To anyone following our blog for any length of time it’s clear that beside watching strange B-movies we also spend a considerable portion of our time following cult director Albert Pyun‘s exploits. Just see Worse News: Albert Pyun strikes again (w/ Bad Ass Angels)! We did grow up in the 90s with stuff like Cyborg (Jean Claude Van Damme,Vincent Klyn ) and Nemesis ( Olivier Gruner, Brion James, Cary Tagawa) so it’s only natural.

But there’s another little gem of Pyun‘s career and this one doesn’t contain any Cyborgs whatsoever. You see in 1997 he directed an awesome John Woo meets Battle Royale (even before Battle Royale) style shoot-em-up called Mean Guns. With an impressive ensemble cast including the likes of Christopher Lambert (Highlander), Ice- T (Law & Order: Special Victims Unit), Thom Mathews (Friday The13th: Part 6) and Yuji Okumoto (Karate Kid 2) it was quite a treat to action aficionados everywhere. And even now years later it still has a considerable Cult following.

But, the story doesn’t end there– there’s a new addition to Mean Guns mythos with an Anthology Graphic Novel that acts as a prequel and helps flesh out some of the characters we know and love. And even better we have an exclusive interview with the writer Jeremy Frazier of Creamy Rat Studios who’ll share some insight into the process of making Mean Guns: Mistakes Have Been Made GN and what can we aspect from from the comic:

01. First things first, I would love to know more about your comicbook background. I actually have your Synthcore Dreams #01 right here, and it’s a great looking comic.

Thank you. I’m really proud of Synthcore Dreams. That one is a 30 band charity comic including Leaether Strip, Chemlab, Skrew and many more…comes with a CD. I’m working on the next issue now.

I also have…
Meathook Massacre: First Hunt– A prequel for the movie series.
Storming the Gates of Heaven– Official Rotting Christ comic
Dave and Creamy– Comedy serial published in China.
Electronic Saviors– Charity book that is a side story for Synthcore Dreams.

Then I have Mean Guns and a few other band projects being worked on.

02. So, I remember renting Mean Guns on VHS as a kid and enjoying it quite a bit. How did you initaly find that movie and what was your first reaction?

I was in Germany looking for something to watch. The cover stood out and once I saw Lambert I knew I had to rent it. We watched Mean Guns 3 times over the weekend. Rented it multiple times before we finally found a copy. First reaction? Amazing. So much violence, so little blood. Great dialogue and the soundtrack really set it apart.
One of the few scores I actually own. Got it signed by Riparetti too!

03. It would be interesting to know more about the process of getting the rights. How did you initially contact the director Albert Pyun and was he receptive to the idea of further exploring the Mean Guns world-in the form of a comic?

The rights process. I asked…just sent a message on Facebook to him. Pyun was receptive but I do have strict guidelines. It was an easy decision since Pyun was working on funding his new Cyborg film. I payed a very fair fee for 2 of the available properties.

04. Now, what is your favorite Mean Guns character or characters and how easy was it coming up with their back stories (beyond what we saw in movie).

The easy answer would be Moon (Ice-T) or Lou (Lambert), but I will say Hoss and Crow. In a movie with standout dialogue they do have the best. The actors look like they are genuinely enjoying the roles. I actually have something special planned with Crow (Thom Mathews).

Art by J.D. Santibanez

Back to the question! The cards with the character’s crimes are what made me want to write the comic. Those and a few random lines of dialogue gave me enough inspiration. I actually started with a no name character who only has about 1 minute of screen time. Start with a challenge.

05. If it’s OK, could you give as a little preview of the artwork (and say a few words about the artists involved) and tell us when and where can we expect to see Mean Guns on sale.

Three of the stories are drawn by J.D. Santibanez. Very talented artist from Ecuador. His 3 focus on Hoss, Crow, D and the unnamed character. One is by Zoran Jankovic… we wouldn’t be talking without him. His story is about Barbie and how she came to work for Moon. Jason Hehir is handling the shared past of Lou and Marcus. Robert January is working on Moon’s origin.

Art by Zoran Jankovic

I expect the book to be printed by May 2021. Half of the art is finished…all stories have been started. All depends on funding!

