Posts Tagged ‘Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior’

In the late 80’s and the early 90’s many fine Kickboxers made the switch from the ring to an acting gig and there was always a steep learning curve there. For every Van Damme or Dolph Lundgren able to make a solid leap from Karate (or Full Contact Karate/ Kickboxing) almost straight to mainstream roles you had a fair share of people who needed years and years to get their acting chops up there, people like Jerry Trimble for example (these days an extremely capable actor- but originally someone able to do the talking only with his fists/ kicks).

“…  de la violence!” Who could resist?

 

Don “The Dragon” Wilson, a Kickboxer of a highest caliber is even below that comparison. His presence and acting capabilities seems completely at odds with his abilities in the ring. Where in the ring he was able to be relaxed and get his timing right in the movies he seems constantly tense, performing not only his lines but his specialty- kicks with such nervousness and stiffens that he looks incredibly lika  a Robocop trying to imitate Bruce Lee.

 

Movie starts with our hero (see Ring of Fire 1)  John Woo (Wilson) buying a ring for his pretty redhead girlfriend Julie (Maria Ford). She accepts the marriage proposal way to easy but they get interrupted- by a band of muscled up, biker looking thieves! Man, not a single boring day in the Don “Dragon” land. After killing an innocent man for no reason whatsoever the he good doctor Woo (yes, Wilson is a doctor in this series) jumps in to fight them with his bare hands! Police breaks in but Julie still ends up wounded, and we also get a bonus bizarre car chase (I mean the tire gets shot and the whole car goes up in flames)!

 

Now in the hospital Wilson and his retarded friends visit Jullie but he runs into the same goons trying to wheel out their compatriot in the freakin’ middle of the day (what are the odds)!  As always the fight ensues and Dragon accidentally manages to finish what he started by  accidentally shooting  the already crippled thug straight in his face!!! Doctor killing a patient- man this is dude is crazy!

Kalin (Ian Jacklin) gets arrested but quickly escapes and his second in command Predator (Evan Lurie) kidnaps Jullie. Then, what started as a by the numbers action thriller suddenly goes completely left field-in all improbably it turns into a Martial Arts remake of Mad Max series and Walter Hill’s The Warriors.

“You know that shit when they build new buildings on top of old ones? Well that shit still underneath is the Underground! Yes, the random street dude clues Wilson in and he finds the entrance to the Underground. It even has an ENTER TO DIE sign on the entrance, so this should be fun.

 

Also, somehow in the Underground there’s an agreement that guns are prohibited so the world devolved into crazy hand to hand fighting post- apocalyptic community. Not a bad idea when you thing about it. Going trough underground passageways Woo destroys everything in his path, led by a  guide- an old black Vietnam vet with a bum leg. Maybe they could have added a mystical powers too? He keeps  fighting different underground fractions one by one as he goes towards the center, the Trashcan Samurai (notice an old favorite Gerald Okamura), the Afro- Ninjas… he even fights the Skateboard Gang with Kali sticks and  flashlights!

 

Yes,  Dragon VS an evil skateboard gang! With the appropriate soundtrack,too…

His retarded (also Martial Arts friends) go after him, and mostly just kick the people already down from the Dragon beating.  Yet they manage to lose sight of what they came here for (like I said they are a bit retarded ) and end up in an underground hooker bar. Whore gang of course drugs them and deliver them straight to the villain. The only one who gets out is a small Chinese dude who gets into a fight with a disgusting bodybuilder chick.

“You are really sexy when you throw one of those spining kicks!” WORST. PICK- UP LINE. EVER.

Now Woo has to save the friends who came to save him. But don’t worry- no problem in the world that can’t be solved with some cagefighting! He goes against the Predator and deafeats him and you know what else happens- more explosions! The old veteran vet did his magic with rigging the armory. Sadly the final fight happens in the daylight so it looses some of the surreal, dream like quality other fight had. Also the main villain is just not very good.

 

Verdict: Even thou you can’t really call this a good movie it is a crazy good time, I mean it has explosions, over the top fighting,  90’s music and  (for no reason whatsoever) Road Warrior esthetics! But the truth is- this would work even better if it was an old school arcade fighting  game.

 

Imagine this- just with Don “Dragon” Wilson!

 

 

 

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To celebrate the release of the new Black and Chrome edition of the fantastic Mad Max: Fury Road we take a look at the seemingly endless number of films it inspired: the good, the bad and the ugly!

