Archive for the ‘Trash movies’ Category

Angel of Fury aka Triple Cross (1992)

Posted: 10/08/2017 in Trash movies
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Though Cinthia Rothrock is most recognizable because of her classic Hong Kong movies (often with Richard Norton) and later a solid string of American Martial Arts B- movies (lots of those in the 90’s) she actually had roles in more than a couple of Indonesian flicks in the beginning of her storied career and as we all know- there’s not quite like an Indonesian action movie!

Now, one of the main selling points of this movie (for us) is without a doubt Peter O’Brian (The Intruder/ Rambu, The Stabilizer). To the best of my knowledge this is a man who who was offered a part in an Indonesian action movie (before that was hip) due to his uncanny resemblance to one Sylvester Stallone (the fact that one of his movies is called Rambu is a dead giveaway) and he said “Hell yeah!” and never looked back .To top it off in  this movie he plays a deranged villain Bolt and his foil is non other than “Lady Dragon” herself Cintia Rotrock and with that combo like that- you can do no wrong.

 

Bolt (O’Brian) is brutally torturing a man (at one point his goon, an  Asian Mr. T taking off some of his fingers with a meat chopper)  and at  the same time showing off his impressive physique. The poor man holds on before they threaten his young daughter and then he finally breaks down and gives Bolt the information. Information about what you ask? You’ll find out in a just a second.

Nancy Bolan (Cyntia Rothrock) is a head of security at HTI and she’s arriving to Indonesia as a courier carrying a mysterious silver briefcase. Not even ten seconds after she arrives at the station in a typical Asian fashion she and her colleague get attacked by a bunch of goons  and after a hell of a fight they manage to take off in a speed boat. It seemed that they are finally safe but situation evolves into a gunfight at see and after defeating the goons and things finally look safe Rothrock gets drugged and passes out.

Now, the men holding her turn out to be working for her-  ex- boyfriend! It turns out the said boyfriend faked his own death and waited three years all in effort to finally catch the Bolt– man he has a bone to pick with this dude! Rothrock on the other hand doesn’t seem to mind and the two of them continue where the left off with their romance.

The day after on the company meeting we finally learn the whole story. Rothrock is using three couriers (including herself) to carry a super- computer to the state, two being distraction and one being the actual real deal .Ironically no one knows where the real one is (at least as far as I can see). We also learn why is the criminal targeting them called Bolt, it’s because he is “The Terrorist Who Strikes Like Lightning“ (I just love that).

And then we have the fantastically ridiculous “Mission Impossible” scene where the black dude from the meeting takes off the mask- and it was Bolt all along! Considering they didn’t really have a budget for anything resembling a mask you see the scene from the back of the car.

Slika?

So, here we go again, everyone is waiting for the briefcase to come via boat but Nancy  secretly changed the plan and the real briefcase is actually coming to the airport via helicopter. Actually some blond Brad Pitt looking dude is carrying it. Unfortunately, Bolt is already onto them. He intercepts the car of her boss and goes straight to the airport where shootout ensues and the blond boy gets it.  The shootout is one of my favorite things in this movie because it literally makes no sense, most of the actors seem like they never seen firearm before and everything ends up exploding for one reason or another.

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x5wkook

Now,  in the middle of all the craziness she’s going out shopping with her friend and her daughter. Unfortunately ‘s man tried to kidnap her and end up taking a little girl (her friend’s daughter). She viciously goes after them (on a motorbike) and after some nearly impossible stunts she stops them end… they freakin’ kill the child- in slow motion! Man, nothing is sacred for the Indonesian filmmakers!

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x5wkr8l

Confusingly after the traumatic death of a child Nancy goes on a romantic evening with her boyfriend and they have a strange sex scene  with spliced footage of them kissing on the docks (these people are not sure how love scenes are supposed to work). After she wakes up tomorrow morning she immediately gets kidnapped and  ends up being tortured by Bolt and his Asian Mr. T henchmen.

HTI arranges a trade, briefcase (the final one) for Nancy but of course her boyfriend crashes a meeting (literally- via jeep trough the wall) and a complete Martial Art/ Gun- Fu madness ensues with briefcase changing hands like a hot potato.

Bolt gets completely unhinged and starts destroying everything on his way and his showdown with Rothrock is truly of EPIC proportions. Unfortunately, it gets interrupted by her boyfriend (who seems to have made a habit of that) but then- he wants briefcase all for himself! She goes after him and the fight ends up in the helicopter- she conveniently strangles him with his own tie (you should take a lesson and never get in a fight in a business suit).

Verdict: Now,  this movie has completely impossible fight scenes, bizarre editing choices and people who for the life of them can’t hold a gun properly. Production values are severely lacking (you’re sure to start laughing at some of the chases, explosions and gun battles) and that lack especially shows in the sound department (to the best of my knowledge Rothrock is the only actor that isn’t dubbed in the whole movie) but I challenge you to watch Angel of Fury and not have fun.

 

Complete Killcount by Cinthia, number 11 is especially impressive!

Trivia: We also have a bit of news to cap things off. Fantastic Mr. O’Brian is supposedly eying  his comeback to the film industry after lengthy time away he spent teaching English and being a life coach. He’s been offered a role of  a British General Cameron, commander at the Battle of Gate Pa–  whenever this comes true or not one thing is for sure- everything this man does will be on out “must see” list!

Goldsen4          Just look at this face!

 

 

 

 

 

Zipperface (1992)

Posted: 31/07/2017 in Trash movies
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The 1990s were not a good time for horror, especially considering the amount of classics that the 1980s produced, but that’s not to say that there were not any that stood out from the 90s. That 10 year period is really defined by two films: The Blair Witch Project and Scream. Sticking with the 1980’s whodunit  slasher formula is Zipperface, a gem that comes to us from 1992. Zipperface is something else, and I don’t mean that in a good way. What a pleasant surprise this was for all weirdos over there.

