Worsemovies

When you hear “Teen horror” phrase most of you automatically thinks of modern, new age trash horrors. And you are not wrong. But, like everything else in  life, this also has a role model. And I firmly believe that role model for modern trash teen horrors is exactly this movie. Even the title was cliché, even  for 80s era.

It’s Halloween. A group of teenagers consisted of fat guy with pig snout, transsexual black dude, and awful acting little blonde, is driving around  neighborhood, scaring people with loud music (and their look, if I might add) and showing their asses to local old man jerk (played by Harold Ayer) who  clearly hates everything that is not at least 100 years old. Fat guy is called Stooge (played by Hal Havins), bad acting blonde is Helen (played by Allison
Barron) and the guy dressed like transsexual gypsy is Rodger (played by Alvin Alexis).

Pigsty

On the other side of the town, the second bad acting blonde Judy (played by Cathy Podewell) is rushing into her house after previously being called “little  whore” by old man jerk. In that moment, her boyfriend Jay (played by Lance Fenton) is calling her by phone. They are talking about some party and other teen  craps. We can see some nice tits while Judy is changing her clothes to Alice from Wonderland costume. Her younger brother Billy (played by Donnie Jeffcoat  Jr.) also agrees with us, since he made several remarks about size of his sister’s tits (?!). Meanwhile, in local store the third bad acting blonde Suzanne  (played by Linnea Quigley) is making diversion by showing her ass to two retarded clerks while her creepy witch-dressed friend Angela (played by Mimi  Kinkade) is stealing some provisions. After the deed is done, Suzanne turns around, shows her face (which is not as nice as her ass) and walks outside to  meet with Angela. Also, Suzanne turns out to be horny slut.

Veeeery good fairy!!!

Now what connects all of these colorful characters? I will tell you. They are all going to Halloween party hosted by Angela in some creepy old house. But  it’s not an ordinary creepy old house. No, it is Hall family house!!! Legend has it that old man Hall had slaughtered his entire family and then committed  suicide many years ago on Halloween! Now, that’s original! Anyway, Judy and her boyfriend Jay are first to arrive there along with young Asian couple (you  can’t go wrong with Asians) Max (played by Philip Tanzini) and Frannie (played by Jill Terashita). Shortly after the rest of the gang arrives, including  jealous jerk Sal (played by William Gallo), who got info about party location by bribing Billy. Stooge and Sal, when standing together, are pretty much look  like Bulk and Skull from Power Rangers. So, the party can finally start. It goes like any other party. They are drinking, dancing, both guys and girls are
trying to score but fail miserably nevertheless… Until the moment one of them finds some strange mirror in one of backrooms. But, this is not an ordinary  mirror. No, this one shows a demon inside it after you look at it for some time. Or at least it used to show until bunch of dumb teenagers managed to shatter  it. Having nowhere to go poor demon decides to let Suzanne inhales him. Trying to reduce general panic and keep party going on, Suzanne kisses Angela thus  infecting her with demon essence. And that’s when real party is about to start. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Looks like Suzanne’s reflection to me.

At this point everyone would expect nothing but a slaughter until the end of movie. WRONG AGAIN!!! Next 30 minutes is consisted of chasing through the house,  separating each couple into different rooms and more pathetic attempts to score on both sides. Jay was close to nailing Judy but she refused him despite the  fact she didn’t put her panties on for tonight. If that’s not sex signal and sex preparation than I don’t know what it is. Anyway, Stooge chases away Sal so  he could be alone with Angela in of the rooms. Shortly after, infected Angela starts some sort of weird seduction dance. And that goes for a while and  eventually results in Angela biting off Stooge’s tongue. Sal finds Suzanne covered with lipstick showing her tits. But he isn’t thrilled with that. It turns  out that Sal is not such a jerk as he seemed to be. After being again left alone and horny Suzanne decides to make her own fun. But not in a way you might  think. She puts a lipstick into her tit through her nipple!!! Perversion just got new level of sickness!!! After being rejected by Judy, Jay comes to Suzanne with a hope of heating her oven instead. And he did it…for a while. The thing is, when she was about to  reach orgasm, her face became even more grotesque and she poked Jay’s eyes. At least he died with a woman on top of himself. Well, half-woman half-demon. Meanwhile, in the coffin located in a center of main room, Max is already giving Frannie what she needs the most. In that moment Stooge comes, kills Frannie  and cut Max’s arm off with a coffin lid. Outside, cowardly transsexual Rodger hides in the car, together with Helen. But that couldn’t help since Helen ended  up dead on the roof of car. Rodger started screaming like a little girl.

More tits!

All that is left of this movie is it’s surviving part. The only survivors, Rodger, Judy and Sal, are running for their sorry asses, being chased by demons  itself and their fallen comrades. Somehow, they realized that they should leave Hall property before the sunrise or they are going to be trapped there  forever!!! That’s a bad thing! Anyhow, nothing worth of mentioning about their escape expect perhaps Sal’s ridiculous death near his own grave. Eventually,
Rodger and Judy had managed to cross the wall of the property thus saving themselves. There was slight possibility that Judy won’t make it out alive, but on our disappointment, she did.

At least they don’t need to move far his corpse

But, it is not an end. Remember old man jerk from the beginning? Well, he got his share of slaughter too. His wife baked him a pie with a special  ingredient… Razors! That resulted in hideous death of old jerk. I can’t blame his wife after all. He was an old, annoying cunt.

Comeuppance!

Conclusion: For a teen slasher from 80s this is pretty boring movie. Nothing actually happens in first hour of the movie. I can’t say low budget is thing to  blame. Camera and footage are decent. Same goes for some of the effects. Casting is terrible at best. Actors are irritating, annoying, and I really wished for gruesome death of their characters. Story is shallow, already seen for so many times, with bad realization. My advice is to stay away of this movie unless you got absolutely nothing better to do. Like scrubbing the toilet for example.