SevenThis is just awesome!

Movie interestingly starts with a man enjoying himself with his friends while watching some hula dancers. Then Hawaii war dancer replaces the Hula dancers and then… man gets stabed  with the spear!!! I never saw this coming! More murders follow as Karate Kid villain Martin Cove shoots a man from his car and a weird blond skateboarding dude with the mustaches shoots a man from point blank range with a crossbow. Ok, I have to admit from the get- go- this movie is something.

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The infamous Skateboard Killer himself!

It turns out all of the murdered men were government agents so the only man capable enough to avenge them is contacted. Buff, mustached and always accompanied by naked girls, Drew Savano gets chosen by the computer (the wonder machine that could do anything those days) and after some back and forth he accepts. Next thing you know he is cruising the Islands and gathering up a crew like you’ve never seen!

First on the list is dangerous and beautiful Native American woman Alexa (Barbara Leigh, the original Vampirella model for horror/ comicbook fans) accompanied by her Blonde masseur lady for some reason. Next up- a Cowboy, an Olympian and one of the finest gunman on the world. Then we have a Racedriver, talkative black dude with a attitude. Next up it’s Professor, the groundbreaking scientist  up to no good. Then a terrible fat jazz musician/ part-time comedian who is in fact a skilled assassin. The last but not the least is the old and exerienced Kempo Karate expert Ed Parker (playing himself) who seems to be working in construction these days imploying his board breaking techniques to a more practical use. Also Parker is there as Savano’s ace in the hall because one of their most deadly adversaries is diabolical Mr. Lee, man who passionately loves fine art and deadly Martial Arts.

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The founder of American Kempo Karate Ed Parker being supremely awesome.

We have a comical scene with Doctor trying to transport a blow-up doll in the Aearport and after that our deadly group meets for a first and the only time before their mission is done. They all seem in good spirits and anctious to get things rolling.

Alexa seduces an old, experienced criminal boss while Cowboy and the Blond (masseur) lure in the goons and after trapping them in their car, douse them with gasoline and set them on fire. After that Cowboy sings some oldie country song and him and blond end up in bed soon afterwords. I‘m fascinated by their lack on conscience I know they are vicious criminals but burning alive is a terrible way to go.

Sevano's.Seven.1979.VHSrip.by.DNW.avi_003426760This is what I call a good morning!

Parker sneaks into the building desquised as a cleaner and menages to get to the top floor where he challenges the evil Mr. Lee. Despite their life long study of Martial Arts they engage an mostly comical fistfight and after a clumsily performed throw by Parker- Lee menages to break the window glass with his head and falls off the building. Parker then confronts one of the goon who saw what just happened and breaks his neck. By the time another goon arrived (Ninja looking mustached dude) Parker grew visibly bored and decided to shoot him with a gun blurting out an immortal sentence “Hiyaaa,  my ass” All that time evil boss still kept falling (this must be the tallest building in the world)…

In the meantime Cowboy is on the roll, now taking care of the evil surfer dude. Unfortunately he gets double crossed by some Hawaiian  chick who way suposedely goverment agent. He seemingly dies (we are gonna spoil it for you right now, he’s not really dead). Indian girl gets her cover blown and gets raped (possibly, we’re not sure how sucesfull was the old baster do to his advanced age) but it turns out she rigged him with the explosive so as she escapes and blows him up ’till Kingdom Comes. Black dude joins the party by paragliding while trowing bombs at the Japanese dude, I believe the accountant of the mafia.  Musician tries to bore evil Maderas and Karate Kid Villain with his comic rutine and then shoots  them but unfortunately loses his own life in the process.

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The Ultimate Weapon of Destruction- Black Man on a Para-glider!

Savano uses the blow up doll as a way to lure main villain Kahuna into opening the window of his bulletproof limo and that plan actually works but they quickly realize what he’s trying to do and send their  skateboard killer to get him. Skateboard killer then dies in the most ingenious way possible.

Alexa then picks up Sevano using a helicopter and they chase the villain who tries desperately to escape by the boat. They seemingly succeed but because this is a movie full of twists and turns- it rurns out it was an imposter. Nothing to worry about as they blow up the real one pretty fast to, using a bazooka that Professor brought none the less- all because Sevano’s clever deduction that the imposter was a right handed man and Kahuna was left handed.

Sevano's.Seven.1979.VHSrip.by.DNW.avi_004287440

…and yet, somewhere in Hawaii in this very moment the evil Mr. Lee is still falling from the building.

Verdict: This movie, cheap and ridiculous as it is indubitably great fun and it’s also notable for being the start of legendary B directors Andy Sidars’s career in movies (he was respected director  of sport events before that) and you also have pleasure of seeing him as he crystallizes the formula that made him famous, his patented “Bullets Bombs and Babes” style!

Trivia: This film contains the origin of the infamous “shooting the swordsman” gag, later popularized by Harrison Ford in Raiders of the Lost Ark. So, the next time when you see it, just remember- Ed  Parker did it first!

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