Sword and the Sorcerer (1982)

Posted: 05/09/2012 in Trash movies
Tags: , , , , ,
5

Talon, a mercenary with a three- bladed sword born of royal heritage gets recruited to help a princess save her brother and the whole kingdom from the evil tyrant  who conquered their land. Yes, it’s as stupid as it sounds, maybe even more so. Directed by none other than our old friend Albert Pyun (Nemesis, Cyborg) it represents one of the earliest examples of the Barbarian Craze of the 80s, interestingly enough it was released before Conan in the US, but after Conan’s  premiere in Spain.

Too bad the movie doesn’t look this good

So let’s get down to business. Evil king Cromwell  has an evil need to rule one of the neighbor kingdoms too, so he travels to a deserted island to find a corpse of Xusia the evil wizard. He sacrifices  some witch to awaken Xusia from his death and than naturally partners with him to conquer the lands of good but incredibly rich (that goes together right?) King Richard.

With the help of the devilish wizard armies of good are easily defeated, all 15 soldiers (it seems Richard was spending his money elsewhere) are lying dead of the battlefield. Then Cromwell unprovoked decides  to kill (already dead!) wizard who singlehandedly won him the fight by stabbing him and then throwing him down the cliff in one of the more ridiculous scenes in this movie. As you can guess that kind of ungratefulness and pure stupidity will come back to bite him in the ass later.

When his father fails to come back young prince Talon goes after him (with a triple sword none the less). He finds a battle already lost and arrives just in time to witness his father Richard’s execution. Not only does he fails to stop the death of his father, he even managed not to save his Queen mother (it really wasn’t his day). Then, to top it all he almost died himself when Cornwel’s  soldiers came after him, but he narrowly makes his escape and then flees the Kingdom.

“Accurate representation of medieval combat styles”

Some years later Talon returns to former Kingdom of his father but now as a grizzled veteran, a  warrior  and a leader of a wild pack of mercenaries. He also wears a cloak made of wolf- skin which makes him look big and muscular (things he is most certainly not- as we see later in the  “grand” finale of the  film). What happens next is quite confusing. The twins-  rightful heirs to the Throne get attacked and a brother Mikah ends up being kidnapped by military adviser Machelli and his soldiers.  Sisters seeks help and offers the only thing she can- herself to the “handsome” mercenary Talon– who as I remember should be THE TRUE HEIR to the Throne. How the hell are those too claiming the rule of the same kingdom – are they his lost lost brother and sister never menchened until now?!) – apparently not because he accepts the dangerous mission and the sex that will inevitably fallow it!

“Getting ahead of our-self, aren’t we?”

Things of course get a bit complicated, the first plan falls apart and as he frees prince Mikah but his sister Alana ends up captured instead. Talon narrowly escapes as always but he gets to kill a couple of dudes in the process so it’s all good. After that failure he FINALLY gets down to business devises a plan, gets his soldiers (who were hiding in the whorehouse) and ultra- dramatically crashes the weeding of Alana and the Evil Titus Cromwell (he like any other villain with good publicity has to force a girl to marry him). Some over the top battling in the main whole ensues and than the the King runs away with the bride to be- straight into Catacombs (never a smart thing to do) – Macelli intercepts them and  the truth is FINALLY revealed!!!  Military adviser Macelli is in fact even more sinister dead wizard XUSIA! Yeah, he had nothing better to do for freakin’ 11 years than to pretend he is an ally of Cromwell and wait (???) for his revenge. He would probably wait some more (22 years for example) if it hadn’t been for Talon trying to take what’s his.

Instead of acting like a rational human being and fleeing with the girl (he is a master at running away, is he not?) Talon somehow manages to end up in the middle of Cromwell/ Xusia battle, terrible hand drawn effects, glowing fingers and all!

