Posts Tagged ‘Gary Busey’

Gary Busey had his moments in bad action movies (mostly in the 80’s), but “Act of Piracy” is so boring, bad and predictable that I would be surprised if many  people remembered it. It was one of the last Busey’s attempts to play good, family guy before he switched to bad-guys roles. Seeing this movie, I am  surprised he hadn’t it come earlier.

Film starts on some yacht carelessly cruising the sea. It is the yacht of Ted Andrews (played by Gary Busey). Ted is obviously not enjoying the cruise. He is  trying to reach a certain Sandy by the phone. She hung up on him when she heard his voice. That really have pissed him off so, in the next scene, Ted storms  into Sandy’s house by breaking a front door. Busey style, hell yeah!!! It turns out that Sandy (played by Belinda Bauer) is his ex-wife. Her current  boyfriend Dennis (played by Dennis Casey Park) is also there, but he does nothing about Ted’s busting in (*cough* pussy). Apparently, Ted wants to get  married (seems to me that he just repeats a mistake he already did). He found a buyer for his “Barracuda” yacht. Actually, girl named Laura came to him and  asked if yacht is for sale. That is how he met his girlfriend. Laura said that she knows Australian billionaire who is interested in “Barracuda”. Buyer offers  good amount of money, cash payment on delivery, with money expenses for sailing around Sydney. So, Ted decides to take his children on cruise. Sandy refuses  his request, but only for a short time, since Ted threatened her with reporting Dennis to police for stealing and cheating on people. This caused a brief  hysterical seizure to Sandy.

This is not what you think it isThis is not what you think it is.

We are back to Barracuda now. Ted and his girlfriend Laura (played by Nancy Mulford) are standing on the deck. Laura seems to be a bit nervous about meeting  his family. Her fears were solid based since she got chewed out by Ted’s kids Tracy and Mark during dinner that evening. Ted’s Brother C.W. (played by  Douglas Bristow) and his wife Nadine (played by Nadine O’Brian) are also there. Also, we find out that Ted is Vietnam veteran and Navy Seal Instructor (you  can’t go wrong with putting ex-agents into a movie). Later that night, shits are starting to happen. One of crew members, Scotty, comes in Ted’s room and  informs him that there is some speedboat following them. Ted goes to ivestigate leaving Scoty and Laura alone in the room. Laura takes that opportunity and  shoots Scotty in the back with silencer gun. I bet you didn’t see that coming! Laura continues her killing spree. She enters the room where C.W. and Nadine  are sleeping and kills them in coldblooded manner. Next on her hit list are crew members and she kills them one by one, including dumbass dude who had easily  overpowered her, knocked her on the floor and then started running away, without even previously having her disarmed. Of course, result of such action is  bullet in his back. After cabins, now deck is next place to be cleaned up. But not in the old fashion women way. More crew members died there by Laura’s  hand, including Ted, who went overboard after getting shot. It seems that cleaning is done, so Laura helps gang from the speedboat to board in. Gang leader,  Jack Wilcox (played by Ray Sharkey; best known for his role in “Mummy”) is her real boyfriend. The yacht has been cleaned for him, and the only survivors  are kids, Mark and Tracy. After an argue they decided to keep them (but not in adoption way). And somewhere in the sea, Ted is floating on a segment of the  speedboat wreck, which Jack had detonated after getting aboard on Barracuda.

Ted is in the hospital now, pulling his connections in order to find the missing yacht and the kids. His ex-wife Sandy helps him as well. Despite Agent  Johnson’s opposing, both of them decide to put in air video in which Ted offers a reward for any information about missing yacht, And kids, I suppose.  Meanwhile, on the other side, Jack, Laura and rest of the gang are planning several terrorist attacks. Taking over Madagascar, for example…. But not before  they exploit a fight between Greece and Zimbabwe. So, next scene takes us to Harare, where Jack and Laura are having a meeting with one of their contacts.  That’s not so important, so I’ll do fast forward to only scene in the movie that is worth of mentioning. After the meeting was over, Jack and Laura went to  their hotel room, where Jack is giving her what she needs. She seems completely satisfied, so she goes onto balcony to smoke a cigarette, while Jack turns  the TV on. In that very moment, Ted’s video appears on the screen, including photos of yacht and kids. Now read carefully… Ted’s turns off the TV, goes to  the balcony, starts kissing and squeezing Laura, takes her in his arms, and drops her off the balcony to her death!!! And all of that with a romantic music  playing in background!!! What a way for breaking up!!!

When you use a product, you throw away an envelope!

Ted receives a call from a hotel manager in Harare. He travels there superfast and that’s where the chasing game really begins. And after identifying  Laura’s body, he gained another personal reason for vengeance. Yeah, right. Like missing his own kids is not reason enough. Soon, the first encounter with  gang members occurs, but Busey kills them all while driving Volkswagen’s Golf 1. Jack and the rest of the gang are now in Greece, and Ted follows them using  his contacts and other anonymous people who wanted to help. He locates the missing yacht but now he needs to infiltrate. And what would be better way to do  it than sending his ex-wife Sandy (with who, btw, he renewed the old flames and who is about to be an ex-ex-wife) to seduce Jack. Not a bad idea, since he  ditched off the balcony his last bitch. So, the story repeats. But, with one difference. It seems that Jack isn’t as stupid as he looks like. He discovers  that Laura is Ted’s wife, so he uses her to capture Ted as well. Ted got some problems with being tide up, but once when he got loose, nothing could stop him  from having his face used as a punching bag, killing singlehandedly entire gang, rescuing his children and wife, and going into the sunset to that damn  cruise he always wanted. The end.

