Though Cinthia Rothrock is most recognizable because of her classic Hong Kong movies (often with Richard Norton) and later a solid string of American Martial Arts B- movies (lots of those in the 90’s) she actually had roles in more than a couple of Indonesian flicks in the beginning of her storied career and as we all know- there’s not quite like an Indonesian action movie!

Now, one of the main selling points of this movie (for us) is without a doubt Peter O’Brian (The Intruder/ Rambu, The Stabilizer). To the best of my knowledge this is a man who who was offered a part in an Indonesian action movie (before that was hip) due to his uncanny resemblance to one Sylvester Stallone (the fact that one of his movies is called Rambu is a dead giveaway) and he said “Hell yeah!” and never looked back .To top it off in  this movie he plays a deranged villain Bolt and his foil is non other than “Lady Dragon” herself Cintia Rotrock and with that combo like that- you can do no wrong.

 

Bolt (O’Brian) is brutally torturing a man (at one point his goon, an  Asian Mr. T taking off some of his fingers with a meat chopper)  and at  the same time showing off his impressive physique. The poor man holds on before they threaten his young daughter and then he finally breaks down and gives Bolt the information. Information about what you ask? You’ll find out in a just a second.

Nancy Bolan (Cyntia Rothrock) is a head of security at HTI and she’s arriving to Indonesia as a courier carrying a mysterious silver briefcase. Not even ten seconds after she arrives at the station in a typical Asian fashion she and her colleague get attacked by a bunch of goons  and after a hell of a fight they manage to take off in a speed boat. It seemed that they are finally safe but situation evolves into a gunfight at see and after defeating the goons and things finally look safe Rothrock gets drugged and passes out.

Now, the men holding her turn out to be working for her-  ex- boyfriend! It turns out the said boyfriend faked his own death and waited three years all in effort to finally catch the Bolt– man he has a bone to pick with this dude! Rothrock on the other hand doesn’t seem to mind and the two of them continue where the left off with their romance.

The day after on the company meeting we finally learn the whole story. Rothrock is using three couriers (including herself) to carry a super- computer to the state, two being distraction and one being the actual real deal .Ironically no one knows where the real one is (at least as far as I can see). We also learn why is the criminal targeting them called Bolt, it’s because he is “The Terrorist Who Strikes Like Lightning“ (I just love that).

And then we have the fantastically ridiculous “Mission Impossible” scene where the black dude from the meeting takes off the mask- and it was Bolt all along! Considering they didn’t really have a budget for anything resembling a mask you see the scene from the back of the car.

Slika?

So, here we go again, everyone is waiting for the briefcase to come via boat but Nancy  secretly changed the plan and the real briefcase is actually coming to the airport via helicopter. Actually some blond Brad Pitt looking dude is carrying it. Unfortunately, Bolt is already onto them. He intercepts the car of her boss and goes straight to the airport where shootout ensues and the blond boy gets it.  The shootout is one of my favorite things in this movie because it literally makes no sense, most of the actors seem like they never seen firearm before and everything ends up exploding for one reason or another.

Now,  in the middle of all the craziness she’s going out shopping with her friend and her daughter. Unfortunately ‘s man tried to kidnap her and end up taking a little girl (her friend’s daughter). She viciously goes after them (on a motorbike) and after some nearly impossible stunts she stops them end… they freakin’ kill the child- in slow motion! Man, nothing is sacred for the Indonesian filmmakers!

Confusingly after the traumatic death of a child Nancy goes on a romantic evening with her boyfriend and they have a strange sex scene  with spliced footage of them kissing on the docks (these people are not sure how love scenes are supposed to work). After she wakes up tomorrow morning she immediately gets kidnapped and  ends up being tortured by Bolt and his Asian Mr. T henchmen.

HTI arranges a trade, briefcase (the final one) for Nancy but of course her boyfriend crashes a meeting (literally- via jeep trough the wall) and a complete Martial Art/ Gun- Fu madness ensues with briefcase changing hands like a hot potato.

