Worsemovies

Well, another lousy year is behind us and so we are bringing another lousy review of lousy movie. Genre holiday movies are always fun. Comedy Christmas movies are the obvious genre (see under Don’t open till Christmas), but horror Christmas movies are the next logical choice (see under The Thing). To All a Goodnight continues a nice line of below average holiday horror attempts.

As it is usual set up for such low effort horror atempts here we got bunch of dumb teens as well, ready to die just for our entertainment. This set up takes place in all girls school somewhere in California. Of course, young sluts jumped to opportunity to invite some guys over to Christmas party since the proprietor Mrs. Calvin won’t be there for a weekend. They even drugged their housekeeper Mrs. Jensen (played by Katherine Herrington) so they could whoring in peace. One of the girls Cynthia (played by Lisa Labowskie) was too horny to wait for party so she decides to sneak out in order to meet with Paul who was already waiting for her under the window. As you can guess both of them met only death. Hey rules are simple: no boys and no leaving the grounds without a permit.

Couple of moments after murders, into one of the girls’ rooms busts Ralph (played by Buck West), a strange looking huge guy who seems to be school gardener and religious nutcrack. Hm does this qualify him as potential murderer? I guess we are going to find out during a course of this movie. Ralph really likes shy and introvert Nancy (played by Jennifer Runyon) while other girls are constantly making fun out of him. Anyway, the boys have arrived by private plane and two of them are dressed as Santa Clause. Why am I pointing this out? Because both Trisha (played by Angela Bath) and her boyfriend Tom (played by Solomon Trager) got killed the following evening by person dressed as Santa Clause. Thats foreshadowing for ya all.

The next couple who is going to “retire earlier” to bed are Sam (played by Denise Stearns) and Blake (played by Jeff Butts). After bit of courting and playing “catch me if you can” two of them fall in passionate lovemaking in the middle of living room. Well their passion must have awoken something larger (no pun intended) since shortly after they were both slain by walking knight armor! With a crossbow! If you don’t believe me then take a look at this:

Number of people being killed seems to doesn’t bother the rest of the characters who spend the next day sitting around the place and planning picknick. Group’s geek Alex (played by Forrest Swansen), having lost his virginity previous night with Melody (played by Linda Gentile), gets sudden burst of selfconfidence and starts chasing Nancy around the grounds. Nancy, being shy as she is, runs around giggling until she trips over Ralf’s body which, with no explanation, rises up in sitting position and stays that way. I guess Ralf wasn’t the killer after all. Seriously, this is my favorite scene in the movie.

Ralf’s unexpected demise was a sign that someone finally should alert authorities. Young detective Polansky (played by Sam Shamshak) arrives with two helpers and states that there might be more victims. Lets try to see a bigger picture from his point of view: There is already one body found and several of other guests are gonne missing. Elementary, my dear Watson. So he orders his helpers to scout the grounds and be on lookout. This whole situation doesn’t seem to bother Mrs. Jensen who started dinner going soon after she learned Ralf’s fate. Hm maybe cooking is her way to deal with the stress. Plus she stated that she feels safe now with the police arround. It turns out that it was false belief since both of detective’s helpers were dispatched by killer Santa the following night. One of them was axed and another one died while being on the biggest slut in the group Leia (played by Judith Bridges). She is soon to follow the same fate. Which leaves us with remaining couples. Melody, after deflowering the geek, now jumps on group’s hunk T.J. (played by William Lauer) who again had a thing going with Leia. Both Melody and T.J. weren’t lucky enough to score this night as well since the evil Santa litteraly fished poor T.J. from the tree above.

Bodies and severed heads now started showing up everywhere around. Alex tries calling the police but, of course, all the lines are cut off. I really don’t know why people even bother trying to do that in such movies. Phones are never working in such situations. On the other side of the house Alex and Melody find Leia, who has clearly lost her mind, dancing in the dark. I don’t know why the killer spared her. She was naked and having sex with the police guy. If thats not a red flag then I don’t know what it is. Anyway, all of 3 them confront the killer and it turns out it was mild-mannered Mrs. Jensen the whole time. She rambles something about her dead daughter and how they pushed her off a balcony. That must have been some previous group of sluts. Melody runs for help, Leia is of no use since she is nutty as a fruitcake which leaves poor Nancy to deal alone with ravaging woman. Nancy manages to subdue her by hitting her head with some sort of figurine. And that should wrap it all up, right? Wrong! You see, Melody went after pilot (played by Dan Stryker) for help. He was there the whole time guarding the plane and sleeping under it in a sleeping bag. As it happens the plane doesn’t work and it needs a quick fix. Of course, the killer won’t miss this opportunity to dispose both of them by starting the engine and letting a propeller to do the rest.

What killer, I can hear you ask. Hasn’t Nancy delt with her? Believe me, I was confused as much you are. Mrs. Jensen turned out to be a tough nut to crack. She starts chasing Nancy with a knife around the house until Nancy finally throws her off a balcony. What a poetic justice. Now it is all finally over. Wrong again! As Nancy was crying in relief another Santa brings in Mrs. Jensen’s body behind her. That another Santa is none else than detective Polansky, who turned out be Mrs. Jensen’s husband and grieving father. What a plot twist! He advances on Nancy but then out of nowhere geek Alex shows up and finishes him with a crossbow. Yup the same crossbow. Another poetic justice. Alex and Nancy storm out of the house leaving Leia behind them to dance on a balcony as a living memorial of the events that occured. The end

Conclusion: The cast is rather weak, and it really makes you question how this school survives. There are very few students, they appear to be from all over the globe with different accents, and the school is “isolated”. Nancy is the school’s “good girl” who is obviously going to be the final girl from the start. The “nice guy” Alex beats the geek victim tradition and makes it to the end to be a hero (probably because he loses his virginity). To All a Goodnight underwhelms. The plot falls in the classic “someone was killed in an accident and someone wants revenge” like Friday the 13th, The Burning, Prom Night (though it does predate them), and you know that the deaths relate to it. The gore and guts aren’t as hardcore as later slashers so you hope that the film would have more style. Some of the later films following Halloween have creative ways of telling a cliché story, but To All a Goodnight isn’t one of them.