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Since this interview was conducted, campaign for the comic has gone live, so if you want to support it, you can find it here: https://igg.me/at/NdzYvf8Cd4U/x/17885269#/

And for our previous interview with Albert Pyun himself, you can go right here.

First trailer for Glenn Danzig‘s Vampire- Spaghetti Western is now online and it’s all we’ve been expecting and more. Also, seeing Danny Trejo with vampire fangs (again) makes it worth the wait all by itself!

Death Rider in the House of Vampires follows the Death Rider, who travels to the desert Vampire Sanctuary, ruled by Count Holliday. The price of admission… one untouched virgin.

 

Movie features the talents of Devon Sawa (Final Destination, Casper) , Julian Sands (Warlock), Kim Director (Blair Witch 2), Danny Trejo (Machete), Eli Roth (Inglourious Basterds) as the awesomely named Drac Cassidy and the man himself Glenn Danzig as Bad Bathory.

It seems we got some more gifts for the holidays! That’s right…

Rock legend Glenn Danzig (Misfits, Samhain, Danzig) is finishing the work on his vampire-spaghetti western Death Rider in the House of Vampires and we have a first glimpse of Julian Sands (Warlock, Warlock 2, Arachnophobia) in all his vampiric might– as Count Holiday!

 

I dig the Giallo meets Hammer Horror colors too…

And if that isn’t enough for you, you can see couple more previews (all via Bloody-Disgusting. com– property of El Diablo Pictures) below:

Unexpectedly the rest of the cast seems equally impressive as Sands– with Devon Sawa (Casper, Final Destination) as Death Rider followed by likes of Danny Trejo (Machete), Lee Ving (Fear), Eli Roth (Inglorious Basterds), Kim Director (Blair Witch 2), Playboy centerfold Tasha Reign and even the main man himself Glenn Danzig (The Prophecy II) in a small role. Hopefully we won’t have to wait long for the first teaser.

This wretched year has finally come to an end and although WM crew wasn’t very active during it’s course (we were forced to get real jobs due to lack of donations), we felt we should celebrate upcoming new year our style with this Canadian gem. And no, in case you already heard of it, this isn’t underrated as many people would say it is. In fact, looking at IMDB rating we would say it is greatly overrated.

We have a young couple Jenny (played by Riva Spier) and Marty (played by Murray Ord) on holiday in some snowy mountain region of Canada, accompanied by a sluttish friend of theirs Chrissy (played by Sheri McFadden) who has the hots for the man. One day they are out on their jet-skis when suddenly their machines pack out!! Oh no!! Luckily for them, there’s a long abandoned old hotel nearby, presided over by a mad Native old bat (played by Georgie Collins) with two sons. There’s one can of food in the entire place, but the group sings songs by the fire and makes the best of the situation they’re in, all the while wondering if people from their own lodge were out looking for them. Something isn’t right with the old lady and her son is never around, either. There go the plans for the party. Soon enough, Chrissie goes missing (of course, we know she’s had a little accident with someone’s blade and her delicate throat in the scene that resembles the popular shower scene from Psycho) and the one working snowmobile has been tampered with. With waist-high snow, a pounding blizzard and no transportation, Marty and Jenny are stuck in the place. Now the party can begin.

It is quite obvious that director Jim Makichuk was attempting to make his own cash-in of The Shining. The problem is that, apart from creeby scenery and music by Paul Zaza (Prom Night, Curtains) he didn’t have any actual plot here. Anyway, as strange things begin to happen, Jenny stumbles upon a book of Native legends and reads about the “windigo”, a giant spirit of the North that feasts on human flesh and the keeper that makes sure it’s fed because of an ancient power. In that moment old lady’s son starts chasing her and ends up impaled on a fence, cheerfuly swinging on it as a gentle breeze and blizzard are moving his body back and forth.

