Posts Tagged ‘Kung Fu’

Though Cinthia Rothrock is most recognizable because of her classic Hong Kong movies (often with Richard Norton) and later a solid string of American Martial Arts B- movies (lots of those in the 90’s) she actually had roles in more than a couple of Indonesian flicks in the beginning of her storied career and as we all know- there’s not quite like an Indonesian action movie!

Now, one of the main selling points of this movie (for us) is without a doubt Peter O’Brian (The Intruder/ Rambu, The Stabilizer). To the best of my knowledge this is a man who who was offered a part in an Indonesian action movie (before that was hip) due to his uncanny resemblance to one Sylvester Stallone (the fact that one of his movies is called Rambu is a dead giveaway) and he said “Hell yeah!” and never looked back .To top it off in  this movie he plays a deranged villain Bolt and his foil is non other than “Lady Dragon” herself Cintia Rotrock and with that combo like that- you can do no wrong.

 

Bolt (O’Brian) is brutally torturing a man (at one point his goon, an  Asian Mr. T taking off some of his fingers with a meat chopper)  and at  the same time showing off his impressive physique. The poor man holds on before they threaten his young daughter and then he finally breaks down and gives Bolt the information. Information about what you ask? You’ll find out in a just a second.

Nancy Bolan (Cyntia Rothrock) is a head of security at HTI and she’s arriving to Indonesia as a courier carrying a mysterious silver briefcase. Not even ten seconds after she arrives at the station in a typical Asian fashion she and her colleague get attacked by a bunch of goons  and after a hell of a fight they manage to take off in a speed boat. It seemed that they are finally safe but situation evolves into a gunfight at see and after defeating the goons and things finally look safe Rothrock gets drugged and passes out.

Now, the men holding her turn out to be working for her-  ex- boyfriend! It turns out the said boyfriend faked his own death and waited three years all in effort to finally catch the Bolt– man he has a bone to pick with this dude! Rothrock on the other hand doesn’t seem to mind and the two of them continue where the left off with their romance.

The day after on the company meeting we finally learn the whole story. Rothrock is using three couriers (including herself) to carry a super- computer to the state, two being distraction and one being the actual real deal .Ironically no one knows where the real one is (at least as far as I can see). We also learn why is the criminal targeting them called Bolt, it’s because he is “The Terrorist Who Strikes Like Lightning“ (I just love that).

And then we have the fantastically ridiculous “Mission Impossible” scene where the black dude from the meeting takes off the mask- and it was Bolt all along! Considering they didn’t really have a budget for anything resembling a mask you see the scene from the back of the car.

Slika?

So, here we go again, everyone is waiting for the briefcase to come via boat but Nancy  secretly changed the plan and the real briefcase is actually coming to the airport via helicopter. Actually some blond Brad Pitt looking dude is carrying it. Unfortunately, Bolt is already onto them. He intercepts the car of her boss and goes straight to the airport where shootout ensues and the blond boy gets it.  The shootout is one of my favorite things in this movie because it literally makes no sense, most of the actors seem like they never seen firearm before and everything ends up exploding for one reason or another.

Now,  in the middle of all the craziness she’s going out shopping with her friend and her daughter. Unfortunately ‘s man tried to kidnap her and end up taking a little girl (her friend’s daughter). She viciously goes after them (on a motorbike) and after some nearly impossible stunts she stops them end… they freakin’ kill the child- in slow motion! Man, nothing is sacred for the Indonesian filmmakers!

Confusingly after the traumatic death of a child Nancy goes on a romantic evening with her boyfriend and they have a strange sex scene  with spliced footage of them kissing on the docks (these people are not sure how love scenes are supposed to work). After she wakes up tomorrow morning she immediately gets kidnapped and  ends up being tortured by Bolt and his Asian Mr. T henchmen.

HTI arranges a trade, briefcase (the final one) for Nancy but of course her boyfriend crashes a meeting (literally- via jeep trough the wall) and a complete Martial Art/ Gun- Fu madness ensues with briefcase changing hands like a hot potato.