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Director Mansour Pourmand had obviously decided to start this movie with action packing. Not even opening credits. We see police pursuit dangerous criminal in Palm City, California. They pin him down to some house. More shooting occurs. Eventually, seeing there is no way out this, criminal decides to surrender. Just while he was standing in front of the house, preparing to raise his arms, a young and brave cop Lisa (played by Dona Adams) shoots the poor guy from behind his back. And she even gets promotion for this! Hell, give her Medal of Honor for such heroic act, I say! And while Lisa walks on rose petals somewhere a man in a leather S&M outfit is preparing for action! Not that kind of action! Behold!

zipperface

Well, it delivers what it promises

Two actresses who are working as whores (is there any difference) by night are visiting a mysterious client who likes to play master and slaves. They are introducing a new girl Janet (played by Kimberly Hamilton – Mansfield) to the routine. But in the last moment Janet decides to back off. Apparently she doesn’t like to be tied and whipped. You have already guessed that client is none else than a Zipperface (who is equally as mysterious). He gets pissed off and kills Janet with his whip. Being completely incompetent he lets other two dumb whores Natallie (played by Jillian Ross) and Sherry (played by Rikki Brando) escape him. Natalie hides at her friend Elizabeth (played by Laureen E. Clair), who is also a whore. Nice whores ring we got here. Anyway, police finds the body and case is handed over to Lisa (for whatever the reason it is). She is paired up with experience cop Harry (played by David Clover). Following the trail they visit photographer Michael Walker (played by Jonathan Mandell) who shoots all the types of S&M photos. Despite obviously being shaken by crime scene photos he somehow managed to hide his connection with the victim from two unsuspecting detectives. Then he starts hitting on Lisa and trying to talk her into taking one of his photo-sessions. Smooth move from possible suspect.

A job is a job

A job is a job

Natalie and Elizabeth are back to business. They are so dumb that they accepted bondage session after everything that has happened. Logically, Zipperface shows up and finishes the job. No luck for Natalie now. This has really disturbed office of the Mayor Angela Harris (played by Trisha Melynkov) who is, naturally, much more worried for her position at City Hall than for lives of some prostitutes. With her two lackeys Devon (played by Timothi D. Lechner) and Brewster (played by Bruce Brown) Angela wants to cover up these murders as much as possible. Meanwhile, Lisa is having photo-session at Michael’s studio followed by making out.

Off the record

Off the record

While searching Natalie’s apartment Lisa and Harry find out about Sherry. Trail leads them to the local church. What is interesting here is that church is full of hookers. Strangely looking reverend over there doesn’t seem to mind it at all. He calls them “foot soldiers”. As in footjob maybe? Anyway, he is acting very strange, almost as if he is hiding something. On his way back to the police station Harry meets Willy (played by Richard Vidan) who is mad and bitter because Lisa got promotion he thinks he had deserved. Hm maybe he is trying to set her up to look incompetent? There is sure a lot of pressure coming from City Hall. And they are all perverts there. Brewster is giving a foot massage to Angela, while Devon carries leather mask in his suitcase. Meanwhile, killer is still somewhere there, lurking and preparing for his next move. Obviously he has good insight into investigation since his next victim is the only remaining girl – Sherry. He killed her during rehearsal for some sexual kind of theater show, after knocking out her partner Alvin (played by Mike Ferraro).  When questioned by Harry and Lisa, Alvin stated that the killer is very tall, something like Devon. Devon didn’t like this comparing at all. I wonder why? Oh yeah, and later we find out that he likes to dress himself as a hooker.

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x5vf3mr

 

Angela really wants to find a suspect who can be shown to public. So she pressures police to accuse Michael. They find out that Michael was engaged to Janet, the first victim. Finding about this and being faced to accusations of hiding the suspect, Lisa freaks out at Michael. He admits her everything and told her that he was hiding his past because of fear of losing her. Of course, she believed him. Not much use of it tho since Angela announced on TV that Michael is top suspect. As it happens, Lisa and Michael decide to conduct their own investigation so they visit the church once again. But Zipperface is way ahead of them. They find reverend dead in his chair, with his throat slit from ear to ear (not much use of prayers now… or before). Also, there is another prostitute there Lana (played by Denise Ezzel) who was supposed to meet certain John that night. Lisa decides to dress as hooker and go like that to the meeting place. Turned out to be an awful plan since she got captured, tied up and whipped by Zipperface.

Your leather smells so good

Your leather smells so good

Harry and Michael bust in and started a fight with Zipperface. During that fight poor killer got punched to his balls kinda 20 times. Being so much crippled (I know I would be) he was no much for Michael’s attack with machete. They had finally managed to unmask him. Guess who is the killer? Brewster, the Mayor’s lackey! What a twist! He offers a lousy explanation for his crimes. Apparently, he grew tired of being a doormat to ambitious bitch such is Angela so he decided to pursue his dream of being politician. I have to admit that killing people is an effective way to achieve this. Anyway, Angela arrives just in time to see her errand boy exposed. She freaks out at him, again not because of murders but because she is aware that her political career is over now. So she pulls a gun out of her purse and shoots Brewster in front of 20 cops. And no one even tried to stop her. Angela gets arrested, Michael gets off the hook(er), Lisa now continue screwing him, everybody is happy and the end.

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x5vf2yn

 

Conclusion: If anything, Zipperface effortlessly sums up all that went wrong with the slasher genre towards the end of its rein. What started as a great stepping-stone for up and coming filmmakers and thespians had been reduced to a sewer of cinema faces by movies with flat direction, zero suspense or shocks and talentless mediocre actors. One of the biggest problems that I had with the film was the title character. He isn’t remotely scary or intimidating and is just sort of useless when it comes to being a horror film villain. He’s a portly, partially clumsy type of guy and he is nowhere in the same class as horror icons such as Jason, Freddy, Michael, or Leatherface (no matter how hard he tries to be). Same thing can be told for Dona Adams and her roll of detective. Writing was pretty bad too. And to make things more confusing it had be done by a woman – Barbara Bishop! Sounds like someone had hidden fantasies. Zipperface was just as bad as I thought it would be. It doesn’t really have that many (if any) redeeming qualities about it On the plus side, if you manage to keep the TV turned on until the end then you may be fairly surprised by the killer’s identity. To be honest though, I doubt that by that time you’ll even care.

The Man from Hong Kong aka Dragon Flies (1975)

Posted: 24/07/2017 in Trash movies, Tribute
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A bit of history:

Raymond Chow‘s film company Golden Harvest hit it big in the early 70’s when they discovered a certain up and coming star called Lei Siu Long aka  Bruce Lee . Their mega-fruitful collaboration hit it’s stride with Lee and Chow even forming their own partnership/ production house Concord Prouction Inc. (each owning 50%)  Way of the Dragon was a product of that collaboration, as was  Warner Bros. cooperation- Enter The Dragon. Unfortunately Lee died before the world premiere of Enter The Dragon and Golden Harvest lost it’s biggest star way too soon.