Bolt gets completely unhinged and starts destroying everything on his way and his showdown with Rothrock is truly of EPIC proportions. Unfortunately, it gets interrupted by her boyfriend (who seems to have made a habit of that) but then- he wants briefcase all for himself! She goes after him and the fight ends up in the helicopter- she conveniently strangles him with his own tie (you should take a lesson and never get in a fight in a business suit).

Verdict: Now,  this movie has completely impossible fight scenes, bizarre editing choices and people who for the life of them can’t hold a gun properly. Production values are severely lacking (you’re sure to start laughing at some of the chases, explosions and gun battles) and that lack especially shows in the sound department (to the best of my knowledge Rothrock is the only actor that isn’t dubbed in the whole movie) but I challenge you to watch Angel of Fury and not have fun.

 

Complete Killcount by Cinthia, number 11 is especially impressive!

Trivia: We also have a bit of news to cap things off. Fantastic Mr. O’Brian is supposedly eying  his comeback to the film industry after lengthy time away he spent teaching English and being a life coach. He’s been offered a role of  a British General Cameron, commander at the Battle of Gate Pa–  whenever this comes true or not one thing is for sure- everything this man does will be on out “must see” list!

Goldsen4          Just look at this face!

 

 

 

 

 

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The 1990s were not a good time for horror, especially considering the amount of classics that the 1980s produced, but that’s not to say that there were not any that stood out from the 90s. That 10 year period is really defined by two films: The Blair Witch Project and Scream. Sticking with the 1980’s whodunit  slasher formula is Zipperface, a gem that comes to us from 1992. Zipperface is something else, and I don’t mean that in a good way. What a pleasant surprise this was for all weirdos over there.

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Director Mansour Pourmand had obviously decided to start this movie with action packing. Not even opening credits. We see police pursuit dangerous criminal in Palm City, California. They pin him down to some house. More shooting occurs. Eventually, seeing there is no way out this, criminal decides to surrender. Just while he was standing in front of the house, preparing to raise his arms, a young and brave cop Lisa (played by Dona Adams) shoots the poor guy from behind his back. And she even gets promotion for this! Hell, give her Medal of Honor for such heroic act, I say! And while Lisa walks on rose petals somewhere a man in a leather S&M outfit is preparing for action! Not that kind of action! Behold!

zipperface

Well, it delivers what it promises

Two actresses who are working as whores (is there any difference) by night are visiting a mysterious client who likes to play master and slaves. They are introducing a new girl Janet (played by Kimberly Hamilton – Mansfield) to the routine. But in the last moment Janet decides to back off. Apparently she doesn’t like to be tied and whipped. You have already guessed that client is none else than a Zipperface (who is equally as mysterious). He gets pissed off and kills Janet with his whip. Being completely incompetent he lets other two dumb whores Natallie (played by Jillian Ross) and Sherry (played by Rikki Brando) escape him. Natalie hides at her friend Elizabeth (played by Laureen E. Clair), who is also a whore. Nice whores ring we got here. Anyway, police finds the body and case is handed over to Lisa (for whatever the reason it is). She is paired up with experience cop Harry (played by David Clover). Following the trail they visit photographer Michael Walker (played by Jonathan Mandell) who shoots all the types of S&M photos. Despite obviously being shaken by crime scene photos he somehow managed to hide his connection with the victim from two unsuspecting detectives. Then he starts hitting on Lisa and trying to talk her into taking one of his photo-sessions. Smooth move from possible suspect.

A job is a job

A job is a job

Natalie and Elizabeth are back to business. They are so dumb that they accepted bondage session after everything that has happened. Logically, Zipperface shows up and finishes the job. No luck for Natalie now. This has really disturbed office of the Mayor Angela Harris (played by Trisha Melynkov) who is, naturally, much more worried for her position at City Hall than for lives of some prostitutes. With her two lackeys Devon (played by Timothi D. Lechner) and Brewster (played by Bruce Brown) Angela wants to cover up these murders as much as possible. Meanwhile, Lisa is having photo-session at Michael’s studio followed by making out.

