Posts Tagged ‘Lorissa McComas’

From the legendary Z-movie/Porn director (and occasional pro wrestler) Fred Olen Ray comes a story of a heroic gunslinger and hot cyborgs! Enter the CYBERZONE…

The movie starts with a typical SF crawl that explains the post- 8.9 earthquake life (used also in the setup of Escape from L.A.). After some random footage of stars we go back to Earth just in time to witness a rugged, good looking bounty hunter getting almost killed. And it’s freakin’ Mark Singer- Beastmaster himself! Anyway he survives all thanks to the hidden pistol and then he puts his victims head in the bag? He is cyborg so it’s all Ok.

He naturally proceeds to the local bar (with a mutant stripper no less). Also for some reason bartender looks like a pirate.  Then we meet our other protagonist/ antihero Hawk (Matteas Hues),who collaborating with a Predator (?) finds some illegally distributed Pleasure Droids.

PleasureDroidsThese are the droids you are looking for!

Jack Ford (Singer) gets a job offer that takes him to the fancy upper levels of the city. There he’s informed of the terrible theft of the Pleasure Droids from one of the Jupiter’s colonies. After some back and forth he is forced to except the company of Bethany, one of the firm’s leading technicians. She doesn’t seem too happy with the pairing but you just know she’ll worm up to him eventually.They head out to the layer of a fat face- painted criminal lord (something like a human Jabba the Hutt just more pathetic). Ford gives him the cyborg head (remember the beginning) and tries to get some information out of him. Unfortunately the fat one is collaborating with a thief and all Ford gets is killers, including Droid Hunter on his ass.

Ford continues the search and visits some whorehouses to do so. Also that’s an excuse for the cute technician to dress up as a whore herself. Just as they were on their way out they get attacked by Fatso’s men and there we witness the cyber martial- arts training of Bethany (eat you heart out Matrix) and street smarts of Ford. Now the twist- it turns out the killers were in fact from New Angeles (a religious ultra- conservative mecca controlled by seemingly benevolent founder Charles Humberstone). Ford ties to find a way to smuggle them in New Angeles but unexpectedly Droid Hunter shows up and almost kills him. Thankfully Bethany knew his weak spot of his days of bounty hunting would be numbered.



Strangely, Hues is just now porting the New Angeles underwater town with pleasure Droids masked as nuns. and one of them misteriosly missing- how the hell do you wind out in a situation like that? He gets into the verbal confrontation with Charles (in fact a Crime Kingpin) over the lost Droid but he has to settle for less money. Kiberzona.avi_002914840This man loves his job

That prompts Hawk/ Ford meeting in the same exact bar we already visited numerous time during the movie. Dissatisfied with his earning he strokes a deal with Ford to steel back the droids. That proves surprisingly easy because they masked the technician as the pleasure droid. Nobody saw threw their scheme until it was too late. Now being the gentlemen that he is Ford returns to save Beth too and Hawks being cool cat himself decides to help him. Pressed by superior numbers Hues heroically dies (shout out to the Western influences of this film).

Kiberzona.avi_004797240  “Just make sure I get my cut”

 Beth and Ford return to the company to pick up the check and Bethany decides to quit having found her wild side down in the slums. And just when you think it’s all over the last Droid shows up- to help down on his luck homeless person. I have to presume that her help was greatly appreciated.

BumI guess he finally found his faith…

Verdict: As always Ray dosn’t have much in the financing department to show us the scope of the world but he does good with what he has and (as always) when he rans out of ideas he uses the old trick of adding some half- naked ladies in the scene.And sometimes that even works (not in the case of a mutant stripper but in other cases). Anyway this movie is one of those “what you see is why you get” kind of deals. If you wanted to see Beastmaster shooting people, Matheas Hues being kinda emotionless and heavily mascular and cool, and some slutty droids too- you’ve came to the right place. Otherwise find another dystopian future to enjoy.