Seeing corpse on a fence Marty completely loses his mind (you might say he is as mad as a blizzard) and starts accusing Jenny of murdering Chrissy and the other guy. He decides then to take a stroll alone through woods. Meanwhile, back at the hotel, local storekeeper (played by Les Kimber) arrives just in time for his own death. You guess it, old lady butchers him. Jenny is back at the hotel too. She finds a shotgun and confronts old lady. In a heartbraking plot twist it turns out that old bat is Jenny’s long lost mother and had been taking care of Windigo (who is also her son). Jenny shoots her and apparently gets possessed by old lady’s madness. Jenny finds Windigo locked away in some basement room and promises she is going to take care of him from now on. She takes over the hotel as the new Ghostkeeper. Oh right, and Marty sits somewhere in woods frozen to death.

Conclusion: Taking its premise from the North American Indian legend of the Wendigo (or “Windigo,” as Ghostkeeper spells it), a Northwoods-dwelling, flesh-eating monster that is one of the country’s only mythical beasts, the film promises a uniquely nationalistic creature feature, but never quite unfolds that way, eventually getting lost in the snowy wilderness itself. There’s a few problems with the pacing as the characters walk around too much and make several boneheaded mistakes. It’s not so bad until it all unravels and you realize that you’re in for a dumb twist and a hairy guy in a cellar who effectively does nothing. Given its potential for creating a distinctive Canadian horror film, it’s hard to classify Ghostkeeper as anything but a spectacular failure.

 

Last year we spoke about Jon Favreau’s (Iron Man, Jungle Book, The Mandalorian) interview were he let it slip that he’s producing a Christmas special by frequent collaborators Chiodo Brothers (Killer Klowns from Outer Space) for Netflix. Well, now- the time is here and Chiodo Bros’s Alien Xmas is up and streaming and you can enjoy it’s stop- motion goodness just in time for holidays!

https://occ-0-4135-768.1.nflxso.net/dnm/api/v6/6AYY37jfdO6hpXcMjf9Yu5cnmO0/AAAABSIsCLu-w0_32-YVxopEWLSDIG_aqERh5iuePE3rJpI_r7Mah-7clnOzJft8-mxEbFq3P_SrHPYmJjO5R8TrQ04tkS5n.jpg?r=8c2

A young elf mistakes a tiny alien for a Christmas gift, not knowing her new plaything has plans to destroy Earth’s gravity — and steal all the presents.

 

Who doesn’t want to see some Aliens destroying Christmas for everyone?

Now, the next logical thing to ask is “what’s going on with the Killer Klowns 2?” and interestingly Netflix is considering that too. “We are talking to them. We’re talking all the time” Chiodo said to ComicBook.com. Of course MGM still has the rights so until they decide to pull the trigger it’s all up in the air but if there was ever a time for a sequel for that craziness of a moviethe time is now! In the meantime enjoy Alien Xmas:

 

 

Last night I decided to watch Marvel’s X-Men anime, one of the number of Marvel collaborations with the legendary Japanese Animation Studio Madhouse (Ninja Scroll, Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust).

Their dark and violent approach proved to be a pretty good fit with the X-Men comics but then I remembered that this wasn’t really the beginning of Marvel’s work with the Japanese Animation. Actually in the 1980 Marvel produced two feature length adaptation of their Horror line, first one being an adaptation of their popular The Tomb of Dracula comic by Marv Wolfman and Gene Colan that ran for 70+ issues (and spawned now world famous Vampire Hunter Blade) called Dracula: Sovereign of the Damned. That adaptation can also be called Madhouse but for a more literal reason.

Movies starts like any other horror with outer Space!? (I guess The Howling 2 had that too.) Oh, yes- we have a narration that informs us about forming of the planets and one such planet is Earth. This might explain things- movie was made for Aliens! Then they zoom into Europe and Dracula’s castle in Transylvania just to inform us that he is no longer there because he had to constantly deal with the Vampire Hunters. So, like any other reasonable person he fled to Boston. Makes sense to me!

But in Boston some strange things are afoot. We are shown a satanic ritual in progress that as it is customary involves chanting and sacrificing a virgin. Now, in a strange twist of fate instead of Satan, creature of darkness that appears is actually Count Dracula but the followers guess not knowing any better (or thinking “good enough”) just give him the girl! He instead of bleeding the girl dry falls in love with her (without her even waking up) and goes out to bleed some other poor girl to death.

Dracula Attacks!