Bruce, Raymond & Wang Yu

Of course Golden Harvest  would find continued success in decades to come, skyrocketing the career of Jackie Chan in the 80’s and making popular TMNT films (together with New Line Cinema). But in that strange place between Lee and Chan they continued to produce films to different varies of success.

One of those was Lo Wei‘s Slaughter In San Francisco, there to fulfill Chuck Norris‘s contract, he signed on two films when he made Way of the Dragon. Now, another famous name that had a (three) picture deal was non other than one- off Bond from Australia, George Lazenby!

Now, on Bruce’s insistence Lazenby was signed on a three picture deal. First of the films was to be Shrine of Eternal Bliss aka Stoner, the movie he was ready to make with Lee and Japanese Karate movie sensation Sonny Chiba but Lee died and Chiba dropped out soon afterword. Warner Bros. co- production money was also gone and with it’s budget severely cut Lazenby was promoted to a star.

Lazenby as the Detective Stoner, investigating a new and deadly drug! I’m still not sure if that’s the best or a worst name for a character.

With all the controversy surrounding  it movie was still a minor success in both Hong Kong and Europe and the Golden Harvest collaboration continued.  Next up was a unique co-production too, joint effort between Chow’s Golden Harvest and The Movie Company from Lazenby‘s native country of Australia (even thou he was being demoted to a villain) and the film was called: Man from Hong Kong aka Dragon Flies!  That was right in the middle of both Hong Kong movie boom and Australian New Wave of films so as expected the result was seriously  bizarre mix of Hong Kong action and Aussie craziness and has to be seen to be believed. Still we will try to help you out  and pinpoint some of the most entertaining bits (and there’s a lot of those).

Movie starts with an Aussie journalist visiting Hong Kong– by a glider  of all things! I’m just going to assume she came from Australia to Hong Kong by a glider ’cause that’s just perfect.  She almost gets arrested by Jimmy Wang Yu ( One-Armed Swordsman, The Chinese Boxer) but he decides to show her what’s so special about special units anyway- in bed!

In the meantime very suspicious (and suspiciously scarred) Sammo Hung (Enter The Dragon, My Lucky Stars, Ip Man2 ) carrying a briefcase in the bus. Hardened Aussie  Detectives Gross goes after him and after a bit of a chase at the Ayers Rock  (and a bit of a brawl too) manages to arrest him.

Shortly after Wang Yu arrives in Australia to continue with the (you guessed it) Sammo Hung case. That means he will interrogate good ol’ Sammo– and by interrogating I mean beating him into submission. I guess Chinese people  don’t believe in human rights.  And just when you thought things couldn’t get any worse for Sammo a mysterious  assassins shots him (to prevent his from testifying I guess).

Wang Yu starts chasing him  and after a crazy pursuit they end up in the middle of a Chinese restaurant of all places!!!

We finally see the evil boss of crime and it’s (of course) non other that George Lazenby with a porno mustache to boot! He went from a Bond to a Bond villain, and it suits him well in fact. Yu contacts the journalist from the beginning of the movie– turns out the glider was borrowed from her boyfriends, she’s a bit of a slut that way.  Anyway, she takes him to the high class party where he meets Lazenby face to face.

Did he just accuse Wong Yu that he’s yellow? That’s maybe taking it to far…

And surprisingly he finds information that the main center of the villains is the local Martial Arts Center. So he breaks into in, climbing the but it turns out the center was not so empty as he thought.  Massive showdown ensues in Martial Arts Center and continues climbing on another level against a seemingly endless number of attackers.

Of course- despite all his mastery he gets severely beaten and cut , and half dead barely manages to jump onto the first car shows up in front of the center. The Chinese lady co- driver hilariously proclaims “He is a good man, we must help him” even though she never saw him before.
They do the only  logical thing and that’s drag him to somebody who can patch him up– it turns out to be the girl’s father- veterinarian! Man, I’m starting to understand why Yu hated everyone and everything on the set.
 
She really thinks this is cute
While naively returning from the picnic ( and the obligatory picnic sex) Lazenby‘s gang attacks their car and his lady dies in a horrible explosion and he vows to get his revenge. Man,  that’s a bit excessive, he  didn’t even know her two days go!

So he does the only logical thing, borrows the glider from the journalist and uses it to break into his office by climbing down the pipes. He finds the office almost straight away and even though Lazenby is ready he is not ready for the rage of the dragon.  He manages to light him on fire and still keeps beating him ,  man- Wang Yu has no mercy at all!  And then he slips a bomb into his mouth!

Just look at that!
The detectives wait for him outside and although grumpy at first  laugh with him at the explosion of the whole building floor and all the death that entails! Man, you get this sort of stuff only in the 70’s!

Trivia: The Man from Hong Kong was one of the subjects of highly entertaining documentary on Aussie cinematography: Not Quite Hollywood: The Wild, Untold Story of Ozploitation! It’s especially interesting seeing some behind the scenes like the power-strugle between the director Brian Trenchard-Smith and main actor Wang Yu who mostly wanted to direct everything himself, and his open disdain for white actresses he filmed love scenes with was definitely a bit unexpected.

Add to that and extremely hyped Quentin Tarantino who obviously enjoyed the movie immensely when he was about 10 years old.

Another fun bit of trivia, the other cop (one with an unruly set of hair) is actually Hugh Keays-Byrne later famous for his performance in Mad Max franchise (as a Toecutter in Mad Max and later as a Immortan Joe in Fury Road).

Also, it’s important to note  Umbrella Entertainment did a fine job of re- releasing the movie on BluRay in 2016, remastering it to 1080P HD, so if you ever want to check out the movie in best possible quality, you can order it here.

Final Exam (1981)

Posted: 29/06/2017 in Trash movies
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You remember those songs from ’80s? Most of the are alike. Well, you might also remember that if you play any two songs from the same album (or most of the hits from that era) at the same time, you’ll see they have the exact same structure, with the chorus kicking in at precisely the same time and clock in at just about the exact same length. I thought about that while watching Final Exam, because I am pretty sure one could superimpose the film over Halloween and come away with a similar result.

We get one of slashers clichés at the very beginning. Young couple is making out on the backseat of the car somewhere in the dark campus parking lot. Or at least guy tries to make out while girl is claiming she is too classy to do it in the car. After a bit more convincing she accepts to do it there (of course she would). But no luck for the guy. Some jerk cuts through the roof on his car with knife, pulls him out and slashes him. Then the moment spoiling dude comes back to finish his job on screaming girl. You had your chance, slut!

