The fact that many of his much younger coworkers started dying in last one year or so, didn’t prevent Roger Corman from continuing to make cult movies (more cult than movies truth to be told). Unexpectedly the most prolific B- Movie producer of all times decided to remake a remake of his own film, legendary Death Race 2000 (Stallone, David Carradine), now Death Race 2050!
The filming is underway right this moment in Peru staring surprisingly potent cast of Mannu Benett (Chronicles of Shanara, Arrow, Spartacus), Malcom McDowell (Clockwork Orange, Halloween, Class of 1999) and Yancy Butler (Kick-Ass, Hard Target, Witchblade).
“This is an amazing opportunity for me and millions of Death Race 2000 fans to experience the intensity, thrills and dark humor of the original, fueled by a terrific young cast, spectacular vehicles and side-splitting action, literally” said Corman.
To mention first: This movie doesn’t have anything to do with Jersey Maneater from 1916 (which will be clear to you once when you see the poster), despite the fact that the premiere was shortly after Shark Week has ended. It isn’t even an indie so-bad-it-is-funny flick. No, this movie is about cosmic and human justice putting an miserable end to the most despicable sort of people on the God’s green Earth – guidos.
But it doesn’t seem like that from the beginning. In the intro we can see some sort of mob execution style in the woods. Then it turns to horror beheading and disemboweling of mobsters while some chick tied to the tree is watching the whole show. After a zoom to sawed off body parts killer turns his attention to screaming tied up girl. Then a title of this movie pops up, followed by Beethoven’s symphony in the background (?).
Heads up!
After the intro we are switched to classic New Jersey day. A bunch of ugly sluts are at stereotypical Hispanic gay Rikardo. And of course, he is their hairstylist. One of them is wearing a word shaped necklace with a word “SINGLE”, which just screams “Please kill me, I don’t deserve tp live”. But more of that later. Right now Dina (necklace girl, played by Angelica Boccela) and Teresa (played by Danielle Dallacco) are preparing for girly weekend on the Shore. Another tramp Gigi (played by Christina Scaclione) joins them and they are ready to go. But just before they went to the journey Gigi had a fight with her ex-boyfriend Michael (his real name is not important), a guido who can barely speak out a coherent words. He swears upon something, could be revenge, but we
weren’t able to understand what he is actually saying. Anyway, 3 of them went to the Shore just to find out there that the house they’ve previously booked has been taken by 3 other Latino sluts. So all 6 of them (3 more really ugly bimbos joined) are forced to take another house, deeper in the woods. After settling down there all of them (except Gigi, who went to a meeting with Michael) went to a shore to have a good time. There they met 5 obnoxious fist-pumping guidos who prove them their muscularity by crashing a sandcastle some kid had built and beating up a mimic man who was trying to perform. Real heroes, right. Of course, tramps fell for that. And why wouldn’t they with such IQ? Their level of intelligence was determined earlier when, after learning that a price of tickets for the Devil Tour is a 7.5$ dollars each, Joanne (played by Nicole Rutigllano) said, and I quote “Screw it, we get discount. 50$ for all 6 of us.” Do the math. Meanwhile, Gigi had another fight in the woods with Michael after she ended up with her throat slit from ear to ear.
Seriously, who wouldn’t start a killing spree after seeing this?
Later that evening, after being kicked out from a club for starting a fight, girls invite their new friends to their place. There they are welcomed by the unexpected guest. No, it is not who you think it is. It is Valeries’s (played by Ashley Mitchell) tall, fat and large cousin Rosemarie (played by Leonarda Bosch), who managed to eat almost entire food supply while she was waiting for them. To kick the party rolling they watch DVD copy of Fat Camp Massacre, staring Shawn C Phillips (who may be known to you for his role in Haunted High). But not everyone find that movie interesting. Gino (played by Brett Azar) and second fattest chick around went upstairs to have some fun. While fatty went to refresh herself under a shower, Gino ignores sex invitation and goes to
tan himself (he really should feel lucky that, as a guido, he actually gets to sleep with anyone). Big mistake! Killer came, tied him up with chains and roasted him in tanning bed. Then our hero (yeah we were rooting for killer) moves forward to showers when he had a hard job of slicing fatty. A lot of fat before knife could reach an organs.
Best movie ever!
