Posts Tagged ‘Nancy Mulford’

Gary Busey had his moments in bad action movies (mostly in the 80’s), but “Act of Piracy” is so boring, bad and predictable that I would be surprised if many  people remembered it. It was one of the last Busey’s attempts to play good, family guy before he switched to bad-guys roles. Seeing this movie, I am  surprised he hadn’t it come earlier.

Film starts on some yacht carelessly cruising the sea. It is the yacht of Ted Andrews (played by Gary Busey). Ted is obviously not enjoying the cruise. He is  trying to reach a certain Sandy by the phone. She hung up on him when she heard his voice. That really have pissed him off so, in the next scene, Ted storms  into Sandy’s house by breaking a front door. Busey style, hell yeah!!! It turns out that Sandy (played by Belinda Bauer) is his ex-wife. Her current  boyfriend Dennis (played by Dennis Casey Park) is also there, but he does nothing about Ted’s busting in (*cough* pussy). Apparently, Ted wants to get  married (seems to me that he just repeats a mistake he already did). He found a buyer for his “Barracuda” yacht. Actually, girl named Laura came to him and  asked if yacht is for sale. That is how he met his girlfriend. Laura said that she knows Australian billionaire who is interested in “Barracuda”. Buyer offers  good amount of money, cash payment on delivery, with money expenses for sailing around Sydney. So, Ted decides to take his children on cruise. Sandy refuses  his request, but only for a short time, since Ted threatened her with reporting Dennis to police for stealing and cheating on people. This caused a brief  hysterical seizure to Sandy.

This is not what you think it isThis is not what you think it is.

We are back to Barracuda now. Ted and his girlfriend Laura (played by Nancy Mulford) are standing on the deck. Laura seems to be a bit nervous about meeting  his family. Her fears were solid based since she got chewed out by Ted’s kids Tracy and Mark during dinner that evening. Ted’s Brother C.W. (played by  Douglas Bristow) and his wife Nadine (played by Nadine O’Brian) are also there. Also, we find out that Ted is Vietnam veteran and Navy Seal Instructor (you  can’t go wrong with putting ex-agents into a movie). Later that night, shits are starting to happen. One of crew members, Scotty, comes in Ted’s room and  informs him that there is some speedboat following them. Ted goes to ivestigate leaving Scoty and Laura alone in the room. Laura takes that opportunity and  shoots Scotty in the back with silencer gun. I bet you didn’t see that coming! Laura continues her killing spree. She enters the room where C.W. and Nadine  are sleeping and kills them in coldblooded manner. Next on her hit list are crew members and she kills them one by one, including dumbass dude who had easily  overpowered her, knocked her on the floor and then started running away, without even previously having her disarmed. Of course, result of such action is  bullet in his back. After cabins, now deck is next place to be cleaned up. But not in the old fashion women way. More crew members died there by Laura’s  hand, including Ted, who went overboard after getting shot. It seems that cleaning is done, so Laura helps gang from the speedboat to board in. Gang leader,  Jack Wilcox (played by Ray Sharkey; best known for his role in “Mummy”) is her real boyfriend. The yacht has been cleaned for him, and the only survivors  are kids, Mark and Tracy. After an argue they decided to keep them (but not in adoption way). And somewhere in the sea, Ted is floating on a segment of the  speedboat wreck, which Jack had detonated after getting aboard on Barracuda.

Ted is in the hospital now, pulling his connections in order to find the missing yacht and the kids. His ex-wife Sandy helps him as well. Despite Agent  Johnson’s opposing, both of them decide to put in air video in which Ted offers a reward for any information about missing yacht, And kids, I suppose.  Meanwhile, on the other side, Jack, Laura and rest of the gang are planning several terrorist attacks. Taking over Madagascar, for example…. But not before  they exploit a fight between Greece and Zimbabwe. So, next scene takes us to Harare, where Jack and Laura are having a meeting with one of their contacts.  That’s not so important, so I’ll do fast forward to only scene in the movie that is worth of mentioning. After the meeting was over, Jack and Laura went to  their hotel room, where Jack is giving her what she needs. She seems completely satisfied, so she goes onto balcony to smoke a cigarette, while Jack turns  the TV on. In that very moment, Ted’s video appears on the screen, including photos of yacht and kids. Now read carefully… Ted’s turns off the TV, goes to  the balcony, starts kissing and squeezing Laura, takes her in his arms, and drops her off the balcony to her death!!! And all of that with a romantic music  playing in background!!! What a way for breaking up!!!

When you use a product, you throw away an envelope!