                        On the plus side Princess Alana looks incredibly like Sister Hyde aka Martine Beswick

Although Cromwell tries to fight back he proves to be no match for the sorcerer, but Talon finds himself  able to resist Xusia’s magic just long enough to send one of his trademark projectile sword right into the heart of a demon wizard. Xusia dies for a third time, comes back again for an extremely short period of time before being stricken down by Talon (hopefully really for the LAST TIME). Talon then saves the princess from mutated Boa- Constrictor snake for a good measure and procides to take his reword– and we must agree he earned it fair and square!

Something like that

Mikah has no problem with Talon plowing his sister ’cause he gets the Throne and everyone is happy as  a bunch of pigs in a mud.  Talon leaves with a big smile on his face into some brave new adventures… that we thankfully won’t have to watch.

Verdict: Cheesy as Hell, gets boring after first 20 minutes or so but picks up with a ridiculous ending! Anyway it won’t top The Beastmaster as my main go- to  B Movie Barbarian flick but at least they tried.

Trivia: The film even spawned a short-lived production line of plastic swords in resemblance to Talon’s sword. Yes, you heard it right, somewhere there’s a possibly disturbed individual who played with a three- bladed sword as a child!

The Atomic Brain aka Monstrosity (1964)

1

This movie makes no sense even in 60s when there was so many fresh and crazy ideas floating around. Ok, we know digital technology and other fancy stuff didn’t exist back then but that’s not excuse for putting 0 effort in filming. Follow me now in my step-by-step manual of how to avoid watching this abomination. You’ll thank me later.

It’s about some rich old lady who doesn’t want to give her fortune to anyone so she funded a mad scientist in his research to develop a machine that will be able to transfer her brain into a body of young and hot girl. Scientist had some experiments before that with freshly buried bodies which he has personally stolen. First of those was putting a wolf’s brain into his apprentice so he ended up making some kind of brain damaged werewolf. Oh yes, and he named it Monstrosity. How original. Anyway, being encouraged by that his following experiments are cadavers of 2 young girls. No one explained how so many young women died at all but i guess directors didn’t find it relevant. First girl became a zombie (not an evil zombie unfortunately), and second one became a crippled cat- lady ( her body has been merged with the brain of scientist’s favorite cat). Those two last experiments made scientist to come up with conclusion that cyclotron ( yes, that’s the machine name) is ready for it’s evil use so selection of victim can finally start. To make long story short, one perfect girl had been selected to host a brain of some old geezer.
Now, here is a twist! Are you ready? The chosen girl seduced old lady’s servant named Viktor (as in Viktor von Frankenstein) who is even older than his master and was occasionally used to sexually satisfy the old rich bitch. Oh, did I mention that every single person in this movie had to do same thing (even the Monstrosity; especially the Monstrosity) ? I didn’t ? Oh well, call me a spoiler guy. Viktor got afraid that in case of successful transfer his master won’t require his sexual services no more and that he’s gonna lose his job. So he made a plot with young girl to screw up old lady and share her fortune between themselves. Details of that plot  remained unknown and no one had spoken about it again.
The savior of the day was no one else than scientist himself who decided in very last moment to spare a girl and put a brain of old lady in his already used cat (no point in wasting a perfectly good material). Reasons for this decision also remains the mystery to us so we only can take a guess. Did he fall in love with young girl or he just wanted to do a right thing eventually? It turned out that that wasn’t a smart idea since cat managed to kill him while he was cleaning a cyclotron (?!). The girl ran away followed by a cat with plans of revenge on her mind. How scientist managed to put human brain into cat’s small head is another mystery of this movie. Ah so many mysteries.


Sinister looking cat. DO NOT PAT!!!

Another thing that adds an extra smell onto this garbage is lack of dialog.  Over 80% of movie is a pure narration! As if actors were too dumb to learn a script. Or too ashamed to speak. If  a reason is number 2 then I  can’t blame them at all.