Bolt gets completely unhinged and starts destroying everything on his way and his showdown with Rothrock is truly of EPIC proportions. Unfortunately, it gets interrupted by her boyfriend (who seems to have made a habit of that) but then- he wants briefcase all for himself! She goes after him and the fight ends up in the helicopter- she conveniently strangles him with his own tie (you should take a lesson and never get in a fight in a business suit).

Verdict: Now,  this movie has completely impossible fight scenes, bizarre editing choices and people who for the life of them can’t hold a gun properly. Production values are severely lacking (you’re sure to start laughing at some of the chases, explosions and gun battles) and that lack especially shows in the sound department (to the best of my knowledge Rothrock is the only actor that isn’t dubbed in the whole movie) but I challenge you to watch Angel of Fury and not have fun.

 

Complete Killcount by Cinthia, number 11 is especially impressive!

Trivia: We also have a bit of news to cap things off. Fantastic Mr. O’Brian is supposedly eying  his comeback to the film industry after lengthy time away he spent teaching English and being a life coach. He’s been offered a role of  a British General Cameron, commander at the Battle of Gate Pa–  whenever this comes true or not one thing is for sure- everything this man does will be on out “must see” list!

Goldsen4          Just look at this face!

 

 

 

 

 

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Now, first thing you need to notice when movie starts is “written, produced and directed by… (in this case Patrick G. Donahue)”. When you see something like that there is truly just two options: 01 you’ll get an autour like Lynch or Tarantino or 02 you’ll get an Ed Wood. Someone with, let’s say more passion than knowledge or resources to make a movie. Being on the WM you already guessed (corectly) that this movie is falling into a second category.

kill_squadThat’s a LOT of reasons!

Wealthy businessman Joseph and his wife are viciously attacked one night and even though Joe has a substantial Martial Arts knowladge he still sucombs to the superiour numbers (and weapons )of the enemies.  To top it off attackers rape and kill his woman leaving him seemingly fatally wounded. Yet, revenge kept him alive! We see him some weeks later, now bound to the wheelchair talking to his most-trusted associate Larry (also his Vietnam War buddy,also the owner of the fantastic Afro + Mustache combo). Joseph proposes they gather their old team from the war, the KILL SQUAD!

Completely unnecessary but awesome introduction of Larry

Man, that sound impressive. He believes that with no  help from the police this is the only way to enforce the justice, and you know who am I to disagree? Then we area treated to the classic of the genre, a default “Flashback from the ‘Nam” in which we learn that Joseph stepped on the landmine and the bodybuilder dude actually saved the whole unit even thou the whole movie everybody repeats how they own their life to Joseph.

Larry goes on to recruit one after the other members of the KILL SQUAD (I’ll never get tired of saying that) and it goes about the same- no mater where they are in their life members are keeping themselves busy by kicking numerous ass, often for little or no reason whatsoever.

There are not many things that are more impressive than a Martial Arts Pimp!

Squad has gathered rapidly and without a hitch and their first target is a ranch of all things.Larry tries talking to some cowboys to get audience with a man named Virgil. Cowboys are of course offended that a black person is trying to talk to them and things escalate into a full on brawl surprisingly fast. They even menage to kill the cowboy Virgil who was in the middle of some private time with a rather ugly brunette in the barn. That prevented them from getting any kind of information but the poor girl was helpful at least. I’m kinda sorry for the girl having to witness that.

Kill Squad full movie.mp4_002316800Real woman help their man load up the shotgun!

So they finally find their lead (named fantastically Jessie James) in a cement factory! I’m starting to think those are all the locations our director had access too. They try to get him to talk, name dropping their other lead Dutch but it doesn’t really work out. Jessie runs like hell, they bring him in and ruff him up a bit but then when he was ready to talk things go sideways. A bunch of Kung Fu cement workers show up and things escalate! into a brawl once again. Truthfully this movie  quite possible has the biggest fight per minute ratio of all non- Hong Kong flicks! Just when you thought they were getting somewhere, my favorite character- the bodybuilder is shot and killed with a single bullet from the sniper! Man, that’s a bummer.

