The sole reason behind the existence of this movie is the fast that couple of Indian producers (Punjabi Brothers) found a random dude (Peter O’Brian) who looks incredibly like young Silvester Stallone and seeing the potential in that they gave him a couple martial art lesson and shipped him to Indonesia to star in a string of lo- fi action flicks. If you expect the result to be unwatchable you are deadly wrong- combination of Indonesian locations, terrible acting, dedicated stunt-work and the incredible amount of (random) shit blowing up made this a hell of a good time and a WIN in my book.It even attracted the legendary Troma Entertainment that acted as a distributor for USA.
Never gets old…
Couple agents greet almost mystical figure at the airport- that is Peter Goldson “The Stabilizer”. We learn that he is called that way because of his unique ability to restore the balance between the good and the evil (now, you’ve got to admit that is unique). He joins them to help solve the case of disappearance of Doctor Probos (fantastic name for a scientist). Only couple minutes into the movie and we get a deadly car chase that also incorporates a moment when they steal a car from the man pissing just outside of the road. Surviving that agents go on a briefing and here we learn that the main man behind the local organized crime (and Doctor Probos disappearance) is none other than Greg Rainmaker. By coincidence the same man that raped and murdered Stabilizer’s fiance. And you bet- there will be some revenging done pretty soon.
Blond 80’s chick proves without any doubt that it was Rainmaker’s golden triangle bang behind the ambush. She also does that with these earings.
We get to see a bit of torture and electrocution just to prove how evil Golden Triangle really is. They also trie another hit on Stabilizer (this time using a fake performer in a bar) but it doesn’t really pan out for them and Goldson retaliates with a bust of one of their operations. He also meets Doctor Probos’s daughter, funny large headed woman there- it seems she is a ninja with a crosbow in her free time.
After some back and forth agents finally decide to let Probos’s daughter join them (not really in line with the regulations and protocols but who cares) and movie gets to it’s romantic part (yes- there is a romantic part in here). Goldson decides to probe miss Probos and his partner decides to take on a fellow agent- ’80s blond chick. Of course their down time doesn’t last long and they quickly gather for one more action- raid on Rainmaker’s villa. Despite the action being somewhat out of control with their knowledge of Martial Arts and creative use of motorcycles and flamethrower (you’ll see) agents prevail.
Unfortunately Probos dies all the same. Combined with the fact that Rainmaker escaped (to his personal island fortress) we get another final action. Interesting fact the Act III of this movie has at least three parts. So, our agents get going (again), they raid Rainmaiker’s lair and wreak havoc but Rainmaker prevails and like a true villain puts them in the basely escapable situation and leaves before actually seeing them die. That blows up in his face (also the fact that he tried to get rid of his whore who comes after him with a machine gun- joining our heroes). After absolute craziness of a chase he decides that it’s time to just give up and escape by air but The Stabilizer had other plans.
Verdict: Now the only question that bugs me is the fact that the purpose of Peter Goldson is to be “The Stabilizer”. So if scales are tipped on the side of the good- would that make him a bad guy? I’ll leave you with this guestion…
Trivia: Also When Rainmaker attacked the poor girl you could see this hanging in the background. Now I know a girl can have a picture of her fiancee on the wall but that kind of picture!?
We are in the middle of the new Cold War between Russia and USA and movies naturally reflect that- especially the new Casper Van Dien (Starship Troopers, Mortal Kombat: Legacy) vehicle Higher Mission. In this movie produced by Gray Ferdricsen (The Godfather, Apocalypse Now) we get almost equal intriguing 3D spectacle about… wait for it… United States Senator with an important mission, to stop the corrupted politicians of Russia before they get turned into giant mutated rats!!! I’m pretty sure you didn’t see this one coming.
Over the decades (mostly 20th century decades),at least according to movies, the Earth has been invaded from space numerous times by many different creatures and species. Some invasions were successful, some were not, some were brilliantly planed and again some were complete nonsense (such as invasions seen in “Plan 9 From Outer Space”, “Killer Klowns from Outer Space“, “Invaders From Mars“, etc). Since this is utterly dull movie I’ll keep it short and with low effort in writing thus making this review almost as lousy as plot of this flick.