Video  —  Posted: 01/09/2012 in Trash movies
Tags: , , , ,

Circle of Iron (1978)

Posted: 31/08/2012 in Trash movies
Tags: , , , , , ,
0

*Black Dynamite tells it like it is

The fact of the matter is: In 1971 Bruce Lee pitched in a treatment for a series called  The Warrior,  about a martial artist (Lee himself) in the American Old West. After rejecting his idea with famous “world is not ready for an Asian lead” AKA “we are a bunch of racist fucks” they decided to blatantly steal his idea, name series Kung Fu and instead of a famed and revolutionary martial artist that was Bruce Lee  cast David Carradine who: 01. Is not Asian 02. Closest thing to martial arts he ever did was dancing.*

Without any disrespect to Carradine who proved himself to be a competent actor on  rare occasions when he was cast in a substantial, well written role- he was catastrophic choice for the part of Kwai Chang Caine yet he built his career on that 70es martial arts show (even spawning a sequel series and a movie). So how does he pays tribute to the man he (at least indirectly) screwed over? Well… by buying his unused script for Silent Flute, putting it  into production AKA by screwing the man again (even after his death!). Classy thing to do man, for sure…

What was planed as a first Bruce Lee‘s big American movie, 20th Century Fox’s Silent Flute was to be fascinating, martial arts epic full of Lee’s unique philosophy– touching upon everything from eastern mysticism to personal liberation. Script (or more accurate a draft) was written by Bruce Lee, James Colburn (planed co- star, and a central figure of the movie) and Sterling Silliphant, veteran Hollywood writer and  Lee’s close friend (they collaborated on Silliphant penned Marlowe and Long Street series). 20th Century Fox reluctantly agreed to finance it,  providing that it had to be shot in India. Unfortunately studio and the power trio came into disagreement over the locations of filming and after unsuccessful scouting for locations in India the project fell trough. Bruce would have to wait for Enter the Dragon to see his dream of being the first Asian lead in a American production see the light of day and even that was a bittersweet victory because he died from a brain edema just days before Enter the Dragon premiere.

So, what happened to the script? It ended up in the hands of none other than David Carradine who was incredibly eager to make it a reality. So, Silliphant and  Stanley Mann dusted it off and finished the script and in the process killed some  of the  explicit and most intriguing scenes, be it incredibly brutal fight that has Lee’s character (literally) crushing opponents balls, scenes of tantric sex, fantastic ambiguous ending and even a big chunk of Zen inspired philosophy that underlines our hero’s journey. Name Silent Flute was also scrapped and replaced with bad-ass sounding but meaningful Circle of Iron.They also changed the location from real world  to “a land that never was and always will be” and decided to shoot it in Israel (decision that for a change makes sense because Israel gave the movie an exotic and mystic backdrop that it so desperately needed).

Number of people were approached for the lead role of Cord including ex- karate and kickboxing champion Joe Lewis, (who had trained under Bruce Lee for at least a year) but he declined. He eventually did show up just as they were finishing up the film…  fight scenes ended up being so idiotic that he agreed to shoot some additional martial arts scenes and double the main actor in few instances.

In this version the lead, rebel “martial artist” Cord, (Jeff Cooper – Carradine’s friend who didn’t run away from the role like all the others did) embarks on a quest for the Book of Enlightenment, kept by mysterious and possibly evil Zetan (played by none other than great Christopher Lee) and in his journey is confronted by three trials.

All the trials of course educate him in Zen philosophy and he runs across a string of bizarre character including but not limited to Ah Sahm, a blind flute player, a human- monkey hybrid, Death himself and a leader of a tribe of Gypsies . All are of course played by David Carradine (including almost bare- ass monkey man). It’s always fascinating to see Carradine in action, he has no speed, no muscle and no moves… and even worse he obviously gave some lessons to Cooper because he fallows the same “style” to a T.

“Only thing about me is the way that I walk…”

Anyway, Cord’s trials strange as they are involve combat, riddles or deep conversations- like the one with
a man (Eli Walllach) who has been sitting in a barrel of oil for 10 years in an unusual attempt to remove the lower part of his body, namely his genitals. Ah Sahm helps him often by reciting different wise words (some directly lifted from the original script) but you can hear it in his voice that he doesn’t really understand one word that he’s saying and considers it nothing more than some hippie new- age mambo- jumbo.

