Posts Tagged ‘New Year’

Well, Christmas is past, but there’s still snow on the ground, New Year is upon us and I say that it is still the perfect time for a little holiday fear, so snuggle up someplace warm with a mug of cocoa (tho i recommend some stronger drink for this movie), we are torrenting Jack Frost tonight. And no, this is not to be confused with equally as bad movie with Michael Keaton getting his soul trapped as a snowman. The movie I am writing about is for big boys.

Jack (played by Scott MacDonald) is to be executed at midnight, and is being transported via the “State Executional Transfer Vehicle”, as it proclaimed by large letters on the side. That’s right, apparently Death Row is outsourcing its executions. The van travels through the small town of Snowmonton, which, oddly enough, is the very town in which Frost was captured. It is also, oddly enough, the road on which a truck carrying a vat of experimental acid is traveling. The two vehicles collide, Jack escapes, and ODDLY ENOUGH, gets doused with the acid. Trouble is, this experimental acid binds his DNA to the surrounding snow, allowing Jack to be resurrected as a, yes, you guessed it, psycho snowman, thus making him capable of melting himself into water to creep wherever he likes.

Cheap labor

Like every other escaped lunatic, Jack wants to exact his revenge on the man who sent him to be executed. And that man would be Sam Tiler (played by Cristopher Alport), the local sheriff who caught him during a routine check. Sam still has nightmares since then. And they are about to get worse since someone has just iced some old man in brutal way. Sam starts to be paranoid and he calls Agent Manners (played by Stephen Mendel) to make sure that Jack frost is really dead. Agent seems to know something about that experimental acid. And now he sure it works. Meanwhile, Sam’s son Ryan (played by Zack Eginton) is decorating a snowman he found in front of his house. Yeah he wasn’t suspicious about how a six feet snowman has just materialized there. Anyway, local bully Billy (played by Nathanyael Grey) and his gang show up and tear down snowman because it is blocking a path for their ice skates. Snowman didn’t like to be pushed around so he pushed Billy on the ground right on the path of his friend’s ice skates, thus ending up decapitated. You could say he has been slain by slay.

 

Later that night Jack went to Billy’s house. I guess he to wanted reunite the family for Christmas. He kills Billy’s father Jake (played by Jack Lindine) by sticking axe handle deep down his throat (really painful way to die) and then moved onto Billy’s slightly demented mother Sally (played by Kelly Jean Peters). Despite the recent death of her son Sally still wanted to feel Christmas spirit and so she started decorating. She even expressed her wish to be an angel on top of Christmas tree. Jack not only granted her wish but he used her mutilated body as a centerpiece of Christmas tree. Ho ho ho

Axed!

The fact that her entire family had just been slaughtered doesn’t stop little slutty Jill (played by Shannon Elizabeth; best known for getting naked in “American Pie”) to do what she wants. And that would be fucking around (literally). So she sneaks out of the house to meet with her boyfriend Tommy (played by Darren Campbell) and then both of them sneak into, at that time, empty Sam’s house. Jack gave her what she wanted in the bathtub after previously dispatching Tommy by firing ice shards at him. And he gave her good. You might say he fucked her to death. Note that in this scene Jack is missing a carrot for his nose. What do you think where it ended up?

 

Jack now confronts Sam, Agent Manners and scientist Stone (played by Rob LaBelle) at sheriff’s office. Somehow they manage to lock him inside and blow up entire station. But that couldn’t stop Jack so they came up with another plan. They made a set up for Jack and then forced him to church basement using several hair dryers. Once there they trapped him in hot furnace. Poor Jack was completely melt down. But that wouldn’t stop him. See, steam is also one of the states of watter. Jack deals with Agent Manners and Stone. It seems that nothing can stop him… Except for one thing – antifreeze. One of the townsfolk filled rear end of his pick up truck with antifreeze and all Sam had to is to push Jack into the pool. Finally one good idea. Jack got completely disintegrated so they poured his remains into canisters and buried them deep, thus leaving Jack to boil in his own rage.

 

Conclusion: The movie itself is chock full of pain. There’s no logic. The means to the movie aren’t really explained and are little better than magic, which would have been a better explanation than magic acid. But it knows what it is, and sets out to do its thing with dark humor, logic be damned. As for entertainment value this movie has a plenty. Most of the jokes that can be heard here are lowbrow but there are a few clever ones, mostly related to dark humor. The effects are simply horrendous and most of the snow doesn’t even convincingly look like snow. When I think about it this movie has much resemblance to Shocker, where another deranged killer is seeking his vengeance from beyond the grave.

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It is holiday season and what could be better way to celebrate it than with bloodshed? New Year is just around the corner which means many of seasonal killers are waking up from their hibernation, hungry for blood and vengeance for any demented reason they might have. And who knows, maybe this night you are going to be lucky enough to be picked for dying in the most brutal ways your twisted mind can imagine.

new-year

This MGM/Cannon offspring starts with phone talk between two friends, Diane (played by Roz Kelly) and Yvonne (played by Alicia Dhanifu). Naturally, when two women are yacking on the phone, you can’t expect any constructive conversation. And as usual, they are badmouthing Diane’s husband Richard. To be honest, Yvonne tipped him off to his wife as she had seen him wasted in Palm Springs (I really can’t blame him considering how boring is his wife). Well that was her last gossip since couple of moments later, after hanging up the phone, she ended up brutally slaughtered. Serves her right for getting involved in men’s business she doesn’t understand.

put-a-sock-in-it-or-knifePut a sock in it…or knife!