In 1993 Roger Corman produced a cash in off Jurassic Park, the infamous Carnosaur (see the previous post). As you might have guessed it was the worst imaginable rip off of the said film- with it’s sole original ideal ( terrible one at that)- combining dinosaurs with their small and simple descendants- chickens! Either way the above mentioned movie had couple of equally terrible sequels and then the franchise finally died never to return again. Or is it? In 2001 the B movie guru decided that the time was right  or another dinosaur flick so he just took the footage of his old Carnosaur film (and couple of it’s sequels) spliced it with a soft core porno scene and added Eric Roberts  (thankfully not in the porno scene).

First we have death of teenagers directly lifted from from Carosaurs. Being drunk and horny teenagers fall easy prey to the dinosaur who makes quick work of them. What is the meaning of this? We’ll find out soon enough. Sheriff , Eric Roberts is on the case, along with ugly blond chick, wildlife reserve Marshall or something. Roberts advises his young daughter (also a secretary) not to mess with the deputies and next thing you know we get something like 20 minutes of  sex out of nowhere.Young couple (including Robert’s innocent daughter of course) finally gets interrupted by a dinosaur roar! When the dude goes to check  on the situation he gets mauled by a stop motion toy dinosaur which then attacks the sexy secretary. Secretary escapes in the last possible moment but the car ends up  under the bridge.

Marathon sex scene …including 4 times repeated booby licking scene

Roberts finds his porno daughter  but she is  in the state of shock and is almost comatosed (I guess we won’t see her humping other deputies any time soon). He goes to pick up the ugly blond chick- and doesn’t seem too concerned with his daughter’s condition. Meanwhile  an Evil scientist/boss sends his fledgling in the laser room (???) where he gets eaten alive by the mysterious T-Rex Aplha. Roberts investigates the evil Eunice Corporation (manufacturers of chickens by day, cloning super smart dinosaurs by night* Ironically smart dinos is the idea that was later re-used in the second part of much more successful franchise of Jurassic Park.

            Alpha T-Rex enjoys clubbing in his free time

After learning that doctors name is Dr Hyde (hell yeah!) Roberts begins to suspects something.   Ugly blond chick wakes up the porno daughter with a recording of a dinosaur roar (that she has in her possession for some reason. She explains what happened in a funny whiny voice and the doctor finds her delusional. Then blond chick gets all worked up and tries to get on top of Roberts but he decides that he would rather break into the evil corporation headquarter than plow her. But we still get to see her in her lingerie.

Black deputy decides to do some work without his fearless leather Roberts and as with any supporting character of African descent he gets ripped apart by an evil creature. He gets to wound the dino in the process so giving the circumstances we can call it a small victory. Also he is 10 years younger in that scene which suggests another borrowed scene from Carnosaur.

Ugly blond chick examines the deputy’s corpse and finds a dinosaur tooth. After that Roberts is determent more than ever to bring down the Eunice Corporation. Roberts  serves Hyde a warrant and he of course denies everything  and talks some donkey poo about us being genetically  related to cats! Blondie accuses him of cloning dinosaur a he pulls a gun at her… and Roberts being a gentleman surrenders. Hyde captures them instead of just offing them right there.  Military decides to stop him, because they first started the project and don’t want to be involved in a scandal. They call Delta Command (unfortunately without Chuck Norris).


In the meantime the Robert’s got a ace up his sleeve. He put lady deputy/secretary in charge of shutting down the power in Eustice in the case they don’t come back in couple of hours. in the meantime Marines land of the premises all gang ho mood and  then you know the shit hit the fan. Without the electricity the cool lasers that keep dinosaurs at bay disappear and the army of super- smart dinos start destroying everything in their path, mostly marines.Commander smartly decides to simplify the mission and blow everything up.


Military chick tries to get a helicopter in the air but strangely there is a dinosaur on the back seat!!! Helicopter of course drops down and explodes but succeeds to kill one of the evil scientist in the process. Sheriff teams up with the Delthas and they work together to get past dinos before it’s too late. Also two of the soldiers go all genocidal on the dinosaur eggs and get the big mommy T- Rex on their feet- to make thing even worse. Evil Dr. Hyde seemingly escapes just to be decapitated by a mommy T- Rex- who experience the similar fate when Roberts jumps in to save the day with a bulldozer). Facility finally blows up, soldiers go away and Robert takes the ugly blond chick home for some gradituos sex we presume …and all is good with the world. Or is it?

Just keep hammering away and soon enough you’ll be extinct too!