While fatty and Gino are having their inner organs removed, near the pool party is reaching it’s peak. Tony, Vinnie and Freddy are making plans how to ditch fat Rosemarie. Meanwhile, slutty dumb Joanne and Joey (played by John Michael Hastie) have already took business upstairs. Another big mistake! Killer took a sabre and impaled both of them while they were on pile. No more lovemaking for these birds.
Freddy (played by Chris Lazarro) took the bullet for entire gang and drove away with Rosemarie just in order to ditch her couple of miles away into her natural habitat – farm. When he came back he got pissed because all the girls were already taken. So he decides to take a stroll to cool down a bit. And indeed he did. Killer captured and tied Freddy in a nearby barn and made him watch mutilating of hanged Vinnie (played by Brenton Duplessie). Then it was a Freddy’s turn. Rightful punishment for his irritating laughter is slaughter. Same fate happened to Valerie and Tony (played by Giovanni Roselli) who came after Freddy. Well almost the same. You see, killer had Tony’s hands sawed off but Tony managed to escape just to get shot in the head by nervous policeman. Talking about irony.
When corpses started to pile up, 15 minutes before movie ending, Dina and Teresa finally figured out that something is wrong so they decided to call a police. That didn’t stop murderer to spill Dina’s guts out with the huge knife just a seconds after he revealed his true identity to them. It turned out that it is their old neighbor Edgar (played by Bigfoot). Teresa asked him why he is doing this on which he replied: It is a Jersey thing. Sounds reasonable to me! After a short fight Teresa managed to inflame Edgar’s head with a some sort of bug spray (?). In spite of every logic, she then headed to lake when she tried to escape in small boat. But wait, here is the twist! Edgar had a twin brother Troy who shows up out of nowhere and started to pull boat with screaming Teresa in it. Just when it seemed that Troy will finish his brother’s work, Teresa’s mobster uncle Vito (played by Dominic Lucci) also shows up out of nowhere and puts bullet into Troy’s head in execution manner. On the very end, Ron Jeremy buys the house and shoots the killer who jumped out of the lake. And yeah, Rosemarie still lives with cows on a farm.
There won’t be any reunion
Conclusion: This movie started with the intro which didn’t seem to have anything to do with the rest of the movie. It made it seem as though there was going to be another direction for the film to take. Director Paul Tarnopol (in cooperation with JWow production) firstly tried to make Godfather movie (but it turned out to be more of Analyze This sort), then switched to Friday the 13 flick, with a bunch of untalented and unattractive New Jersey girls. Also, when the only (famous) actor is porn star Ron Jeremy, who is also the best actor here, you get an idea of how bad movie this is. AS for the characters they were poorly written, extremely undeveloped, obnoxious as hell (though this might have been done on purpose), and not to mention awful acting. I sincerely hope that their characters fate happened to all of the ‘actors’ in real life (the best opportunity for it would be in Jersey Shore reality). At least in the movie they’ve got what they deserved.
We at WM Crew are of course giant Manos: Hands of Fate fans. So it’s only natural that we decided to promote the Kickstarter campaign for the long time coming sequel Manos Returns– with this awesome interview with Debbie aka Jakey Neyman Jones. Enjoy and don’t forget to visit https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1840778752/manos-returns
1. What’s the clearest memory you have of Manos: Hands of Fate filming?
I have lots of memories of being on the set but a significant memory for me was my first scene. It was the summer between first and second grade and I had been learning to read so Hal gave me my own script and taped it to the floor of the back seat so it wouldn’t blow away. It wasn’t at all necessary but it made me feel important and special.
Also is it true that you were the only actor that got paid for the filming, with a new bicycle and a food for your dog?
No one got paid anything for doing Manos and some, like my dad, invested a lot of their own resources other than their time. My dog, Shanka, the Doberman were the only ones on cast or crew who were compensated. I got a new red bike with training wheels and plastic streamers coming from the handlebars and Shanka got a 50 lb. bag of grocery store brand dog food.
2.One of the staples of the movie, the actor playing Torgo- John Reynolds sadly passed away shortly after the filming was wrapped. What are your memories of him? Were you close during the filming?
He was a very sweet quiet shy man in my eyes. Mostly during filming he kept to himself to stay in character or disappeared somewhere out in the desert. But when we were both there and not working, he would hang out with me on a low wall outside the house (Valley Lodge). We would talk a little and he would entertain me with silly physical comedy or simple magic tricks while waiting and watching the filming.
