Posts Tagged ‘Indonesia’

While going down the rabbit hole of Peter O’Brian  Indonesian flicks we stumbled into a bit of anomaly. In the Jungle Heat O’Brian isn’t an invincible agent, super- cop or even a deranged Villain- here he is a bit of an grizzled and disillusioned adventurer. So, we get a bit of Rambo and a bit of Indiana Jones for the same price- I can’t complain!

 

Welcome to the jungle Mr. O’Brian!

The movie starts with a pair of explorers (one extremely resembling Radovan the Third) extremely concerned. Their colleague Steve stole some diamonds from the tribe and that incites a horrible conflict. Explorers end up pretty much wiping out the fair share of the tribe with firearms but the numbers were just too much and they fell too.

 

Now, Radovan‘s wife dies but his child  survived the whole ordeal.  I guess initially the plan was to sacrifice the kid to appease the gods  but the divine intervention happens (old school hand drawn lighting– I miss stuff like this today) and they end up declaring a blond child their new goddess. Didn’t expect that did you?

We cut to a girl celebrating her birthday in a rough biker joint, and as someone who’s living next to such establishment I don’t recommend celebrating your birthday in a place like that.  Girl called Lola is planing  an expedition to get the treasure from the Tribe, it seems she’s the only one with the diary/ partial map of the place. Of course as those things happen some biker tries to cop a feel and everything evolves into a completely insane brawl. As always Peter O’Brian does some of the best brawling too!

 

While they sort things out- O’ Brien asks for a 60% cut–  we see, now grown up blonde “goddess” running around half- naked without a care in the world. It seems her godess status means she never actually has to do doesn’t do anything, she just spends her days happily strolling around and playing with animals (like she’s in some kind of Disney movie).

Peter changed his mind and came no negotiate. So, he is going to the Jungle after all! Unfortunately finally when it seems they reached the agreement the bad guys decide to kidnap Lola and get the treasure for themselves! O’Brien and John go after them,  and in the car chase that ensues we see just how manic can O’Brian get (hint- really, really manic).

 

Peter finally caught up to them in the train station but then they bad guys start shooting up civilians and force him to finally give up. Too bad.

Criminals lead by a Frenchman turn out to be extremely cruel to Lola by forcing her to swim behind the boat while alligators are gathering around her. Man, I don’t remember seeing such cruelty towards women on film in a long, long time. Unfortunately it turns out that they are not really lucky with the whole Jungle thing, Cannibalistic tribe attack them and after a brief exchange they all end up captured (well, those who didn’t die).  Thankfully Peter shows up to finally save Lola (she doesn’t seem to be all that grateful by the way).

Yes, this cute baby leopard wouldn’t really hurt anyone, but hell – it beats some CGI animals we see in the modern films!

Chief discovers the appeal of firearm, killing one of his tribesman in the process. Now, Frenchman sees the opportunity and teaches the Cheif how to shoot, even demonstrating it on his partner( he never liked him anyway). So, guns prove to be a great way of bonding for people of such different cultures (it turns no mater how different  we all are on the outside, we all really love killing).

After crazy stunt that ended with them falling down the waterfall the three of them end up captured by the Mazizi’s tribe and their whole fate is now clings on their ability to magicaly heal the boy with a deadly fever. When all seemed lost O’Brian pulled out his flask and washed the kid’s forehead with alcohol. Ah, the alcohol beverage- the great equalizer!

Everything ends in nice celebration and sparks start flying between O’Brien and Mazizi, even thou we still don’t know where her loyalty stands. wanting Mazizi for himself he does the only logical thing, challenges O’Brian to a fight, with everything including fake slow mo!

So, now all that is left is the wedding ritual, that takes place in you guessed in- secret cave with a giant red diamond! So the treasure is real!  But their happiness doesn’t last long because the evil Francman attacks with the other, cannibalistic tribe! Also, why is the evil tribe the one with much darker complexion? Is this on purpose? Also, Indonesian cinematography  never shied away from killing kids and it this movie they reaffirm that- by killing practically all the kids in the village. No mater how ridiculous the scenes are they are still shocking for someone who mostly watches American and European films.

It turns out the evil man who brought the Canibals is none other than the warrior O’Brian defeated.  While man are fighting it out in the cave the Frenchman decides to go directly after the diamond but activates secret magic alarm and the whole things explodes. Our heroes on the other hand menage to escape, if only barely.

Verdict:  Jungle Heat doesn’t quite have the crazy, over the top level of  action of Rambu or The Stabilizer and  parts of it are a bit draggin’ (the two consecutive love scenes toward the end) but there is some unexpected  funny stuff  with animals and  the tribal duel over Mazizi is almost worth the price of admission alone!

