Things are obviously moving along quite nicely as Matt Hannon and Mindy Robinson go trough the rigorous fight training. Matt’s Samurai chops look better than ever and he even found the time to hang out with the UFC Hall of Famer and Expendables franchise alumni Randy “The Natural” Couture.
The Ultimate Friends!
And if this is not enough for you, here’s Matt’s personal update on the movie, and we can expect shooting to start very, very soon (December 14 to be precise).
To conclude our pretty sweet Post- Apocalyptic month we have a special treat for you. Preview for After The Harvest, a new gem of B movie film-making that we can all look forward to. And it features some legends of the Action and SF cinema like the Renegade himself Lorenzo Lamas, Martina Sirtis (Star Trek) and the main man Vernon Wells (Mad Max 2: Road Warrior, Commando)!
You all know what this means- we’re gonna see Wells ride the motorcycle again!
Enjoy the preview and tell us what you think!
For more information proceed to the official page right here. http://www.aftertheharvestmovie.com
One of the uncommon combos of genre fiction is a Western/ SF combination. Probably because it’s still to be shown profitable for the big companies (see Outland, Firefly or BraveStarr cartoon)
Yet that doesn’t stop the occasional filmmaker from trying and in this case use it as a twist on the tried and true Road Warrior post- apocalyptic genre.
Howdy, people!
Long haired lone gunman Joe Lara (Tarzan: The Epic Adventures) finds a dying man in the desert. Inquiring him about his predicament he finds out that he was shot by “Death Riders” (good name for a metal band). He finishes the man off (so he doesn’t have to suffer any more) and sets on his way. On a cool steam-punkish bike of course.
In the meantime we have Death Riders led by General Quantrill ( played by legendary B actor Brion James) pillaging a New Hope settlement (something horrible has to happen when you name it that way). After a massacre General claims New Hope as a United Regime post. No one complains.
General gets a bit emotional!
Yuma eventually crosses paths with some of the United Regime and it results in some awesome Mad Max racing. They eventually do catch him but he impresses them with his gun-slinging skills enough to get himself hired. He then goes through a grueling initiation process in which he is branded like a cattle and beaten to a bloody pulp.
https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2b7y08
That same night he saves a young and beautiful blonde widow from a dirty redneck with his fantastic poker skills (almost good as his shooting). That doesn’t stop the redneck for trying to rape her the next day but that’s where things get a little crazy. Her kid shoots redneck’s friend disturbed John Lennon looking-dude and he completely loses it. Thankfully Yuma appears and engages in a fistfight that lasts long enough for a widow to grab a gun a shoot the man herself. Yuma doesn’t seem to happy about it but he prepares for the inevitable.
https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2b7yfa
Death riders figure out that Yuma is responsible for their dead compatriots and after a short staring contest all hell brakes lose. Some of the townspeople embrace this as an opportunity to rebel against the Union and join up. Giant Death rider played by Kane Hodder (best known as Jason Vorhees) even snaps a random woman’s neck. Using his robot bike (also equiped with Gatling gun) and his uncanny prowess with a revolver Yuma menages to turn the tide in his favor but he still ends up in a fist fight with Hodder and that’s not an easy task for any man.
https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2b7yrv
Beaten and bruised Yuma is dragged to the airplane(!?) where the widow lives and there he heals himself with a screwdriver-looking thing. General Quantrill completely loses his shit when he hears what happened organizes an all out attack on New Hope. In normal case they would burn the town to the ground but Yuma organizes the townspeople and menages to surprise them.It all ends with a drag out chase featuring a school bus!!! After a nasty crash both of them reach of their guns and it ends something like this…
We’ll all miss you Brion James!
Yuma finally reveals that he is a bounty hunter, he takes Quantrill’s corpse on his bike and rides off leaving his love interest and her son all alone and confused. I guess loner’s got to be alone, right?
Verdict: Like the many movies before it Steel Frontier fallows the blueprint of A Fistful of Dollars/ Yojimbo to a T and this does get boring at times. Still the cool characteristics of Spaghetti Western are all there- wide shots, dramatic close ups and atmospheric soundtrack too (with a distinct mile-eastern flavor for good measure) and for a B movie it’s tight, fast moving and filled with action and in truth that’s all you can expect.