Their next lead gets them to the used-car salesman and at this point I’m sure that Patric Donahue is filming exclusively in his friends establishments. I mean let’s be honest, badass assassins don’t have business with the used car salesman. Now, knowing what kind of a movie is this when they confront the salesman everything erupts into a full on brawl but this time it’s followed by a crazy car crash- and I must admit despite the general quality of this movie stunt people did their work surprisingly well.

Unfortunately the moment the Chinese member of the Squad asks about Dutch he gets the bullet to the stomach and dies shortly. Maybe they should just quit. Also it’s a bit confusing they are letting the mysterious sniper dude get away and they are not even trying to return fire. When I think of it- why are former military officers not using any guns whatsoever? Doesn’t make any sense to me.

Things end the same way they begun with Larry seemingly the only remaining member of the Squad. He also finally tracks down Dutch who’s none other than Cameron Mitchell (the star of everything and anything from The High Chaparral to Deadly Prey). The most ridiculous thing is that he found him in the middle of a crazy pool party and he starts hitting everything and anything on his way- including girls! He then beats Dutch to a bloody pulp but just when you thought that it was all over the mysterious assassin shows up again, just as Joseph mysteriously disappears. Also previously dead member of the squad appears to help Larry explaining that his life was saved by the bulletproof west. He then proceeded to take his west off (you know, the one that saved him) so he can be cut by a sword mere moments later. Man, this dude is a complete imbecile!

And then we finally see the assassin unmasked- and he is Joseph himself?! With added shoepolish or brueses and badly drawn teeth on his lips? I can’t even start do describe this.So, he ploted a deliberate revenge scenario for no reason whatsoever. I mean his wife was about to leave him (penniless) but that has absolutely noting to do with his Vietnam buddies. Larry fittingly ends him by only way possible- decapitation.

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Much like his idol Frank W. Dux Argentinian born Hector Echavarria found himself crushed by his pathetic life and decided to do the only logical thing- invent a new one! He started from the begining fabricating an intricate backstory involving a Chinese Buddist monk saving his life (in Argentina?) and then training him in the secret art of Kung Fu. Then he invented mastership in anything and everything else (Shury-ryu , Kempo, Taekwondo, jiu-jitsu) culminating in completely bogus Kickboxing title!!!  In the age before internet if you could talk a good talk- you really had it made (at least for a little while).

MACS 2000-12 CovHigher Power!

He used his Martial Arts fame to get into the movies starting with small parts and culminating in a role in popular Latino comedies of the 80’s- Los Extermineitors 1,2 and 3. At the height of his popularity
trying to prove his outlandish stories he went so far that he payed random people to “fight” him to defend his unexciting Kickboxing title. Here’s what his opponent had to say about that-  In Midsummer holiday, Superdome was filled with 2,700 people. I talked with Héctor, angry with him, I told him “for what world title are we going to fight if you do not have a world title?”, I was free, I wanted to pull back and representative told me that I better not because there was already much money invested. And as it was a big event I went along with it because there were many things lined up such as TV transmission of the fight, press, conference, radio and other stuff, but I did not agree and I told him that once everything ends I was going to talk to the Federation because of his lies about the  world title and Hector told me it was all a show, and that people knew. For me it was all very confusing.”

 Of course after multiple stunts like that people grew suspicious and he was found out for what he really is. Devastated again he retaliated by deciding that he’ll rather be a star in the States than a clown in Argentina and left his home never to come back again!

Hector defending his “title” from a medical student he found at the local gym, hard fight for any champion!