Ted receives a call from a hotel manager in Harare. He travels there superfast and that’s where the chasing game really begins. And after identifying  Laura’s body, he gained another personal reason for vengeance. Yeah, right. Like missing his own kids is not reason enough. Soon, the first encounter with  gang members occurs, but Busey kills them all while driving Volkswagen’s Golf 1. Jack and the rest of the gang are now in Greece, and Ted follows them using  his contacts and other anonymous people who wanted to help. He locates the missing yacht but now he needs to infiltrate. And what would be better way to do  it than sending his ex-wife Sandy (with who, btw, he renewed the old flames and who is about to be an ex-ex-wife) to seduce Jack. Not a bad idea, since he  ditched off the balcony his last bitch. So, the story repeats. But, with one difference. It seems that Jack isn’t as stupid as he looks like. He discovers  that Laura is Ted’s wife, so he uses her to capture Ted as well. Ted got some problems with being tide up, but once when he got loose, nothing could stop him  from having his face used as a punching bag, killing singlehandedly entire gang, rescuing his children and wife, and going into the sunset to that damn  cruise he always wanted. The end.

Living punching bag.

Conclusion: This movie is so uninteresting, boring and predictable that during it’s watching I came several time in temptation of turning it off and making  up the ending of movie for review purposes. I really doubt that anyone would notice it. Everything from the stunts, production, sound, soundtrack, picture is cheap and pointless. Apart of slutty Laura being chucked out of hotel balcony, none other thing in this movie is worth of mentioning. I strongly recommend  that you should stay away of this movie as far as possible!!!

Frank Zagarino is The Saxman! This is what you get when you combine jazz and martial arts. Now, who would come to such idea? No one else than Cedric Sundstrom, the director of equally terrible American Ninja 3: Blood Hunt and American Ninja 4: The Annihilation. And who would accept the challenge of producing such thing? Well, none else than AIP , of course, which is production house owned by Prior brothers.

The first thing we see in this movie is half-naked Zagarino, doing some exercise.  He is Michael Keller, the saxman who serves a jail time. Michael is sitting on bed in his cell, trying to remember when was the last time he played sax. Someone may think that man in Mike’s position should have a bit more important things on his mind, but not and Cedric. Anyway, flashback sends us back for  3 years, into one nightclub, where Mike is playing smooth jazz on his sax. His old buddy Mackie (played by Arnold Vosloo) approaches him after the gig. He asks for a favor from sax player. Mackie needs Mike to drive him on a date. But it turns out that it was just a cover up. Mackie forces Mike at gunpoint to drive him to mob boss Jack Fisher (played by Oliver Reed), in order to deliver him  500000$ and snuff-porn films. But they enter police chasing, which ended up in Mackie been gunned down and Mike arrested for running over a cop. He gets sentenced to 5 years in state prison, with the possibility of  letting him under parole after 3 years. And all of that had happened 3 exactly years ago so Mike gets free.

UntitledGood times!

Now he is back at his fiance Lisa (played by Nancy Mulford). They have much to talk about, eventually ending up in argue. To get things smooth Lisa invites him to sex. But instead of accepting sex invitation, Mike goes to toilet in order to play a sax while sitting on toilet seat. I guess those are the consequences of prison life. Tho, he did accept second invitation and there we have sex scene.  But, scene of a man making gentle love with his beloved fiancee has been interrupted by scene of filming porn movie!!! What a twist!!! From softcore to hardcore! And not just the any hardcore. No, in this hardcore a Rambo look alike takes the knife in a middle of sex scene, wanting to kill his partner. So, this is sick hardcore! Thankfully, police raid had busted in, thus interrupting this sick act of having sex-murder.

UntitledRambo quits fighting  and starts his porn career!

 The producent of this snuff film is Tyron Richardson (played by Sean Taylor), one of the Jack Fisher’s men. Instead of reading him his rights, which is tradition at any normal arrest, Detective Marsh (played by Norman Anstey) said to Tyron: “I’ve been wanting your ass for a long time.” Could this mean their future cooperation in making some sort of homosexual snuff film? Only time will tell.

UntitledTyron, Tyron, I’ve been wanting your ass for a long time!

Fisher and his men believe that Mike still has their missing money so he  kidnaps Lisa. Mike decides to call upon his old Vietnam friend Harry Crawford (played by Jeff Celentano), to help him rescue his beloved fiancee. As it always happens Mike Keller turns out to be an ex-Marine.  This movie is boring and full of cliches so I’ll make this short.  In rest of the movie we are treated with numerous cliches like : Saving Lisa (which they did pretty fast), Fisher raping Zags’ fiancee for entire 3 seconds (after several previous unsuccessful attempts to get erection – keep in mind that he is old) almost getting heart attack while doing that, Zagarino falling through tent into toys, crippled man miraculously walking again, finding porn makers hideout in 5 seconds, wooden leg of one of Fisher’s man, shooting porn actress, corrupted cop, Fisher’s nervous breakdown after his bitch got killed, house set on fire….

UntitledOld wood heats best!

Conclusion: This film is a boring, dumb, cheap, below average action movie. Also, very predictable, you always know what will happen next.  Oliver Reed gives decent performance here, even in his career descend period, thus stealing the movie from Zagarino (which again isn’t that hard).  If you are bored, and have a lot of free time and bag of popcorns, this movie is a good choice for passing time. And nothing else.