Advertisements

The sole reason behind the existence of this movie is the fast that couple of Indian producers (Punjabi Brothers) found a random dude (Peter O’Brian) who looks incredibly like young Silvester Stallone and seeing the potential in that they gave him a couple martial art lesson and shipped him to Indonesia to star in a string of lo- fi action flicks. If you expect the result to be unwatchable you are deadly wrong- combination of Indonesian locations, terrible acting, dedicated stunt-work and the incredible amount of (random) shit blowing up made this a hell of a good time and a WIN in my book.It even attracted the legendary Troma Entertainment that acted as a distributor for USA.

ST1Never gets old…

Couple agents greet almost mystical figure at the airport- that is Peter Goldson “The Stabilizer”. We learn that he is called that way because of his unique ability to restore the balance between the good and the evil (now, you’ve got to admit that is unique). He joins them to help solve the case of disappearance of Doctor Probos (fantastic name for a scientist). Only couple minutes into the movie and we get a deadly car chase that also incorporates a moment when they steal a car from the man pissing just outside of the road. Surviving that agents go on a briefing and here we learn that the main man behind the local organized crime (and Doctor Probos disappearance) is none other than Greg Rainmaker. By coincidence the same man that raped and murdered Stabilizer’s fiance. And you bet- there will be some revenging done pretty soon.

The Stabilizer.mp4_000674140Blond 80’s chick proves without any doubt that it was Rainmaker’s golden triangle bang behind the ambush.
She also does that with these earings.

We get to see a bit of torture and electrocution just to prove how evil Golden Triangle really is. They also trie another hit on Stabilizer (this time using a fake performer in a bar) but it doesn’t really pan out for them and Goldson retaliates with a bust of one of their operations. He also meets Doctor Probos’s daughter, funny large headed woman there- it seems she is a ninja with a crosbow in her free time.

After some back and forth agents finally decide to let Probos’s daughter join them (not really in line with the regulations and protocols but who cares) and movie gets to it’s romantic part (yes- there is a romantic part in here). Goldson decides to probe miss Probos and his partner decides to take on a fellow agent- ’80s blond chick. Of course their down time doesn’t last long and they quickly gather for one more action- raid on Rainmaker’s villa. Despite the action being somewhat out of control with their knowledge of Martial Arts and creative use of motorcycles and flamethrower (you’ll see) agents prevail.

Also notice Indonesian Mr. T in there…

Unfortunately Probos dies all the same. Combined with the fact that Rainmaker escaped (to his personal island fortress) we get another final action. Interesting fact the Act III of this movie has at least three parts. So, our agents get going (again), they raid Rainmaiker’s lair and wreak havoc but Rainmaker prevails and like a true villain puts them in the basely escapable situation and leaves before actually seeing them die. That blows up in his face (also the fact that he tried to get rid of his whore who comes after him with a machine gun- joining our heroes). After absolute craziness of a chase he decides that it’s time to just give up and escape by air but The Stabilizer had other plans.

The End

Verdict: Now the only question that bugs me is the fact that the purpose of Peter Goldson is to be “The Stabilizer”. So if scales are tipped on the side of the good- would that make him a bad guy? I’ll leave you with this guestion…

Trivia: Also When Rainmaker attacked the poor girl you could see this hanging in the background. Now I know a girl can have a picture of her fiancee on the wall but that kind of picture!?

The Stabilizer.mp4_001301233

 

Age of the Hobbits is the closest I’ll ever get to Tolkien, since I refuse to read him and watch movie adaptations of his novels due to fact me being  constantly harassed and annoyed by “Lord of the Rings” freaks. I know this movie isn’t related to Tolkien’s “Hobbit” (as good people from Asylum claimed on  poster; they got sued by Warner Bros), but for me, it’ll serve its purpose. Especially since I am even less related to “Hobbit’ than Asylum folks.

g-ent-121211-age-of-the-hobbitsReal?

Story of this movie takes the place in Flores Island, Indonesia 12000 years ago, but it is filmed in Cambodia 12000 years ago. We see several hobbits in  woods chitchatting and picking fruits. They call themselves Tree People. Hobbits are played by Cambodian midgets who had been later synchronized in  postproduction. Anyway, they were still chitchatting when they got attacked by Rockmen tribe. Rockmen are cave-man looking brain damaged savages with vampire  teeth (?), and some of them are riding the dragons (though it is not explained how did they managed to tame them). Despite the fact that they look like giant  iguanas (which is also tribe’s ground unit), dragons look pretty decent, especially when we keep in mind Asylum’s average low budget (still higher than  Albert Pyun’s though) and their general slacking when it comes to realness of movie characters. This is the case probably due to fact that Asylum folks had  exploited poor Cambodian midgets (with blessing of King of Cambodia), paying them almost nothing, so they can have extra budget for special effects. Now back
to attack. They kill some midgets and capture some other midgets using nets and dragons. But young Goben (played by Sum Korng) had managed to escape and warn  the village. Still, there isn’t enough time for village evacuation, so Rockmen killed and captured even more midgets, including Goben’s mother Suta (played  by Tom Eurt). But she left a trail by dropping magic medicine stones so Goben and his father Tak Tek (played by Srogn) could find her. Interesting fact is  that midgets are still casual chitchatting in air while they are being held by dragon’s claws.

