Outlaw of Gor is the second of John Norman’s Gor sword-and-planet adventure novels and sequel to 1987’s movie Gor. It was published in 1967, a year after Tarnsman of Gor. There were 35 books from 1966. to this 2019. (!) This also has Jack Palance in it and it immediately made me think of Hawk the Slayer, another ’80s sword and sorcery flick that featured Palance as its main antagonist. That alone was enough for us to add it to our watchlist.
The main character is a college professor Tarl Cabot (played by Urbano Barberini). We see him and his sleazy, obnoxious colleague Watney Smith (played by Russell Savadier) having a drink at a bar. While Tarl nostalgically reminiscents of his time on the planet Gor, Watney hits on everything that has two legs and pair of tits, but with no luck. They decide to change location and, while on their way there, Cabot’s magical ring randomly activates, teleporting both men to the desert planet of Gor. Cabot is thrilled to return to his barbarian lifestyle and reunite with Princess Talena (played by Rebecca Ferratti). Gor people are also thrilled with him being back and until the end of the movie characters will relentlessly shout “CABOT!” every time the main character appears on the screen. Anyway, CABOT! learns that king Marlenus (played by Larry Taylor) wants him and Talena to be the next rulers of Koroba. However, his trophy wife Queen Lara (played by Donna Denton) wants the throne for herself. She conspiracies with High Priest Xenos (played by Jack Palance) and seduces the clueless Watney and uses him to frame CABOT! for the murder of the King. Poor dork didn’t put much of an effort to refuse her. And yeah, he ended up imprisoned after serving his purpose.
While CABOT! and midget Hup (played by Nigel Chipps) are on the run in the desert, Lara starts cleaning her political opponents. She offers Talena freedom if she manages to win in a fight with two female gladiators known as leather-women. Of course, Talena easily triumphs and Lara has her thrown back in dungeon. Sore loser, if you ask me. In addition, Lara and Xenos hire “The Hunter” Ost (played by Tullio Moneta) to pursue and capture CABOT!. No loose ends.
In the desert, CABOT! and Hup encounter another band of slavers, and they rescue a female slave after attacking the slavers’ encampment. That night, the Hunter finds CABOT!, Hup, and the freed slave, and captures them while they sleep. Upon being brought back to Koroba, the three are thrown into the dungeon by Lara, despite Xenos’ attempts to persuade her that CABOT! is too dangerous to be left alive even as a hostage. After heated discussion, Lara sends away Xenos in one of the more ridiculous scene-chomping line reads.
The following day CABOT!, Talena, Hup and Watney are brought outside the castle for a ceremonial execution. Totally unnecessary, Lara kills Xenos in front of everyone just because he wanted to appease spirits above with a toast. She can now proceed with the execution. However, the four fight off their executioners until Lara sends in her entire guard and the Hunter. Now any reasonable viewer would expect epic fight between CABOT! and the Hunter. But no, instead of that
we get Watney who openly admits that he gave false testimony earlier and that, in fact, was the actual killer of Marlenus. Without questioning any credibility of already proven false witness the Hunter believes this and throws a spear attached to fishing line at Lara, immediately killing her.
Being now crowned King and Queen, CABOT! and Talena are enjoying their first wedding night. However, CABOT!’s ring then starts glowing, causing him to be worried that he’s about to be sent back to Earth. Instead, Watney ends up being the person sent back, where he promptly finds himself being arrested for jaywalking in a busy road. Fitting end for such lousy person and the movie.
Conclusion: Outlaw of Gor is an insipid, cut-and-paste failure of 1980s cinema. Produced by the notorious low-budget powerhouse Cannon Films, the movie was shot back-to-back with the first Gor movie to save money. Because Cannon ran out of money, the film famously recycled half of its soundtrack from the first Gor movie and the other half from The Barbarians. A massive portion of the film’s runtime consists of actors in cheap costumes mindlessly walking through sand quarries and desert landscapes to pad the length. No single character exhibits rational behavior. CABOT!’s best friend, Watney, transitions from a loyal sidekick to a treacherous villain instantly while a random, unexplained midget named “Hup” accompanies the heroes with absolutely no backstory or narrative purpose. As for Jack Palance, he appears visibly intoxicated, completely lost, or simply bored which resulted in his unhinged, lazy line delivery. Well I guess I would also be getting drunk on daily bases if I was to take a part in this incoherent mess.