So if you’re a fan of Mad Max and/ or Clint Eastwood flicks you should give it a shot.
Trivia: Beside being a model and an actor Joe Lara is also a singer/ songwriter and he published his first album album in 2009. You can see the video right here.
Yeah we are still at post-apocalypse. At least for some more time. Why, you might ask. Well, we decided to explore all of sub-genres of such movies. Not that there are many of those. Not more than one, to be precise. By sub-genre we are referring to a reason for butchering whatever has left of humanity and civilized world (the word “civilized” should be taken with as much reserve as it is possible in human nature). Basic plot is always the same. Ok, now when we got things cleared let’s take a look at this.
Sticking head into a sand
Patrick Swayze excels as Nomad, martial arts specialist, adept swordsman, ex-soldier and God knows what else, who spends his time roaming through the Wasteland (an ordinary desert, just like you would see in any other low budget Mad Max 2 rip off) created after futuristic nuclear war. Also, standing on his head and meditating deeply in sand (and shooting it occasionally) is his favorite way for wasting time in Wasteland. During one of those sessions he meets his old army/secret service/FBI/CIA/mason mentor and spiritual guide Cord (played by John Fujioka). In the middle of a desert. Just like that! Boy, what are the chances for such thing to happen? And what’s the better way of celebrating “long time no see” than having a drink in nuclear shelter while surrounded with thousands and thousands miles of sand? So Cord, who really looks like Mako from “Conan the Barbarian”, invites over Nomad to chill out a bit at his place. And not only because of that. Cord wants Nomad to protect a small group of post-apocalyptic settlers terrorized by wandering post-apocalyptic gang. And why would anyone give a shit about small group of post-apocalyptic settlers? Because that particular group of post-apocalyptic settlers controls a huge amount of ost-apocalyptic water. Ok, now I will stop naming post-apocalyptic things. Anyway, where was I? Oh! You see, after the nuclear holocaust humanity has been reduced to agriculture only. And you can’t have agriculture without the water. Plain and simple. Nomad doesn’t look very interested in role of peacemaker at first. That is going to change couple of moments later when he gets poisoned with his drink. But it isn’t the Cord who has poisoned him nor he got alcohol poisoning (well, at least not in traditional manner). As soon as Swayze bites the dust several members of post-apocalyptic gang storms in. Cord engages in sword fight with their leader who looks like Carlos Blanca from Street Fighter before going green from food poisoning. We see some decent choreographed fight in which Cord has shown us why he is the sword master. That didn’t help him much, tho, since Blanca has a secret weapon – a spike coming out from his knee. You can guess where that spike is going to end up. So, Cord ends up dead, gang leaves with exact location of settlement, Nomad burns the corpse of his guru and decides to accept the offer. Just to mention that a single word hasn’t been spoken since the moment when Nomad hits the ground.
No kicking in family jewels! That’s what girls do!
Nomad makes his way across the desert to the settlement. There he meets their leader Kasha (played by Lisa Niemi), her son Jux (played by Brett Hool) and her right hand Tark (played by Brion James), who looks like a version of post-apocalyptic Hulk Hoggan. He didn’t like Swayze from a first minute which is going to change later after Nomad helps him in 1vs4 fight. After a short conversation with Kasha Nomad accepts to work on water purification and agriculture in exchange for food and shelter. Kasha receives a letter from the Council of Order delivered by Cali (played by Joe Ribeiro), who I believe should represent some sort of new wave of post-apocalyptic gays (looks like just an ordinary fagot to me). That letter states that a Peacemaker (whatever that could be) has been appointed to Kasha’s settlement. Seems it is a good news as it turns out that settlement is now under the protection of Council (whoever they may be). Of course, what kind of post-apocalypse it would be if everything was going well all the time? By default there must be some selfish villain who wants to claim everything for himself, don’t you agree? In this movie his name is Damnil (played by none other than Anthony Zerbe himself), a local gang leader who pillages water and hard work of peasants, as he likes to put it, in order to survive and satisfy his megalomania. But more of him later. For now, everything is going as it should be and Nomad uses those moments of harmony to plant agricultural seeds and teach Jux ways of meditation while standing on head.
