Barbarian Queen 2: The Empress Strikes Back

Posted: 22/07/2014 in Trash movies
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Don’t let the title fools you… Apart of Lana Clarkson this movie has almost nothing to do with the first part. Sure it has some “borrowed” scenes, feminism, clear “all men are pigs” message but that’s where any similarity with the original movie ends.

The movie starts with Athelia (Lana Clarkson) receiving news about her father’s death on battlefield. But her father is not an ordinary man. He is the king of the realm. Her evil brother Ankaris (played by Alejandro Bracho) takes this opportunity to become the new king. Not a surprise since he looks like an evil version of king Arthur with large stick in his ass. Ankaris demands from Athelia to give him scepter which contains The Power and gives immortality. Purpose of the scepter is to guard king’s life (didn’t help him much as it turns out). Still, the body (or corpse if you will) of her father has not been found yet so Athelia refuses demands of new king. Ankaris throws her into dungeon in order to change her mind. “Why don’t he just takes scepter?”, you might ask. He can’t because it is protected with powerful spell (or so they say) which ensures that no man can touch it and use it without Athelia having previously removed protection from it. So, Ankaris sends his daughter Tamisa (played by Cecilia Twerina) to gain Athelia’s rust and trick her into releasing scepter. Tamisa is a little spoiled monster who is even more degenerate than her father. And she manages to fulfill her task. At least for a while. Being tired of chasing power, Ankaris decides to perform good old tirany instead of gaining immortality from the scepter. That means he doesn’t need Athelia anymore and sentences her to death. But, as it always happens in such situations, she somehow manages to escape while they were taking her to execution. While on the run she gets help from Ziela (played by Rebecca Wood) who is one of the nearby rebellious women tribe. Athelia joins her and couple of minutes after arriving at camp she had shown her intention to take over the tribe. You see, when provoked by tribe leader Erigena (played Orietta Aguilar) Athelis decides to show that she won’t put up with anybody’s shit. And which method she used? The only one that bunch women who aren’t getting enough (if you know what I mean) could think about – good old chick wrestling in a mud. No further talk needed. Enjoy the view.

Getting dirty

While girls are getting dirty, men rape. It was always like that and always will be. So no surprise that soldiers wanted to have some fun in woods with daughter of peasant they intercepted. But not this time. Athelia and her tribe saved the poor girl, surrounded and killed soldiers (firstly I thought that they are going to rape them for a change) who are led by Ankaris’ right hand Hofrax (played by Roger Cudney). During that fight Erigena lost her life so Athelia can now officially become the tribe leader. Oh, and Hofrax got away (never kill one of the main vilains in first hour of movie).

More tits

In order to fight against evil king, Athelia will need to get more people on her side. Once again she ambushes Hofrax with a plan to free captured peasants who stood up against tyranny. Great battle commences with a lot of unconvincing, awfully choreographed fight scenes. This time Hofrax ends captured and tied to the tree. Athelia also captured her old friend from court Aurion (played by Greg Wangler) but she gives him much more hospitality than Hofrax. Unexpected sex scene between two of them is the best proof for level of hospitality. Yeah, all men are pigs but when itch between a legs begins, even an evil slave-driver will suffice. That’s what I call a hypocrisy. And just to make sure her hypocrisy stays unrevealed Athelia sends back to Ankaris both Hofrax and Aurion tied to horses and without pants.

It is Ankaris’ turn to move. Well, it should be his at least but all he does is getting insane and talking about how much he hates peasants. And during his hate speeches he sounds like the dentist from “Troll 2” movie. Anyway, Hofrax came up with the plan which will lure Athelia into trap. He is going to fake execution of her nanny Nabis (played by Carolina Valero), among with several real executions of PEASANTS! Of course, being a blonde as she is, Athelia falls into trap, gets captured and once again ends up on rape machine (remember that thingy?). Tho, it is not exactly the same one. It is moderated version for higher class perverts. And all of that with little Tamisa watching and enjoying.

