Posts Tagged ‘Christmas Evil’

Santa Claws (1996)

Posted: 31/12/2023 in Trash movies
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,
0

This holiday season wraps up this time with Santa Claws, which is probably worse than the previous film, Christmas Evil, if you can believe it. It’s quite sad, really. Santa Claws looked like it was only a label away from being considered a Troma release. It promised senseless violence, gratuitous nudity, and even a starring role by Troma fave Debbie Rochon. But alas, it was not to be.

Santa Claws (1996) - IMDb

As the movie begins, we see kid Wayne (played by Grant Kramer) stumbling around the house while his mother is in bed with some fat guy wearing Santa’s cap. Apparently, the fat guy is kid’s uncle who drugged him so he can have some fun with his mother. But Wayne wakes up from slumber, finds his late father’s gun and shoot them both. I must point out that I have never seen such flat acting from people who were supposed to beg for their lives. Kid gets arrested and thrown into juvenile until he is 18. Then he gets to walk free. And there, folks, is your killer. It’s a premise stolen from every previous Santa slasher film ever made, and yet manages to be even lazier at establishing the killer’s character than any previous incarnation.

Merry Christmas from Uncle Joe

Some decades later, Wayne is now a grown-up with a terrifying little pedophile beard, buggy psycho eyes and large porn collection. Somehow, this does not invalidate him from being good friends with his neighbor Raven Quinn (played by Debbie Rochon). Raven is the big star at the local T&A video studio, where they’re currently shooting Scream Queens’ Naked Christmas, which actually exists. Her husband Eric (played by John Mowod) is a real shithead who cheats on her whenever he gets the chance. Wayne has a huge crush on Raven, and when we meet him, he’s just purchased a latex bust of his favorite star, which he talks to in the finest crazy movie psycho tradition.

Naked Christmas

Also, there’s a whole lot of drama about how Eric’s mom (played by Marilyn Eastman) and sister (played by Julie Wallace) disapprove of Raven’s lifestyle, and how Eric is screwing the girl he’s doing a holiday-themed photo shoot with. Finally, after 31 horrifyingly long minutes, Wayne finally goes to the studio to start killing all of Raven’s competition, including the director. Then he disposes of bodies by burying them under the snow in the middle of day. Of course, no one noticed him.

At some point, Wayne’s intermittent attempts to kill porn stars switches to Wayne’s intermittent attempts to kill porn stars while dressed as Santa Claus, which may have been triggered by his constant flashbacks to his mom and his fat uncle. With the Santa costume on, Wayne goes after another of Raven’s scream queen coworkers, attacking her in her house. After he’s been firmly established as the Santa Claus killer, he decides he needs to color his costume black, apparently so it will coordinate with his mask. His method for doing so? Spray Paint.

While Wayne is doing all the bloody job for her (including babysitting of her two brats and killing Raven’s in-laws), Raven decides to give it another shot with Eric. This really pisses off Wayne who comes after both of them. And ever-so-realistically, Wayne gets a long and drawn-out scene where he gets to tell his potential victims all about his life and why he’s the nutcase that he is today. Classic case of serial killer egoism. Anyway, during the fight, they pushed Wayne down the stairs in what appears to be one of the most comical scenes in this smoking pile of shit. Of course, this didn’t affected our killer because he is insane. Wayne gets the goods on Eric, stabbing him with the fork o’doom in the shoulder and then trying to plow it into Eric’s head. Raven gets the upper hand, though, when she rams the tool into Wayne’s throat, presumable ending his reign of terror. And that would be it. Not even the last words. The ending of the film shows Eric, Raven, and their kids enjoying a happy Christmas together, despite the whole divorce thing that was being teased the whole movie. The kids even get their very own Scream Studios jackets, showing just how thoughtful their parents are to begin with.

Conclusion: What makes the suckitude of Santa Claws even more disappointing is the fact that it’s the product of John Russo, who was one of the creators of the original Night of the Living Dead along with George Romero. Of course, since then, he’s been relegated to doing movies that aspire to be C-movies, but he’s still one of the guys responsible for one of the greatest horror movies to ever be made. But this movie still sucks rotten ass. The story is scant. The acting is uniformly bad. “Walls” wobble when struck, and we can glimpse where they don’t connect to the ceiling. And the special effects are laughably poor. Unlike many slashers, this killer sticks to only one implement, a relatively mild-looking garden rake. He hits people with it, leaving small red dots, which we are supposed to think are gashes. All of the actresses in this film appear to have had massive breast implants (which makes them great actresses). In essence, if you’re in the mood to completely wreck what’s left of a horrible Christmas season, then this is the movie to watch. Otherwise, leave it the hell alone.