Diane is punk rock star known as Blaze and New Year’s countdown starts with her hosting Hollywood Countdown show. she seems far too old and unattractive to be hosting this kind of show and given the way she dresses and acts she seem more like she would be more at home hosting games of bingo than a music show that seems to aimed at the punk rocker set. Also she has grown son Derek (played by Grant Cramer) who practically begs for her attention. Anyway, viewers can call her live and vote for the best song.  All is going well until Diane receives a phone call from an odd sounding stranger claiming his name is Evil, who announces on live television that he going to kill someone close to her at midnight. I guess he doesn’t like songs which are presented on voting list. And he is obviously a man of his word since he butchered a nurse while having sex with her (win-win situation). He calls back Diane to inform her about keeping her promise right on Eastern Central Time and announces  when the clock strikes twelve in each time zone, a ‘Naughty Girl’ will be punished ,then the killer signs off with a threat claiming that Diane will be the last Naughty Girl to be punished. Cops informed Diane about both nurse and Yvonne and now she is scared for her life.

hot-lineHomicide hot line

While his mother is going through a living hell Derek cuts her red stockings and puts it over his face while watching her show. I don’t see the point of this scene since we know that Derek is not the killer. Face of Evil had been shown to us in previous scenes but there are some similarities between him and Derek. Maybe the director Emmett Alston wanted to give us false lead. If that is the case he shouldn’t have shown us the real killer before it. Or maybe it is not false lead after all? Anyway, our real killer turns out to be master in disguise. He puts false mustaches on his face (and that’s all, he didn’t even change the haircut or color of the hair) and goes to some club where he picks some bimbo with promise he is going to take her to wild New Year party. His plan went
wrong when she suddenly took her roommate Lisa with herself. Needing a time to improvise Evil cruised through streets while bimbo was dribbling into his ear about  self-help meditations she has been practicing. In that moment even I felt the urge to strangle her with my bare hands. Evil had done the next best thing. He pulled over his car, sent Lisa to buy Champagne and killed bimbo by putting a plastic bag over her head. And then sliced her throat (better safe than sorry). But that was not the end of it. There is still nosy roommate needed to be disposed off. So Evil creates a trail of shoes which leads to nearby secluded dumpster. Of course, Lisa follows the trail and when she approached – big surprise peek a boo, I see you!

 

As it is his habit Evil ran over to the nearest phone booth to inform Diane about his most recent achievement. Lt. Clayton (played by Chris Wallace) now can only wait for new victims hoping for killer to make a wrong move. He also follows the schedule and announces that Evil will strike again at 11 pm. And boy, was he right. Now disguised as a priest, Evil went to the local drive in theater where he unexpectedly killed some unsuspecting biker who got in his way. Beware of hand of God for it shall slice you! But the biker was not alone. Soon motorcycle band stormed in the theater which made Evil started to panic. So he quickly hijacked the car of some teenage couple who were having fun on the backseat. It seemed that the poor girl was done for especially since her
boyfriend was chucked out of the car back in theater. But she was lucky enough to take opportunity to escape when Evil went outside to have a fight with two drunken idiots he almost had run over. Boy, was his face red! Oh, Oh and the movie that was giving in drive in cinema was 1963. horror classic “Blood Feast”. See the link?

60s-slashers-are-the-best-turn-on’60s slashers are the best turn on

Evil manages to sneak into Diane’s show by killing a police officer and taking his uniform. There we find out his true identity. It is Diane’s husband – Richard (played by Kip Niven). He got Diane right where he wanted her to be – in stuck elevator (which he had previously sabotaged; no porn pun intended). He explains to her that he knows about her cheating around. Derek has told him all about that. Derek also said that his mother tried to seduce him and cut his and his father’s allowance (?) So Richard got fed up of her and Yvonne. And the reason why he killed other women is that they are all the same manipulative, selfish, materialistic whores. Hm can’t argue with that. He left Diane hanging by elevator while police cornered him in good old-fashion rooftop chase. There he decides to end his life the only way appropriate for cheesy 80s slashers – ridiculous falling off the building while wearing some kind of comedian mask. And Diane somehow managed to survive. Looks like happy ending. Or is it? You see, Derek took his father’s mask, sneaked in ambulance van his mother was in, took out paramedics leaving him alone with his mother. The end?

 

Conclusion: Overall this one doesn’t have all that much going for it. One of the many problems here is the fact that this one comes off as a bland, boring thriller which just takes so much out of the film. Premise doesn’t really hold up that much. By using a series of utterly obnoxious story lines is where that tends to fall as the different story lines really don’t make any sense. The fact that the premise isn’t really all that spectacular enough is the prime motivator here which requires a lot of excess scenes along the way to hold itself up, some of which is found by it being dragged out indefinitely with a series of endless and utterly innocuous songs of local bands that really aren’t that great.  Kip Niven thinks he’s doing this big theatrical part, but he’s too nerdy to pull it off. His body is tiny, and teeny and yet he can kill women larger than he is. He happens to be in the area where his target victims are and it gets worse: according to the movie, he didn’t plan this. New Year’s Evil ends up being one of the most lifeless, dull films that the Cannon Group ever produced. Watch it at your own risk. The fact that you’re immune to higher-quality mediocre movies just means that you have a higher tolerance for bad movies now. Thank God a sequel wasn’t made.