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2ays28_meditation_fun
Since Nomad helped defending a farm Kasha reveals him a secret. There is a huge spring of pure, clear water under the settlement. She plans to build aqueducts that will supply attached farms with water. Soon it would be a huge city since hordes of people from all sides of Valley would like to join. Works on building aqueducts have been already put to motion. In the meantime Nomad gets approached by Damnil with an offer to work for him and steal the water from Kasha. He has given a time to think about his answer. As a reply, Nomad sneaks into Damnil’s settlement and steals one of his water pumps. Partly because he is no traitor and partly because he has already managed to water Kasha with his own can. I guess she doesn’t believe in playing hard to get.
Patrick Swayze has swayzed this girl
Nomad’s latest action brought him quite popularity rise. That doesn’t suits Tark at all. He feels he is not needed anymore so he decides to leave the settlement. Nomad goes in search for him and finds him drunken of his boots in some post-apocalyptic bar. There Tark opens his heart in a style of 15 years old girl who has just been used and dumped by her boyfriend, after which he tries to engage in post-apocalyptic bar fight with Nomad. That fight is shameful for both actors and viewers. It is pretty painful to watch so here it is for your own displeasure:
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2ayshm_drunk_fun
Stealing a water pump from Damnil was pretty dumb idea. He sent his best henchman to deal with Nomad. I guess you already know who that man may be. That’s right, Blanca. Blanca’s actual name is Sho (played by Cristopher Neame). He is also an ex-soldier, now working as Damnil’s assassin. He engages in spade fight with Nomad and would kill him for sure if Tark didn’t decide to come back and help. Stupid decision it seems, since Sho killed him with one move. That’s what you get when you try to help a guy who ruined your position. At least Sho got fed up with that murder and decided to spare Nomad’s life. For now.
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2aysvq_spade-fight_fun
As I have already wrote on the beginning the basic plot is plain, simple and same as in other Mad Max 2 rip-offs. All elements needed for cliche are there: A lone hero, damsel in distress, an evil villain who would do anything to achieve hisgoal, helpless kid, romance, villain’s best henchman who is the only competent mercenary… As expected, Damnil kidnaps Jux and Kasha goes to rescue him. Of course, she is offering info about endless spring of water in exchange for her son’s life. After a short thinking over Danmil decides that he would rather stick with child slaughter. On our big disappointment this didn’t happen and Kasha somehow manages to save her son. On the other side, Nomad fights alone against gang members who are driving tin cans (even worse ones than in The New Barbarians), dressed as ninjas and armed with nunchakus for some reason. After killing them one by one he faces Sho and kills him as well after in sword fight. Not even a knee-spike could have helped Sho. In the final confrontation with Damnil, who was holding a knife under Kasha’s neck, Nomad kills him by throwing a knife from a large distance precisely into Damnil’s throat. The ending is a bit different with Nomad walking away to continue his loner life instead of staying with Kasha. I guess he didn’t want a chick with a child. Smart choice.
My throat is sore.
Conclusion: In the sea of “Road Warrior” rip-offs “Steel Dawn” stands among better ones if we exclude terrible camera which was shaking during the entire movie. It looks like this wasn’t filmed by a regular cameraman but by a drunken one-eyed chimp with camera in his teeth. This might be better than some other nuclear holocaust B production movies but it is also more dull and boring. Patrick Swayze is so young here and I guess he wasn’t in position to choose his roles at that time. While other motion pictures of this genre tried to combine western and post-apocalypse, director Lance Hool has tried to combine samurai genre with post-apocalypse. And he failed miserably. My opinion: You can watch this movie if you wish, it doesn’t hurt your brain so much, but do not expect any amount of fun, thrill and excitement. Such expectations would have as much point as meditating while standing on your head deeply in radioactive sand.
In the post- apocalyptic future all that is left of human race now lives in a desert wasteland of North Alaska?! Yeah, that’s right. A new form of government has risen from the ashes of the old world, The Ownership (and it looks kinda like a deadly combination of the American capitalism with German Nazism) rules the land with the iron hand controlling all that is left of the natural resources- quickly depleting supplies of Oil. That of course prompts the creation of various rebel factions and it all results in a seemingly never ending war. During one of the battles father of muscle bound silent type Slade (Richard Norton) is shot. Slade disobeys a directer order from his commander Colonel Lawton desperately trying to help him but in spite of all his toughness and Martial Art prowess he ends up knocked out and captured. It turns out Lawton was just waiting for something like that to happen. Jealous of Slade he uses the opportunity to pronounce him a traitor and a wanted enemy of the Ownership.