Death to libido

The next scene takes us to Lanier College. We see young Courtney (played by Cecile Bagdadi) talking to her classmate Mark (played by John Fallon) about chemistry tests. Now, during the “character development” phase of the film, we are treated to at least 12 slams on chemistry’s purpose in real life, to the point where it’s almost mean-spirited. My guess? Screenwriter/director Jimmy Huston failed chemistry in college or high school, and wrote a slasher film around it. Anyway, that’s when they are approached by unfortunately named nerdy guy Radish (played by Joel S. Rice), who very much resembles Screech character from “Saved by the bell” series. Radish informs them about murdered couple on other college. Then suddenly there is a terrorist’s attack on campus. They are shooting students randomly and take corpses into the van, before they drove away. It turns out to be a prank by Gama fraternity. Everyone noticed that but Radish and some dumb girl. Radish, still under the influence of recent murders, calls out the sheriff. Of course, he made a complete ass out of himself in front of sheriff (played by Sam Kilman) and entire school. On the other side, fraternity is celebrating successful prank. We get here real overdose of peasant faces. First among them is a school jock Wildman (played by Ralph Brown). Wildman talked frat pledge Gary (played by Terry W. Farren) into stealing chemistry tests. He says he doesn’t want to study (well surprise, surprise). Poor Gary actually managed to sneak that night and steal tests. On his way out he gets intercepted by the rest of the fraternity. They take him out (notice here it is a broad daylight; it was past 9pm and pretty much dark when they intercepted him), strip him almost naked and tie to the tree in front of the college. As it wasn’t enough already they sprayed confused and terrified Gary with cream, poured bourbon into his underpants and left him tied to the tree. And all of that as a part of initiation to the fraternity. I wish them death.

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x5s67cc

Another backdoor initiation

I’ll have you notice that we are at almost one hour of the movie length and yet no murders are to be seen. I really don’t see the point of such vast character development when it is clear they are going to die anyway. Also, nerdy and slutty girls conversations are pointless as well. Anyway, all of that is going to change soon. The killer has decided to show himself. And who would be better practice target than sitting duck Gary? Naive Gary stayed tied to the tree until the night (or is it the same night). There killer finds him, cuts him loose and butchers him. I guess he didn’t want to damage tree bark. Meanwhile, Wildman went to the school gym to get some pills for the fraternity. He meets the same fate as Gary (and that also include Gary’s girlfriend Janet (played by Sherry Willis – Burch) who went after him). Hm I can’t decide if this is poetical justice or just the old rule which states that everyone are treated equally in the brotherhood.

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x5s67zj

 

Mark decides to check out what took Wildman so long. He finds only death in the utility room. The next one Radish. It seems that everyone who comes at school gym dies instantly. Radish finds bodies and manages to escape. Then he calls a police again but this time they wouldn’t believe him (remember a boy who cried “wolf”?). So the only thing left to him was to get killed by through the doors. Courtney finds him but she is too dumb to realize Radish is dead (yeah, all that blood, broken doors and cracked skull are sending mixed signals).

You failed exam!

With death of slutty Lisa (played by Deanna Robbins), who slept with teachers for a good grade, the only one remained alive is Courtney. Killer (played by Timothy Raynor) chases her through the entire school, in more or less slasher cliché chase fashion, until the top floor. There some random hunter shows up at the bottom of the stairs and shoots an arrow in killer’s direction. Killer, whose face can be clearly seen now but we still don’t have any idea who is he actually, catches flying arrow with his hand and then use it to kill hunter. Courtney takes the opportunity to stab the killer, push him down from the stairs and finish him with more stabbing. Then she goes out to cry. The End

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x5s6842

 

Conclusion: The most hilarious thing about the movie is that the killer makes Michael Myers look like the most complex killer in slasher history. While his motives were unclear, he at least had a name and a mask. This guy doesn’t even have that. He’s just some guy with an Anton Chigurh haircut. No mask, no name, and certainly no motive. In a way it’s kind of admirable that at the time the film came out , when everyone was trying to make its own memorable slasher, the Final Exam team couldn’t even be bothered to give the guy a paper bag. Remember what I wrote earlier about chemistry bashing? Well it seems that the director was so focused on chemistry bashing that he forgot to provide his killer with any sort of… well, anything. Besides that, i don’t have anything more to say about this slasher attempt. It is so dull with brief moments of lucidity. And it doesn’t even have nudity!

Fatal Games (1984)

Posted: 22/06/2017 in Trash movies
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First prize is… DEATH! Second one too.

 

Now, as we all know the  best thing about the 80’s is the fact that they were flooded with slasher movies ever since the surprise success of the first John Carpenter’s Halloween. In the sea of Michael Myers, Jason Voorhees and Freddy Kruger movies there were naturally a few oddballs like: The Prowler, Silent Night, Deadly Night, The Funhouse and Hell Night  but then you have something like the Fatal Games– a movie that is a unholy union of a coming of age sport drama and a slasher. You know you’ll get something special  with that concept.

Falcon Academy of Athletics that prides itself in producing and nurturing an Olympic– level talent in a number of sports. And it couldn’t be more confusing when the movies starts with a super- motivating 80’s music. You want to jog or lift weights right away.

Shuki Levy feat. Deborah Shelton– Fatal Games

Just listen to this shit!

After a super- boring speech and some gratitous nudity we get to the  first and best kill of the movie. The weightlifting girl is overjoyed and in the middle of impressive military  press  when she gets impaled almost super-humanly to the wall.

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x5rp85r

Those leg warmers didn’t help you, did they?

 

That’s a really unique way to kill a person, very different from the usual close range attack of other Slashers. And the strange thing is the killer keeps prowling around and bodies keep piling up yet nobody seems to notice.  Then we have the nurse complains about the Doctor shooting too much steroids into kids. The “good” doctor doesn’t seem fazed by it, he insist they must go on– man,  he must be some cousin of Dr. Mengele. Most of the kids continue to train not suspecting anything but javelin thrower seems suspiciously mad.

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x5rpbav

Trivia: this lady received a Golden Globe and was nominated for an Oscar in ’87 surprisingly  not for this performance

 

Nurse begrudgingly accept and continues working with students, which also consists of giving butt massages.  Also she casually informs Annie of the new program for her- retardation injection!!! That’s because the Dr. is concerned with her developing a bust– go figure. Man, even steroids are great compared to this.