05.  1990: The Bronx Warriors (1982)

Directed by “Italian George Miller” Enzo Castellari this movie takes a peek into distant future (8 years later) where  war is raging between street gangs in post-apocalyptic New York. Amidst all of that is the gayest anti-hero Mark Gregory (who mysteriously disappeared from the face of the Earth) who manages to reunite street gangs and win against evil government agent Hammer (played by Vic Morrow). Fred Williamson also takes roll in this battle.

04. The New Barbarians (1983)

Another feature from mastermind of The Bronx Warriors Enzo Castellari only one year later. This time two mercenaries Scorpion (played by Giancarlo Prete) and Nadir (played by Fred Williamson) help wandering caravans fight off an evil band of white-clad bikers after the nuclear holocaust. In order to achieve this they had to go through a living hell, including Scorpion’s ass being penetrated by gang of gay Templars in this hilarious scene:

 

03. Made by a Pinoy c- movie maestro Cirio H. Santiago and staring our favorite Aussie bad-ass Richard Norton and eponymous. Equalizer 2000 (1987) the movie doesn’t offer much in the way of story but makes it all up with a whole lotta bullets and bombs (one babe too). Also Norton swears that the damned thing could actually work and I’m not going to question him for sure.

 

02. Steel Dawn (1987)

Swayze is most popular when dancing (), or fighting people in bars but in the late 80’s Swayze decided to take a post-apocalyptic vacation of sorts. In this career left turn Road Warrior meets Martial Arts as Swayze plays. Also it’s worth noting that new regions like China are just discovering the Mad Max franchise as evident recent rip- off , the Chinese Mad Shiella. So, I guess post- apocalyptic wasteland won’t stop being a popular destination any time soon.

01. Steel Frontier (1995) places Joe Lara (Legends of Tarzan) in a post- apocalyptic Western wasteland and surprisingly- it works! Actually it’s a good candidate for my favorite Lara film. The plot is your basic Yojimbo/ Fistfull of Dollars thing but if it works why fix it. General is played by always super entertaining Brion James (…) and Lara even goes mano- a- mano with Kane Hodder aka Jason Varhees himself!

During the 80’s there were two sub-genres breaking out featuring a number of movies influenced by key films, “The Road Warrior” and “Conan the Barbarian”. Those movies were the main reason for invasion of low-budget rip-offs until the end of that shrill, pointless decade. If you were paying attention to our past reviews (shame on you if you weren’t) we already had done a great part of bad barbarian movies. This month we decided to check other, post-apocalyptic side (mostly because we don’t have better things to do).

The_New_Barbarians_I_Nuovi_Barbari_1982https_www.facebook.com_exploitationmovie_ref_hl[(004065)02-07-54]Thanks God it’s over!

As it is always the case, nuclear holocaust has happened. This time it happened in 2019. Of course, no one ever bothers with explaining details such as who, what, why, where, how… So such is the case with this movie as well. Listen, important thing is that the nuclear holocaust is over and the world population has been almost completely wiped out. Good! Among the rare survivors is the group of marauders in white uniforms known as The Templars. They are driving tin cans which I guess were supposed to look like the exact replicas of buggies from “Mad Max 2”. No such luck, tho. Although, they are equipped with various devices that can stab, hack, and blast victims…. But no use. They still look like tin cans. The Templars are led by statuesque One (played by George Eastman) and lieutenant Shadow (played by Ennio Girolami). Their mission on Earth (or at least what have been left of it) is quite simple: This world is dead. So, accordingly, everybody in it must die too (except themselves, of course) so they could be the last remaining men. One is a prophet of hate whose mantra is to spread death and destruction to all he meets. Hm sounds like a reasonable man. No point in glamorizing the truth. Truth to be told, there is no point in this plot either.

How the hell the doll did survive nuclear holocaust?

Several thousand decomposing bodies away, on the other side of desert, there is a mercenary named Scorpion (played by Giancarlo Prete). Scorpion? Shadow? One? It is no coincidence… All the characters in this movie have profound-sounding name. It goes great with one-dimensional characters, after all. Scorpion and One have a pact not to attack each other. That pact breaks when the Templars start killing and pillaging innocent people around. Plus, Scorpion decides to protect traveling caravan with supplies led by Father Moses (played by Venantino Venantini), which is the main target of The Templars. Scorpion isn’t interested in supplies (which is damn obvious since he survived on his own for so long). His main interest is Alma (played by Anna Kanakis), one of the leaders of caravan. Of course, not even Scorpion would be able to match The Templars on his own. Another mercenary joins his cause; Nadir (played by Fred Williamson) who pulverizes every enemy with his trusty bow and arrows with bombs attached onto arrowheads (!?). I see that survivors didn’t lack creativity when it comes to dismembering another human being. Nor Scorpion, nor The Templars, nor Nadir have absolutely no reason for doing what they were doing. Furthermore, Fred Williamson has absolutely no fucking reason even to be in this movie!