Off the record

Off the record

While searching Natalie’s apartment Lisa and Harry find out about Sherry. Trail leads them to the local church. What is interesting here is that church is full of hookers. Strangely looking reverend over there doesn’t seem to mind it at all. He calls them “foot soldiers”. As in footjob maybe? Anyway, he is acting very strange, almost as if he is hiding something. On his way back to the police station Harry meets Willy (played by Richard Vidan) who is mad and bitter because Lisa got promotion he thinks he had deserved. Hm maybe he is trying to set her up to look incompetent? There is sure a lot of pressure coming from City Hall. And they are all perverts there. Brewster is giving a foot massage to Angela, while Devon carries leather mask in his suitcase. Meanwhile, killer is still somewhere there, lurking and preparing for his next move. Obviously he has good insight into investigation since his next victim is the only remaining girl – Sherry. He killed her during rehearsal for some sexual kind of theater show, after knocking out her partner Alvin (played by Mike Ferraro).  When questioned by Harry and Lisa, Alvin stated that the killer is very tall, something like Devon. Devon didn’t like this comparing at all. I wonder why? Oh yeah, and later we find out that he likes to dress himself as a hooker.

 

Angela really wants to find a suspect who can be shown to public. So she pressures police to accuse Michael. They find out that Michael was engaged to Janet, the first victim. Finding about this and being faced to accusations of hiding the suspect, Lisa freaks out at Michael. He admits her everything and told her that he was hiding his past because of fear of losing her. Of course, she believed him. Not much use of it tho since Angela announced on TV that Michael is top suspect. As it happens, Lisa and Michael decide to conduct their own investigation so they visit the church once again. But Zipperface is way ahead of them. They find reverend dead in his chair, with his throat slit from ear to ear (not much use of prayers now… or before). Also, there is another prostitute there Lana (played by Denise Ezzel) who was supposed to meet certain John that night. Lisa decides to dress as hooker and go like that to the meeting place. Turned out to be an awful plan since she got captured, tied up and whipped by Zipperface.

Your leather smells so good

Your leather smells so good

Harry and Michael bust in and started a fight with Zipperface. During that fight poor killer got punched to his balls kinda 20 times. Being so much crippled (I know I would be) he was no much for Michael’s attack with machete. They had finally managed to unmask him. Guess who is the killer? Brewster, the Mayor’s lackey! What a twist! He offers a lousy explanation for his crimes. Apparently, he grew tired of being a doormat to ambitious bitch such is Angela so he decided to pursue his dream of being politician. I have to admit that killing people is an effective way to achieve this. Anyway, Angela arrives just in time to see her errand boy exposed. She freaks out at him, again not because of murders but because she is aware that her political career is over now. So she pulls a gun out of her purse and shoots Brewster in front of 20 cops. And no one even tried to stop her. Angela gets arrested, Michael gets off the hook(er), Lisa now continue screwing him, everybody is happy and the end.

 

Conclusion: If anything, Zipperface effortlessly sums up all that went wrong with the slasher genre towards the end of its rein. What started as a great stepping-stone for up and coming filmmakers and thespians had been reduced to a sewer of cinema faces by movies with flat direction, zero suspense or shocks and talentless mediocre actors. One of the biggest problems that I had with the film was the title character. He isn’t remotely scary or intimidating and is just sort of useless when it comes to being a horror film villain. He’s a portly, partially clumsy type of guy and he is nowhere in the same class as horror icons such as Jason, Freddy, Michael, or Leatherface (no matter how hard he tries to be). Same thing can be told for Dona Adams and her roll of detective. Writing was pretty bad too. And to make things more confusing it had be done by a woman – Barbara Bishop! Sounds like someone had hidden fantasies. Zipperface was just as bad as I thought it would be. It doesn’t really have that many (if any) redeeming qualities about it On the plus side, if you manage to keep the TV turned on until the end then you may be fairly surprised by the killer’s identity. To be honest though, I doubt that by that time you’ll even care.

A bit of history:

Raymond Chow‘s film company Golden Harvest hit it big in the early 70’s when they discovered a certain up and coming star called Lei Siu Long aka  Bruce Lee . Their mega-fruitful collaboration hit it’s stride with Lee and Chow even forming their own partnership/ production house Concord Prouction Inc. (each owning 50%)  Way of the Dragon was a product of that collaboration, as was  Warner Bros. cooperation- Enter The Dragon. Unfortunately Lee died before the world premiere of Enter The Dragon and Golden Harvest lost it’s biggest star way too soon.