They finally realized that the weightlifting chick is missing, a black girl too… It took them long enough to finally call the cops but  cops don’t actually manage to do anything. Parties and highschool drama continue, including  but not limited to a stupid blonde loosing track and field (and crying to her lesbian- looking coach) , and Annie reacting horribly to the retardation drugs. I wonder why?

Also Annie’s boyfriend menages to break a leg- literally and epically and seemingly gets out of the competition. Maybe this will save his life?

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x5rpzuq

He really did…

Back on the field  for some reason the javelin thrower is still pissed as fuck. Unfortunately it doesn’t get better for him, ’cause he ends up stabbed himself. Not too long ago he was throwing the javelin but now he ends up meeting his maker because of it, how ironic.

I’d really like to know how they filmed this. It shoots so straight.

And the javelin killer keeps keeping on. Now instead of shooting the swimmer from the edge of the pool (some of the tribal people still catch fish like that) it turns out the killer is in the pool, squba-suit and all. And he stabs her from the floor up. Ok, I wasn’t expecting this.

smrt plivacice

Boyfriend turns out to be super dedicated, he actually climbed trough the window with the cast on his leg! He even managed to find bunch of the murder victims neatly packed in the student’s lockers.  But javelin killer doesn’t show mercy- ever- it  even killed the crippled guy! I don’t think I ever felt sorry for the slasher victim in my life.

–

Annie survives attack and ends up the school’s infirmary. Then it turns out that the real identity of the killer is- the school nurse!  Man, Annie can’t catch a break! Now the explanation, the nurse was originally- a male nurse . She was disqualified from the Olympic game after her sex- change operation became public. Wow, I would have never guessed this.

She just left this laying around…

The chase continued and now her voice turned deep, like super- John Earl Jones deep, how does she do that? I mean she’s taking hormones she’s not possed by a deamon, right? Amy tries to escape by climbing onto the construction but nurse waits for her at the top. Unfortunately for her Ammie  pushes her and she goes straight down… right onto the trophy-well,  she finally got what she wanted!

Lesson of this movie is: always do the best you can because if you do the best you can- you’ll get impaled on the javelin. So, I guess- never try.

 

 

 

 

Spontaneous Combustion (1990)

Posted: 15/06/2017 in Trash movies
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Well, well, well, if it isn’t our old friend Tobe Hooper. After watching Invaders From Mars I thought his directing couldn’t go any lower. Boy I was wrong. Sure there are many people who claim Tobe is capable director but we can’t take their opinion for serious because they most probably had suffered brain damage or are having any other mental disability. So trust my words: He ain’t good.

As you already can see Tobe Hooper’s latest fiasco is a work of nonsense called Spontaneous Combustion. As the film opens, a typical 50s couple is being used in government experiments involving a serum that may or may not immunize the human body against the effects of radiation. The couple is exposed to an hydrogen bomb explosion (which is displayed with archive footage), then monitored to observe the effects of the drug. It seems to have worked, and – except for one complication (the woman has become pregnant) – the experiment is called a success. The child is born bearing a odd birthmark on his hand. Something like stigmata. Nevertheless, parents are as happy as a clam. That will change soon when they burn to death after nurse took their baby (named David). The deaths – in which a mysterious man named Orlander (played by William Prince) seems to be involved – are declared the result of spontaneous human combustion.Furthermore Orlander seems to be happy about poor people’s fate and doesn’t hesitates to show everyone how much he is thrilled with it.

Could it ever been the more evil scientist than this man?

Now we are shifted to the present day (whichever that might be). We see young drama teacher Sam (played by Brad Dourif) who bears the same birthmark as a baby. Sam has been divorced for 2 years and now he found new love Lisa (played by Cynthia Bain). All is going relatively normal until he receives an
anonymous package in which he finds an old watch. After that, things are starting getting strange. Sam’s finger lights like a match, things around start to burn with no apparent reason and he even shoots poorly drawn lighting from his palm. Also, while looking at fire, he gets flashbacks to his childhood and parents. By now, even the dumbest among you could realize that Sam is actually baby David.

Firm handshake

Sam realizes that something is very wrong when two of the people he recently had contact with burned to death while they were alone at home. He decides to call parapsychologist who is holding his regular radio show. Parapsychologist sensed something and hung up the phone in fear. Sam really went mad about this so he engaged in debate with one of the radio station workers (played by John Landis). As you can guess, debate ended up with young John Landis burned to death while eating a sandwich. Keep in mind that they are talking over the phone. No physical contact whatsoever. Also, we found out that mark on Sam’s hand is used to produce fire. Pretty handy when you want to light a cigarette.

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x5qnhy2

 

It turns out that Lisa was sent by Orlander to get closer to Sam on purpose. Her parents burned to death as well and Orlander was one who raised her. To get to the bottom of this Sam visits nurse Nina (played by Melinda Dillon) from atomic shelter who was holding him when he burned his parents to death. There she explains to him that the point of the experiment never was testing atomic shelter but anti-radiation drugs instead. Sam finally is starting to see connection between mysterious Lew Orlander with everything that is happening. Orlander also presented himself as a grandfather of Sam’s ex-wife Rachel (played by. It seems that experiment never was over so Orlander wanted to keep his eyes on events. Anyway, the moment after Sam had departed, Orlander’s errand boy Dr. Marsh (played by John Cypher) came in and killed Nina. I understand that tracks need to be covered, but why now after so many years?

There are sparkles between them

Sam now suspects everyone to be a part of project “Samson”. He raged at Lisa over the phone which had a flaming arm coming out of mirror for result. Also Lisa started to burn people around. Sam confronts Orlander (a government contractor for nuclear shelters) who explained to him that every moment of his life was planned by Orlander himself in order to create the cleanest killing system on the Earth (it doesn’t look like that to me keeping in mind in what state is Sam now). OF course, Sam wasn’t satisfied with explanation so he burned Orlander to death.

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the hottest of them all

Rachel is after Lisa to finish the job. Lisa ignites herself after killing Dr. Marsh while Rachel tries to finish her off with fire extinguisher (?!). But Sam comes to the rescue and that’s when all the hell breaks loose. Awful special effects are coming one after another until Sam disintegrates in a manner of alien abduction. Since picture speaks 1000 words (and video even more) I’ll leave it up to you to make any sense out of ending scene.

