The Odyssey (1997)

Posted: 23/08/2012 in Trash movies
Tags: , , , ,

To this day I can not understand how this blasphemy managed to win an award (if there is still anyone who counts Emmy as award) and be nominated for Golden Globe. This version of a wonderful and extremely interesting Homer Epic had started wrong from the very beginning. First mistake – Armand Assante as Odyssey. I don’t know who came up with idea of casting a Italo-Irish man to play a Greek hero but I do know that that person should bear consequences for his actions. Assante’s accent combined with his attempt to sound Greek turned out to be a failure of epic proportions. In 85% of the movie Assante is totally incoherent and people who ought to understand anything are forced to turn on their speakers to a maximum and then press ears onto it (tho, due to the awful script they still won’t be able to understand a thing).
Anyway, let’s continue. Odyssey’s wife, Penelope, gave a birth to a baby in a record time of 2 minutes. Also there wasn’t any fluid, blood, umbilical cord or any other thing which are present at any normal giving  birth to a human being. Also, the fact that the baby didn’t cry after being born is very disturbing and confusing.

Can’t argue with that…

Next one of many, many, many wrong things in this movie is representation of Hermes who is messenger of the Gods and son of Zeus. His appearance in this movie had implemented a new, until now never seen category A FLYING FAGGOT! I don’t know where the urge to represent the son of supreme Greek god as nothing else than a plain homo came from. Someone in the crew had some strange issues.

Next, the vampire effect. Odyssey had spent 20 years on the sea and during that time almost all the characters look the same. Neither Penelope, nor her mother,  nor her wooers who invaded her house  aren’t getting any older. Apart of their son, who had grew up a bit. Penelope look exactly the same, with no wrinkle on her face. She still refuses wooers who are now using her house as a some kind of bordel from hell. Her dedication to remain loyal to Odyssey is really impressing due to fact that he already cheated on her some 2500 times by my account.

Screwing up some of the adventures Odyssey had. Cyclops event more looks more like a comedy than a danger. Assante had friendly conversation with a Cyclops, talking and laughing and such. Then Cyclops without any reason eats a half of a member of  the Odyssey’s crew. Next 2 seconds are followed by screaming and disbelief  just to see everything turning back to normal a mere moment later. Odyssey continues his friendly and nonchalant chit-chat with the Cyclops. The rest you can see above.

Next two and a half  hours are followed by “nothing happens” and  “something almost happened”, until the moment Odyssey come home and slaughter literally everyone who happened to be there. Strange thing is that not a single drop of blood had been spilled  in all of that massacre.

Conclusion: My advice – Don’t watch this garbage. Better read a book.

Sad but true

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Comments
  1. HAR says:

    ITS A Mythology. it is exactly the same in the book… Fiction Story naman ang Oddyssey diba?. there is nothing wrong about the film.. MAPANIRANG PURI.

    Like

  2. alexx says:

    This is probably the worst-written review I’ve ever read… Also, I am gay for Assante and flying faggot too (especially him).

    Like

  3. […] mirror, thus making her look like a hideous monster. Seems to me like another rip-off, this time of Odyssey. Since our heroes got reunited at evil sorceress, they choose to get some rest at a local inn. Only […]

    Like

  4. Andreas says:

    THIS IS NOT A REVIEW… THIS IS JUST AS BIG BULLSHIT! I AM GAY FOR ASSANTE!

    Like

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