Posts Tagged ‘SyFy’

As far as I’m concerned any day with news about Critters is a good day– and that makes this day an excellent one! Filming of Blue Ribbon’s Critters: A New Binge web- series is officially complete and we have a number of behind the scenes photos featuring our favorite space furballs in all their puppet glory. And yes- they have kept things as they should be– done with (mostly) practical effects.

As we previously stated, series is directed by Jordan Rubin from the script by Jon Kaplan, Al Kaplan and himself. We still don’t know where it’s going to be released as go90 service it was planed for was disconnected but CW Seed or YoutubeRed sound like good candidates.

Photos here for your enjoyment courtesy of Critters Rehatched (via great people of Bloody Disgusting).

 

PS There have been talks about another Critters project, this time a feature length movie for the SyFy channel (Critters 5?) supposedly filming in South Africa in early ’19 so it seems that the property is having a bit of an Renascence lately.

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You heard that right, an Asylum produced, SyFy original is going to cinemas! Well, that’s a first.  On the heels of unprecedented success of original Sharknado premiere ( see our review- Sharknado (2013)) two weeks ago on SyFy  (and twitter frenzy that followed) Sharknado is getting a  series of midnight theatrical showings! Regal Cinemas agreed to host midnight shows of Sharknado on August 2 at around 200 theaters across the States including Regal theaters in New York and L.A. Also The Asylum is promising us some new and never before seen footage so it seems we’re getting a Director’s Cut!

Twitter

Pretty obvious what internet was doing that night.

Now, that’s not all folks-  SyFy will also air Sharknado again on July 23rd , and they will make the deal sweeter with an all night Shark- themed marathon consisting hits like Sharktopus (with Eric Roberts!), Swamp Shark also even fantastically named Two Headed Shark Attack! Also a follow- up film is definitely in production and you can expect Sharknado Invades New York City on SyFy at some point in 2014.

And this is what ClevverMovies had to say…

If you live in the States here’s the list of cinemas near you where you can catch this masterpiece. Remember, it’s one day only so do your best to be there- trust me, you don’t want to miss the opportunity to see Sharknado on the big screen! http://www.regmovies.com/promotions/sharknado

sharknado-leadSharknado poster with appropriate Twitter quotes. Thumbs up for Will Wheaton!

The film starts with a dubious transaction between the captain called Santiago and an obviously a Yakuza enforcer. After proclaiming that sharks should be afraid of men and not vice versa the ship gets shaken by a storm. Captain insists of keeping the course and going through the storm and then something amazing happens. Sharks start jumping aboard and start literally eating people in one bite!!! The Captain survives a bit longer, as sharks decide to prolong his agony by eating him bit by bit while FLYING around him- now that’s the spirit!

Next thing you know the screen goes red and… Baywatch intro starts! Ok, not exactly Baywatch (as it has way less in the hot babes department) but still extremely close. And, ok- no Mitch Buchannon here but we have Ian Ziering- the blond, curly dude from Beverly Hills 90210! Here he is a middle aged ,experienced surfer, also a owner of a small bar by the beach. Also he’s desperately trying  to get into pans of certain  Asian surfer chick, probably to prove he’s still “in prime of his life”. Unfortunately we didn’t get to find out how game he is because Asian chick gets brutally murdered by a shark appearing out of nowhere. Then the shark goes on the rampage and gets as fare as it can go, killing unsuspecting people even in the shallow waters.

syfy Original Sharknado 2013 tvrip_sifi.avi_000678719

All that commotion doesn’t seem to present any problem for the old alcoholic George who grabs the butt of the skimpy dressed waitress. She lashes out on him, pouring a drink on his head but just a moment later changes her tune and gets him another drink. He must tip well or something. Next thing you know the storm blows away the window of the bar and you guessed it blows some sharks in. Brave waitress kills a shark with a pool stick, arms herself with a shotgun (that they keep behind the counter) and joins the owner Fin, hes New Zeland friend and the old pervert George. George even brings his bar stool with him presumably because that’s the most precious thing in his life. They kill couple of sharks in the imaginative ways including blowing up the shark that’s holding a gas tank in it’s teeth and then they get in the car and head out to Fin’s ex- wife. Waitress Nova seems extremely disappointed that he has an ex- wife.


They try to take the high road and head towards the Beverlie Hills (nice touch) but even the streets are infested with sharks! They get to his ex’s house but the tragically loose George in the way. He was of course swallowed by a giant wave… and then swallowed by a giant shark. Not the best way to go you’ll agree. Fin opens the door and then we see he’s ex, none other than washed up whore Tara Reid! I can’t believe he actually came back for this!!! Not only is she upleasent and irritating her new douchy boyfriend joins in on the fun too. Thankfully he gets mauled by a shark mere moments later.

