Worsemovies

With a combination of a poor man’s Albert Pyun aka Philip J Roth and SyFy Channel production (more precisely reduction) values along with ex- marine/ kickboxing champ Gruner you know you’re completely screwed from the get go.

Gruner as always demonstrates some impressive moves and the whole fight choreography we see in the beginning of the movie has almost Hong Kong style action vibe. Unfortunately that is all we get in that department (couple more fight scenes are scattered through the movie but not nearly well done as this one). Anyway Gruner and Co. successfully complete another ultra top secret mission but they don’t realy get any time to celebrate. Mysterious object crushes somewhere on the Mexican border causing all communication to break down. The aria ends up completely sealed off with a cover story of disease and contamination. So what’s American government going to do- as always what they want to do! The fact that alien vessel crushed in Mexico not USA doesn’t bother them at all.

Psychopath looking long haired dude is in charge and he does the only logical thing to do- calls Gruner and Co aka The Interceptors. After briefing (that miraculously contains almost zero information ) his team is paired with two scientist (redhead and a obnoxious Mexican). Gruner tries to get them out of equation but at the end reluctantly agrees.

Next thing we see is small Mexican town that seems to be stuck in 19th century by all accounts. Evil drug cartel is in control and we can see guy looking Mexican giving orders and bunch of his man acting like animals.Evil boss does have his main bitch by his side but not even that makes him manly. Also they seem to kill some old man right on the street for no apparent reason. They really don’t care for the whole “ruling from the shadows” shtick. Interceptors soon arrive but quickly get themselves in trouble. In a scene lifted straight from The Predator one of Gruner’s main people, William Zabka (aka the evil blond kid from Karate Kid) gets chopped into pieces. Gruners starts questioning the scientist little bit after this strange occurrence.On the other hand his black, deadlocked friend gets extremely upset over the fact that Goodwin and Perez are seriously payed and he is getting next to nothing in comparison. The fact that one of his team ended up in pieces mere moments ago doesn’t seem to bother him at all.

Finally Gruner and co roll straight into the town- and first things first get into the bar. As expected ugly and dirty criminals start hitting on the little redhead scientist and they pay the ultimate price as Gruner unlishes his Kung Fu skills. Interestingly the there’s a Chinese dude in there somewhere who’s sole purpose seem to be to do cool moves but get beat afterwords (common occurrence in American films for some reason).Gruner and the redhead menage to get alive out of there but some tugs fallow them and just when you thing they are doomed alien shows up and helps them (?). Then he turns from his invisible mode into the “dead friend mode”- taking the face of not too long dead Zabka. Gruner sees trough his disguise and tries fighting him but hand to hand combat doesn’t seem to be the right strategy against the aliens for some reason.

The fastest gunslinger in the known universe.

He survives somehow but is extremely confused by what happened and finally starts demanding some explanations. Pressed by Gruner and his slightly crazy black friend scientist finally talk. This is not the first case of alien attack. The first one was eventually solved by nucking it all to kingdom come and it seems likely that their mission could end up the same way. Oh, yeah, they also brought the ultimate energy weapon that can be used in killing aliens but they never really thought about letting the Interceptors now- and these are supposed to be extremely smart people again? Gruner than decides to lure the alien (?) by walking into the town again, this time seemingly without any back-up. Suddenly the shack behind him explodes and soon enough the alien transfers to visible mode. He empties the whole clip into the creature but the alien seems unfazed. Then for no reason whatsoever it transforms into Karate Kid Villain again and start taunting Gruner. Gruner tries to fight him and again fails miserably (this is becoming a habit of his). While he desperately fights for his life the remainder of the team (the black dude) + scientist arrive carrying the ultra-high tech plasma thingie. Then the Mexican drug lord decides to join the party and tests the creature reaction to shotgun blast- it proved to be no big deal unfortunately. Team and some local Mexicans scramble and menage to regroup. They finally decide that killing the creature is more important than killing echother but is it too late now?

“Trust me, I got this.”

The black dude arrives last to their little hideout but… he is no longer a black dude- he is the ALIEN happy to use a new desquise (after deposing an original of course). Gruner learned not to trust his eyes by this point so he starts shooting at a thing and then kicking and punching  him when he runs out of bullets. He fares a little better than before and but ends up in grappling range with a opponent of far superior strength and that spells trouble! But he suddenly escapes via uber- cool back-flip thus creating the opening for a redhead who finally fires that cursed space weapon and fries the damned thing! Finally the alien is dead! Or is it?

In the very last moments of the film creature pulls itself together from the pieces (ovbiasly it can do that) and possesses the crime boss (and it can do that too!) It menages to surprise the scientist and kills them both. Gruner menages to escape but than realizes it’s “NUKE THEM ALL AND LET GOD SORT THEM OUT” time. Long haired maniac finally lost his patience it seems.

So than, the only logical thing happens- Gruner casually out runs the blast of the nuclear explosion (that FINALLY, TRULY destroys the aliens ) and then protects himself by jumping into a well !!! Yes, a freaking well- I don’t know maybe it’s a magical one (if only all the poor people who died from nuclear explosions knew  this little trick for protection)??? Next thing we see are scenes of very minor destruction, Gruner of course unharmed getting out of the the well and… a Mexican lady that was with leader of the gang? He momentarily starts hitting the poor girl in the face as hard as he can and then finally realizes she is not the alien. Then he starts to apologize but the Mexican lady start kicking his ass all the way to Sunday and movie ends- raising far more questions than it answered, questions like- WTF JUST HAPPENED?!

Maybe we’ll see Gruner next as DC Comic’s The Flash?

Verdict: If Olivier Gruner had spent the same amount of time he spent learning martial arts on learning English language he wouldn’t have to act in a crap like this.

Trivia:  Interceptor Force had been the ScFy Channel’s highest-rated TV-movie ’till that point. A bit sad when you think about it.