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2aomjw_equalizer-2000_auto
Norton menages to escape using his superior fighting skills but ends up mixed up in another fight when he helps the mysterious and rebellious beauty Karen (Caorinne Wahl). He ends up wounded and she drives him to her village.There they stop the bleeding and effectively save his life.As Slade recovers he plots his revenge. He fixes the legendary Equalizer 2000, gun made of many more guns and by default the manliest thing ever.
What a gun, what a man!
Lawton eventually founds out where Slade is (with a little help from the future Terminator alumni Richard Patrick). Norton decides to hold his own while village gets evacuated and Equalizer enables him to do just that. Karen insist of helping him and the two of them start wreaking havoc on the army of The Ownership. After sustaining significant loses Lawton decides that he wants that gun. Easier said than done thou.
Dynamic Duo!
After the short detour that consists of fight with Deke’s (Robert Patrick) men and a romantic evening with Karen Slade gathers up all the different rebel factions and takes the fight to the The Ownership themselves striking their fortress with all their might. Lawton uses the opportunity to kill his superior and take all the power for himself but as we learned power is nothing without the Equalizer.
Notice how the tribal rebels with bows and arrows can actually shoot better than those with guns.
After a hard and devastating fight Slade finally kills Lawton and people are finally free. Unfortunately his lady died in the process. Little bit shaken he goes back to his cool muscle car and rides away, presumably into some new and cool adventures.
Verdict: This movie is an all out balls to the wall action! It makes little to no sense but if there’s one thing you’ve got to admit- those Filipino exploitation directors (and Cirio H. Santiago a long time Roger Corman associate is a true veteran of that genre with over a 100 movies under his belt) sure knew how to film crazy ass car chases and explosion and that’s practically all there is to Equalizer.
Trivia: Now the real fun part is the mere fact that the main actor, Aussie Richard Norton actually managed to get a role in a new Mad Max movie (Fury Road) as a fight choreographer and one of the villains!!!I’m pretty sure it’s more due to his incredible Martial Arts knowledge ( he is an Okinawan weapons expert, one of the founders of Zen Do Kai Karate style and is also popular as a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and self- defense expert) and not due to George Miller’s being a fan of Equalizer but no mater how you look at it, it’s one hell of a Aussie Cinderella story.
Richard on the set of Mad Max: Fury Road, nothing has changed
During the 80’s there were two sub-genres breaking out featuring a number of movies influenced by key films, “The Road Warrior” and “Conan the Barbarian”. Those movies were the main reason for invasion of low-budget rip-offs until the end of that shrill, pointless decade. If you were paying attention to our past reviews (shame on you if you weren’t) we already had done a great part of bad barbarian movies. This month we decided to check other, post-apocalyptic side (mostly because we don’t have better things to do).
![The_New_Barbarians_I_Nuovi_Barbari_1982https_www.facebook.com_exploitationmovie_ref_hl[(004065)02-07-54]](https://theworsemovies.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/the_new_barbarians_i_nuovi_barbari_1982https_www-facebook-com_exploitationmovie_ref_hl00406502-07-54.jpg)
Thanks God it’s over!
As it is always the case, nuclear holocaust has happened. This time it happened in 2019. Of course, no one ever bothers with explaining details such as who, what, why, where, how… So such is the case with this movie as well. Listen, important thing is that the nuclear holocaust is over and the world population has been almost completely wiped out. Good! Among the rare survivors is the group of marauders in white uniforms known as The Templars. They are driving tin cans which I guess were supposed to look like the exact replicas of buggies from “Mad Max 2”. No such luck, tho. Although, they are equipped with various devices that can stab, hack, and blast victims…. But no use. They still look like tin cans. The Templars are led by statuesque One (played by George Eastman) and lieutenant Shadow (played by Ennio Girolami). Their mission on Earth (or at least what have been left of it) is quite simple: This world is dead. So, accordingly, everybody in it must die too (except themselves, of course) so they could be the last remaining men. One is a prophet of hate whose mantra is to spread death and destruction to all he meets. Hm sounds like a reasonable man. No point in glamorizing the truth. Truth to be told, there is no point in this plot either.