3.How did you decide to write a book that documents your experiences from the Manos filming? What can we expect from Growing up with Manos?
I am an artist but I’ve always written here and there and often thought of writing a book. Several years ago I decided to start a blog http://debbiesmanos.blogspot.com about Manos beginning with my memories and clarifying things I knew to be more accurate than the Manos Mythology that had been circulating for so long. It was also an experiment with myself to see if I could come up with enough for a book, be disciplined enough to complete a project, and I needed to know if I would have an audience. I was surprised when in less than a year, I was averaging 3000 views a month. I knew I couldn’t do it all alone so I found my fabulous co-author Laura Mazzuca Toops and I set to writing and research. We found a publisher with Bear Manor Media pretty much the moment we sent out our pitch letters and now the book is just waiting for publication. It took 16 months to complete and was an amazing journey of connecting with long lost people and discovering others who were involved in Manos and never credited. It’s a good story of how this famously bad film came together, who all the players were behind it, and how they not only got pulled into the project but stuck it out in spite of the handwriting on the wall. It goes on to follow the chain of events that brought it to today and the dark side that threatened future inspired projects.
4. How does it feel being back in the world of Manos- filming a sequel incredible 5 decades after the original? Tell us about the old and the new faces working on Return of Manos.
I’ve been in the world of Manos all along as the only surviving cast or crew willing to discuss Manos but that’s pretty much been all fun and games. This is fun too, but it is important to me to somehow give my dad especially a tribute for all the fandom and for the pop culture phenomenon Manos has become. He offered so much of himself and his family to help Hal get his movie done and all he received was emptier pockets and a load of humiliation. Current day Manos is a way for him to have fun with it, for us to have more time together and for the fans to see The Master once again. In the process of researching my book, I discovered the woman who sang “Forgetting You” in the soundtrack. Nicki Mathis has a wonderful career as a Jazz singer and still performs. She has agreed to re record “Forgetting You” for us. We have a few more surprises too for the cast of Manos Returns.
5. We at WM are overjoyed that the Master, your father Tom Neyman is back in the sequel. How does your father feel about Manos after all this time, and what does it feel like working with him again on the new one?
My dad has always stayed very private about Manos although he is always happy to hear about the happening in the Manos world. I enjoy sharing with him and passing messages from the fans. At 80 years old, he’s enjoying it vicariously through me. When the idea of a sequel came up, I knew I couldn’t do it without him, so when he agreed to reprise the role of The Master, it just had to happen.
6. How do you plan to recapture the unique atmosphere of the original Manos and will you include the original Torgo’s music theme, which was used so often in the first one.
I’ve studied this Manos thing for some time, and with closer scrutiny than most, and I believe that it would not be possible to successfully recapture the magic that is Manos. It was made earnestly and unintentionally bad. We are a group of talented indie film makers and professional creative types with a lot more knowledge, technology and resources than Hal could ever have hoped for. That and the Kickstarter funding gives us a great shot at creating a low budget independent film that will be a blast to make and fun for the fans.
One thing we are re-creating is the music. The soundtrack is really quite good and we intend to re record. We will do the Torgo Theme as close to the original as possible.
In a lot of ways Expendables successfully rekindled people’s love for old- school action flicks and we are seeing a bigger and bigger tidal waves of EX inspired films like Asylum’s female mercenaries riff Mercenaries and recent Mark Dacascos’s directing debut Showdown in Manila (with Casper Van Dien , Matthias Hues, Cary Tagawa and Olivier Gruner) but the newest one is perhaps the most intriguing.
Dacascos and company, coming soon!
Coming straight from the slums of Wakaliwood, famed no- budget action director Isaac Nabwana is presenting his grandest opus to date. Combining all the the action stars of Uganda (not that many I know) into one place Operation Kakogoliro aka Ugandan Expendables promises all the kicks, punches, gunshots and explosions we can handle.
Also, IGG is trying to seriously step up production values so he made a Kickstarter and Patreon page for Ramon Film Production. Campaign is of course a success and we can expect too more additional movies too- Tebaatusasula: EBOLA (the sequel to the original Wakaliwood hit) and Eaten Alive In Uganda ( their foray into Canibal genre).