“Dissolving in oil I see, how’s that working out for you?”

Eventually Cord passes the tests (including a stupid sex scene and a death of a said girl) and reaches the Zetan.
When he finally opens the book he discovers that each page of the book is a mirror, showing him that the secret to enlightenment was within him all the time. After that he returns to the world, maniacally laughing and credits start rolling with Carradine  playing his flute in his honor.

Remake or should we say a new interpretation, with a post- apocalyptic edge is in works for possible 2013 release date. China’s National Film Capital will co-produce it. For now the only confirmed casting is Gina Carano (ex- Muay Thai and MMA fighter and a friend of Bruce Lee Legacy foundation ) as Tara. The fact  that Tara in the original film did nothing but sleep with the main protagonist and subsequently die because of it (via crucifixion none the less)–  will probably have to be changed a bit. I’ll just have to presume that producers are not imbeciles who would waste world class fighter on a role of a bimbo.

Concept art for a new version of the film

Anyway we’ll have to wait and see will the justice FINALLY be done to the original Bruce Lee’s vision (’cause it’s about time) or is it all just wishful thinking.

Nemesis (1992)

Posted: 28/08/2012 in Trash movies
Tags: , , , , , , ,
3

    *Here you can marvel at Gruner as he demonstrates his  kickboxing skills on
a bad stop- motion Terminator rip- off.

One of those films that start kinda gritty Cyber Punk-ish with a possible promise of good innocent fun and then… goes absolutely nowhere! Director Pyun (somewhat rightfully claimed to be a Hawaiian reincarnation of Ed Wood) wanted to make a film with a dystopian , almost William Gibson SF atmosphere and every time he got close to nailing it he found a new way to royally screw things up (adding women with big muscles in the scenes has been known to do that.) It takes somewhere around a half an hour to set up our story and after that he just trows it all away the same moment our hero Rain (Olivier Gruner) gets to the island and fists start flying/guns start blazing.

Event that could be forgiven (often enough SF is just a backdrop for a classic action fest) if those same action scenes made some kind of impact but there are just cartoonish violence at it worst. Incoherent story gets completely lost in translation really fast while bizarre bunch of characters kill/fuck/or save one another almost randomly.
At some points you have to ask yourself did those people follow a REAL SCRIPT and soon after you start doubting that the script even existed. Perhaps they had a 10 page treatment… for the beginning of the movie and then they improvised from there. That would explain a lot of things. There is also a hilarious moment when a gun packing grandma starts unleashing hell, it is absurd as it gets, but at least it’s fun and you can’t say that for the rest of this picture.

THIS. IS. BAD.

Olivier Gruner ( our cyborg ex-government agent) is karateka/ ex- kickboxing champion and he demonstrates his skill here and there (in-spite of the laughable choreographed fight scenes ) but he’s acting is so woden that after a while you start appreciating all the subtleties of Schwarzenegger’s performances and that is never a good sign. On the + side (if there is one here) he gets to fight a crazed robot, terminator style stop- motion monstrosity that explodes for no apparent reason and takes his arm with him!*
One of his sidekicks (the only one that actually survives) is irritating teenage girl who becomes extremely important character out of nowhere in the last half an hour of the film– against all common sense. His dog at the beginning of the film had more character and a hell lot of more story potential than she ever had!
Legendary “Cary” Hiroyuki Tagawa (Sheng Tsung himself) makes an appearance as the crazy Yakuza boss in a Hawaiian shirt but not even his devilish charm can make this crap watchable.

Verdict: If you have to watch an Albert Pyun film watch his eulogy  of Cannon Films in the form of Van Damme’s Cyborg, Cyber- Punk angle is better realized and despite the fact that JCVD wasn’t  much of an actor back then/ or much of an English speaker back then he always had a ton of charisma, the thing that Gruner sorely lacks.

