Worsemovies

         Run ,it’s the Man-Bear-Pig!

This is one of those movies where you just don’t know where to start, since it’s so damn horrendous from start to end, one can get confused from all it’s messiness and absurdity. Oh well, since we have to start somewhere, let’s first point out that this movie was directed by John Frankenheimer, known for for filming some very good movies, such as Grand Prix, Fixer and Ronin, and started Talia Shire (Godfather, Rocky) in main female lead. Looking back now, almost 35 years later, it’s safe to say this move killed both of their careers…

Anyways, movie kick off as your classic horror flick, where two lumberjacks are mauled to death by “something”, and thus local authorities issued a call to Dr. Robert Verne (Robert Foxworth), and his wife Maggie (Talia Shire), both of them some sort of environmental pollution specialists, since it’s perfectly logical to call them instead of police in these kind of situations.

Our heroes sniff around local paper mill to find out that plant is producing some kind of illegal mercury mutagen that causes birth defects, which the plant spilled into the lake and, naturally, caused all surrounding wildlife to turn into a monstrous abominations bent on killing everything in their site.

Couple of boring minutes later, and movie finally “grace us” with a presence of a mutated bear, with so hilariously horrendous costume, that I’m pretty sure it inspired the infamous “man bear pig” South Park meme. Nevertheless, the bear starts it’s killing rampage by praying on a family who were hiking in the hills. What’s interesting about one of it’s first victims is that it’s actually a young boy, something very unusual for horrors of the time. But, man, the way that boy died… What ensued was  definitely the  “pissed myself laughing” moment of the film, as the poor kid went off in the blaze of glory…  or feathers for that matter…

In the meantime, our heroes meet with the rebellious, but righteous young Indian, played by now legendary Armand Assante (yeah, sure as hell looks like Indian to me too…), and together they agree to stop the bears killing spree.

Can’t argue with that…

Two mutated bear cubs found, and one helicopter malfunction later, and our heroes (along with a  couple of Indians) find themselves deep into manbearpig’s territory, stalked by manbearpig it self! Thus, the game of cat and mouse begins… In the next half of hour or something, we learn that bear is capable of rolling trucks while standing still and showing up out of nowhere in the same time, mercury mutagen makes you breed underwater, and nursing a mutated bear cubs is good for your health! Couple of mauled bodies later and the final showdown commences in the abonded shack. Assante tries fighting bravely with a bow, but gets roflpwned by the manbearpig, thus leaving our main protagonist, Dr. Robert, with no other alternative but to engage the bear into a wrestling faceoff. Couple of wrestling moves later, and arrow finds it self in the manbearpigs eye, ending it’s rampage and this horrible movie.

Heed the advice folks…

In the very end, film abruptly switches to to Dr. Robert and Maggie safely flying home, while another manbearpig shows it self in the forest, hinting at the sequel, which, thankfully, never happened, since this laughing stock of a movie was a commercial and critical flop…