He finally moved to California in the early 2000’s and that’s where our story truly begins. Using his previous movie and TV experience in his home country he presented himself as a supreme Latino Action Hero (worthy of the comicbooks and toys made on his image) to Tapout (premier MMA clothing, training gear, and accessories brand). Now, Tapout like any other firm from L.A. wanted to branch out into movies and they saw Hector as their opportunity to do just that.  Tapout brought “Rampage” Jackson,  B.J. Penn, Georges St-Pierre and Anderson Silva- and Hector brought his Latino swag (coupled with his non-existing directing skills, poor martial art choreography and acting comparable to the abilities of an extra on a Mexican Telenovela set).

Hector1Hector VS (UFC/ Strikeforce fighter and actor) Keith Jardine

 In less than 2  years we’ve got no less than five “masterpieces” like  Never Surrender  starring Hector as a humble grand master thrust into the sexy and dangerous world of underground MMA fighting. Then Hell’s Chain starring as a prizefighter haunted by a tragedy in the ring.  He then followed it with Death Warrior a movie about a group of athletes forced to fight to the death and Unrivaled where he’s portraying Argentinian kick boxer, working  two jobs to make ends meet getting one last shot at the title.

Here the director of Never Surrender talks how he is embarrassed to film sex scene in the movie, Hector doesn’t seem to share that problem.

Unfortunately his film career hit a sudden halt in 2012 (somebody figured out couple of things about our hero) and his newest masterpiece Duel of the Legends  featuring the legendary bad guy (and a legitimate Martial Art badass) Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa still remains unpublished  as of 2014. On the other hand his imdb page lists three more projects ( Hunters, Los Muertos, No Way Out) for 2015 so if we’re lucky we can expect to be further entertained by his unique brand of fake Martial Arts, soft core sex scenes and established MMA fighters looking confused and out of place. He is also promising to host a grand Martial Arts tournament and write autobiography of his exploits but we’ll just have to wait and see.

Trivia: George St-Pierre, a  former welterweight champion of UFC, now successfully transitioning into acting (Batroc in Captain America: Winter Soldier and Kavi in the Kickboxer: Vengeance) started his career in Hector’s vehicle Never Surrender playing his on- screen brother. Unfortunately he was heavily dubbed afterwords so obviously Hector wasn’t impressed with his performance.

MV5BMTI5MTk2MjM5Ml5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMTU3NjkzMg_002Hector always breaking new grounds- this time by making almost the entire film without any real actors. Strangely Hector himself is nowhere to be found on this cover.

Some films are cool, some films are funny, this film- THIS FILM IS PURE FUCKIN’ PERFECTION!

Kung FuryEvery movie that has uzi- wielding Valkira deserves our support!

With it’s foundation in 80’s Cop Films, Kung Fu and vintage video games Laser Unicorn studio present us the KUNG FURY!

David Sandberg (also Johhny Depp look- alike) is the director and  eponymous hero,  Joanna Häggblom is “Viking Babe”, Leopold Nilsson “Hacker Man” and Andreas Cahlins is the “Thor”. Kickstart campaign is destroying all the records and if you want to join in on the fun be free to do that here.

We already covered one of the “crown jewels” of Loren Avedon’s career King of the Kickboxers but it’s time to take a closer look at the movie that propelled him to his short- lived B movie stardom. After launching his career with Corey Yuen’s “classic” “No Retreat No Surrender II” (remember- the first one introduced the world to the awesomeness of Van Damme and his incredible splits) he continued his rise thru the ranks with the sequel. Now, this sequel is mostly a sequel in name only- having completely different tone, and abandoning previous “Tournament”setting for more urban of a urban Kickboxing meets Spy Thriller style.

This dude cracks me up!

Films starts with a fitting quote from Mao Tse Tung of course fallowed by a terrorist action by bunch of ridiculous mustached idiots. Their plan comes undone when one of the hostages turns out to be CIA agent Casey Alexander, man whose kickboxing skills are only overshadowed only by his  over the top facial expressions (ala Erik Roberts). He kills the bad guys and gets the girl (there’s always a girl there somewhere). In the meantime his younger brother Willis beating up some noobs.It turns out those are his students and he is just “preparing them for the street”. I am always shocked and amazed by complete lack of charisma and acting ability by this man! Anyway he is called by his father on his birthday party/ family reunion and he reluctantly agrees.