Day later news start reporting on a series of strange murders that happened. Frank Drake seems interested for some reason. He receives a call from a mysterious woman who dares call him by his original last name- Dracula! Turns out he is the descended of the human line of Dracula and gets pretty angry when someone confronts him about.He does go on a meeting with a woman and her elderly father in a wheelchair- but that father turns out to be Hans (not Quincy as it is in the comics) Van Helsing, continuing his family tradition of tracking Dracula down. He also has a nice tan for an old man. Now he wants Drake to join him as his newest Vampire Hunter but not before testing him with an old cane- blade!  Props for Rachel pushing his wheelchair faster and faster- what a team!

If only he could move some other way beside the straight line.

Satanist learn that their master is really angry ’cause he never received his gift– but he also tells them to wait a while for their revenge. He’s definitely plotting something.

While Hellsing’s team still searches for him without any results Dracula actually marries the girl Dolores and they even get a cute son- Janus! Satanists of course offer to baptize the child in a Black Mass and put in under the protection of Satan. Of course it is all a trap and the cult leader uses shining crosses and a gun loaded with silver bullets. Dracula turns into fog to escape but the leader accidentally shoots the child!? Damn, the Japanese really show no mercy! Dracula kills him but then gets ambushed by Hellsings, I mean his day just goes from bad to worse. He narrowly escapes leaving his wife in tears holding the body of their child. He really is a terrible person.

After his disappearance we move to New York, New York– mustachioed idiot picks up a sexy Redhead Layla in a discotheque. Well, it turns out she is the vampire! Can’t say I feel to bad for him. Back in Boston we see Dolores mourning on the graveyard just to witness some sort of act of God. Janus is suddenly resurrected and aged up into some kind of Angelic Vampire Hunter. Dracula tries to interfere but fails miserably. This Dracula is a bit of a loser.

 

New super-hero-like Janus attacks his father but after a short altercation Dracula runs away. Dracula then confronts Satan himself and manages to get strip off his powers. Now left being a mere mortal he steels the money from a homeless person to buy a hamburger.

 

See how happy he is! You could have ended the whole movie right there.

Now that he is just a mortal he decides to begs other vampires like lady vampire Layla.  to turn him back which lead him back to his home in Transylvania. Interesting how he wanted to be human but when he got what he wanted he was ready to do anything just to be a vampire again. I guess grass is always greener on the other side. There he finds a Vampire named Sir Tomo usurped his title and refuses to give it up and Dracula has to fight some Zombies? He also uses a cross to save some orphans, so he’s a good guy now?  Old man Harker doesn’t give a damn about all of that and blows himself and Dracula both. Janus returns to his crying mother and they vow to make a clean start together. The End

 

Verdict:  It might not be the best but Dracula sure is the first long- form animated movie based on the Marvel property so it definitely has some historical value despite it’s
undoubtable trash- movie value.

Somewhere in the English to Japanese to English translation some wires got crossed and even after re-watching it for this review I am still not quite sure what I saw. Best guess is- Toei got a plot in English, they did their thing with it (not really understanding the Western culture at all) and then in the states when Harmony Gold tried to fix things with new dialogue and dubbing they somehow managed to make things even more bat-shit crazy!

If nothing else this movie gave us this iconic shot of Dracula eating a hamburger. You sure won’t find this in other Dracula movie!

                 

We at WM have spoken about the fascinating phenomena of Bruceploitation (李小龙开采) cinema before but it seems that after almost 50 years of Bruce Lee ripoffs (and tributes) the trend still have some steam left in it.

Writer/ Director Romeo Candido (Second Jen, Another Life) has a new project called The Dragon Returns.

And as you might presume the plot of the movie involves Bruce Lee who after staging his own death (for some reason) has to save his friend and fellow Martial Artist Chuck Norris from imprisonment. With a plot like that I can’t wait to see what The Dragon Returns looks like! Also, I wonder what Chuck thinks about all of this.

I hope the movie poster looks exactly like this one!

 

The film will even be one of the 14 project in competition for financial rewards during the 5th International Film Festival in Macao (IFFAM) this December. I know we’ll be rooting for The Dragon Returns for sure.

We’ll  update you about this project as more information comes out and if you want to learn more about Bruceploitation you can get a quick history lesson right here.