Proved interrogation methodProved interrogation method

After struggle with his emotions Aurion finally decides to free Athelia from the dungeon. Just like that. There weren’t even guards to kill. So he frees her, she goes to scepter room (no guards there as well) and it looks like everything is going to be just fine. But no, Athelia went back just to be recaptured. And there we go again. She is back to rape machine. I really don’t know what was the point of this. Possibly they needed to chuck in something so the movie wouldn’t be too short. Anyway, this time Athelia got even more sadistic torturer than Hofrax. Who? Little Tamisa, of course. Tamisa puts her tarantula pet onto poor tied-up Athelia. With Aurion who took a role of voyeur this time. It is never-ending fun down there.

I got really hooked up onto thisShe got really hooked up onto this

Meanwhile, things are not seem to be all well on Ankaris’ side. They have received a message which informs them that the real king is alive and returning to his castle. So the real king is not dead! Long live the king! Aurion takes this opportunity to
offers himself to attempt to convince Athelia to give away her secret to them. Of course, nobody is suspecting him of anything, not even after he demanded to go alone. Naive bunch or master of delusions? Either way, we are watching Aurion release Athelia once again, tho now he had help of Ziela and Noki (clumsy daughter of peasant they have saved; played by Elizabeth Jaeger) who got infiltrated into dungeon (no guards outside either). Aurion goes back with them to their camp thus breaking the heart of Tamisa. Hm what do you know? She is got a heart after all.

Master spiesMaster spies

But Athelia is not the only one whose parents got The Power. Tamisa’s late mother also possessed it. It is not a scepter this time. It is amulet which Tamisa used to turn herself into hot chick and then infiltrate the rebel camp. Ha I bet you didn’t see that coming! It is OK, metamorphosis from little repulsive girl to full grown woman wasn’t the thing I wanted to see either, especially with special effects this movie offers. Anyway, Tamisa uses her new-found powers to control spider’s venom in Athelia to find out secret words for controlling scepter. She also kills Nabis (yeah, old bat joined rebels too) and sneaks into Aurion’s tent with intention of killing him. He wakes up in last moment and knocks her down.

If this movie was better this could have been a threesomeIf this movie was better this could have been a threesome

It is time for full scale attack on castle. Athelia leads a rebels and intends to use Tamisa as a living shield. But during the fight Tamisa escapes and goes to her father to tell him a secret words. Of course, since she had morphed, Ankaris doesn’t recognize her and stabbed her with his sword (BTW, that’s the only scene where we can see a blood on a sword). A couple of moments later he realized what mistake he made. Too late! And that’s when he completely descents into madness. Meanwhile, on the other side of castle, Athelia didn’t have much problems in defeating Hofrax in yet another terrible sword fight. Only one obstacle remains – her evil brother. But Ankaris didn’t give Athelia the pleasure of killing him. No, he did that himself by sticking sword into his chest all the way to it’s handle. I really doubt that anyone can commit suicide in such way. Unless he had impaled his chest just a bit and then used a hammer to  nail the sword. Or falling on his sword repeatedly instead of hammering it. Since he was found laying on his back with no hammer to be seen around I afraid that ship has to sail off from this explanation. Anyway, battle is over, half-naked rebels have, Athelia gives another hearty speech and becomes a queen. Prosperity with simple peasants running country is guarantied.

The king is soon to be dead!

Conclusion: This movie is so poor on acting and budget that it makes me wonder how it ever got made. The props look like they came from a local theater (and not a very good one for that matter). Weapons have been obviously made of plastic. Tho, it would be a real waste using a proper weapons on those awful and unconvincing fight scenes (unconvincing to “even 5 years old mentally challenged kid wouldn’t believe in this” level). And for nominally being a ‘fantasy’ movie, no actual magic was ever really seen. Director Joe Finley tried to improve overall impression by inserting nudity but even that wouldn’t help. There are soft-core porn with much better production values.

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