Ah one of the movies dedicated to the techboom era (apart of Weird Science) who glamour computers as a almighty machines capable of changing even a space-time continuum. Also, this one is from back in days when Charles Band still made great *cough* movies. Ok to be honest, Charles Band here had a help of pretty much everybody he is worked with that has some directing skills. But more about that later.
And many more to come
On the very start we see nerdy Paul Bradford (played by bulky Jeffrey Byron), a self-proclaimed Xerox machine A-class troubleshooter who is able to diagnose a malfunction with just plain looking at machine through his futuristic glasses (which looks the same as just any other nerdy thick glasses). Paul, like any other nerd, watches over his physique so he starts jogging after his work hours. Somewhere along the way he meets a flower girl and decides to buy a bouquet. The fact that his wallet is completely empty (not even a personal documents in it) doesn’t concern him because he has glasses! A couple of seconds looking into ATM machine is enough for hacking it and taking amount of money enough to buy a flowers. And for whom is that flowers? For his girlfriend Gwen (played by Leslie Wing) of course, because every nerd has a girlfriend fitness instructor. When Gwen comes home he asks her to marry him. Normally, that is not a reason for a girl to go mad like Gwen did but these are not an ordinary circumstances. The reason why she got pissed off is that that marriage proposal suggestion came from Paul’s experimental computer named Cal. Paul listens to and talks to his computer much more often than he should have. Anyway, Gwen and
Paul go to bed earlier that night and that’s mistake they shouldn’t have made. Because while they were asleep they got teleported to another dimension through Paul’s glasses! Just like that! A moments later Gwen gets captured and Paul finds himself running through the wilderness wearing a medieval clothes, Then a mysterious wizard appears in front of him and reveals that he is responsible for teleportation. Why? Because he believes that Paul is worthy opponent for him. Wizard introduces himself as Prince of Darkness Mestema (played by Richard Moll), who is impressed by “magic” of machines and holds Paul as a master of technology. He also places 7 challenges which Paul must pass in order to release Gwen from captivity. For that Mestema had granted Paul all time access to his computer, by placing chips onto Paul’s arm. So basically, it is a never-ending fight between magic and technology.
Magic
Before he could get what’s going on Paul got teleported (see the picture above) to his first task. He wakes up in wilderness and finds that funny looking dwarves have stolen his strap-on arm computer. He follows them to some cave entrance when he finds his machine left by dwarves. Suspecting nothing he takes and turns his back to go away. But it was a trap! A huge stone giant who was sitting above cave entrance come to life by ridiculous, cheesy stop motion. Giant starts chasing Paul through the jungle. After couple of minutes Paul got bored of playing hide and seek with giant so he destroys him by plain shooting
laser beam to red crystal located above giant’s eyes. First challenge completed.
Much worse stop-motion than Harry Hausen was doing in 1950s
Paul is back to original another dimension. There he engaged into verbal fight with Mestema eventually accepting his game (though it is not he has any other choice). Puff (by which I am referring to more of poor animation and effects) and he is teleported to his second task. Now he is in cave where he meets the caretaker of the dead. Dead people here look more like retarded horned orcs (a reason more why you should try to stay alive as long as possible). Anyway, Paul easily finishes with this challenge with a help of more cheesy stop motion, animation and laser beams. Ok back to Mestema.
This is who awaits you when you die
Time for intermission after second round, Location: Mestema’s dimension. Also it is first time where we have displayed powers of both technology and magic in one scene. To cut the story short below you can enjoy this masterpiece of animation:
After a short discussion with Mestema about musical tastes Paul gets puffed to his third challenge. Now he finds himself at performance of death metal band named Wasp. They also got Gwen tied up on a stage and, like any other metal band, they want to sacrifice her during their performance. Ha what a showmen they are! Cannibal Corpse eat yourself! Of course, Paul doesn’t like the idea of his girlfriend being butchered in public so he disintegrates them using a high frequency sound (!?).
This is how you can fight vs death metal music
The 4th challenge takes place in some sort of vex museum. Every criminal in the world is there. Genghis Khan, Jack the Ripper, werewolf, Einstein… It starts snowing in that room and, like you could guess, every figure comes to life. Logically, Gwen has been taken by Jack the Ripper (no surprise there – she is dressed like a slut). Paul had some problems fighting with Genghis Khan but he slipped away and destroyed entire gang by throwing a crystal Albert Einstein held in hand. Makes sense, since old Albert is clearly a criminal mastermind.