Trivia: Pyun is doing a (joint) prequel of both Nemesis and Cyborg. Unfortunately he discovered digital technology/ CGI (nobody told him that you need some money to make it work) so his movies are now worse than ever. Here’s a trailer for Cyborgs: Rise of the Slingers so you can remember to avoid it if you have the bad luck of seeing it somewhere.

You can actually find better special effects (and acting!!!) in Porn these days .

The Octagon (1980)

0

You find that ninjas are cool? That’s OK. You find that Chuck Norris is cool? That’s OK too. But what happens when you put those 2 things together? I’ll tell you what… You get complete garbage which sends the studio which made it into bankruptcy! Tho I have no doubts that American Cinema was already hanging by a thin thread.

In this movie Chuck Norris is a ninja sent by ninja to destroy a band of terrorist ninjas. Sounds fun and simple, right? Well there are a couple of things that make watching this monstrosity a good bit harder. First, echo monologues inside Chuck’s head. Every fucking 3 minutes we are getting his echo saying “Ninjas, Ninjas”. You would think that he finally got  insane after couple of those monologues. But no, that’s just the way Chuck thinks…

Second, his Japanese brother Sakura. Yes, you heard well, Japanese!!!  How the hell he’s got a Japanese brother it was never explained. Nor I think it would be possible to explain without questioning the honesty of his mother (and we’re smart enough not to go there). Oh yes, did I mention that his brother is a leader of international band of terrorist ninjas against whom Chuck is  fighting in this movie? I didn’t? Oh well, some families are just weirder than others.

Chuck is also a bit of a ladies man in this movie. The fact that one of the ladies gets brutally killed and he doesn’t really mind, and finds himself a next one ( a raven haired agent chick) in a mater of minutes would be impressive if it wasn’t so damn awkward and nonsensical. But that’s Chuck for you- he can do anything, I mean ANYTHING but act!

  “We can all guess who’s that man, can’t we?”

One more thing… Legendary Lee Van Cleef (of  The Good, the Bad, the Ugly fame) was also in this movie. It remains a mystery to me how he managed to remain a true professional and play it completely seriously until the end of filming of this brain-raper! My hat is off to him.

Verdict: If you have a strange need to see some ninjas throwing it down with the Chuck watch this clip, Norris and Richard Norton (in his first film role) make the final fight entertaining enough to watch. Everything else- AVOID AT ALL COST IF YOU CARE ABOUT YOUR SANITY!

Video  —  Posted: 27/08/2012 in Trash movies
Tags: , , ,

Tribute To Cannon Films (1967-1993)

Posted: 26/08/2012 in Trash movies
Tags: , , , , , ,
3

ImageImageImageImage

Around the late 70s Cannon Inc. had hit serious financial difficulties, and naturally previous owners sold Cannon as fast as they could. Cousins Menahem Golan and Yoram Globus bought Canon for whooping price of 500,000 dollars! The two cousins than  forged a “magnificent” business model which consisted of buying bottom-barrel scripts that lingered (seemingly for all times) in development hell and putting them rapidly into  production. Of course they paired an (at best) third rate script with a second rate director, ridiculous budget and a STAR, by that I mean: ( INCREDIBLY old) Charles Bronson/ Chuck Norris and/or Michael Dudikoff.

At certain point (at the time of filming of Masters of the Universe with Dolph Lundgren) they had about 84 movies in development- to put things into perspective the most films any other studio had in production was Warner Brothers and they had 6 movies!!!  They also held the rights for Spiderman movie until the late 80s but the movie was never produced (and we can all agree it was for the best).

 By the beginning of the 90s their “perfect” system FINALLY came crashing down and they called it a day with a Albert Pyun’s Cyborg (staring young Van Damme) made on the sets of failed Masters sequel. MGM of course came to offer an assistance and a merger of studios ensued but MGM couldn’t really help themselves let alone anybody else.