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x29u063_decapitated-doll_fun
How the hell the doll did survive nuclear holocaust?
Several thousand decomposing bodies away, on the other side of desert, there is a mercenary named Scorpion (played by Giancarlo Prete). Scorpion? Shadow? One? It is no coincidence… All the characters in this movie have profound-sounding name. It goes great with one-dimensional characters, after all. Scorpion and One have a pact not to attack each other. That pact breaks when the Templars start killing and pillaging innocent people around. Plus, Scorpion decides to protect traveling caravan with supplies led by Father Moses (played by Venantino Venantini), which is the main target of The Templars. Scorpion isn’t interested in supplies (which is damn obvious since he survived on his own for so long). His main interest is Alma (played by Anna Kanakis), one of the leaders of caravan. Of course, not even Scorpion would be able to match The Templars on his own. Another mercenary joins his cause; Nadir (played by Fred Williamson) who pulverizes every enemy with his trusty bow and arrows with bombs attached onto arrowheads (!?). I see that survivors didn’t lack creativity when it comes to dismembering another human being. Nor Scorpion, nor The Templars, nor Nadir have absolutely no reason for doing what they were doing. Furthermore, Fred Williamson has absolutely no fucking reason even to be in this movie!
https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x29u11z
Basically this is the entire plot. Seriously, not much of dialogue is offered here, which is good since dubbing is awful at best. Fights between mercenaries and The Templars are consisted of fighting in a mud, a lot of explosions (head-explosions, chest-explosions, ass-explosions), deadly tin cans races in “Mad Max meets Wacky Races” style, hilarious dialogue, bizarre costumes, wild haircuts, decapitated bodies and all of that followed by “pew pew” sound effects (even when extras fire contemporary assault rifles). Oh oh I almost forgot to mention the most shocking scene… Scorpion got captured by The Templars and as a punishment for his sins or as initiation ritual (can’t be sure due to dubbing which would make your ears bleed) he gets attached to some sort of bending machine and then he gets ass-fucked by The Templars!!! Only, you can’t tell for sure what is going on in that scene, because the editor starts cutting up every shot with strangely framed pointless shots while Simonetti’s wildly psychedelic sounds come on again. As for me, I ought to believe in what was suggested. As you already guessed Scorpion took a full revenge until at the end of movie, doing that in gay James Bond style by ass-fucking One’s car with his drill. Not much use of revenge for him tho. He got bamboozled and he will be remembered for that only.
https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x29u1yk
Backdoor initiation
Conclusion: This is a crash-budget spaghetti-western disguised as a post-apocalyptic action film ala “Mad Max” or “Escape From New York”. Director Enzo G Castellari has done a rather remarkable job of keeping up traditional action-film pacing throughout the film, when keeping in mind non-existence of the budget. But that still wasn’t enough. The cinematographer was very persistent about utterly pointless framing. Most shots are often zoomed-in too closely on the action resulting often in the viewer feeling the urge to try and look left or right of the TV-screen to see more of the action. The vehicle’s designs are simply mind-blowing. Most of them are armed with very vicious devices, such as grenade-launchers, ultra-long drills coming out of the front-grid, car-doors that launch themselves and explode on impact, flame-throwers and a circular saw, expanding from the side of the car which decapitates innocent civilians running for their lives. And as for the music in this movie we have Claudio Simonetti’s completely warped musical score. He came up with his most spaced-out compositions (possibly while being under influence of some sort of spaghetti-LSD). Overall, this is a very fun flick which can come in handy when you want to annihilate your free time and give your brain a leave of absence with forgettable action picture.
Lee Marvin (Cannon nicked him from the open casket funeral) stars as a grizzled veteran leader of the Delta force.Delta Force is an elite units of commandos, elite mostly because Chuck Norris is in it. Also, Steve James(American Ninja) is in it too. Norris almost doesn’t make it alive because he is saving his army buddy but all is good. Some time later bunch of people (mostly Jewish) innocently board the plane from Athens to Rome to New York blind to the fact that there are terrorist lurking really, really close.