Living punching bag.

Conclusion: This movie is so uninteresting, boring and predictable that during it’s watching I came several time in temptation of turning it off and making  up the ending of movie for review purposes. I really doubt that anyone would notice it. Everything from the stunts, production, sound, soundtrack, picture is cheap and pointless. Apart of slutty Laura being chucked out of hotel balcony, none other thing in this movie is worth of mentioning. I strongly recommend  that you should stay away of this movie as far as possible!!!

Other people fight bad guys with their guns, their muscles or their martial arts, Gary Busey? Gary Busey completely destroys them with his pure insanity!

Movie starts like any 80es cop thriller with a gentle sounds of saxophone fallowed by some menacing orchestral music. Token black partner gets upsett by other cop and we find out two important things, he’s partner is Busey, called  Frank McBain (now that’s where you find that name Matt Groening, I got you there!) and he is (you guessed it) Bulletproof. How? We don’t know!

Anyway they ran into big drug operation lead by Montotoya aka legendary Danny Trejo. He stops them by… being insane of course! He shouts at them from an overhead rafter without even thinking of pulling the gun. He also uses the fascinating catchphrase “BUTTHORN” They get scared for a moment and then attempt to blow him up till kingdom come. That doesn’t work for some reason, and when he finally reaches for the gun he start dropping them like stool pigeons. He then procides to chase after the remaining criminals desperately trying to escape in the ices cream truck. It all end with a big explosion and imminent death, and soon enough another saxophone melody to signify the job well done.

Next thing you know Busey is heroicly pulling a bullet out of his shoulder in his bathroom while a naked lady with a french accent waits for him in his bathtub. Yes, he’s that cool.In the meantime military is conducting a top secret operation that seemingly consists of being captured (with a freakin’ super- tank called Thunderblast) by revolutionaries in Mexico. Now, these are not your typicall Mexican revolutionaries, don’t get me wrong- they are a motley crew of Mexican Freedom Fighters, Russian Comunnists and Arab Therorist proving that we can all get along (as long as we hate America with all our hearts)!

After sex with french lady Busey is haunted by memories of killing his partner in friendly fire on the mission and breaking up with a love of his life soon afterwords.Strangely the love of his lifei s the same blond chick that just ended up being captured in Mexico.

I think Collonel likes her too!

He is woken from his flashback ridden dreams by FBI agent Blackburn wanting to recruet him once again, ’cause they need him- now more than ever. He initialy refuses their offer but after being irritated by one of the agents (and beating up the said agent) he decides to head out to Mexico and save Devon and the General.We get a few more flashback, most notably of Busey playing the sax on the beach while Devon walks beside him and the action starts!

OMG, it’s Saxman all over again!

McBain jumps out of the plane like it was nothing, beats up a few goons and heads towards the base in their jeep.Unfortunately his infiltration skills seem a bit rusty ’cause he is captured in about 5 minutes time. Then we have a wonderful interplay between Col. Kartiff and McBain in which of course McBain calls him butthorn and treatens to blow everyone up. Seeing that crazy man’s glow in Busey’s eyes I tend to believe he could to just that. He still ends up crusified on a giant wheel and it seems that he is Bulletproof no more… but fear not, they let Devon talk to him and she uses the opportunity to throw some dynamite sticks and after explosion Busey rolls to safety still strapped to a giant wheel!!! Who comes out with this stuff? Really?

“You spin me right round, baby right round like a record baby!”

Busey then oranises an ambush and after cheerfully proclaiming “Buenos Dias” stert killing everyone in the close vicinity and finaly frees his lady. She is of course greatful but as a bloodthirsty soldier that she is- she also felt the need to do get some killing done before the make out. Hell, she even hit McBain a few times before they inevitably kissed.
After that they finally enter the fabled tank and head out to stop the evil General now jouined by even more evil Russian General (William Smith after being an evil biker in the 70es exchanged that mantle for that of evil Soviet Commander). Terrorist decide to burn alive the old church still containing an American general (that came with Devon) and bunch of civilians but super- tank approaches and a complete mayhem ensues. Evil Russian menages to snap the girl at the end but McBain know no fear and after realizing he is the same dude that made him shoot his own partner 5 years ago he executes him, I believe by a shot straight throw the red comunist star on his cap! I think he finaly got rid of the communist problem for USA that day (even thou generally speaking that problem was always more fabrication than a fact).


“BANG, you’re dead!”

Verdict: it’s more than 80es action film, it’s an 80es film on steroids and even for something like that script is so godawful that I wouldn’t be surprised to find out that they had no script ready and had to improvise the whole damn thing. Busey is kinda terrible at being an action hero (he was just born to be a crazed villain) but he’s performance is still fun enough that it keeps you interested- opposite of everything else in this movie! Anyway it’s a crazy film, at some points extremely fun one, but to tell you the truth I still like the Simpsons version better.

Baking cookies has never been deadlier!!!  Severed fingers, risk of being slaughtered or burned alive…There are countless dangers awaiting you in the kitchen. The only person that can prevent this (by plain eating- you!) is always psychotic Gary Busey. Evil never tasted this good! Or this bad? Anyway, bon appétit.