Highlander II: Quickening  is what happens when you try to think of a (pseudo)scientific explanation for something that’s clearly mythological.

Movie starts with NASA– like launch of a protective Dome over the whole planet that’s supposed to help protect us instead of the failing Ozone layer (early 90’s were big on Climate Alarmism just like the present). For some unknown reason Connor MacLeod is leading he project.

Now the consequence of this is that the world is plunged into eternal darkness and it’s always 37.2 °C so he might have just made things even worse?

Decades later old man Connor watches the opera and he remembers his previously unknown past on I kid you not- planet Zeist! (Yes they wasted no time in trying to burn the franchise to the ground) You see 500 years ago he and Ramirez led a failed rebellion- against their ruthless ruler- General Katatana (and if the name is not over the top enough he is played by Michael Ironside too).

Katana condemns them to be reborn on a another planet where they will stay eternally young and strong and fight for the right to return to war-torn dusty hell that’s Zeist? I’m not really sure Katana grasps the concept of crime and punishment.

“Oh, no it’s the Plantet Zeist flashback!”


So, Connor manages to murder the goons, regain his youth and have a go at it with a sexy scientist Louse right there on the street in what seems to be no more than 2 minutes. I understand he didn’t want to waste any time after being a decrepit old man for so long but still- that does seem a bit excessive!


Then if that wasn’t enough Ramirez resurrects himself for no reason whatsoever (right in the middle of Shakespearean play too), well no reason beyond the fact he was paid incredible 3 million dollars for a cameo appearance (less than a week of work) and producers tried to milk it for all that it’s worth.

Every time you say “Alas, poor Yorick…” Sean Connery magically appears!

Ironicaly one of the producers actually ended up marring actress from the now infamous “face sitting joke” airplane scene she had with Connery. I’m genuinely not sure what to make of that.

You were a part of one of the worst cinematic scenes in movie history, will you marry me?”
                                                

Katana disappointed with the fact that he actually helped Connor by sending those idiots decides to go to planet Earth himself to finish the job. He actually transports himself directly into a moving train and causes a bit of a ruckus. Once on Earth he threatens Connor but then proceeds to team up with the leader of the evil corporation controlling the Shield. I mean- who doesn’t want to go corporate?

Ramirez surprises rejuvenated Connor and they decide to help Luise break into The Shield Corporation to finally prove that the world doesn’t have to live in a eternal darkness and despair. You see Ozone layer actually repaired itself years ago so it seems Connor’s environmental overreaction cost billions of people their life quality and even their freedom.

They infiltrate the compound by being shot by the guards multiple times and then ressurecting when they drag them inside (the only semi- clever thing anyone has done in this movie) but they end up being stuck in the ventilation. Ramirez sacrifises himself AGAIN when giant fan almost rips them to pieces and Connor finally reaches Katana.

After defeating and beheading Katana Connor has a quickening that causes the overload of the shield and finally frees the humanity. We hear the Connery quote from just few minutes ago and all is well the world. Of course it would be even better if none of this has happened in the first place but it is what it is.

Verdict: What’s interesting is that from the plot standpoint Highlander 2 is full of characters who would actually better achieve their goals just by doing nothing at all and waiting things out for a bit.That is pretty much the exact opposite of what you are trying to achieve when writing any kind of a story!

So in a way that Highlander 2: Quickening has actually stood a test of time- is as a classic case of what no to do. Like- don’t completely change the genre, don’t ignore the rules you set up in the first one, and for God’s sake- don’t start the movie with the previously unmentioned planet Zeist!

The fact that you actually had a solid cast, beautiful looking sets, great cinematography and lots of neat practical effect didn’t help at all. With so many catastrophic mistakes in the early phases of development things only got worse and worse (and the choice to film in Argentina proved to be  the straw the broke the camel’s back).

Now the director Russell Mulcahy did return to the movie with a Renegade Version where he restored more of his original vision for the movie and completely removed any mention of the planet Zeist which by itself made the movie at least 70% better.

But I do find it unfortunate that most of today’s DVD’s and BluRays actually use the Renegade Cut because this movie is such a perfect case of what not to do and I think some of the modern directors working in Hollywood now should take the time to study it and see if they are making some of the same mistakes.

