Gargoyle aka Gargoyle’s Revenge aka Gargoyle: The Wings of Darkness (2004)

Posted: 29/09/2016 in Trash movies
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Now, this one was on my mind for so long it may very well be one of the reasons why the whole WM page started. It’s one of those magical movies where nothing makes sense whatsoever, and you’re left wondering about many things including of course “why did I watch this in the first place?”.

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Movie starts with a flashback: Carpatia- Vassaria. And you can right away notice that there’s no direct contact with the monster like in those monster movies from the 50’s where they used super primitive stop- motion. Speaking of it- even stop motion beats these TV quality CGI effects. But it’s extremely entertaining seeing Romanian women carrying crossbows, probably not historically accurate but still awesome! Of course the beast gets subdued aka sealed in a tomb via the magic of priest’s blood on the arrow. Never knew that was a thing- need to check with our local priest?

We flash foreword to today, Romania– first with a kidnapping rescue operation lead by CIA agents Sandra Hess (Mortal Kombat: Annihilation, Nick Fury: Agent of SHIELD) and has been (great)  Michael Pare (Streets  of Fire, The Philadelphia Experiment ). Operation goes awry as one of the suspect misterously desapears from the top of the building just to be found spiked on a top of a Church.

Now, the next thing  we notice is a pair of Catholic Priests, old one and his future replacement arguing in a freakin’ Orthodox Christian Church! Why? I have no idea. I mean if you only had this church available why not make local priests Orthodox? Black robe and a (long) beard and you’re pretty much done. I mean if you’re making a movie with religious overtones (no mater how low-fi the movie is) you could have done your due diligence.

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Our heroes, Michael Pare and his agent Scully- Sandra  join the scene soon enough seeing that their suspect is impaled on the said church. Also same of the local archeologist that work on the church mysteriously disappear too. Sparks start flying between Pare and a young chief archeologist  Dr. Christina Durant as the bodies starts piling up. The actress Kate Orsini looks incredibly like Maggie from The Walking Dead just with eyes too far apart.mary-tyler-less

Bodies like random woman taking semi- professional photos in Zoo. Somehow the place gets empty and night comes and she’s still taking pictures (presumably some 12 hours later ’cause it was obviously around noon when she started). Strangely trend of sudden (and illogical) day/ night shift continues later on too. Anyway, what’s wrong with this woman? We never get to find out because the Gargoyle shows up and just like that we have another victim.

Their logical suspect is a local vampire sect that turns out to be a Dance Vampire Sect! I kid you not. Never heard of something like that but man was I missing out! Their leader Lex (Tim Abell) performs the ritual with half- naked vampire chicks and then when you expect the grand finale dance music kick in and party gets going.

Now I  must say- this dude is my hero! He is dangerous gangsta yet he also owns a dance club and in his free time he does these vampiric performances with hot chicks. And it seems the writers and director like him too because he doesn’t get to die like the rest of them and instead just looses his mind.

As the investigation gets weirder and weirder Pare and Orsini  head out to the “abandoned” monastery  to find clues in the old fresco- paintings. Old man shows up and finally explains them the curse of the Gargoyle. Also, I think he mixed up Dragons and Gargoyles but what are you gonna do- there’s not much mythology about gargoyles out there. Also Gargoyle decides to interrupt them while there’s still time and it all evolves into a super hilarious chase scene that again reminds us how cheap and ridiculous CGI is in this movie.

The finale of the movie is a sight to behold as two priests get into a fistfight  while the army of gargoyles is hatching! Also with the evil priest kidnaps pretty Dr. Durant too.  CIA agents backed up with a SWAT team breaks in and start shooting at everything and anything. Strangely, time of day rapidly changes from noon when they get into the Gargoyle cave (in the back of Church of all places) to the middle of the night as they come out 2 minutes later- to the early morning couple moments after that.

They also have the next case before the movie ends- in Russia! Unfortunately we never got to see it, but I’ll chose to imagine it superior and more grand than the first one, something like Del Toro’s Blade II!

Verdicts: Veteran genre director Jim Wynorski (under the alias of Jay Andrews) had many highs and lows in his career and you can honestly say that this one manages to simultaneously be both. It’s like a car crash, it’s really, really horrible but you just can’t look away!

WARNING! If we didn’t discourage you from watching this film, and you still want to see it- please find a proper DVD. Some horrid person on the internet found a way to make the movie even worse by splicing the footage with Vinnie Pooh cartoons- stay away from that god awful Youtube version if you value your sanity even one bit! 

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Comments
  1. hoveprinting says:

    Wynorski is a god of bad movies. He was mentored by Corman and Band but never took any of their advice, except maybe ‘just show some tits’.

    Liked by 1 person

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