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x5qnmfc

 

Conclusion: Spontaneous Combustion is a very sad horror effort. The whole thing is just ludicrous, from the awful acting to the laughable FX to the stupid plot. Brad Dourif absolutely sucked as the lead and all the supporting cast were only marginally worse. Scenes of death are repetitive. It would seem that Hooper wanted to make his own version of films such as Scanners and Firestarter and so we end up with a film with a couple of good ideas and a whole load more that are borrowed from other films. Put it all together and you get a messy, boring film that most people would do well to miss!

Trivia: Recently the world was shaken by the news that Tobe Hooper had been beaten up by his 38 years younger girlfriend Rebecca. Now, I don’t know the exact reason for it, but if, by any chance, movies such as this one or The Mangler were the reason for Rebecca to punch his old face, then you girl have our full
support!

The Prowler (1981)

Posted: 27/04/2017 in Trash movies
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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The Prowler seems like one of those films that got lost and forgotten in the myriad of slashers released in the 80s. And not without a good reason. It makes very little sense, with plot holes as big as the one in the head of it’s director Joseph Zito (known for such blockbusters like Missing in Action, Invasion U.S.A., Red Scorpion, and Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter). The only thing The Prowler benefits from is the work of gore makeup guru Tom Savini, who provided the sliced arteries, gaping wounds, and sanguine floods that mark the film’s half-dozen death pieces. Hey, enough for me!

The_Prowler

Oh God, even a tag line is lame!

The movie starts with Dear John letter written by a woman named Rosemary Chatham in which she informs her boyfriend who is fighting in WW2 that she is breaking up with him because she can’t wait for him any longer. Check this out, while her brave boyfriend is fighting overseas dirty Rosy was oiling some civilian’s mast. What an ungrateful slut! Serves her rig…oh wait, we don’t know that yet. Anyway, to celebrate her newfound freedom Rosemary (played by Joy Glaccum) is attending a graduation dance in the town of Avalon Bay with her new boyfriend Roy (played by Timothy Wahrer), on June 28, 1945. At one moment they decided to go out in order to make out. While there, electrical power goes off and they are attacked by a mysterious prowler in an army combat uniform (now who might that be), who impales them both with a pitchfork, leaving behind a rose. In a modern world no electrical power means death.

Reunited in cheat

Thirty-five years later, on June 28, 1980, Pam MacDonald (played by Vicky Dawson) is organizing the first graduation ball in 35 years with her friends Lisa (played by Cindy Weintraub), Sherry (played by Lisa Dunsheath) and Sherry’s love interest Carl (played by David Sederholm). That afternoon, while visiting her love interest Mark London (played by Christopher Goutman), who is the town’s deputy, she overhears a report of a prowler, who may be on the way to Avalon Bay. The Sheriff (played by Farley Granger), off to a cabin retreat leaves Mark in charge of keeping order in the town and at the dance while he is away. Seems to me that the Sheriff flees tow because he chickened out. Let the deputy take care of dangerous murderer. That night, while Sherry was preparing for the party, Carl “accidentally” stumbled upon her while she was under the shower. She didn’t take too long to get the hint so she invites him over to join her. Carl went to undress in haste but his sexual appetite was satiated when the prowler shoved a bayonet through his brain. Tough luck, lady boy. His place under Sherry’s shower will be taken  by the killer. And he did impale Sherry but with a pitchfork instead of good old traditional way. At least he left behind a rose. Bayonets for boys, pitchforks for girls… That’s how the world works these days.

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x5jxegy

 

Without knowing that her roommate was killed Pam goes back to the dorm in order to change her clothes. But the prowler is there too. Pam started to run away and stumbles upon Mark. Instead of trying to help her Mark decides it would be safer if they run away together. Hm so much about the long arm of the law. Anyway, Pam finds the old photos of Rosemary in Major Chatham’s (played by Lawrence Tierney) house. It turns out Rosy was his daughter whose killer had never been found. She suspects it is the same killer. Well duh! In a light of new facts,  Mark heads with Pam to the dance to warn the chaperone Miss Allison (played by Donna Davis) about the possible danger. She interrupts the party by silencing the band which was signing about murder. Oh why always in slasher movies there is a band which sings about murders? Meanwhile Lisa, fed up with her boyfriend Paul (played by Bryan Englund) for getting drunk and sick, goes out to a nearby pool to cool off. Paul is arrested by Mark for public intoxication, meanwhile Lisa encounters the killer while swimming, who mercilessly slices her throat open. That’ll teach her to stop nagging about alcohol. Allison went out looking for Lisa and that’s where she met her maker since the killer stabbed her through the throat.

Night swimming and alcohol are winning combination

The local shopkeeper, Kingsley (played by John Seitz), complains to Mark he witnessed a disturbance in the cemetery, Mark and Pam go to investigate and discover an opened grave with Lisa’s body in it. They go to investigate Major Chatham’s house once more. And that’s where the prowler is waiting for them.  Mark is attacked and left for dead as the prowler then chases Pam through the house. Some strange guy named Otto (played by Bill Hugh Collins) appears and shoots the attacker. It seems that everything is OK now. Touchy scene between Otto and Pam looking at each other and smiling while romantic musing plays in the background was interrupted by the killer who recovers and shoots Otto dead before attacking Pam. HAHAHA what a fuck off! This scene made this movie almost worth of watching! Anyway, during the scuffle, Pam discovers the Prowler is none other than Sheriff Fraser himself (What a surprise, I never seen that coming, honestly)  and turns his gun against him, blowing his head clean off. Now he should stay dead. The next day, Mark returns with Pam to her dorm and she goes up alone. Discovering Sherry and Carl’s bodies in the shower, she screams as Carl seems to come to life and grab at her, only realizing that he is dead, and that him grabbing at her was a hallucination. I guess the message is that you can’t run away from the past.

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x5jxh12

 

Conclusion: As I stated at beginning of this review, this movie makes very little sense. I can understand killer’s motive for murdering his slutty girlfriend and her newfound boyfriend. But why he was killing other people 35 years later? Too many painful memories? Why did he continue his work after so much time? Why does he use pitchfork? He surely had some weapons left from the war. How comes that no one suspected him? And how he had gotten away with his first murders when it was so obvious who the culprit is? He might had deserted after receiving the letter but then he wouldn’t be able to rise to the rank of Sheriff. Very little has been explained here and these questions will probably remain without answer. The Prowler may not be one of the best films out there by any stretch, but if you want to see truly over the top, gory, overdone death scenes made by everyone’s favorite makeup madman, Uncle Tom, then give this one a watch. But only once!