Not fair! They didn’t have electro shocks back in Genghis Khan days
After this Mestema’s belief in victory got shaken a bit. So he offers Paul a freedom and piles of gold in exchange for letting Gwen to stay in his dimension. Paul was dumb enough to reject this offer without thinking about it (I would take the gold and walk away). With such self-confidence boost (which came from his own stupidity) Paul had managed to beat the rest of the challenges consisted of escaping the police after being accused of series of murders of women, wrestling a demon and fighting with nomads tribes in Mad Max vehicles on a post apocalyptic warfare. He even managed to beat Mestema in 1vs1 fight by throwing him to volcano despite the fact that the Prince of Darkness is much larger than him and possesses dark powers. Paul and Gwen get teleported back to their own dimension just in time for their wedding so we get a happy end worth every judging.
And for all you nerds out there these are a kind of chicks you are entitled on
Conclusion: Yup, nothing can stand in a way of technological progress. Not even a demonic wizard with strange and mysterious powers. That would be a message this movie sends to it’s viewers. Plot is so imaginative that it took 7 directors and even more writers to build it. That’s probably the reason why it gets incoherent from time to time. On account of acting I can’t be too harsh since we were actually able to see occasional decent acting. Unlike the costumes though. Those probably were stolen from some kid’s Halloween house party and from other movie sets. If you love excessive doses of 1980s cheese then this is the movie for you because that’s what will you get while watching this. 70 minutes of cheap, cheesy fun, bad special effects and poor attempts of stop-motion. Just don’t expect any Dungeons & Dragons involving here.
Hong Kong cinematography is without a doubt most famous for one thing and that’s action flicks- be it their period peaces or their contemporary action thrillers. On the other hand there is a whole genre that generally gets glossed over by a Western audience and that’s their Horror movies.
This movie was made by an major HK production (Shaw Brothers) but there is nothing commercial or ordinary about it. And you might find yourself mistaken by the name- ’cause this movie does have it’s share of Kickboxing but that is secondary to the bat-shit crazy and psychedelic sequences of mystical battles between Buddhist disciples and an Evil Shaman(s).
The movie starts right out the gate with a fierce kickboxing fight between the Thai champion Ba Bo (Bolo Yeung) and Chinese Chan Wai. Bolo loses the fight but proceeds to punch after the bell and with his inhuman power menages to send the Chinese fighter to the E.R (with a broken neck).
+ for having Bolo show some Martial Arts instead of just being just a strongman as he is regularly cast
Hung Chen’s brother promises to get revenge and arranges a trip to Thailand. But not before some brutal sex with his girlfriend! I guess we all have different ways of coping with stress. Then all of the sudden a mystical symbol appears in the air and this all takes a serious left turn.
Thai people (being really mean by nature) welcome Bolo with great pride and give him championship belt for ignoring the rules and crippling his opponent. They sure don’t like Chinese people over there.Hung Chen find the meaning of the symbol in the local (Thai) Buddhist temple. It turns out the Abbot of the temple expected him.The twist- Abbot is already dead, he was killed by an evil black magician Mai Gussu just when he was about to achieve immortality (man that’s a bummer!)
But it tuns out Abbot’s spiritual powers are so strong he can communicate beyond the grave so Hung Chen finally learns why he is was summoned to the temple. Strangely it turns out he and Abbot are spiritually linked because they were twins in the past life. Also Chen Hung cannon live without him so as soon as Abbot’s body decomposes Chen will also die.
He gets angry and refuses to except his fate but eventually comes to terms with the situation. The only solution for his predicament is to become a monk and use his spiritual powers to defeat Mai Gussu.
Magical battle that ensues puts to shame Gandalf vs Saruman from Lord of the Rings. I mean, just look at this madness!
After seemingly defeating the evil Abbot Qung Zhao is now free to seek immortality and Chen is free to return to Hong Kong. Even though he “saw thru vanity of this world” first thing he does is have sex in the shower with his girl who doesn’t seem too pleased that he disappeared for Thailand for apparently two months. She even threatens to castrate him at one point- man, those Chinese girls really don’t mess around.
Unfortunately back in Thailand other evil wizards gather and a demon woman gets born from the belly of the giant crocodile. I’m sure this has some cultural significance that I just can’t get.