*In late 2011 it was revealed that Australian director Mark Hartley is working on a documentary about Cannon Films called Electric Boogaloo: The Wild, Untold Story of Cannon Films.”

American Ninja 4: The Annihilation (1990)

Posted: 25/08/2012 in Trash movies
Tags: , ,
2

Arrow to the head, Dudikoff style!

After a complete disaster of an American Ninja 3: Blood Hunt, directors have somehow  managed to convince the  franchise veteran Michael Dudikoff to come back for one more sequel. Oh ,how delusional were they. Not only did he fail at raising the quality of the picture but the movie turned out to be even worse than it’s prequel. And how could he have saved this picture anyway? He is not much of an actor (tho in this part he did put the most effort since the beginning of  the franchise). His feeble attempts to play a role of martial arts master had been heavily crippled by the fact that he doesn’t know anything about martial arts, fighting and generally acting overall. The only successful fighting scenes were the ones when he was wearing a mask which made me think that some poor stunt-double  had to work extra hard that day.

The less being said about the other roles the better. Bradley is decent enough of a lead (he is at least a real martial artist for a change) but he gets captured fairly easily in the first quoter of a film ( by a giant net nevertheless) and mostly does nothing but shows off  his pecs while being tied or tortured. Main love interest (?) doesn’t do anything but smile/ or scream, and a default black sidekick doesn’t do even that. Villains are cartoonish as it gets- we have a dictator who enjoys torturing people and can’t decide is he attracted to young boys or older women, his partner, an Islamic fundamentalist (with the Russian accent for some reason) who threatens to punish  “the infidels” and has immortal lines like “Take me to Mekka” while he flees the scene in a helicopter.

                        There’s also this Mexican Wrestler- looking dude in there somewhere, what’s his connection                                         with the Ninjas or the South African background we can only guess.

I am not sure if this was  originally in the script but I could swear that the crew of this movie accidentally crashed into the filming set of “Mad Max” (possibly the Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior ) at one point since a bunch of  savage motorcycle gang members suddenly appeared without any descent explanation.

There are a LOT of things wrong with this picture but I won’t waste any more time- yours or mine- on this garbage! This is a part where I leave you to marvel at the many deaths of many ninjas… a main by-product of this horrible picture.

Ninjas – Now in all colors and sizes

The Odyssey (1997)

6

To this day I can not understand how this blasphemy managed to win an award (if there is still anyone who counts Emmy as award) and be nominated for Golden Globe. This version of a wonderful and extremely interesting Homer Epic had started wrong from the very beginning. First mistake – Armand Assante as Odyssey. I don’t know who came up with idea of casting a Italo-Irish man to play a Greek hero but I do know that that person should bear consequences for his actions. Assante’s accent combined with his attempt to sound Greek turned out to be a failure of epic proportions. In 85% of the movie Assante is totally incoherent and people who ought to understand anything are forced to turn on their speakers to a maximum and then press ears onto it (tho, due to the awful script they still won’t be able to understand a thing).
Anyway, let’s continue. Odyssey’s wife, Penelope, gave a birth to a baby in a record time of 2 minutes. Also there wasn’t any fluid, blood, umbilical cord or any other thing which are present at any normal giving  birth to a human being. Also, the fact that the baby didn’t cry after being born is very disturbing and confusing.

Can’t argue with that…

Next one of many, many, many wrong things in this movie is representation of Hermes who is messenger of the Gods and son of Zeus. His appearance in this movie had implemented a new, until now never seen category – A FLYING FAGGOT! I don’t know where the urge to represent the son of supreme Greek god as nothing else than a plain homo came from. Someone in the crew had some strange issues.

Next, the vampire effect. Odyssey had spent 20 years on the sea and during that time almost all the characters look the same. Neither Penelope, nor her mother,  nor her wooers who invaded her house  aren’t getting any older. Apart of their son, who had grew up a bit. Penelope look exactly the same, with no wrinkle on her face. She still refuses wooers who are now using her house as a some kind of bordel from hell. Her dedication to remain loyal to Odyssey is really impressing due to fact that he already cheated on her some 2500 times by my account.