Of course Golden Harvest  would find continued success in decades to come, skyrocketing the career of Jackie Chan in the 80’s and making popular TMNT films (together with New Line Cinema). But in that strange place between Lee and Chan they continued to produce films to different varies of success.

One of those was Lo Wei‘s Slaughter In San Francisco, there to fulfill Chuck Norris‘s contract, he signed on two films when he made Way of the Dragon. Now, another famous name that had a (three) picture deal was non other than one- off Bond from Australia, George Lazenby!

Now, on Bruce’s insistence Lazenby was signed on a three picture deal. First of the films was to be Shrine of Eternal Bliss aka Stoner, the movie he was ready to make with Lee and Japanese Karate movie sensation Sonny Chiba but Lee died and Chiba dropped out soon afterword. Warner Bros. co- production money was also gone and with it’s budget severely cut Lazenby was promoted to a star.

Lazenby as the Detective Stoner, investigating a new and deadly drug! I’m still not sure if that’s the best or a worst name for a character.

 

With all the controversy surrounding  it movie was still a minor success in both Hong Kong and Europe and the Golden Harvest collaboration continued.  Next up was a unique co-production too, joint effort between Chow’s Golden Harvest and The Movie Company from Lazenby‘s native country of Australia (even thou he was being demoted to a villain) and the film was called: Man from Hong Kong aka Dragon Flies!  That was right in the middle of both Hong Kong movie boom and Australian New Wave of films so as expected the result was seriously  bizarre mix of Hong Kong action and Aussie craziness and has to be seen to be believed. Still we will try to help you out  and pinpoint some of the most entertaining bits (and there’s a lot of those).

 

Movie starts with an Aussie journalist visiting Hong Kong– by a glider  of all things! I’m just going to assume she came from Australia to Hong Kong by a glider ’cause that’s just perfect.  She almost gets arrested by Jimmy Wang Yu ( One-Armed Swordsman, The Chinese Boxer) but he decides to show her what’s so special about special units anyway- in bed!

In the meantime very suspicious (and suspiciously scarred) Sammo Hung (Enter The Dragon, My Lucky Stars, Ip Man2 ) carrying a briefcase in the bus. Hardened Aussie  Detectives Gross goes after him and after a bit of a chase at the Ayers Rock  (and a bit of a brawl too) manages to arrest him.

Shortly after Wang Yu arrives in Australia to continue with the (you guessed it) Sammo Hung case. That means he will interrogate good ol’ Sammo– and by interrogating I mean beating him into submission. I guess Chinese people  don’t believe in human rights.  And just when you thought things couldn’t get any worse for Sammo a mysterious  assassins shots him (to prevent his from testifying I guess).

Wang Yu starts chasing him  and after a crazy pursuit they end up in the middle of a Chinese restaurant of all places!!!

We finally see the evil boss of crime and it’s (of course) non other that George Lazenby with a porno mustache to boot! He went from a Bond to a Bond villain, and it suits him well in fact. Yu contacts the journalist from the beginning of the movie– turns out the glider was borrowed from her boyfriends, she’s a bit of a slut that way.  Anyway, she takes him to the high class party where he meets Lazenby face to face.

 Did he just accuse Wong Yu that he’s yellow? That’s maybe taking it to far…
And surprisingly he finds information that the main center of the villains is the local Martial Arts Center. So he breaks into in, climbing the but it turns out the center was not so empty as he thought.  Massive showdown ensues in Martial Arts Center and continues climbing on another level against a seemingly endless number of attackers.

Of course- despite all his mastery he gets severely beaten and cut , and half dead barely manages to jump onto the first car shows up in front of the center. The Chinese lady co- driver hilariously proclaims “He is a good man, we must help him” even though she never saw him before.
They do the only  logical thing and that’s drag him to somebody who can patch him up– it turns out to be the girl’s father- veterinarian! Man, I’m starting to understand why Yu hated everyone and everything on the set.
 
She really thinks this is cute
While naively returning from the picnic ( and the obligatory picnic sex) Lazenby‘s gang attacks their car and his lady dies in a horrible explosion and he vows to get his revenge. Man,  that’s a bit excessive, he  didn’t even know her two days go!