Basically this is the entire plot. Seriously, not much of dialogue is offered here, which is good since dubbing is awful at best. Fights between mercenaries and The Templars are consisted of fighting in a mud, a lot of explosions (head-explosions, chest-explosions, ass-explosions), deadly tin cans races in “Mad Max meets Wacky Races” style, hilarious dialogue, bizarre costumes, wild haircuts, decapitated bodies and all of that followed by “pew pew” sound effects (even when extras fire contemporary assault rifles). Oh oh I almost forgot to mention the most shocking scene… Scorpion got captured by The Templars and as a punishment for his sins or as initiation ritual (can’t be sure due to dubbing which would make your ears bleed) he gets attached to some sort of bending machine and then he gets ass-fucked by The Templars!!! Only, you can’t tell for sure what is going on in that scene, because the editor starts cutting up every shot with strangely framed pointless shots while Simonetti’s wildly psychedelic sounds come on again. As for me, I ought to believe in what was suggested. As you already guessed Scorpion took a full revenge until at the end of movie, doing that in gay James Bond style by ass-fucking One’s car with his drill. Not much use of revenge for him tho. He got bamboozled and he will be remembered for that only.

Backdoor initiation

Conclusion: This is a crash-budget spaghetti-western disguised as a post-apocalyptic action film ala “Mad Max” or “Escape From New York”. Director Enzo G Castellari has done a rather remarkable job of keeping up traditional action-film pacing throughout the film, when keeping in mind non-existence of the budget. But that still wasn’t enough. The cinematographer was very persistent about utterly pointless framing. Most shots are often zoomed-in too closely on the action resulting often in the viewer feeling the urge to try and look left or right of the TV-screen to see more of the action. The vehicle’s designs are simply mind-blowing. Most of them are armed with very vicious devices, such as grenade-launchers, ultra-long drills coming out of the front-grid, car-doors that launch themselves and explode on impact, flame-throwers and a circular saw, expanding from the side of the car which decapitates innocent civilians running for their lives. And as for the music in this movie we have Claudio Simonetti’s completely warped musical score. He came up with his most spaced-out compositions (possibly while being under influence of some sort of spaghetti-LSD). Overall, this is a very fun flick which can come in handy when you want to annihilate your free time and give your brain a leave of absence with forgettable action picture.

Deadliest Prey (2013) is still red hot but David A Prior is at it AGAIN! It turns out he made two films back to back, first being the fables Deadly Prey sequel and the next one being possibly even more intriguing Relentless Justice. Yes, the title evokes a “Seagal’s revenge thriller” (practically a genre of it’s own at this point) and that is not too far from the truth, but the revenging is done here by a lovely lady Leilani Sarelle (Basic Instinct). The rest of the cast is also more than impressive, having veterans like Eric Roberts (Runaway Train, The Dark Knight and everything in between), epitome of awesomeness Mr. Wernon Wells (Commando, Mad Max: The Road Warrior),  Sherrie Rose (Tales from the Crypt, Unlawful Entry), Lisa Lanloia, Tara Kleinpeter and of course Ted Prior (Priors always come in twos).

465721_446676465360564_1563110891_oTurn away, nothing to see here!

The Plot: Former Australian Intelligence operative Victoria Dev Ries (Leilani Sarelle), lives a quiet life in suburban America where as a single mother she raises her only daughter and trains fighters in her own M.M.A. gym. But when her daughter (Mimi Michaels) goes on a camping trip and fails to return, she is forced to go back into action. It would seem that a handful of people, including the Mayor and his girlfriend (Vernon G. Wells & Lisa Langlois) and Sheriff (David Campbell) along with a handful of others have a rather strange hobby. They like to hunt people for fun. And they are rather good at it, but when it comes down to hunting Victoria, they need help and so they bring in another former Intelligence operative, Joe Mangine (Mark Rolston) to balance the scales for them. But this may not be enough because for Victoria the only justice she knows is Relentless Justice.

460558_446673925360818_514048331_oShe made a promise to kill him last… she lied!

Enjoy the trailer and we’ll update you on the release date as soon as we find out. Good to see Prior Bros. firing on all cylinders!

For more information like he official Relentless Justice page on facebook- https://www.facebook.com/pages/Relentless-Justice/378610885500456