No.Retreat.No.Surrender 3.1990.DVDRip.XviD BROTHERS BLOOD.avi_000147600Mao said it best…

He arrives at the birthday in an old Volkswagen Beetle and ripped up jeans with some Communist insignia. Hmm… I’m wondering if the Chinese director is trying to tell us something here. Anyways, kudos for sneaking in thing like that in something that is an American production. He then menages to get into an argument with his rich CIA brother and quickly leaves. After the party’s over a new party begins as the old man faces bunch of assassins who look like Ninja Bee Gees in his very home and he even menages to kill one of them.Unfortunately he menages to die by flying out of the window like a freakin’ cannonball in one of the many hilarious highlights of this movie. His killer is devious Franko, a man that can be best described as am albino mulleted mongoloid.

Avedon returns home but it’s already too late, his father’s carcass is floating in the family pool. He then has a dramatic, tearful scene with his older brother and I painfully realize that his Keith Vitally is just as terrible actor as Avedon himself, hell maybe even more so! Next thing we see is a funeral and the FBI brother who gets a tap on his back via one of his superiors with words like “he was my partner and my best friend”. We momentarily realize that this man was in fact responsible for the murder… yeah cliches galore in this one!

Avedon journeys to Hawaii to have his revenge and his brother tries to track him down (unfortunately it seems CIA didn’t train him enough cause he fails miserably). First thing Avedon does is find a local dojo and gets into the fight with the friends Martial Artist he has here (how convenient). After blowing some steam they use their prowess and also their acting skill to get Avedon into a gang that they suspect is responsible for the murder. The less said about the way they manage to do that- the better. He ends up being rapidly inducted into the gang with his first mission to… KILL HIS BROTHER! No, I am not making this shit up.

After a disastrous “fake” subduing of his brother, the boss finally figures thing out (he’s no the head of operation for nothing) and starts torturing the brothers and the random girl the older brothers is having sex with when he’s in Hawaii (how conveniant). After being electrocuted the devious plan of CIA agent and Albino dude is finally clear, they want to use Avedon to kidnap the Ambassador of Mozambique and make a diversion which they’ll later use to FUCKIN’ BLOW UP THE PRESIDENT WITH A BAZOOKAA! These men aren’t thinking small.

No.Retreat.No.Surrender 3.1990.DVDRip.XviD BROTHERS BLOOD.avi_004907800

Of course they have a hiccup in their plan and that’s older brother Casey freeing himself and threatening their whole plan. Then finally two brothers team up and put all the evil folks thru their Martial Art blender. It’s also fun to note that the Lowe, the director desperately tried to tone down his usual sensibilities and make fight scenes a bit more in American Karate/ Kicboxing style opposed to over the place Chinese Wire- Fu but it’s like he said “fuck it” in this last scene and went over… and out.

Notice the joyful death of Franko, the albino killer!

Verdict: Director Lucas Lo shows everything that was wrong in Hong Kong cinematography of the 80’s/ 90’s in one place. And Avedon- well he proves why he was never propelled to the stardom of his dreaded nemessis Jean Claude Van Damme.

Trivia: Same director and lead actor had another team up not long after and that resulted in probably the most over the top Martial Arts film of all times- King of the Kickboxers. If you missed it- you enjoy the review here.

PS Loren is having a comeback of sorts these days acting in Frank Caruso’s vehicle Risk Factor and the movies seems like something you can watch straight after NR NS III without spiking a beat.