Shocking! This man is a terrorist!
Finally they threaten with a hand grenade and the panic spreads like a wildfire. In the meantime Chuck Norris is eating his breakfast. He doesn’t seem very pleased.
They interrupted Norris’s breakfast, no one interrupts Norris’s breakfast.
Terrorists find some American Navy officers, and they lose their mind over it. They also manage to punch the random priest in the process of catching them. Next thing on the list- round out all the Jews (that also somehow includes the random Russian fellow, there terrorist are not really bright. We also have a blond, German stewardess who freaks over the capturing of the Jews in the typical “we are not Nazis anymore” style that seems popular ’till this day.
Chuck Norris finishes his meal and then gets a call from his (really) old mate Lee Marvin. His country (and Delta Force) needs him again. Emotionless as always Chuck Norris excepts. Terrorists menage to be evil but show their not that evil- by being kind to the kids. They also steal the jewelry from women like common tugs In the meantime the fabled Delta Force is waiting for them in Israel. The rescue operation doesn’t really go as planed (although a lot of the people did menage to get out) and the main terrorist dude blows the brains out of the American Navy officer (I believe played by Chuck’s oldest son NASCAR driver Eric Norris). Delta’s and Israelis are forced to retreat- but not for long.
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x28z5a1_delta-force-navy-seal-dies_fun
Plane takes off for Beirut and that’s where the fun actually begins.With a help of an unassuming Orthodox Priest (or is he?) they locate the base of terrorists and open the can of whup ass.
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x28z4m1_delta-force-priest-dies_fun
Deltas also menage to show a bit of old school American brutality but this movie wasn’t made for Arabs anyway. Chuck gets the info on the final terrorist cell and proceeds to use his magical bike with missiles (they really need to make this sort of stuff in the real life). We also learn that the terrorist suck in Karate, Chuck tried to remedy that by learning them a move or a two but I don’t thing they lived long enough for that to take effect.
Verdict: Here we have several interesting (seemingly unrelated) elements. Chuck Norris, an old school actor Lee Marvin, evil Islamic terrorists, airplane hijack- all that combined with mindless jingoistic propaganda. Partially Based on a true event when TWA Flight 847 was hijacked by Lebanese Shia Extremists, later identified as members of Hezbollah and Islamic Jihad. Now If real hijack really had happened the way as the movie shows it then I must say that personal in US airline companies are the most incompetent bunch that ever walked the God’s green Earth since terrorist from this movie wouldn’t be able even to hijack a tricycle from 4 years old girl.
Menahem Golan interestingly decides to make two very different movies at the same time. One is a serious political thriller inspired by live events but than he seemingly gets bored and the movie shifts into Ramboesque shoot em up. This movie also highlight Norris’s shift from the Martial Art actor to the more new age Schwarzenegger/ Stallone type (probably a conscious effort by Cannon Inc.) while also utilizing Martial Arts in climactic final duel.
Anywa,y even thou the movie is beyond ridiculous Golan did somewhat decent job by not having Chuck do anything in the first half of the movie and then utilizing him almost exclusively for action scene and non of the drama. By being smart enough to play to his star’s strengths he got a lot more convincing and entertaining film. It can even be argued that this is one of the highlights of Norris’s career, certainly of his Cannon period.
’cause he’s finally done with cyborgs (Cyborg Nemesis) seemingly always present on our blog-Albert Pyun decided to return to his epic roots (Sword and the Sorcerer) in a 300 style retelling of Napoleon’s conquests starting Jean Claude freakin’ Van Damme!!! Now this is what I call news!
Sample page!
Since early 2000’s Pyun seemed satisfied to work on more experimental and almost zero budget films but now he finally decided to work on something more on the commercial side. Does he still got it? I don’t know but he even plans to film it in Bulgaria’s NU Boyana studios ( one of the largest European studios where they filmed 300: Rise of the Empire, Expendables 2 and 3). Van Damme still has a final saying and of course something like this is not easy to finance but for the sheer WTF factor- I would watch this in a heart beat!