Chen finally fights Bolo and menages to win in a back and forth match. Then he goes blind. He goes back to the temple in Thailand to seek help and they promise to organize another duel (strange how little do they actually help here). Chen unfortunately doesn’t tell Monks that he broke the vow of chastity and that cost him the victory and potentially dooms both him and his spiritual brother (man, why is it so hard achieving immortality over there). Though telling the truth they do give him the mystical essence that can be only acquired from the 1000 year old fungus found in the giant stone head of Buddha (we are not making this up).
After fucking things up his only hope is to find a sacred relic in Nepal. Unfortunately the witch shows up to spoil his plan and also summons a bunch of evil stop motion alligators to help her. Fortunately when all seems lost the Chinese Santa shows up and the witch blows up and Chen can finally have his life back.
Beware of Chinese Santa!!!
Verdict: This movie consists of Buddhism and Witchcraft presented via kaleidoscopic, psychedelic FX and cheesy but weird practical effect mixed with a dose of kickboxing and also nudity- and the result is in equal parts captivating and bizarre. All in all this is a movie everyone should watch at least once ’cause there’s just nothing quite like it.
Martial Arts legend Bruce Lee unfortunately didn’t live to see his ultimate triumph of Enter The Dragon (he died weeks before the premiere). After his popularity exploded all over the world (not just Hong Kong) people were hooked and were left desiring a product (cool Bruce Lee movies)- but having no one to deliver it.
Well, a great number of people saw this as an opportunity for a quick cash grab and soon Brucexploitation was born! Cheaply patch together movies full of horrible look-a-likes (not really) all sporting the names that are so close yet so far away. Names like Bruce Le, Bruce Li, Dragon Lee (who looks like Bruce on steroids), Bruce Ly, Bruce Thai, Bronson Lee (aka Tadashi Yamashita later also a staple in Ninja movies like American Ninja and Octagon).
Now enjoy our Top 5 choices!
05.Bruce Lee in New Guinea
In this mind-boggling flick Bruce Li manages to father a child to a princess of the Snake Island. Also he fights a wizard. When a Kung Fu movie steals the show with nudity and not action you know there’s something seriously wrong with it.
04.Enter The Game of Death
Like the title says Enter The Game of Death is a combination of Enter The Dragon and Game of Death– with a hint of Fist of Fury. It stars Bruce Le who’s generally one of the worst imitators and it has him fighting evil Japanese people again and again and refusing to visit the fabled pagoda for way too long. Lone bright spot is (again) Bolo Yueng as the leader of the first Japanese gang (even thou heis Chinese). It’s nice seeing him rock a cool Katana sword for a bit.
03.Bruce Lee Fights Back from the Grave aka Visitor of America
This is actually a Korean film that had nothing to do with Bruce Lee until the US Distributor decided to add this awesome intro with the imitator jumping fiercely from the grave. The rest of the movie deals with Wong Han a Korean man trying to discover the truth behind the death of his brother.
02. The Dragon Lives Again AKA Deadly Hands of Kung Fu
This movie starts with the announcement “this film is dedicated to millions who love Bruce Lee” but that doesn’t even start to describe what you’re in for. It shockingly starts after the death of Bruce Lee- who’s soul ends up in Hell. There he meets some fun people like Kwai Chang Caine (from Kung Fu series), Fang Kang (One Armed Swordsman) and also a cartoon character Popeye too? He opens a Martial Arts Dojo with Popaye but attracts a vicious mafia (consisting of Dracula, James Bond, Zatoichi and Man with No Name– not played by Clint Eastwood but rather a local Chinese actor).
Bruce Lee uncovers a conspiracy of Mafia to overthrow The King of Hell (shockingly using a soft- core porn star Emanuelle !!!) He menages to defeat the Mafia ans save the King who grants him back his life. It is definitely the most out there of all Brucexploitation and I wholeheartedly recommend it!
01.Clones of Bruce Lee aka Death Penalty on Three Robots
This is the undisputed winner considering the ridiculousness of the plot ( Profesor Lucas clones Bruce Lee into three adult clones that are then sent to battle crime including a gold smuggler and an evil scientist), presence of the actual Bruce Lee movies luminaries like Jon T. Benn- the Italian mob boss from The Way of the Dragon as crazy scientist (again seen in recent films like Fearless and also Man with the Iron Fists by RZA) and the legendary evil henchmen Bolo Yueng. It also a kind of The Expendables or The Avengers of the Brucexploitation genre because it teams ups all the prominent Bruce Lee imitators like Bruce Le, Bruce Lai, Bruce Thai and Dragon Lee in one place.