Christmas Evil aka You Better Watch Out (1980)

Posted: 31/12/2022 in Trash movies
Tags: , , , , , ,
3

As we all may know Christmas is pretty stressful holiday for huge number of people. There are many traditions, like ripping a bottle of wine and arguing with your shitty cousin about inane things, hostility over the course of family dinner, followed by watching holiday themed horror movies while ignoring the rest of your family and so on. So this really sets you in the mood for a really depressingly wonderful Christmas Movie. If so then look no further than Christmas Evil.

This one’s pretty straightforward so I’ll get right to it. The year is 1947. It is Christmas eve. A kid named Harry is traumatized when he sees his mom and dad getting it on whilst his dad is in full Santa garb (Santa performing oral on Mommy). Really ruined it for him. Also it doesn’t help that his brother did not believe in Santa. So Harry runs away to the attic where he intentionally cuts himself on piece of broken snow globe. I guess this is intended to represent his rebelion towards Santa. Flash forward takes us to present day (aka 1980) and adult Harry (played by Brandon Maggart) is in some middle management role at a toy company that makes Christmas toys. He’s also obsessed with Santa. Like really obsessed. Like spies on the neighborhood children and keeps a Santa-esque book of who’s naughty and nice, crazy. He even sleeps in Santa pajamas. You can sort of see where this is going.

She has been very naughty

While Harry takes great pride in his workmanship, wanting to make toys that some girl or boy will love for years, he finds his co-workers to be lazy wage slaves who think he is a fool and a sucker for working so hard. When he is promoted off the assembly line to a desk job, he finds the management is more concerned about the bottom line than the quality of the toys. Thats when he snaps. Harry dons his Santa suit, paints his van to look more like slay and makes the rounds of the city, distributing toys to deserving people.

I‘ve never felt better!

As good people get presents so naughty people get punishment. And where can you find wrong doers on Christmas eve? In church, of course! So Harry dispense some justice with sharp toys and an axe! Next, he comes back to his company Christmas party dressed as a Santa where he dances and sings and has a time of his lifetime like he hasn’t had killed bunch of people 10 minutes ago. He distributes some presents and leaves the place. Of course, none of his coworkers recognized neither Harry nor the toys he had stolen from the very same factory.

Christmas is not over yet so Harry visits home of his greedy coworker Frank (played by Joe Jamrog). He couldn’t quite fit through the chimney so he had to resort to other of Santa’s many feats – lockpicking. He leaves presents for Frank’s children while Frank himself receives death from decorational star from Christmas tree, all next to sleeping wife who doesn’t suspect anything. The police, meanwhile, based on eyewitness accounts, are also making the rounds of the city arresting every Santa they find. Why not play safe?

Meanwhile, Harry’s brother Philip (played by Jeffrey DeMunn) suspects something is wrong since Harry has never ditched him for Christmas before. His doubts arouse even more after watching news regarding church massacre. Harry comes by Philip’s house later that evening and confronts him, blaming his brother for everything because Philip said he didn’t believe in Santa when he was 6. Things get out of control and Philip strangles Harry. Believing he killed his brother he drags his corpse and place it into the van. Harry wakes up, notably angry, and gives pedal to the metal. Just in that moment angry lynch mob shows up and, while avoiding them, Harry drives off the bridge. But that’s not all! Instead of falling to his death his van flies off towards the Moon while Christmas music is playing in background in one of the most confusing endings in cinema history.

Conclusion: While the movie is considered a slasher flick (which it is to an extent) I think that it is more appropriate to call it a psychological thriller as it is more focused on Harry going crazy and that is where we can see Brandon Maggart’s brilliant performance. Director Lewis Jackson has to thanks only him that the movie wasn’t pissed on the moment it premiered. I really don’t agree with John Waters on Christmas Evil being “The best Christmas Movie ever made” (we all know it is Die Hard). I mean, there are almost no dialogues, most of the movie we listen to Harry talking to himself and humming Christmas carol. The sound design is shitty, especially at the beginning of this film. As for the effects it looks and sounds horrible for most of the film’s runtime. Still, I recommend seeing this movie if you’ve exhausted your other holiday-themed options.