Trivia: Economic collapse of Argentina right in the middle of filming had almost catastrophic effect on the movie. Movie’s budget ballooned and almost doubled and investors started to  take control of the final product thus making it more nonsensical by the day. If you are interested you can see more information about filming in this mini- documentary:

 

And remember most importantly, beware of the dark haired ladies, they…

 

 

 

Charles Laughton directed once. Shame. So did Brando. Tragedy. Presumably Rospo Pallenberg, director of this tension-free 80s “whodunnit” slasher, realized that he and talent were but distant pen pals and laid down the megaphone. Praise be! As for the movie itself, it is cheesy 80s black comedy which fails at being either of those two things.

The film opens with a paperboy delivering newspapers. A paper is delivered to Paula Carson’s (played by cute girl from Stepfather, Jill Schoelen) house. Paula is approached by her father, Bill (played by Martin Mull), who is the district attorney, on his way to a hunting trip. He warns Paula to do her homework, not to allow boys in the house, and most importantly not to cut class (as it might prove deadly). Paula then puts the newspaper in the bin, showing its headline: “Boy who killed father released from Mental Asylum.” What a time to go hunting ducks! Anyway, Bill Carson drives to the swamps for his hunting trip. As he takes shots into the air, someone is hiding nearby and holding a bow and arrows. The person calls over to Bill  and fires an arrow into him. Bill cries out and then falls down to the ground, presumably dead. But more of that later.

Hunter has  become the hunted

Meanwhile, Dwight Ingalls (played by Brad Pitt) shows his lousy driving skills by almost causing two car accidents on his ride to school where he gets teased by friends for not knowing what is H20. Later, after gym class, Paula  walks past a set of bow and arrows and notices a leaf hanging off one of the arrow.She picks the leaf off. Clue already? Anyway, later she meets with her friend Colleen (played by Brenda James) and her boyfriend Dwight at a hot dog stand. Dwight then goes to buy Paula a hot dog, but he is beaten by Brian (played by Donovan Leich) who hands her one and says, “You had that look.” Dwight and Brian then have man to man talk. It turns out they used to be friends until Brian went to mental institution. Could Brian be that creepy kid from newspapers? My hunch tells me he just might be.

Ars gratia artis

That evening Dwight tried to score at Paula’s place but she wouldn’t give him until he improves his grades. Really odd condition. But he is not the only one who wants to score. The principal Mr. Dante (played by Roddy McDowall) seems to be perv since he invited Paula to his office in order to give her a present, which he deliberately placed on the floor so he could see her underpants from his hiding place after Paula bents over. Really nice view. Oh yes, and meanwhile someone burned art teacher in school’s clay oven, but spooky janitor will clean up that. Never mind that, lets get back to the view:

What a view

Paula starts hanging around with Brian, despite Dwight’s disapproval. Wanting to expose Brian, Dwight sneaks into the school at night together with Paula, Colleen and Gary (played by , where they find school records. It turns out that Brian is cannibal and was treated with electroshocks. But they didn’t notice Brian who is following them and hiding behind a water dispenser. Seems Brian is not the only one who like hide and seek. Tomorrow, at school basketball game Gary was hiding under retractable stands and looking under skirts. Colleen joins him just to find out she and Gary are not alone. Killer is there too and he disposes off them quickly with a knife. More blood for spooky janitor to clean.

Shot of Bill Carson staggering through the swamp takes us to next to school day. Dwight made another incident at class, Brian tried to back him up so they are both sent to vice-principal Mrs. Knocht (played by Nancy Fish) by their math teacher Mr. Glynn (played by Eric Boles). Mrs. Knocht suspends Brian for foul language and ends photocopied to death later that day. Karma, some of us would say. Meanwhile, police sends search team to local woods hoping to find missing teenagers there. One of their dogs finds Bill Carson who starts yelling at dog to get some help. Dog wouldn’t listen to him. Poor Bill can’t catch a break.