Hell, it even has the random FBI agent that looks just like Bruce Lee! If you want a Lee overdose this is the film for you.
To top it off we need to mention the excellent parody of the Brucexploitation genre “Finishing the Game”directed by Justin Lin of Fast and Furious fame. It’s a comedy but man- it’s one of those “it’s funny ’cause it’s true” type of deals.
Jackey Neyman Jones (Debbie) confirmed that the shooting of Manos Returns has officially commenced and they already shot the first scenes with (her real life father)The Master himself- Tom Neyman!
Jackey recently reconnected with her heritage by writing a book Growing up with Manos: The Hands of Fate and following it up by making cool Manos Returns t shirts and art cards that resulted in enough funds to start up the the production of Manos Returns film. As far as we can hear they will also fallowed it up by a Kickstarter campaign early in 2016 (so keep your eyes open)!
Jackie acts as a producer (and we hope an actor too) and is accompanied by a veteran B-movie crew consisting of writer/ editor Steve Folly, director Tonija Atomic, DP Joe Sherlock (Skullface Astronaut) with Racher Jackson (Manos Hands of Felt fame) acting as a manager.
Hopefully we’ll see the return of as many of original actors as possible (unfortunately John Reynolds aka Torgo committed suicide shortly before the original movie premiered in 1966).
If all goes according to plan we will see Manos Returns just in time for the 50th anniversary of the original. Now, that would really be something!
The movie stays with a very ditzy blonde trying to buy some (Lemurian?) jewelry from the ancient Chinese man Unfortunately they get interrupted by a strange group of ninjas. Cops show up in a record time but unfortunately they don’t train them for the power of Ninjutsu. On the other hand Ninjas seem to be incredibly stationary and even though the kill of some of the cops they end up shot more than a few times. Next we cut to a badass biker cop Angel who dispatches a group of kidnappers- in a school none the less. She also saves a colleague, a mustached agent who’s obviously great with the ladies ’cause they end up in bed in 5 minutes flat.
Do you surrender?
Unfortunately their bliss is interrupted by the call from the hospital. It turns our her brother Rob is on his death’s bed. He was one of the cops who tried to stop Ninjas in the beginning. She vows to gets her revenge on the ninjas and their master who turns out to be a mysterious Doctor Sin Do, supposedly in league with an evil wizard called (I love this name) Lee Chuck. She chooses her team to infiltrate the island (an obvious reference to Enter The Dragon) and it’s none other than two deadly and beautiful woman.
Her first choice is a Native American warrior for justice called Whitestar (played by non- other but Raven De La Croix, legendary Russ Meyer diva)
Looks kinda like young Cher, only better…
. Her second choice is equally intriguing- a convict (that Angel caught herself) called Melanie who obviously enjoys some mud-wresting. Now we have the team rivaling The Charie’s Angels, don’t we?
All three of them survive rigorous tests and are finally granted entrance to the island. Once there they expect them to prepare and then compete in a deadly martial arts tournaments.
All procedures must be preformed topless!
They try to uncover the plot by breaking in during the night time but they barely escape. In fact they leave some poor kidnapped girl to her destiny not to blow their cover (man these girls are cold). In the meantime mustached man finds the jewels Ninjas we’re after the whole time. Unfortunately he decides to break into the island- the hard way and fails epically. Sin Du is enchanted and invites Whitestar for a dinner- that turns out into a quite bizarre ritual (with lights, ropes and a snake too).
He leaves her for death and concentrates on Angel, trying to make her kill her beloved… and gloating at the same time, finally holding his magical jewles. Unfortunately for him two of them turn agains him and lead more of candidates against his army and the awesome battle ensues. Whitestar also menages to free herself and kick some ass. It turns out that Sin Do is non other than Lee CHuck… and Lee Chuck is none other than… a Skeleton!!!
slika skeletora
When all seems lost for him Sin Do unleashes the weapon of ultimate destruction- A GIANT METALLIC PENIS!
Penis starts destroying everything in it’s path but the only girl who dies is the poor girl they kept kidnapped. It turns out Whitestar can drive a helicopter so our heroes menage to escape just in time as evil island explodes to kingdom come.