I saw a dragon todayI saw a dragon today!

In desperation Tak Tek, Goben and his sister Omi (played by Khom Lyly) decided to seek out the help of nearby giants tribe. Somewhere along the way they  stumble upon giant hunters who were fighting against some sort of giant rhino. Of course, giants are plain humans. Master hunter Amthar (played by Christopher  Judge; best known for his role in Stargate ) got seriously wounded and it seemed that he will drop the spoon, but Tak Tek saved his life by using a magic medical stone. So, in order to repay his  debt, Amthar agrees to help them to reach the mountain where Rockmen tribe resides. In order to do so, they need to ask for permission to pass from human  tribe chief. But Chief Korm (played by Antonis Greco), who is retarded version of Genghis Khan, wouldn’t let them pass. He doesn’t want to brake the peace  with Rockmen tribe. Still, after short negotiations he agrees to let them pass in exchange for midget’s device for throwing spear (it looks like an ordinary  stick with hole to me). But Korm,in his fear of Rockmen tribe, breaks his promise and binds Tak Tek, Goben and Omi, leaving them for Rockmen to find them in
the morning. Honorable as he is, Amthar sets midgets free the following night, thus betraying his tribe. Besides Amthar, who is still in debt to Tak Tek,  anorexic young woman warrior Laylan (played by Bai Ling) also joins their cause.

RetardLong lost son of Genghis Khan.

Thanks to Amthar’s “wise” leadership, they got trapped and attacked by giant spider. Spider sprayed gallons and gallons of acid into Laylan’s face, but it  doesn’t seem that it has any effect stronger than blinding her for a couple of seconds. After some pretty lame fight Amthar manages to kill the giant spider  by impaling it onto his spear with one of more ridiculous combat moves in this movie. But, it’s not the end. No, because that even more gigantic spider  emerges from very tiny hole in ground. But it doesn’t want to fight. It just took less gigantic dead spider and pulled it under the ground. Seeing all this  Tak Tek just says “Amthar, let me lead”, in pathetic attempt of comic relief.

 

We find out that Rockmen will sacrifice midgets to their queen in midnight. Witch Queen (played by Rachana) sounds like demented version of Rita from Power  Rangers. Always hysterically yelling and bossing around. But her orders are always carried (for some reason), and preparations for midnight sacrifice are  already in progress. Our heroes are running out of time and there are too many obstacles. Obstacles like two giant lizards for example. But Amthar and his  mighty spear solved this problem too. Almost same scene of impaling as it was with spider. But this time, Amthar got bitten. Omi cures him, by removing a huge fang from his arm.

She really need a kingShe really needs a king!

Meanwhile, while searching for plants needed for making tea that will help Amthar to recover faster, Laylan got ambushed by several Rockmen warriors. But she  showed us that see possess proficiency with wooden spears too, killing one by one, in more and more ridiculous ways. No matter what people from Asylum would  claim, driving a spear 10 inches away of your head can’t kill you.  Can’t even scratch you.  Look below for more info.

Spear handlingProper spear handling.

Evening is falling and midnight is getting closer. Brave group had entered the Rockmen Tribe hideout. Tak Tek gets captured and prepared for sacrificing. He  lies in the middle of cave, surrounded by Rockmen warriors. Only seconds splits him away of death. Witch Queen is getting closer preparing to strike final  blow. But, in the last moment Amthat hits her with spear from a distance right in her eye. Tak Tek escapes outside where he rejoins the rest of the group.  All Rockmen warriors are there too, with giant lizards and dragons. Amthar and the company are overwhelmed. But in that moment, retarded Korm arrives with  warriors. He decided to do honorable thing. Eventually. It turned out that it was not smart move for him since he is slaughtered couple of moments later.  Bloody battle emerges between Rockmen and human tribes. We see more Laylan’s spear handling. At the end, only our brave group was standing atop of bunch of  corpses. Goben’s family is saved and Amthar becomes new Genghis Khan. Everyone is happy and ending credits pops up.

She used to be insane but then she took a spear into the eye.

Conclusion: I really can’t criticize acting skills of midgets since their voices are sybchronised and I can’t hear their acting. Speaking of which,  synchronization in this movie is as equally bad as New Zealand’s synchronization of Hong Kong kung-fu movies from ’70s. Bai Ling (who is supposed to be the  star of this movie) is gloriously over-the-top in her performance. Christopher  Judge is the only one who took his role seriously and who was putting an effort into  acting (I guess no one told him that this is not a real movie). Ending credits theme is for some reason singed in Serbian language. And I honestly hope that  Asylum paid some money to midgets, thus helping a bit their economy. If not, they should be hanged for shameful exploitation. And for film-making too.

Legal Note: No dragons were harmed in the production of this screenplay.

Kings_Birthday__NORODOM_SIHAMONI_The king is not pleased!