Ring of Fire II: Blood and Steel (1993)

Posted: 20/04/2017 in Trash movies
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In the late 80’s and the early 90’s many fine Kickboxers made the switch from the ring to an acting gig and there was always a steep learning curve there. For every Van Damme or Dolph Lundgren able to make a solid leap from Karate (or Full Contact Karate/ Kickboxing) almost straight to mainstream roles you had a fair share of people who needed years and years to get their acting chops up there, people like Jerry Trimble for example (these days an extremely capable actor- but originally someone able to do the talking only with his fists/ kicks).

“…  de la violence!” Who could resist?

 

Don “The Dragon” Wilson, a Kickboxer of a highest caliber is even below that comparison. His presence and acting capabilities seems completely at odds with his abilities in the ring. Where in the ring he was able to be relaxed and get his timing right in the movies he seems constantly tense, performing not only his lines but his specialty- kicks with such nervousness and stiffens that he looks incredibly lika  a Robocop trying to imitate Bruce Lee.

 

Movie starts with our hero (see Ring of Fire 1)  John Woo (Wilson) buying a ring for his pretty redhead girlfriend Julie (Maria Ford). She accepts the marriage proposal way to easy but they get interrupted- by a band of muscled up, biker looking thieves! Man, not a single boring day in the Don “Dragon” land. After killing an innocent man for no reason whatsoever the he good doctor Woo (yes, Wilson is a doctor in this series) jumps in to fight them with his bare hands! Police breaks in but Julie still ends up wounded, and we also get a bonus bizarre car chase (I mean the tire gets shot and the whole car goes up in flames)!

 

Now in the hospital Wilson and his retarded friends visit Jullie but he runs into the same goons trying to wheel out their compatriot in the freakin’ middle of the day (what are the odds)!  As always the fight ensues and Dragon accidentally manages to finish what he started by  accidentally shooting  the already crippled thug straight in his face!!! Doctor killing a patient- man this is dude is crazy!

Kalin (Ian Jacklin) gets arrested but quickly escapes and his second in command Predator (Evan Lurie) kidnaps Jullie. Then, what started as a by the numbers action thriller suddenly goes completely left field-in all improbably it turns into a Martial Arts remake of Mad Max series and Walter Hill’s The Warriors.

“You know that shit when they build new buildings on top of old ones? Well that shit still underneath is the Underground! Yes, the random street dude clues Wilson in and he finds the entrance to the Underground. It even has an ENTER TO DIE sign on the entrance, so this should be fun.

 

Also, somehow in the Underground there’s an agreement that guns are prohibited so the world devolved into crazy hand to hand fighting post- apocalyptic community. Not a bad idea when you thing about it. Going trough underground passageways Woo destroys everything in his path, led by a  guide- an old black Vietnam vet with a bum leg. Maybe they could have added a mystical powers too? He keeps  fighting different underground fractions one by one as he goes towards the center, the Trashcan Samurai (notice an old favorite Gerald Okamura), the Afro- Ninjas… he even fights the Skateboard Gang with Kali sticks and  flashlights!

 

Yes,  Dragon VS an evil skateboard gang! With the appropriate soundtrack,too…

His retarded (also Martial Arts friends) go after him, and mostly just kick the people already down from the Dragon beating.  Yet they manage to lose sight of what they came here for (like I said they are a bit retarded ) and end up in an underground hooker bar. Whore gang of course drugs them and deliver them straight to the villain. The only one who gets out is a small Chinese dude who gets into a fight with a disgusting bodybuilder chick.

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x5j2on0

“You are really sexy when you throw one of those spining kicks!” WORST. PICK- UP LINE. EVER.

Now Woo has to save the friends who came to save him. But don’t worry- no problem in the world that can’t be solved with some cagefighting! He goes against the Predator and deafeats him and you know what else happens- more explosions! The old veteran vet did his magic with rigging the armory. Sadly the final fight happens in the daylight so it looses some of the surreal, dream like quality other fight had. Also the main villain is just not very good.

 

Verdict: Even thou you can’t really call this a good movie it is a crazy good time, I mean it has explosions, over the top fighting,  90’s music and  (for no reason whatsoever) Road Warrior esthetics! But the truth is- this would work even better if it was an old school arcade fighting  game.

 

Imagine this- just with Don “Dragon” Wilson!

 

 

 

Worse News: Tura Satana Documentary!

Posted: 10/04/2017 in Trash movies, Tribute, Worse News
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Everyone’s favorite burlesque dancer/ martial artist/ actress Tura Satana is finally getting a documentary of her own!

Tura laid a blueprint for every female action star that we have today with her role as villainous gang leader Varla in Russ Meyer‘s classic “Faster, Pussycat!Kill!Kill!” ( it’s truly rare to see such an ass- kicking performance even now) but that’s just a tip of the iceberg. In her youth she  was a prisoner of Japanese- American internment camp, later she was a victim of racially motivated gang rape and yet she rose up to become a martial artist/ avenging badass, super- popular dancer an then legendary B- movie actress with her turns in Meyer’s Faster,Pussycat!(1965) and Ted V. Michael’s The Astro- Zombies (1968) and The Doll Squad (1973).

Even thou she survived further hardships like a  horrible car crash in the 80’s and had numerous operations to repair her back she never lost her will to live life to the fullest. Later in her life she worked as a nurse and a police dispatcher but in 2000’s she did return to acting appearing in the The Astro-Zombies sequel Mark of the Astro Zombies (2004) , women- in- prison film Suger Boxx and she also reprized the role of Varla in Rob Zombie‘s underrated animated movie The Haunted World of El Superbeasto (2009).

Cody Garret started working on the project before Tura’s death in 2011 and you can easily see that it was a passion project for her and the rest of the crew. The list of the people interviewed for the documentary is seriously impressive with everyone from Dita Von Tease , John Watters (Pink Flamingos)  and Ted V. Michaels (Astro Zombies) to  Kitten Natividad (Beneath the Valley of the Ultra-Vixens) and Shannon Lee ( Bruce Lee Enterprises) gladly taking part. Movie is also narrated by the Asian- American comedian Margaret Cho.

Now is your chance to contribute before the Kickstarter campaign ends in less than 48 hours. If you’re interested go to: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/148661830/tura-the-tura-satana-documentary

De Lift aka The Lift aka Goin’ up aka The Elevator of Terror aka The Elevator Assassin (1983)

Posted: 06/04/2017 in Trash movies
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,
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There are plenty of movies which drop a spotlight onto evil things and beings that kill people (Killer Clowns for example). Most of them are using various phobias as a base for a script. Inspired by that someone in Netherlands (Dick Maas to be more precisely) came up with an idea of making horror for claustrophobic people. So, here it is folks, the killer elevator movie! The movie about diabolical elevator!