Verdict: Jim Wynorski is (straight outta gate) almost a perfect fusion of Andy Sidaris and Russ Meyer, featuring as many incredibly cheese action scenes with as much voluptuous beauties he can fit in the frame. Basically he is doing what every B-movie filmmaker should do, not overthinking things but giving us a fun ride for all the money.
Trivia #01 This movie came to be because Henry Plitt, the owner of Plitt Theatres (also a decorated war hero) wanted to make a low budget SF picture as a tax loss. He never shared that information with young Wynorski who gave it it’s all. It all worked out for the best ’cause Wynorski continued on his path and has recently filmed his 100th movie.
Trivia #02 The last henchman dispatched in the finale is none other than Blackie Dammett also known by his birth name John Michael Kiedis, the father of Anthony Kiedis, the frontman of the Red Hot Chilly Peppers! You weren’t expecting that, did you?
We are all well aware of the existence of plenty Karate Kid rip-offs. Some are awful and some are just plain bad. As for Showdown you choose to which group this movie belongs, especially when you keep in mind that Billy Blanks headlines in this hilariously cheesy Karate Kid rip off, together with Brion James and ’80s synthesizer music.
Ken Marks (played by Kenn Scott) is the new student at his new school in Phoenix. There he meets the girl of his dreams named Julie (played by Christine Taylor). Unfortunately, she has a boyfriend, Tom (played by Ken McLeod), who is not only possessive of her but is also a brutal karate expert. Sounds familiar? Not yet? How about now? Tom beats up Ken for talking to his bitch. Ken decides to drop his career of school boxing bag and, logically, takes self-defense course at school janitor Billy (played by Billy Blanks). Now here is the twist: Tom is learning karate at Lee (played by Patrick Kilpatrick), a sensei whose brother was killed by a rookie cop named Billy. Since then, as a punishment for himself, Billy has taken the most degrading job known to human – a school janitor. Ha! Now we get personal motive for rumble rather than fighting over some high school bimbo. Both Billy and Lee have their owns ways treating their students. While Blanks exploits Ken to do his own job (like scrubbing a toilet and taking out the trash) instead of himself, Lee is a complete maniac who yells at Tom and beats him up for the tiniest mistakes.
But Billy didn’t quite quit his police career (once a cop-always a cop). Using his old partner who’s still on the force, the two work together to bring down a full-contact fighting circuit organized by Lee that pits teenagers against each other for money. In the meantime, Billy doesn’t know that Ken has accepted a challenge to face Tom in this same arena. Bah today’s teenagers don’t have any respect or trust.
Insert some inspiring words here
Since the biggest part of the movie displays training consisted of scrubbing, blocking and spinning back kick, occasionally interrupted with Billy’s fighting scenes, we’ll skip to the end. Big fight in a pit takes place where Ken with a lot of luck manages to beat Tom. Revolted by defeat of his student Lee bust into the ring and starts beating the crap out of both Ken and Tom. Then suddenly, out of nowhere, Billy appears and sensei vs sensei mega-fight can begin. The fight is rather hilarious with a racist touch when Lee starts whipping Billy’s back with his belt. At that moment even an opposite team started rooting for their janitor. With such wind to his back, Billy easily makes the sudden twist, wins the fight and arrest Lee. Delighted with such development of the situation students offer to Billy to become their new sensei. He gladly accepts it, gets crowned in the utility room and Ken finally gets someone to polish his spear.
It’s coming out!
Conclusion: Apart of this movie being an obvious ripoff of Karate Kid, it also looks to me like Karate Kid meets the Airbud (both got janitor as a guru). For a high-school martial arts flick this movie doesn’t have a lot of fighting. Instead there are several training montages, with third training montage that was just too much. Billy Blanks steals the movie together with always insane Patrick Kilpatrick. Christine Taylor’s character, despite her weak efforts, just remains to look like typical lightheaded high-school Bimbo.”Showdown” plays out more than just a repeat of “The Karate Kid.” Gibbs’s script combines elements from several completely separate genres and places them in one movie, the two most noticeable being the cop movie and the bullied-teen movie. It also aims to poke fun at the high school movie genre, but doesn’t quite succeed at this either. There are plenty of lame sight gags, the usual bullies, cliches, and even Brion James drops in as the stereotypical hard-nosed principal.
Dacascos and company, coming soon!
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