This incredibly boring creation of Full Moon Entertainment (which is odd since their movies are usually hilarious) starts with a man being rushed in hospital. Doctors are trying to prepare him for surgery. He had a serious concussion. But he is struggling and repeats that he must talk to authorities. His name is Tom Baines (played by Sam Hennings) and he is geologist. In that moment FBI agent storms in demanding to interrogate poor man while he is laying on operating table. Agent seems to know what Tom is talking about so he asks him to tell him whole story. Tom starts to remember everything happening from the time he got to Comet Valley. And that is when this movie is really about to begin.
Very special agent!
After divorcing and leaving graduate school Tom heads back to Comet Valley. He is staying at his old girlfriend’s family house now turned to bed and breakfast motel. Her name is Heidi Tucker (played by Andrea Roth) and at first glance at her we can say she is an irritating, bull headed bitch who makes us to want her to die ASAP in most painful way. Anyway, Tom gets an invite from his old friend to talk about meteorites since couple of them recently have fallen in Comet Valley. In entire story are included deputy sheriff Brad Yates (played by Dane Witherspoon), who is still jealous of Tom because of Heidi, and Heidi’s niece Kim (played by Holly Fields) who is mind-reading conspiracy freak (well, at least when the house lady is around). Also, Heidi’s brother
Frank (played by John Mooney) is the sheriff. Hm seems like the residents of Comet Valley like to keep it in family.
She doesn’t need to be afraid of mind readers… There is not anything they could read there.
Later that night Frank goes to investigate meteorite crash site. There he finds strange plant, and like any other professional would do in such situation, he starts poking it with stick. It turns out that such method of investigation gives plant a sexual release. Now what made us think it is true, maybe someone will ask? You see, after several pokes, plant CUMS onto Frank turning him that way into a fishman! Makes sense? I don’t know for you, but I am pretty sure that it doesn’t for poor Frank. But wait, that’s not the best part of transformation!!! Frank can easily turn back into the human form. Sounds familiar?
Frank continues his life normally without anyone else suspecting anything. Well, apart of Kim, who now thinks Frank is possessed. Same as house lady Mrs. Santiago (played by Anne Betancourt). Kim is so obsessed with Mrs. Santiago that she spends most of her time hiding in the yard filming poor old house lady with camera which she drags with her all the time. During one of her filming she got attacked by evil tumbleweed and completely freaks out. Anyway, long story short, several other people gets possessed by body snatching plants, Tom discovers that meteorite is seed which brought aliens here together with their plans for world domination (well, duh) and that ultra-violet light is killing them. Now when I mentioned that… It is strange thing how this UV kills them. Plants get blown away by plain 50 volt UV light but they still can walk around in broad daylight without any harm done to them. Do I need to tell you that, during the daylight, UV energy is kind of a million times stronger than the one that actually kills them?
As I already stated on the beginning of this review, I am going to keep it short as much as possible, due to endless dullness and boredom this movie provides. After everything that had happened, Tom now thinks that Mrs. Santiago is head alien and if he destroys her he will set free all of possessed Comet Valley residents, including his ex-girlfriend Heidi. Of course, many people have lost their lives (and minds) during this struggle. Even a Doc Roller (played by Bernard Kates) who was of the biggest assistance to Tom in attempts to purge plants from the Earth. Doc electrocuted himself while connecting the power cables in order to power up UV lights on the bridge. What a dumb hero. The final fight between Tom and transformed Mrs. Santiago at the back of pick-up truck ended with truck falling off the cliff with monster in it and then exploding (as it was the fashion in B-movies). The world is saved. Or is it? You see, a moments before truck will fall into it’s death, Tom had jumped off it and hit the rock with his head. Next thing he remembers is waking up ay the hospital and telling his story. After he finished his narration, Heidi (i don’t know what happened to Kim and I don’t care) and Mrs. Santiago (not explained how she have managed to survive her fall) stepped in the room. It turns out that Heidi, Mrs. Santiago and FBI agent are together in this diabolical scheme for plants spreading. Since Doc Roller has been deep fried, the only obstacle between them and world domination is drugged up, tied-to-bed, naive Tom. Seedpeople have won and the Earth is doomed (thanks God for that).
Conclusion: As you may have already noticed this movie is a complete rip-off of far more superior “Invasion of Body Snatchers”, “The Day of the Triffids” and any other alien invasion movie. Full Moon Entertainment had hit the rock bottom here with butchered scripts of already mentioned more successful movies and non-existence of acting, choreography and suspense, while their actors are drowning in sea of plants’ (and director’s) cum. Also, monster costumes are not even worth of mentioning since they look like they had been stolen from “Little Mermaid” child’s play. I strongly recommend you to shoot anyone who even suggests you watching this manure.