Something we felt the urge to share with you good people! A brilliant tribute to Big Trouble in Little China, a gem of B- filmmaking by legendary horror/ SF/ action maestro John Carpenter. It’s crazy- ass fun ride in which ancient Chinese Kung Fu magic meets southern-American trucker badassness – with deadly consequences of course. Video is a fantastic mix of overly popular PSY’s Gangnam Style and some memorable scenes from this legendary flick! Surprisingly original Lo Pan, 80- something year old prolific cult- actor James Hong even makes an appearance, you can catch him in the elevator scene in 2:10!

For those who haven’t seen Big Trouble in Little China, bow your head in shame… and then watch this video.  That will be the start of your redemption.

The one can not claim to be bad movies expert without being familiar with wannabe-action-hero Bud Spencer. His movies were cheering up (and making them cry) generations of our fathers and I dare to say even older ancestors. Here, I am going to talk you about one of his highest rated (by this blog standards) sensation – Go for it!

The movie starts with Terence Hill (Rosco Frazer) traveling across the country in roller skates (?!) followed by cheerful ’70s music. From time to time he manages to hitchhike someone, but only if driver is a woman so he can plow her (and plow he did). Instead showing us that gruesome act of love we get switched to close scene of Bud Spencer (Dough) being released from a prison. Why he has been held up in a prison remains mystery to me. Maybe because of public disturbance or possibly because of attempt of taking over world’s hamburgers industry. Either way, he got free and now he can do what he likes the most – eating himself to death at the gas station. That’s where his future companion Rosco meets him. After some small talk between those two guys and somewhere between Dough’s 7th and 8th hamburger, some rednecks decided to mess up with wrong guys. Naturally, every one of those rednecks ended up biting the dust, all thanks to Dough’s mighty open-palm cleave. Someone called a police and new-found partners decide  to steal one of the rednecks trucks (i guess Rosco hadn’t registered his roller skates for two persons). To top of that they got mistaken for robbers and cops started chasing them. That’s the end of the first act. Promises a lot, don’t you agree?

Traditional way of traveling

After a long driving and cop chasing they had arrived to their destination – Miami, where now they got mistaken for secret agents. There is a choice to be made: Revealing their true identity or accepting offer from inspector-Cloesauish commander. Offer is a simple: they are supposed to go undercover as a rich Texans in order to defeat evil gang of super-villains known as K1. The luxury that task bears with it made their decision easier. After getting a room in 5-stars hotel real comedy is about to start. Next one hour are filled with Dough’s attempts to order 12 hamburgers, Rosco attempts to plow some more, japaneses, retarded ninjas, secret agents working as hot-dog vendors, clumsy cops, combinations of Rosco’s “martial arts” and Dough’s short tempered street fight and many, many more ridiculous things.

One-man army

The final scene is on yacht of K1 boss himself. He is not an ordinary super-villain. He is not even big bad boss of crime (tho he is fat). No, he is super-duper-mastermind-villain!!! His goal: Getting world domination by destroying all numbers on Earth!!! That plan even made some sense after K1 had explained it to our heroes. How is he going to do that I hear you asking? Very simple… By launching earth-to-space missile named K-bomb! Now we are doomed!!! The only ones who can put an end to it are our two brave super agents. But first they have to face another challenge: 50 retarded ninjas and some really bad ass chick. Two minutes later and they are all beaten up. With haste Dough and Rosco had infiltrated to launching chamber in order to stop missile from it’s evil trip. Unfortunately, they learned that launching is imminent since K1 (the fat one) himself was there. He calculated every detail of his devious plan (I guess he wasn’t aware of irony of using numbers in order to destroy numbers). K-bomb is ought to be launched and hit it’s target in specified time. Dough came to brilliant idea how to stop it!!! By confusing scientist while this one was counting down last 10 seconds. Missile missed it’s target, numbers are saved, and many school-kids started raging because they’ll still have to learn math in future.

Big bad super-duper-mastermind-villain of crime

P.S. Reviewing this was very hard for me. Tho, there is no doubt that this movie is complete garbage by all standards, I can’t say that I haven’t had fun watching this. I have nothing but a respect for Bud Spencer and Terence Hill. Surely, they had marked one era in cinema history.