So he does the only logical thing, borrows the glider from the journalist and uses it to break into his office by climbing down the pipes. He finds the office almost straight away and even though Lazenby is ready he is not ready for the rage of the dragon.  He manages to light him on fire and still keeps beating him ,  man- Wang Yu has no mercy at all!  And then he slips a bomb into his mouth!

 Just look at that!
The detectives wait for him outside and although grumpy at first  laugh with him at the explosion of the whole building floor and all the death that entails! Man, you get this sort of stuff only in the 70’s!

Trivia: The Man from Hong Kong was one of the subjects of highly entertaining documentary on Aussie cinematography: Not Quite Hollywood: The Wild, Untold Story of Ozploitation! It’s especially interesting seeing some behind the scenes like the power-strugle between the director Brian Trenchard-Smith and main actor Wang Yu who mostly wanted to direct everything himself, and his open disdain for white actresses he filmed love scenes with was definitely a bit unexpected.

 

Add to that and extremely hyped Quentin Tarantino who obviously enjoyed the movie immensely when he was about 10 years old.

Another fun bit of trivia, the other cop (one with an unruly set of hair) is actually Hugh Keays-Byrne later famous for his performance in Mad Max franchise (as a Toecutter in Mad Max and later as a Immortan Joe in Fury Road).

Also, it’s important to note  Umbrella Entertainment did a fine job of re- releasing the movie on BluRay in 2016, remastering it to 1080P HD, so if you ever want to check out the movie in best possible quality, you can order it here.

 

You remember those songs from ’80s? Most of the are alike. Well, you might also remember that if you play any two songs from the same album (or most of the hits from that era) at the same time, you’ll see they have the exact same structure, with the chorus kicking in at precisely the same time and clock in at just about the exact same length. I thought about that while watching Final Exam, because I am pretty sure one could superimpose the film over Halloween and come away with a similar result.

We get one of slashers clichés at the very beginning. Young couple is making out on the backseat of the car somewhere in the dark campus parking lot. Or at least guy tries to make out while girl is claiming she is too classy to do it in the car. After a bit more convincing she accepts to do it there (of course she would). But no luck for the guy. Some jerk cuts through the roof on his car with knife, pulls him out and slashes him. Then the moment spoiling dude comes back to finish his job on screaming girl. You had your chance, slut!

Death to libido

The next scene takes us to Lanier College. We see young Courtney (played by Cecile Bagdadi) talking to her classmate Mark (played by John Fallon) about chemistry tests. Now, during the “character development” phase of the film, we are treated to at least 12 slams on chemistry’s purpose in real life, to the point where it’s almost mean-spirited. My guess? Screenwriter/director Jimmy Huston failed chemistry in college or high school, and wrote a slasher film around it. Anyway, that’s when they are approached by unfortunately named nerdy guy Radish (played by Joel S. Rice), who very much resembles Screech character from “Saved by the bell” series. Radish informs them about murdered couple on other college. Then suddenly there is a terrorist’s attack on campus. They are shooting students randomly and take corpses into the van, before they drove away. It turns out to be a prank by Gama fraternity. Everyone noticed that but Radish and some dumb girl. Radish, still under the influence of recent murders, calls out the sheriff. Of course, he made a complete ass out of himself in front of sheriff (played by Sam Kilman) and entire school. On the other side, fraternity is celebrating successful prank. We get here real overdose of peasant faces. First among them is a school jock Wildman (played by Ralph Brown). Wildman talked frat pledge Gary (played by Terry W. Farren) into stealing chemistry tests. He says he doesn’t want to study (well surprise, surprise). Poor Gary actually managed to sneak that night and steal tests. On his way out he gets intercepted by the rest of the fraternity. They take him out (notice here it is a broad daylight; it was past 9pm and pretty much dark when they intercepted him), strip him almost naked and tie to the tree in front of the college. As it wasn’t enough already they sprayed confused and terrified Gary with cream, poured bourbon into his underpants and left him tied to the tree. And all of that as a part of initiation to the fraternity. I wish them death.