As it goes, we see 2 drunk middle-aged couples having fun and deciding to go into the rooms. Between 3 elevators all 4 of them choose the middle one. Then the lighting strikes and causes power failure. After power came back, the elevator gets stuck and air valve goes bad. It is interesting too see different reactions of the people trapped within it. As one couple clearly starts suffocating the other couple grabs each other and starts having sex for no reason (we get some nice boobs shot here) until they pass out unconscious eventually. Luckily for them, the staff of hotel finds them before they died.

MILF stuck in elevator

Felix Adelaar (played by Huub Stapel) is a workaholic technician from the elevator company Deta Liften. He had been called by hotel management to look into a problem with elevator. But for now he couldn’t find anything suspicious. So he goes back home to his wife Saskia (played by Josine van Dalsum) and their children. Later that day we see elderly blind man (played by Onno Molenkamp) signing some sort of contract with hotel manager. What is bizarre here is that his mother is still alive and blind man rushes to give her a call. As he came near the elevator, it opened it’s door leaving just a shaft for poor blind man to step into carelessly (he should have learned how to use his cane until now). It would seem that blind man struggles not to fall to shaft. But no. He just wanted to get hold onto his cap which had fallen off his head. After he grabbed it, blind man willingly falls into his death. This scene has no sense at all! One thing is certain tho: His mother is going to outlive him for sure. And you might say blind man wanted to take his favorite cap with him to a better place.

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x5hgxu7

 

But that wasn’t the only victim of the evil elevator that night. One of the security people dared to poke his head through elevator doors to take a peek into the shaft. You might guess what happens next. If your guess was “decapitation” you were damn right. Here is your reward! Only for your sick  twisted amusement:

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x5hgz0t

 

Time to call Felix again. He rushes back to the hotel despite Saskia’s constant nagging. She doesn’t have any apparent reason for that. She is just a bitch. Anyway, Felix is back and he meets Mieke de Boer (Willeke van Ammelrooy), a rather horny journalist for De Nieuwe Revu, a local tabloid that Felix remarks he often finds in his friends’ cat litter. Mieke smells something fishy here (although that might be Felix). When inspections reveal no apparent problems with the electrical system, Felix becomes obsessed with the continuing malfunctions of the elevator. Now comes the comedy aspect of this movie: Felix is obviously imagined as “maverick cop who plays by their own set of rules”. The exchanges with his boss (who wants the elevator-caused incidents covered up to
avoid souring an upcoming corporate merger with another elevator-manufacturing company) are  hilariously reminiscent of heroic rogue cops arguing with their desk-bound superiors in countless movies. he even tells our dogged repairman “I’m pulling you off that route!” in the spirit of the line “I’m pulling you off the case!” in cop movies. Of course, Felix continues investigation on his own time. The elevator-manufacturers conspiracy shall be uncovered! He might be onto something since When he paid yet another visit to the building, he noticed outside a van for Rising Sun, a manufacturer of microprocessors for automation. Felix and Mieke, after collection newspaper article archives about Rising Sun, try to meet up with the company’s CEO, but the CEO begins to act
nervous and answers abruptly. He visits previous lift repairman who went insane and ended up in a nuthouse (?). No luck there. Next, Mieke takes Felix to meet up with her former university professor who specializes in electronics. The professor explains microprocessors’ sensitivity to external factors, such as electric fields, magnetic fields, and radioactivity, which undermine the proper functionality and tells about a computer built years ago which had suddenly begun to self-program and went out of control. A complete rubbish if you ask me.

Microchips are watching us

Meanwhile, THE LIFT continues with it’s pranks. It tried to lure the little girl into it’s shaft. The girl was alone since her mother was having a sex with the owner of hoel back in his office. The girl screams thus luring her mother out. Fortunately, only the girl’s doll had been smashed. Her mother gave her a strong slap instead of trying to calm down her poor daughter! (That’s what you get when you interrupt your mom’s sex life) Anyway, the lift’s hunger must be satiated! It killed cleaning guy who was tap-dancing too close to shaft. Serves him right!

Spring cleaning

The next morning, Felix is summoned to the elevator factory by his boss who angrily suspends him for his unauthorized visit to Rising Sun. That evening, the owners of Deta Liften and Rising Sun have a meeting inside a car, and reveal that the elevator’s controller, made out of organic material, is going rogue by killing people in which makes them nervous. It turns out that Rising Sun’s CEO put an experimental control chip in the elevator, one which can reproduce even! (This is signified by it dripping gelatin) What a fucking dumb explanation! Soon enough, Felix’s wife leaves with their children and, feeling that he doesn’t have anything left in his life, decides to solve the elevator conspiracy. Gaining inside the building during the night, he climbs into the shaft and starts beating on the chip with a wrench; it responds by trying to smash him. Slutty Mieke comes to the rescue, dragging the wounded man out of harm’s way. What happens next should leave you scratching your head, or whatever body part it causes to itch. Rising’s Sun CEO shows up with a semiautomatic pistol, unloads an entire clip into the control panel, then turns around and enigmatically states, “It was very sick.” But the lift will have it’s final word! It shoots one of the broken cables out to drag CEO inside the shaft and hangs him. The monster has killed it’s creator! As for Felix and Mieke, they decided to take the stairs while the elevator’s heartbeat can be heard in a background. And I doubt Felix has seen his wife and children ever more. Good for him!

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x5hh0q0

 

Conclusion: Dick Maas tried to make urban thriller in one environment we can’t avoid. Instead he ended up with something between cheap B-horror movie and black comedy. Maybe I missed something but I can hardly be blamed. I do not speak Dutch and English translation seems to have been written by people who have never heard human beings actually conversing, Since this film was imported from abroad you get the old-school bad movie fun of the dubbed-in dialogue never coming close to matching the lip movements of the actors speaking the lines. The dead-pan demeanor of our hero Felix, whose straight-faced reactions to all this absurdity help make the film so damned laughable. The plot itself is as absurd as it is. How can a microchip multiple itself by just dripping goo? And why it has to be evil? Is the hidden message here that all intelligent beings are evil? This is what you get when you combine new elevator with the evil of Stephen King’s Christine. Personally, I believe all of this havoc could have been avoided by placing plain “Lift out of order” sign.

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