Our motley crew then menages to eliminate the dangerous beast with a help of a large cabinet (used to pin shark down) and one trusty shotgun! After water goes all ruby red New Zealanders merrily proclaims “Looks like it’s that time of the month”.*

Sharknado

Finally convinced Fin’s ex and his spoiled teenage daughter join them in trying to get the fuck away from the ocean as they can.They bump into a school-bus stuck in the water and Fin decides to put on his best Bruce Willis face and saves the day. They surprisingly menage to do just that but storm starts again and a bus driver experienced the unfortunate fate of roof falling on top of him. At least he wasn’t eaten alive, right? They get back on their way but soon they figure out that the car is leaking and they menage to just barely escape as it explodes! Desperate they go into the local stores for some supplies but New Zealander finds a badass armored Jeep that the storm brought and soon they are back on track. Despite police blocks almost everywhere the somehow find the way to Van Nuys Airport and there they finds Fin’s overly enthusiastic son- the pilot and some of his friends. They arm up with cool things like C4 explosive and chainsaws and decide to strike back against the enemies- tornado and sharks by blowing tornado up!!! THIS IS  ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC! THEY ARE GOING TO ACTUALLY BLOW UP THE TORNADO! Why hasn’t anyone thought of this before? Also we find out the waitresses origin story- her family was killed by sharks!  This just gets better and better!

Sharknado2Now that’s a parenting!

Then they go out and heroically face the tornado. Kiwi rigged the bomb in jeep just in case and the waitress joins Fin’s son Matt in the helicopter. They slowly approach the first tornado and drop the bomb into it! Bellow Fin is putting sharks down with his guns like he wants to claim a prize. New Zealander unfortunately dies, and one of other kids too- pretty epically I might add, first he looses his arm via one shark and then gets squished to death by another.

Death from above!

After blowing up the of tornadoes they fail and waitress gets eaten alive!!! Son barely menages to get to the ground in one piece.. Now it’s all up to Fin! He drives jeep straight into the tornado and even menages to jump out of the car before the explosion.Then as if that wasn’t enough he start destroying the sharks and literally jumps into the mouth of one with a chainsaw just to butcher it from the inside and come out with the prize- Nova the waitress, still breathing! Fin then naturally reconciles with his ex wife and they enjoy the beautiful sunset with ground filled with dead sharks as fare as eye can see.

Verdict: It is our firm belief that The Asylum decided to ignore the very founding stone of their existence and that they actual spent more than a million dollars filming this, and shows- it really does! Script writer Thunder Levin knows he is working with a completely ridiculous premiss but he actually takes time to establish all of the main players and even offers a somewhat reasonable (if extremely far fetched) explanation for this peculiar disaster and constructs some over the top fin scenes that will definitely not leave you indifferent . Anyway without any trace of doubt I can proclaim this is the best Asylum movie and the very best original SyFy Channel product, that doesn’t really means much but still it’s an achievement.

Next time, be prepared!

With a combination of a poor man’s Albert Pyun aka Philip J Roth and SyFy Channel production (more precisely reduction) values along with ex- marine/ kickboxing champ Gruner you know you’re completely screwed from the get go.

Gruner as always demonstrates some impressive moves and the whole fight choreography we see in the beginning of the movie has almost Hong Kong style action vibe. Unfortunately that is all we get in that department (couple more fight scenes are scattered through the movie but not nearly well done as this one). Anyway Gruner and Co. successfully complete another ultra top secret mission but they don’t realy get any time to celebrate. Mysterious object crushes somewhere on the Mexican border causing all communication to break down. The aria ends up completely sealed off with a cover story of disease and contamination. So what’s American government going to do- as always what they want to do! The fact that alien vessel crushed in Mexico not USA doesn’t bother them at all.

Psychopath looking long haired dude is in charge and he does the only logical thing to do- calls Gruner and Co aka The Interceptors. After briefing (that miraculously contains almost zero information ) his team is paired with two scientist (redhead and a obnoxious Mexican). Gruner tries to get them out of equation but at the end reluctantly agrees.