Another backdoor initiation

I’ll have you notice that we are at almost one hour of the movie length and yet no murders are to be seen. I really don’t see the point of such vast character development when it is clear they are going to die anyway. Also, nerdy and slutty girls conversations are pointless as well. Anyway, all of that is going to change soon. The killer has decided to show himself. And who would be better practice target than sitting duck Gary? Naive Gary stayed tied to the tree until the night (or is it the same night). There killer finds him, cuts him loose and butchers him. I guess he didn’t want to damage tree bark. Meanwhile, Wildman went to the school gym to get some pills for the fraternity. He meets the same fate as Gary (and that also include Gary’s girlfriend Janet (played by Sherry Willis – Burch) who went after him). Hm I can’t decide if this is poetical justice or just the old rule which states that everyone are treated equally in the brotherhood.

 

Mark decides to check out what took Wildman so long. He finds only death in the utility room. The next one Radish. It seems that everyone who comes at school gym dies instantly. Radish finds bodies and manages to escape. Then he calls a police again but this time they wouldn’t believe him (remember a boy who cried “wolf”?). So the only thing left to him was to get killed by through the doors. Courtney finds him but she is too dumb to realize Radish is dead (yeah, all that blood, broken doors and cracked skull are sending mixed signals).

You failed exam!

With death of slutty Lisa (played by Deanna Robbins), who slept with teachers for a good grade, the only one remained alive is Courtney. Killer (played by Timothy Raynor) chases her through the entire school, in more or less slasher cliché chase fashion, until the top floor. There some random hunter shows up at the bottom of the stairs and shoots an arrow in killer’s direction. Killer, whose face can be clearly seen now but we still don’t have any idea who is he actually, catches flying arrow with his hand and then use it to kill hunter. Courtney takes the opportunity to stab the killer, push him down from the stairs and finish him with more stabbing. Then she goes out to cry. The End

 

Conclusion: The most hilarious thing about the movie is that the killer makes Michael Myers look like the most complex killer in slasher history. While his motives were unclear, he at least had a name and a mask. This guy doesn’t even have that. He’s just some guy with an Anton Chigurh haircut. No mask, no name, and certainly no motive. In a way it’s kind of admirable that at the time the film came out , when everyone was trying to make its own memorable slasher, the Final Exam team couldn’t even be bothered to give the guy a paper bag. Remember what I wrote earlier about chemistry bashing? Well it seems that the director was so focused on chemistry bashing that he forgot to provide his killer with any sort of… well, anything. Besides that, i don’t have anything more to say about this slasher attempt. It is so dull with brief moments of lucidity. And it doesn’t even have nudity!

First prize is… DEATH! Second one too.

 

Now, as we all know the  best thing about the 80’s is the fact that they were flooded with slasher movies ever since the surprise success of the first John Carpenter’s Halloween. In the sea of Michael Myers, Jason Voorhees and Freddy Kruger movies there were naturally a few oddballs like: The Prowler, Silent Night, Deadly Night, The Funhouse and Hell Night  but then you have something like the Fatal Games– a movie that is a unholy union of a coming of age sport drama and a slasher. You know you’ll get something special  with that concept.

Falcon Academy of Athletics that prides itself in producing and nurturing an Olympic– level talent in a number of sports. And it couldn’t be more confusing when the movies starts with a super- motivating 80’s music. You want to jog or lift weights right away.

Shuki Levy feat. Deborah SheltonFatal Games

Just listen to this shit!

After a super- boring speech and some gratitous nudity we get to the  first and best kill of the movie. The weightlifting girl is overjoyed and in the middle of impressive military  press  when she gets impaled almost super-humanly to the wall.

Those leg warmers didn’t help you, did they?

 

That’s a really unique way to kill a person, very different from the usual close range attack of other Slashers. And the strange thing is the killer keeps prowling around and bodies keep piling up yet nobody seems to notice.  Then we have the nurse complains about the Doctor shooting too much steroids into kids. The “good” doctor doesn’t seem fazed by it, he insist they must go on– man,  he must be some cousin of Dr. Mengele. Most of the kids continue to train not suspecting anything but javelin thrower seems suspiciously mad.

