lostempire

The movie stays with a very ditzy blonde trying to buy some (Lemurian?) jewelry from the ancient Chinese man Unfortunately they get interrupted by a strange group of ninjas. Cops show up in a record time but unfortunately they don’t train them for the power of Ninjutsu. On the other hand Ninjas seem to be incredibly stationary and even though the kill of some of the cops they end up shot more than a few times. Next we cut to a badass biker cop Angel who dispatches a group of kidnappers- in a school none the less. She also saves a colleague, a mustached agent who’s obviously great with the ladies ’cause they end up in bed in 5 minutes flat.

6-20-2015 5-19-02 PMDo you surrender?

Unfortunately their bliss is interrupted by the call from the hospital. It turns our her brother Rob is on his death’s bed. He was one of the cops who tried to stop Ninjas in the beginning. She vows to gets her revenge on the ninjas and their master who turns out to be a mysterious Doctor Sin Do, supposedly in league with an evil wizard called (I love this name) Lee Chuck. She chooses her team to infiltrate the island (an obvious reference to Enter The Dragon) and it’s none other than two deadly and beautiful woman.

Her first choice is a Native American warrior for justice called Whitestar (played by non- other but Raven De La Croix, legendary Russ Meyer diva)

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. Her second choice is equally intriguing- a convict (that Angel caught herself) called Melanie who obviously enjoys some mud-wresting. Now we have the team rivaling The Charie’s Angels, don’t we?

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All three of them survive rigorous tests and are finally granted entrance to the island. Once there they expect them to prepare and then compete in a deadly martial arts tournaments.

The Lost Empire (1984) Watch Movies Online Free.mp4_002576680All procedures must be preformed topless!

They try to uncover the plot by breaking in during the night time but they barely escape. In fact they leave some poor kidnapped girl to her destiny not to blow their cover (man these girls are cold). In the meantime mustached man finds the jewels Ninjas we’re after the whole time. Unfortunately he decides to break into the island- the hard way and fails epically. Sin Du is enchanted and invites Whitestar for a dinner- that turns out into a quite bizarre ritual (with lights, ropes and a snake too).

He leaves her for death and concentrates on Angel, trying to make her kill her beloved… and gloating at the same time, finally holding his magical jewles. Unfortunately for him two of them turn agains him and lead more of candidates against his army and the awesome battle ensues. Whitestar also menages to free herself and kick some ass. It turns out that Sin Do is non other than Lee CHuck… and Lee Chuck is none other than… a Skeleton!!!
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When all seems lost for him Sin Do unleashes the weapon of ultimate destruction- A GIANT METALLIC PENIS!

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Penis starts destroying everything in it’s path but the only girl who dies is the poor girl they kept kidnapped. It turns out Whitestar can drive a helicopter so our heroes menage to escape just in time as evil island explodes to kingdom come.

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Now that’s a finale!!!

 

Verdict: Jim Wynorski is (straight outta gate) almost a perfect fusion of Andy Sidaris and Russ Meyer, featuring as many incredibly cheese action scenes with as much voluptuous beauties he can fit in the frame. Basically he is doing what every B-movie filmmaker should do, not overthinking things but giving us a fun ride for all the money.

Trivia #01 This movie came to be because Henry Plitt, the owner of Plitt Theatres (also a decorated war hero) wanted to make a low budget SF picture as a tax loss. He never shared that information with young Wynorski who gave it it’s all.  It all worked out for the best ’cause Wynorski continued on his path and has recently filmed his 100th movie.

Trivia #02 The last henchman dispatched in the finale is none other than Blackie Dammett also known by his birth name John Michael Kiedis, the father of Anthony Kiedis, the frontman of the Red Hot Chilly Peppers! You weren’t expecting that, did you?

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