Jeane Claude Van Bonaparte
We are uniquely qualified to review this movie due our Serbian background and our bad movies proficiency.
Travolta stars as Emil Kovac (a man of a Muslim name and Croatian last name) that’s supposedly a Serb war veteran. He obtains the crucial information on an American soldier that almost cost him his life and you know what’s next- REVENGING TIME!
He surprises the unsuspecting Ford who now lives a desolate life (destroyed by the remorse for the things he has done in the Bosnian war). He helps him get his car going and they end up getting drunk together (for some reason Travolta insist on drinking German Jaeger from glasses made for Serbian drink- rakija). Ford accepts Emil’s invitation to go hunting not realizing that the prey is actually… HIMSELF!
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x26mj7u_travolta-speaking-serbian_fun
Travolta’s Serbian pronunciation vs proper Serbian pronunciation
Ford ends up wounded by the Emil’s arrow (Serbs are obviously still in the middle ages as far as weaponry goes) but escapes and then pisses on his own wound to clean it up. It’s just that when you expel the urine, it releases all sorts of toxins, and by urinating on a would you are putting those toxins into the wound thus infecting it. So, De Niro is effectively trying to kill himself- but will he menage to do that before Travolta kills him!
For this amount of money you can buy a cheeseburger and perhaps a small coke
Then we are dragged into the cat and mouse game that makes sense just as much as Roadrunner/ Willy E. Coyote just devoid of all the fun. Also Travolta menages to get some nice piercings (with De Niro’s help of course) in the process.
What do you think? Hot or not?
After many incredible fails on both sides they finally cool off and realize the most goddamn obvious thing in the world- the war is not the answer (what a shameful rip off of The Final Sanction). They romantically share the moment and enriched by the experience everyone gets on their way Colonel Ford to finally meet his grandson and Kovac back to that seedy bar from the beginning of the movie, ’cause Serbs have one true love in their lives- and that is alcohol.
Bromance
Verdict: The screenwriter and director managed not only to screw up every single fact about the conflict in Bosnia they even tried to have a balanced view of a situation by making a monsters out of the NATO soldiers too… Now Americans may be guilty of many things but the NATO forces in Bosnia were a peace keeping force assign when the conflict was practically over and they did absolutely nothing of note (to the point of being ridiculed for it)-so no, they sure as hell weren’t slaughtering people (of any nationality). Because of that “the lesson” of this movie rings so hollow- hell I’d rather watch the same old stupid American propaganda than this self righteous ignorant politically correct bullshit- at least it would have been more fun. As I said before – the only good thing about this movie is an excellent choice of songs aka Johnny Cash album that plays through most of the movie.
Trivia: For those interested in what really happened in Bosnia (and I understand that it can be a complex situation to comprehend if you’re not from the Balkans) here’s an excellent documentary on the subject.
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For a months this movie was waiting to be reviewed mostly because it is so awful that none of us wanted to write about it. And partly because of insufficient mental strength (‘cough’ wussiness) of the rest of Worsemovies crew. Then recently I have decided that world has to be warned and reminded about this poor excuse for cinematography attempt so it would never happen again! Ladies and gentlemen (Who am I kidding? Just gentlemen) I have this nauseous duty to present you the worst “Nick Fury: Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D.” screen version ever!
In a movie put together by blind people, the one-eyed man will be like a God. Or so you would think. Such expectation falls in water when you see that one-eyed man is none other than David Hasselhoff. Now, apart of being white and having a brown hair, David doesn’t look like Nick Fury at all. Nor acts like him. He doesn’t look grizzled, he doesn’t look tough, he certainly doesn’t look smart, he sometimes wears an eyepatch on the wrong eye and I really doubt that real Nick Fury would spend most of his on-duty time being half-drunk (tho, credits for this probably go to David Hasselhoff himself and his cheerful personality). He is over the top all the way and so much that you have no other choice than to sit back, watch and laugh your ass out. Or to turn off the TV if you are not cliches fan.