Trivia: this lady received a Golden Globe and was nominated for an Oscar in ’87 surprisingly  not for this performance

 

Nurse begrudgingly accept and continues working with students, which also consists of giving butt massages.  Also she casually informs Annie of the new program for her- retardation injection!!! That’s because the Dr. is concerned with her developing a bust– go figure. Man, even steroids are great compared to this.


They finally realized that the weightlifting chick is missing, a black girl too… It took them long enough to finally call the cops but  cops don’t actually manage to do anything. Parties and highschool drama continue, including  but not limited to a stupid blonde loosing track and field (and crying to her lesbian- looking coach) , and Annie reacting horribly to the retardation drugs. I wonder why?

Also Annie’s boyfriend menages to break a leg- literally and epically and seemingly gets out of the competition. Maybe this will save his life?

He really did…

Back on the field  for some reason the javelin thrower is still pissed as fuck. Unfortunately it doesn’t get better for him, ’cause he ends up stabbed himself. Not too long ago he was throwing the javelin but now he ends up meeting his maker because of it, how ironic.

I’d really like to know how they filmed this. It shoots so straight.

And the javelin killer keeps keeping on. Now instead of shooting the swimmer from the edge of the pool (some of the tribal people still catch fish like that) it turns out the killer is in the pool, squba-suit and all. And he stabs her from the floor up. Ok, I wasn’t expecting this.

smrt plivacice

Boyfriend turns out to be super dedicated, he actually climbed trough the window with the cast on his leg! He even managed to find bunch of the murder victims neatly packed in the student’s lockers.  But javelin killer doesn’t show mercy- ever- it  even killed the crippled guy! I don’t think I ever felt sorry for the slasher victim in my life.

Annie survives attack and ends up the school’s infirmary. Then it turns out that the real identity of the killer is- the school nurse!  Man, Annie can’t catch a break! Now the explanation, the nurse was originally- a male nurse . She was disqualified from the Olympic game after her sex- change operation became public. Wow, I would have never guessed this.

She just left this laying around…

The chase continued and now her voice turned deep, like super- John Earl Jones deep, how does she do that? I mean she’s taking hormones she’s not possed by a deamon, right? Amy tries to escape by climbing onto the construction but nurse waits for her at the top. Unfortunately for her Ammie  pushes her and she goes straight down… right onto the trophy-well,  she finally got what she wanted!

Lesson of this movie is: always do the best you can because if you do the best you can- you’ll get impaled on the javelin. So, I guess- never try.

 

 

 

 

The movie formerly know as Star Warfare Rangers and the Cyborg Witch of Endor, now Interstellar Civil War (that Pyun fellow has a way with words) is finally nearing it’s release date.

Despite his ongoing health issues over the last couple of years Albert Pyun managed to finish his 54th film, a crazy mix of Star Wars, Dune, Cyborg, Mad Max and his trademark Kickboxing action with a help of excellent cinematographer Michael Su and a score by his long time collaborator Tony Rippareti. I’ll always have a soft spot for Pyun trademark Cyborg/ Kickboxing action and I hope this could be a bit of return to form of our old favorite.

 

 It stars Brad Thornton, Ellie Church, Kelsey Carlisle, Paul Gunn, Clare Hoak, Tommie Vegas, Jennie Carroll, Ashley Campbell, Nathan Ferrier, Nick Rush, Fulvia Santoni and Cat Cakmis as Leah C6 and you can enjoy the new extended trailer right here!

Well, well, well, if it isn’t our old friend Tobe Hooper. After watching Invaders From Mars I thought his directing couldn’t go any lower. Boy I was wrong. Sure there are many people who claim Tobe is capable director but we can’t take their opinion for serious because they most probably had suffered brain damage or are having any other mental disability. So trust my words: He ain’t good.

