Worsemovies

In the old days when you wanted to see Rambo (1982) you had to go to your local video-store, and if they didn’t have Rambo VHS then you had to settle for the popular Italian rip-off Navajo Thunder (1983), and if you’re really out of luck and somebody already rented Navajo Thunder, well then you’re only choice was The Deadly Prey. This is what happens when you ignore the common sense and take home a 10th rate copy of a film you originally wanted.

       …HE STILL IS

Movie starts with Colonel Hogan, ruthless ex- military officer trains a large group of  would be mercenaries by having them hunt down and kill random people they abduct from the streets of L.A.? In need of new victims they kidnap the blond bodybuilder dude who’s taking out the trash in front of his own house (for some reason) wearing nothing but pair of Daisy Dukes . They easily overcome him and take him to their exercise camp…

Then, whole Hell breaks loose. Ridiculous blond dude is none other than Mike Danton, super- soldier who served in Vietnam.  They let him run, but when they star hunting him he suddenly appears out of nowhere* and kills them one at a time, sometimes using a primitive weapon (tree branch or a rock) and sometimes using nothing but his bare hands.

Hogan’s first in command Thorton (and the most dangerous mercenary- signaled  by a black bodybuilding shirt and aviator glasses) gets frustrated with his men’s performance and kills one of them as a result, then another one. As the movie continues you start to wander are Denton and Thorton competing in number of kills or what?

In the meantime Danton’s idiotic, also blond wife is devastated and instead of calling police like any sane ( or even insane) person on the face of the planet would do she calls her daddy, crazy ex- cop first ( played by a veteran Cameron Mitchell, the only at least little bit capable actor in this- I dare not say- movie). She barely gives any information to her father even though she partially saw  license plates of the kidnappers.

*Let’s just take couple of minutes off and enjoy the killing…

After offing something  like a dozen mercenaries in such creative ways as crashing them with a tree, killing them with a sharp stick, appearing Ala Jason Voorhees from the lake and impaling them on the knife (all the while experiencing some kind of unholy ecstasy ) he  is finally stopped by only capable man in the group Thorton (beware the glasses) and Mike Dentons kryptonite is revealed!!! As it was often in the 80es his only weakness is leg kicks to the head, he just has no defense against their pure awesomeness… and soon enough is THE END OF A STORY for Denton… or is ti?

THE END OF A STORY?

Denton of course finds a way to escape. That includes slapping a female soldier unconscious, in fact a female soldier is the main squeeze for evil Colonel Hogan (but not enough to satisfy his appetites as we’ll find out later). After that he’s making glorious escape, BY THROWING A BOMB IN ONE SOLDIER’S PANTS- curiously after explosion nothing remains – no blood, meat or bone, just his boots, in perfect mint collection state!!! He also destroys a tank right after that, even though it was not on his way.
Then he disappears again…

Faced with no choice, Hogan and co decide to raise up the stakes. They kidnap Denton’s idiotic wife and instead of  using her as a leverage to flush out Denton right away Hogan decides to RAPE HER FIRST!!! WTF? I knew the dude is a messed up war veteran and a mercenary but an all around maniac like that- didn’t  see this one coming!

Anyway her father somehow finds a way into the camp and starts causing a ruckus (even killing a main financier of the operation while lecturing him on social justice and his hard life as a cop) but they capture him and take him to his daughter just in time for the epic dialogue that consists of  flat “What did they do to you hunnie” and uncontrollable childish – I lost my favorite doll- tone response “They raped me Daddy”. I had to take a minute  after this scene not being able to process what I witnessed right away.  After that they even shoot the father!!!

Denton than breaks into armory I guess (?) and has a little confrontation with the lady mercenary. That confrontation ended up being their last. Updated on his wife’s presence he armors up and backed by his old friend from ‘Nam Cooper (who abruptly decided to switch sides, seeing what he did to other mercenaries) starts rescue mission that consists mostly of destroying everything on his way.

Do not engage in dialogue with Mike Denton, he might bitch-slap you into unconsciousness
 and shoot you couple of  times!

So buddies Denton and Cooper free the poor, poor wife, Denton sadistically blows up a dude a the calls it “his calling card” with a smile from ear to ear. Those two seem more like a couple than Danton and his wife but who am I to judge. They hide the girl and start going all gun- ho on the last couple surviving mercenaries. Unfortunately while they were busy playing Thorton (again proving to be superior to every other villain in this movie) captures Jaimy aka Mrs. Denton.
Things soon get wild as the Hogan ends up wounded, Cooper dead… and Thorton decides to off the girl just for the heck of it. Danton looses his shit, throws the gun away and starts slashing with a machete! Thorton misses five time straight from point blank range (?), looses an arm- do to machete and then gets K.O.-ed with that same arm by Danton! Damn!*

Then Danton start acting so crazy that Nick Cage would be afraid of him… He scalps Thorton (while concentration on the sky?) screams like a wounded animal and goes after Hogan. He quickly finds him, the dude is old and wounded- and then yells “Take of your shirt”. At this point I was ready to believe that he wanted to return a favor for raping his wife but he has another idea… he lets him run and prepares to come after him- and closes the circle of completely unnecessary violence with that.

Danton takes revenge for his wife’s death by cutting dude’s arm off with the machete
and then knocks  him out with that same arm?! Damn!

Verdict: What is truly fascinating about this movie is it’s unique ability to completely bypass regular action movie or any kind of movie dramatic structure. There is no three- acts which offer setup, the confrontation and the resolution.Instead they just throw us head first into the ActII (and we have no idea what is going on), after half an hour they make a brief interlude (which explains some things but mostly leaves you confused) , then it’s Act II- Part II with more senseless violence followed by itsy- tiny Interlude  and then Grand Finale that lives you wandering what the hell just happened.  I never experienced anything like this and probably won’t ever again- except if I decide to re-watch the damn thing- and there’s not much chance of that EVER happening.

I think we all learned a valuable lesson here. JUST WATCH RAMBO.

NOT FOR FAINT-HEARTED

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