Dwight isn’t on easy street either. Coach Harris wouldn’t let him to practice archery without gym gear. They got feud there and Coach tells him to come tomorrow for private class with his gear on. Later that evening Brian sneaks into Paula’s house where he shows copy of the Mrs. Knocht murder. On the pictureyou can see ring on killer’s hand. Paula recognizes Dwight’s ring. She and Brian agree to stop him. Tomorrow, after private class with Dwight, Coach Harris decides to let some steam off on a trampoline. Our killer takes opportunity to sneak up on him and place sharp American flag under trampoline. Poor Coach didn’t suspect anything so flag thrusts him right through his ass. You might say he gave his ass for America. YEEAAAAHH!

Meanwhile, Brian and Paula are back to school to stop Dwight. Spooky janitor Shultz (played by Robert Glaudini) scares them away with his broom, while accusing Brian to be a murderer. They each run in opposite directions. Paula finds missing lovebirds in the locker. Then Dwight comes by and she starts running again. She stumbles upon Mr. Glynn, tells him Dwight is the killer and then they both hide in the science room. Doors behind them lock and the only way to get out is by solving math problem killer has left on blackboard. Mr. Grynn solves the problem and opens door number 1. Then, for no apparent reason, Brian reveals himself as a killer by yelling “Wrong door!” and chopping Mr. Glynn with an axe. Why did he do that when everyone else were suspecting Dwight is beyond me. So, the killer is the one who was the most suspicious from the very start. Seems to me they pulled Gyles here. Anyway, Brian was just about to kill Paula when Dwight shows up. Dumb as he is, Dwight ends up with his head captured between clamps so Paula had to use her girly charms, seduce Brian and finish him off with a claw hammer. On their way back they almost hit Bill Carson with the car who somehow staggered back to civilization. He asks Paula is she is cutting classes and that’s where this nightmare ends. Pretty dumb movie.

Conclusion: The basic ideas were there along with a rudimentary plot twist, they just managed to forget to add anything interesting in-between. So boring in fact, the small instances of things going on in the background became the most interesting factors. All throughout its running time, Cutting Class is careful to give both Brian and Dwight equal cause to hate most of the people who eventually turn up dead, while simultaneously serving up the expected obvious red herrings in the form of Schultz the janitor and Principal Dante. Unfortunately, however, only one member of the cast ever seems actually capable of hating someone enough to kill them, and that’s Brian. Now, when normal people make a “whodunnit” movie, they throw in some clues here and there as well as a couple of red herrings. What they don’t do is have the killer be the one person they’ve been pointing big red arrows at the previous 70 minutes. But Cutting Class does exactly that. To ‘cut’ to the chase, Cutting Class kinda sucks… A lot. It’s boring and slow and there’s very little to keep you interested until the end. The chicks are cute, the boobs are minimal, and the characters are uninteresting. I really can’t find any reason to tell you to give a watch. So give it a pass.

 

 

Movie starts with an illegal Kickboxing Tournament, a classic trope from the 90s. So far- so good. Now, what you would reasonably expect is that the star of this movie is this young, buff Karate student played by Ian Jacklin. Makes sense. Yeah, his acting is maybe not perfect but at least he looks the part of an action hero.

 

But things are never that simple are they? Our young hero gets the living daylight beaten out of him and he ends up freakin’ brain dead and now we’re left following his teacher trying to avenge him. Sensei George (skinny, older man from Macedonia) wakes up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat. His nude, blonde (and out of his league) girlfriend Sara tries to comfort him. He relents and has sex with her but still suspects somethings wrong with his missing student.

First thing in the morning he goes to see Tony’s mother who suspects things considering she found an envelope of 10 000 dollars and the mysterious card. Scarily at the same time her boy was harvested for organs (probably to be sold on the black market). Man, these people are even more evil than the usual tournament organizers (like Dana White or Shang Tsung).

George calls his girlfriend who turns out to be a Police detective (didn’t see that one coming). Unfortunately she wasn’t helpful in tracing the mysterious number from the card So, next he tries to find the company with a Spade logo (like the envelope). He ends up in a seedy warehouse and you guessed it- get jumped by some bad guys! They try to “teach him some American maners” but he answers with some well placed kicks. Mustached villain tries to run away but George hunts him down and in the end he talks. Man behind the disappearance is called Verdugo (Jorge Rivera). That name seems to ring a bell with George.

He visits his master- fantastically long- haired George Lynch who explains that Verdugo can’t possibly be alive because he was killed running drugs in the Golden Triangle. Turns out he actually survived and just got a cool- looking eye patch.

