Worsemovies

Over the decades (mostly 20th century decades),at least according to movies, the Earth has been invaded from space numerous times by many different creatures and species. Some invasions were successful, some were not, some were brilliantly planed and again some were complete nonsense (such as invasions seen in “Plan 9 From Outer Space”, “Killer Klowns from Outer Space“, “Invaders From Mars“, etc). Since this is utterly dull movie I’ll keep it short and with low effort in writing thus making this review almost as lousy as plot of this flick.

This incredibly boring creation of Full Moon Entertainment (which is odd since their movies are usually hilarious) starts with a man being rushed in hospital. Doctors are trying to prepare him for surgery. He had a serious concussion. But he is struggling and repeats that he must talk to authorities. His name is Tom Baines (played by Sam Hennings) and he is geologist. In that moment FBI agent storms in demanding to interrogate poor man while he is laying on operating table. Agent seems to know what Tom is talking about so he asks him to tell him whole story. Tom starts to remember everything happening from the time he got to Comet Valley. And that is when this movie is really about to begin.

Very special agent!

After divorcing and leaving graduate school Tom heads back to Comet Valley. He is staying at his old girlfriend’s family house now turned to bed and breakfast motel. Her name is Heidi Tucker (played by Andrea Roth) and at first glance at her we can say she is an irritating, bull headed bitch who makes us to want her to die ASAP in most painful way. Anyway, Tom gets an invite from his old friend to talk about meteorites since couple of them recently have fallen in Comet Valley. In entire story are included deputy sheriff Brad Yates (played by Dane Witherspoon), who is still jealous of Tom because of Heidi, and Heidi’s niece Kim (played by Holly Fields) who is mind-reading conspiracy freak (well, at least when the house lady is around). Also, Heidi’s brother
Frank (played by John Mooney) is the sheriff. Hm seems like the residents of Comet Valley like to keep it in family.

She doesn’t need to be afraid of mind readers… There is not anything they could read there.

Later that night Frank goes to investigate meteorite crash site. There he finds strange plant, and like any other professional would do in such situation, he starts poking it with stick. It turns out that such method of investigation gives plant a sexual release. Now what made us think it is true, maybe someone will ask? You see, after several pokes, plant CUMS onto Frank turning him that way into a fishman! Makes sense? I don’t know for you, but I am pretty sure that it doesn’t for poor Frank. But wait, that’s not the best part of transformation!!! Frank can easily turn back into the human form. Sounds familiar?

Cum shot!

Frank continues his life normally without anyone else suspecting anything. Well, apart of Kim, who now thinks Frank is possessed. Same as house lady Mrs. Santiago (played by Anne Betancourt). Kim is so obsessed with Mrs. Santiago that she spends most of her time hiding in the yard filming poor old house lady with camera which she drags with her all the time. During one of her filming she got attacked by evil tumbleweed and completely freaks out. Anyway, long story short, several other people gets possessed by body snatching plants, Tom discovers that meteorite is seed which brought aliens here together with their plans for world domination (well, duh) and that ultra-violet light is killing them. Now when I mentioned that… It is strange thing how this UV kills them. Plants get blown away by plain 50 volt UV light but they still can walk around in broad daylight without any harm done to them. Do I need to tell you that, during the daylight, UV energy is kind of a million times stronger than the one that actually kills them?

Transformation

As I already stated on the beginning of this review, I am going to keep it short as much as possible, due to endless dullness and boredom this movie provides. After everything that had happened, Tom now thinks that Mrs. Santiago is head alien and if he destroys her he will set free all of possessed Comet Valley residents, including his ex-girlfriend Heidi. Of course, many people have lost their lives (and minds) during this struggle. Even a Doc Roller (played by Bernard Kates) who was of the biggest assistance to Tom in attempts to purge plants from the Earth. Doc electrocuted himself while connecting the power cables in order to power up UV lights on the bridge. What a dumb hero. The final fight between Tom and transformed Mrs. Santiago at the back of pick-up truck ended with truck falling off the cliff with monster in it and then exploding (as it was the fashion in B-movies). The world is saved. Or is it? You see, a moments before truck will fall into it’s death, Tom had jumped off it and hit the rock with his head. Next thing he remembers is waking up ay the hospital and telling his story. After he finished his narration, Heidi (i don’t know what happened to Kim and I don’t care) and Mrs. Santiago (not explained how she have managed to survive her fall) stepped in the room. It turns out that Heidi, Mrs. Santiago and FBI agent are together in this diabolical scheme for plants spreading. Since Doc Roller has been deep fried, the only obstacle between them and world domination is drugged up, tied-to-bed, naive Tom. Seedpeople have won and the Earth is doomed (thanks God for that).

Death

Conclusion: As you may have already noticed this movie is a complete rip-off of far more superior “Invasion of Body Snatchers”, “The Day of the Triffids” and any other alien invasion movie. Full Moon Entertainment had hit the rock bottom here with butchered scripts of already mentioned more successful movies and non-existence of acting, choreography and suspense, while their actors are drowning in sea of plants’ (and director’s) cum. Also, monster costumes are not even worth of mentioning since they look like they had been stolen from “Little Mermaid” child’s play. I strongly recommend you to shoot anyone who even suggests you watching this manure.