Screwing up some of the adventures Odyssey had. Cyclops event more looks more like a comedy than a danger. Assante had friendly conversation with a Cyclops, talking and laughing and such. Then Cyclops without any reason eats a half of a member of  the Odyssey’s crew. Next 2 seconds are followed by screaming and disbelief  just to see everything turning back to normal a mere moment later. Odyssey continues his friendly and nonchalant chit-chat with the Cyclops. The rest you can see above.

Next two and a half  hours are followed by “nothing happens” and  “something almost happened”, until the moment Odyssey come home and slaughter literally everyone who happened to be there. Strange thing is that not a single drop of blood had been spilled  in all of that massacre.

Conclusion: My advice – Don’t watch this garbage. Better read a book.

Sad but true

Video  —  Posted: 23/08/2012 in Trash movies
Tags: , , , ,

Silent Night, Deadly Night 2 (1984)

Posted: 22/08/2012 in Trash movies
Tags: , , , , , ,
4

                                         *you can see the below mentioned rampage in the video

Lets get one thing straight- first one didn’t make much sense… or any sense for that matter. Your parents are killed by a dude in the Santa Clause costume, you end up in an orphanage run by an devious nun and you naturally grow up to be a killer in a Santa Clause suit too? I mean come on! But those were the 80s, people did a lot of coke and you can forgive them for wanting to see some blood and some boobs.

So after a (kinda) success of the first one, they decided to make a Part 2. How can you make a part two you say when a main hero (well, a villain) is all kinds of dead you might ask. Not a problem! He had a brother!  No he didn’t you say… Yes he did! And that’s final!

Silent Night, Deadly Night 2 just plays almost a whole footage of a first movie interrupted by a police psychologist’s  interview and they also splice the original footage with some random footage of a baby brother. He was a baby when his parent died but it doesn’t matter. If you survive a traumatic experience you HAVE TO become a CRAZED KILLER! Some thing are just written in stone… or something. So, little Ricky grows up in the orphanage under an evil Mother Superior, gets out, gets incredibly big and muscle bound- in about a years time ( I guess anabolic steroids where popular thing these days too) and naturally starts killing people. At some point he finds himself a nice blond girl to settle down with and starts acting normally but that doesn’t last too long and soon enough he losses his mind again (because he ran into  moronic ex- boyfriend of the said girl ) and than Ricky does what Ricky does best- goes on the murdering rampage of EPIC proportions!* Immortal “Garbage day” moment is of course a part of this rampage 🙂

What  fascinates me the most is the way men act in this movie. We are portrayed as animals, obiasly unable to control our urges… I mean you see a dude who was in relationship with a woman for 5 years or something who after being gently rejected starts tearing girls shirt and soon enough tries to rape her? He got his punishment of course (Ricky run him over with a tractor I believe) but that kind of behavior is common theme in this movie, men just randomly rip apart girls clothing, some breasts are exposed as a result and than they pay the ultimate price. Truly fascinating…

Anyway, The Verdict-  this movie is truly terrible by all accounts, but it’s also the most fun we had in ages so if you want to watch just one terrible film ever- Silent Night, Deadly Night 2 is your movie!

Trivia: The director on the commentary track claims they tried to find Eric Freeman (Ricky) to participate for the commentary track, but the director claims he is untraceable. Freeman’s current whereabouts remain a mystery.

Image

 If you see this man- RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!

Gingerdead man (2005)

1

Baking cookies has never been deadlier!!!  Severed fingers, risk of being slaughtered or burned alive…There are countless dangers awaiting you in the kitchen. The only person that can prevent this (by plain eating- you!) is always psychotic Gary Busey. Evil never tasted this good! Or this bad? Anyway, bon appétit.

Video  —  Posted: 21/08/2012 in Trash movies
Tags: , ,

Older Entries
Newer Entries