An being a true villain that he is he sends some goons to the George’s dojo, he doesn’t want anyone messing with his operation. Now, this is the fun part, his main henchmen is none other than Frank W. Dux (controversial Ninja/ Spy/ Creator of Bloodsport).

His blue belt tries to get involved and kid gets shit kicked out of him! I’m starting to think that George isn’t such a great Sensei after all, I mean his students constantly act like dumb asses- he must be partly responsible.

“Nothing important- just your life”

Unfortunately Dux just threatens him with a gun and we don’t get to see the fight between  the two. Too bad ’cause Dux was usually behind the cameras (Bloodsport, , Lionheart, Only The Strong) as a choreographer– it would have been interesting to finally see him in action for a change.

Police lady gets some info from her fat “hacker” friend and it turns out that George was the one one testified against Verdugo. Lynch spouts some more ancient wisdom to George as he gets prepared to end things between him and Verdugo once and for all.

Turns out his other student Garry also got invited some time ago so he uses that connection to finally track him down. Before the revenge he start training like crazy, full 80s style! His girlfriend doesn’t seem entertained by that but he pays her no mind. She finally confronts him in late hours in his Dojo with words like “…what are you doing here, I never see you anymore” Remember kids Karate will wreck your personal life. Jorge solves things by sleeping with her right there on the dirty floor. I mean this dude’s got only two ways of solving any problem: fighting and fucking and I don’t know which is scarier.

We finally get down to business. Garry let’s himself be captured by Verdugo goons.  George follows them and then makes a sneak attack on Verdugo’s compound with a freaking crossbow! Man’s got style.

After saving his student from what seems like certain death George challenges Verdugo and he gets shamed by his ritch friends to take the fight. Of course it turns out Sara followed George who followed Garry (everyone is tailing everyone here) and she shows up with the police to break things up. She kinda forgives George for going behind her back and they team up to fight Verdugo (and his evil Doctor Kramer).

Verdugo yelling “you ruined my career, you ruined my life” and George’s answering “it was a shitty career” strike with a bit more truth than originally intended. But don’t worry they don’t get to meta- they get into a sword fight. Round 2: Begin!

 

My favorite thing is that no one takes George into custody despite of obviously murdering a man with a sword just minutes ago.

And all that with a journalists showing up before the arrests were even done with a TV Anchor spouting the names of every rich and powerful person watching the tournament. This lady’s got more info than any other character in the whole movie, I’m impressed! She could have solved everything by herself- and without any bloodshed.

Verdict: Now, having an illegal Karate tournament revenge is not a bad plot by itself, we all love a good (and brutal) revenge story but when the said teacher is a skinny man from Macedonia with his English (let’s not talk about his acting) leaving a lot to be desired for.

But if you look closely at the credits Jorgo Ognenovski actually wrote the story so that’s not really shocking. Maybe the safer bet was for him to just write/ produce and maybe play a foreign villain. In that case this movie might have had a bit wider release, something in line with an average 90’s Gary Daniels kickboxing movie.

For me the biggest treat of the movie was the legendary B-movie bad guy Richard Lynch here being all hilarious and awesome as a wise Martial Art Master. Having practically nothing to do with Martial Arts he more than makes up for it with his style (long hair and black kimono) and attitude.

Trivia: Of all things we expect to get in the movie like this, the biggest shock was a cameo from Frank Dux as a main henchmen of Rivero’s character. I’m only disappointed that he didn’t have any fight scenes. I mean you have the inspiration behind Bloodsport and you don’t have him Dim Mak anybody? That’s a shame!

Also, dojo scenes seem to be filmed in Dux’s Dojo, you can clearly see his framed photo. Either that or Jorgo really loves promoting his enemies.

On the side note- in a classic Ninja fashion Dux’s role isn’t advertised and his name does not appear in his official IMDB page.So, it’s like he was never there. Man, he truly is The Secret Man.

Trivia 2:

According to our research Jorgo Ognenoviski is in politics now and is actually an independent political candidate for the mayor of Bitola, Macedonia. Man, maybe he can give Arnold run for his money if he keeps it up!