Yeah, that’s the guy
The cliches keep coming when the evil Nazi terrorist organization Hydra attacks a S.H.I.E.L.D. base, under the leadership of Andrea Von Strucker aka Lady Viper (played by Sandra Hess) and her dimwitted younger brother Werner (played by Scott Heindl),
and makes off with the body of their father Baron von Strucker (played by Campbell Lane), the man responsible for Nick losing his left eye. Oh and they had killed Nick’s good friend Clay Quantermain (played by Adrian Hughes) in process. That’s a solid
reason for Nick to came back from retirement, don’t you think? The plan is that he, his ex-girlfriend Contessa Valentina (played by Lisa Rinna), agent Pierce (played by Neil Roberts) and mind-reading agent Kate Naville (played by Tracy Waterhouse) go to meeting with Interpol agent Gayle Runsador (who I had pinpointed to be a traitor the moment I saw him) in a secret safe-house in Berlin? Surprised? The director of agency General Pincer played by Tom McBeath) wants to have Kate read the mind of former Nazi scientist Dr. Zola (played by Peter Hayworth) and see just what he and his cohorts are up to. As it later turns out, this whole scheme to get Zola to open up his mind and talk, was a plot hatched by Hydra in order to locate and rescue him from S.H.I.E.L.D. And yeah, I was right. Agent Runsador is none other than the evil and murderous Viper. Surprised now? He even had managed to infect Nick with South American Yellow Dart Frog venom that will end his miserable life in 48 hours. So now it’s a race against time while Nick and his happy bunch try to find out just where Hydra is planing to unleash this deadly virus called “Death Head” (really creative name). To make things worse agency’s top scientist Gabriel Jones (played by Ron Canada) comes up with a possible antidote that can save Nick’s life. Why worse you might wonder? Well this antidote has to be developed and drawn from the blood of the person who put Nick into this condition in the first place, the only person on the Earth immune from it – Viper. Wow what a twist! No one ever would see that coming! Anyway, that’s the point from which Nick starts showing his true face. You see, Nick knows that he doesn’t have long to live so why should he care about anyone else, like those working with him? It is much easier not to think about consequences of his actions. If he succeeds then great. If not, well, at least he will pull many other lives down with him. So drunk-looking Nick starts screwing up everything that he touches and almost getting his fellow S.H.I.E.L.D agents killed due to his mindless self-serving and suicidal behavior. Despite his inept and clumsy actions Nick manages to prevent Hydra from destroying downtown Manhattan with a battery or “Death Head” virus loaded rockets. And he does that by getting the code to abort their mission with the help of mind reading agent Neville (Kate seems to be the only capable agent here) from none other than the evil Viper, who was previously captured, and also getting a sample of her blood to save his life (which turns to be much more important than saving entire civilization). The ending has Viper again escaping from Nick (meh who cares, as long as he is alive) together with her frozen stiff and dead father, now alive and well, with her threatening both the world and audience that we haven’t seen last of them. We might consider ourselves lucky that David Hasselhoff for sure will not be in shape to star in the next movie if ever comes to it.
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x25k7t4_success_fun
Conclusion: In the 1990’s Marvel Comics was in something of a financial strain, and to help themselves out, they would lease the movie and television rights to their characters to whoever had cash on hand right at that moment. This resulted in some tough times for the film adventures of the Marvel characters; Captain America and Punisher got direct to video adventures, the Fantastic Four film never saw the light of day (until couple of months ago), and Nick Fury and Generation X (X-Men spin off) were optioned for series by FOX. But this just can’t be an excuse for this half-ass job. I would bet that people in charge of this haven’t read about S.H.I.E.L.D. at all. True, script writer David Goyer (Blade trilogy, Dark Knight trilogy, Man of Steel) did read this and he even wrote some comics but he keeps spirit of S.H.I.E.L.D. based on ’60s. The CGI looks pretty terrible, even for 1998, and the physical sets aren’t much better. The action scenes are actually pretty standard for a b-movie: not completely terrible, but not very good either. The film’s version of Hydra is a contradiction of itself, seemingly important events are totally forgotten about, and there are great gaps in logic. For example, S.H.I.E.L.D. can keep their HQ hovering in the sky, yet they keep Von Strucker’s body in a relatively undefended base on the ground. There are many other gaps like this one but I have had my share of writing down them. If you want to see them by yourself then you will have to watch this movie which I strongly don’t recommend!
The actor worthy of Nick Fury’s personality
Worsemovies 