Next thing we see is small Mexican town that seems to be stuck in 19th century by all accounts. Evil drug cartel is in control and we can see guy looking Mexican giving orders and bunch of his man acting like animals.Evil boss does have his main bitch by his side but not even that makes him manly. Also they seem to kill some old man right on the street for no apparent reason. They really don’t care for the whole “ruling from the shadows” shtick. Interceptors soon arrive but quickly get themselves in trouble. In a scene lifted straight from The Predator one of Gruner’s main people, William Zabka (aka the evil blond kid from Karate Kid) gets chopped into pieces. Gruners starts questioning the scientist little bit after this strange occurrence.On the other hand his black, deadlocked friend gets extremely upset over the fact that Goodwin and Perez are seriously payed and he is getting next to nothing in comparison. The fact that one of his team ended up in pieces mere moments ago doesn’t seem to bother him at all.

Finally Gruner and co roll straight into the town- and first things first get into the bar. As expected ugly and dirty criminals start hitting on the little redhead scientist and they pay the ultimate price as Gruner unlishes his Kung Fu skills. Interestingly the there’s a Chinese dude in there somewhere who’s sole purpose seem to be to do cool moves but get beat afterwords (common occurrence in American films for some reason).Gruner and the redhead menage to get alive out of there but some tugs fallow them and just when you thing they are doomed alien shows up and helps them (?). Then he turns from his invisible mode into the “dead friend mode”- taking the face of not too long dead Zabka. Gruner sees trough his disguise and tries fighting him but hand to hand combat doesn’t seem to be the right strategy against the aliens for some reason.

Gruner2

The fastest gunslinger in the known universe.

He survives somehow but is extremely confused by what happened and finally starts demanding some explanations. Pressed by Gruner and his slightly crazy black friend scientist finally talk. This is not the first case of alien attack. The first one was eventually solved by nucking it all to kingdom come and it seems likely that their mission could end up the same way. Oh, yeah, they also brought the ultimate energy weapon that can be used in killing aliens but they never really thought about letting the Interceptors now- and these are supposed to be extremely smart people again? Gruner than decides to lure the alien (?) by walking into the town again, this time seemingly without any back-up. Suddenly the shack behind him explodes and soon enough the alien transfers to visible mode. He empties the whole clip into the creature but the alien seems unfazed. Then for no reason whatsoever it transforms into Karate Kid Villain again and start taunting Gruner. Gruner tries to fight him and again fails miserably (this is becoming a habit of his). While he desperately fights for his life the remainder of the team (the black dude) + scientist arrive carrying the ultra-high tech plasma thingie. Then the Mexican drug lord decides to join the party and tests the creature reaction to shotgun blast- it proved to be no big deal unfortunately. Team and some local Mexicans scramble and menage to regroup. They finally decide that killing the creature is more important than killing echother but is it too late now?

Gruner3

“Trust me, I got this.”

The black dude arrives last to their little hideout but… he is no longer a black dude- he is the ALIEN happy to use a new desquise (after deposing an original of course). Gruner learned not to trust his eyes by this point so he starts shooting at a thing and then kicking and punching  him when he runs out of bullets. He fares a little better than before and but ends up in grappling range with a opponent of far superior strength and that spells trouble! But he suddenly escapes via uber- cool back-flip thus creating the opening for a redhead who finally fires that cursed space weapon and fries the damned thing! Finally the alien is dead! Or is it?

In the very last moments of the film creature pulls itself together from the pieces (ovbiasly it can do that) and possesses the crime boss (and it can do that too!) It menages to surprise the scientist and kills them both. Gruner menages to escape but than realizes it’s “NUKE THEM ALL AND LET GOD SORT THEM OUT” time. Long haired maniac finally lost his patience it seems.

So than, the only logical thing happens- Gruner casually out runs the blast of the nuclear explosion (that FINALLY, TRULY destroys the aliens ) and then protects himself by jumping into a well !!! Yes, a freaking well- I don’t know maybe it’s a magical one (if only all the poor people who died from nuclear explosions knew  this little trick for protection)??? Next thing we see are scenes of very minor destruction, Gruner of course unharmed getting out of the the well and… a Mexican lady that was with leader of the gang? He momentarily starts hitting the poor girl in the face as hard as he can and then finally realizes she is not the alien. Then he starts to apologize but the Mexican lady start kicking his ass all the way to Sunday and movie ends- raising far more questions than it answered, questions like- WTF JUST HAPPENED?!

Maybe we’ll see Gruner next as DC Comic’s The Flash?

Verdict: If Olivier Gruner had spent the same amount of time he spent learning martial arts on learning English language he wouldn’t have to act in a crap like this.

Trivia:  Interceptor Force had been the ScFy Channel’s highest-rated TV-movie ’till that point. A bit sad when you think about it.