapitated corpse of our late friend fisherman. Ted arrives on crime scene together with police, just to confirm that fisherman is  dead. Hm, how did they came up with such conclusion? Anyway, Ted continues his search for Timm.

                SandraSoft core?

But Timm is gone. Ted is at his home now getting lectures from his ugly wife Judy (Ann Sweeny). I don’t know what has gotten into him to share such classify  secret with his bigmouth, ugly wife but now they are working together on this case. While they are making strategy, we see Timm walking through desert into  sunset and melting. This goes on and on, while he is getting flashbacks of what happened to him in the space. More sunset, more desert, more flashbacks. More  melting. The night has fallen and he is still melting. Only, this time, he is in vineyard. He melts even more, followed by couple of minutes of more melting. On the other side of town Ted is sitting somewhere and talking to his ugly wife about situation. Doctor with afro haircut and General Perry (Myron Healey)  are with him too. Judy invites both of them to dinner but only General accepts invitation. Also, Judy informs Ted that her mother and her mother’s friend  will join them too. So we are on the road now. We see one old woman and one old man driving the car. It seems to me that they already went through the  process of melting for several times during the centuries and centuries of their lives. They decide to make a quick stop so old man parked his car in the  bushes. It turns out that they want to revive the forgotten craft of sex!!! Really disgusting!!! They left the car and enter deeper into bushes. They both  seems to be a moment before reaching ecstasy of perversion. We notice that old man has a name for his balls. He calls them “Lemmon” and he suggests old lady  to suck it. Good thing that they didn’t actually show us this crime against nature. After finishing what were they doing, old couple returns to car. But, as  it always be, Timm was waiting for them on the backseat. When they saw him both of them died of heart attack. Timm ate them afterwards.

MatorciHot young couple.

After finishing his meal, Timm finds himself (or itself?) in front of Dr Ted’s house, where he spends one hour just standing and melting. Eventually, he  finds General Perry, gives him a kiss in the cheek, drags him into bushes, defiles him, and eats him on the end. The lust is strong in this one! But Timm  isn’t done yet. Instead of finishing the rest of the house residences, he goes to completely different house where some completely different ugly woman  lives. We notice that she possesses a Kelvinator fridge. Very amusing name. She uses that fridge to block the doors so Timm couldn’t get in. Finally, she cuts  of his arm with a cleaver and Timm runs away. After that event she starts losing her mind in style of Nicholas Cage.

                    Her brain already got meltedHer brain already got melted!

Police discovers General’s mangled body and sheriff Blake (Michael Alldredge) decides to join his forces with Ted in search for Timm. After some time they  eventually find him on top of power lines. It seems that Timm has been cornered now, right? HELL WRONG!!! This is the scene where Ted shows his true face. He  prevents sheriff Blake from shooting Timm, after which monster used his chance, took a poor, confused sheriff and throwed him away onto another power line  where sheriff ends up electricuted. And remember, all of that with only one arm, which is also melting. Two cops kill Ted after he tried to protect Timm. (he
got what he deserves). As an act of revenge, Timm kills both cops and the score is settled. Having enough of everything he goes to space station where he  completely melts away in only good scene in this God forbidden movie. On the very end we find out that new expedition to Saturn has been preparing for  launching. I only hope that this doesn’t mean a sequel since I wouldn’t be able to handle another garbage of space proportions.

Conclusion: The only incredible thing about this movie is how incredibly bad is it. No budget, no actors, no story, no sense. Also, this movies contains no  sex scenes or at least full frontal nudity. Shame! Tho, no amount of porn could wash a taste of failure from the mouths of director William Sachs. The only  thing worth mentioning here are awesome make up and special effects by legendary Rick Baker. He is the only one who had given decent performance out of  entire movie crew.

  1. […] They discover that holy water kills zombies (I am no shitting you here) so with help of demented nun who happens to be in asylum as mental patient (how convenient) Jane and Irish dude devise a plan to bless entire nearby water tower and blow it up with handmade bomb. Sounds bulletproof to me enough. Meanwhile, Dr. Ramzi has haptured Dr. Gerald and performs brain extraction operation on him, despite Gerald’s plea “Don’t cut my brain please”. He shows that juicy brain to Jane during their next encounter spiced with silly one-liner “Dr. Swan wants to give you piece of his mind”. Classic! And yeah, we also find out he is Jane’s father. What a twist, would you say? Anyway, mad Irishman (*cough* pleonasm) took the opportunity of this family reunion to sacrifice himself (due to his stupidity of making the fuse too long) and blow up water tower which leads us to scene of mass melting zombies, including Dr. Ramzi, which is second to none even compared to famous scene from The incredible melting man. […]


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