As you already can see Tobe Hooper’s latest fiasco is a work of nonsense called Spontaneous Combustion. As the film opens, a typical 50s couple is being used in government experiments involving a serum that may or may not immunize the human body against the effects of radiation. The couple is exposed to an hydrogen bomb explosion (which is displayed with archive footage), then monitored to observe the effects of the drug. It seems to have worked, and – except for one complication (the woman has become pregnant) – the experiment is called a success. The child is born bearing a odd birthmark on his hand. Something like stigmata. Nevertheless, parents are as happy as a clam. That will change soon when they burn to death after nurse took their baby (named David). The deaths – in which a mysterious man named Orlander (played by William Prince) seems to be involved – are declared the result of spontaneous human combustion.Furthermore Orlander seems to be happy about poor people’s fate and doesn’t hesitates to show everyone how much he is thrilled with it.

Could it ever been the more evil scientist than this man?

Now we are shifted to the present day (whichever that might be). We see young drama teacher Sam (played by Brad Dourif) who bears the same birthmark as a baby. Sam has been divorced for 2 years and now he found new love Lisa (played by Cynthia Bain). All is going relatively normal until he receives an
anonymous package in which he finds an old watch. After that, things are starting getting strange. Sam’s finger lights like a match, things around start to burn with no apparent reason and he even shoots poorly drawn lighting from his palm. Also, while looking at fire, he gets flashbacks to his childhood and parents. By now, even the dumbest among you could realize that Sam is actually baby David.

Firm handshake

Sam realizes that something is very wrong when two of the people he recently had contact with burned to death while they were alone at home. He decides to call parapsychologist who is holding his regular radio show. Parapsychologist sensed something and hung up the phone in fear. Sam really went mad about this so he engaged in debate with one of the radio station workers (played by John Landis). As you can guess, debate ended up with young John Landis burned to death while eating a sandwich. Keep in mind that they are talking over the phone. No physical contact whatsoever. Also, we found out that mark on Sam’s hand is used to produce fire. Pretty handy when you want to light a cigarette.

 

It turns out that Lisa was sent by Orlander to get closer to Sam on purpose. Her parents burned to death as well and Orlander was one who raised her. To get to the bottom of this Sam visits nurse Nina (played by Melinda Dillon) from atomic shelter who was holding him when he burned his parents to death. There she explains to him that the point of the experiment never was testing atomic shelter but anti-radiation drugs instead. Sam finally is starting to see connection between mysterious Lew Orlander with everything that is happening. Orlander also presented himself as a grandfather of Sam’s ex-wife Rachel (played by. It seems that experiment never was over so Orlander wanted to keep his eyes on events. Anyway, the moment after Sam had departed, Orlander’s errand boy Dr. Marsh (played by John Cypher) came in and killed Nina. I understand that tracks need to be covered, but why now after so many years?

There are sparkles between them

Sam now suspects everyone to be a part of project “Samson”. He raged at Lisa over the phone which had a flaming arm coming out of mirror for result. Also Lisa started to burn people around. Sam confronts Orlander (a government contractor for nuclear shelters) who explained to him that every moment of his life was planned by Orlander himself in order to create the cleanest killing system on the Earth (it doesn’t look like that to me keeping in mind in what state is Sam now). OF course, Sam wasn’t satisfied with explanation so he burned Orlander to death.

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the hottest of them all

Rachel is after Lisa to finish the job. Lisa ignites herself after killing Dr. Marsh while Rachel tries to finish her off with fire extinguisher (?!). But Sam comes to the rescue and that’s when all the hell breaks loose. Awful special effects are coming one after another until Sam disintegrates in a manner of alien abduction. Since picture speaks 1000 words (and video even more) I’ll leave it up to you to make any sense out of ending scene.

 

Conclusion: Spontaneous Combustion is a very sad horror effort. The whole thing is just ludicrous, from the awful acting to the laughable FX to the stupid plot. Brad Dourif absolutely sucked as the lead and all the supporting cast were only marginally worse. Scenes of death are repetitive. It would seem that Hooper wanted to make his own version of films such as Scanners and Firestarter and so we end up with a film with a couple of good ideas and a whole load more that are borrowed from other films. Put it all together and you get a messy, boring film that most people would do well to miss!

Trivia: Recently the world was shaken by the news that Tobe Hooper had been beaten up by his 38 years younger girlfriend Rebecca. Now, I don’t know the exact reason for it, but if, by any chance, movies such as this one or The Mangler were the reason for Rebecca to punch his old face, then you girl have our full
support!