At certain point in the 90’s Full Moon Entertainment (Demonic Toys, Dollman) had the rights to make Marvel’s Doctor Strange. Remember, those were the days when Marvel movies were made by people like Corman or even better Pyun. Anyway they had the right for Dr. Strange, but NOT for long. Marvel’s license expired before the production officially began and instead of paying for extension producer Charles Band decided to just go ahead with it. He cleverly removed mustaches and renamed his hero Doctor Mordrid leaving everything else virtually identical to the original script (and comicbook).
Movie starts with Mordrid (legendary Jeffrey Combs) talking with space eyes, we have no idea what the hell is happening. Then it jumps to Rio de Janeiro just in time for us to witness the evil Kabal (always fun Brian Thompson) in medieval regalia with hip 90’s sunglasses.He chants some complicate gibberish but his fantastic baritone (he sounds like Schwarzenegger who miraculously lost an accent and gain acting ability) makes it sound cool. His fledgling killed a man transporting some sort of (mystical?) goods and the chant made it disappear into another dimension (with 90’s style drawn electricity- painfully absent in today’s films)
Hello Space Eyes!
And we’re back to Dr. ̶S̶t̶r̶a̶n̶g̶e̶ Mordrid’s lair full of arcane books, mystic artifacts and TV’s for some reason? He seems disturbed from his astral projection and easy listening music and goes out to find what’s happening. It turns out some neighbors (he lives in an apartment building?) are having argument about a dog. Police woman with big hair (who also lives there) Sam seemingly resolves things and Mordrid exchangers couple of words with her and then flashes her with his amulet and she forgets everything. Watching Mordrid’s TV collection we learn that the shipment that was stolen was platinum and that rings a bell with Dr. We also learn that his raven is appropriately named Edgar.
Mordrid uncovered magic ball and uses it to summon a gateway that takes him to the another world and… the flying fortress (and that’s all we see of that mystic world). He almost gets killed by a keeper Gunner but it turns out they are old friends. It tuns out he was blinded while the others were killed during the Kabal’s escape. Gunner still stayed weak as he is to keep others locked and by others I mean demons from the other dimension. He returns to his apartment just to find out that his neighbor police woman called the firemen. She was snooping around and saw the smoke coming from his place. He finally gives up and invites her in.
In the meantime we are presented with bloodsucking, terrible pair of satanist- one of them a lady satanist who enjoys singing disco hits and dancing appropriately. She hopes to score with Kabal but he decides to sacrifice her instead.
Feeling particularly powerful he uses astral projection (sorry- it’s called transportation of the soul here) to taunt Mordrid. They get into a confrontation of sorts but without some terrible ramifications but soon enough police comes to arrest Mordrid, it turns out the symbol from his amulet is found on some dead bodies and he becomes prime suspect. During the interrogation he tries to explain that the evil alchemist is behind both the murders and also the stolen plutonium but they kinda don’t believe him.
“Kabal’s intentions are worse than evil!”
Sam, the police woman drops by to check on him and he shows her the visions of his childhood. He also uses the paper napkin to hypnotize her.We see the rivalry of the Kabal and Mordred since they were kids, and gain all we see of the other world is the flying castle- they really should have filmed something else too (it gets really old, really fast). Sam accepts to steal his amulet and help him escape but Satanist number two shows up (with the enchantment of indestructibility)and just when you expect a ruckus nothing happens. Yeah, Satanists are just that stupid. Sam freezes time and gets Mordrid out. Mordrid does the next logical thing, he decides to falls asleep aka project his soul in the middle of the park and Sara stays to watch over him. Kabal breaks into the Metropolitan Museum and steals the philosopher’s stone who’s sole purpose is in fact being the cauldron for cooking all the alchemical stuff.
Today in cooking with Kabal!
Just when you though he finished cooking Mordrid (aka his soul) appears and they start the spell- war that escalates into a dinosaur skeleton vs mastodon skeleton finale. Then when you expect something really impressive to happen mastodon impales Kabal, stops the demon invasion from another dimension and everything is fine again.
Yeah, also Satanist tries to kill defenseless Mordrid but being stupid but his powers stop working and he almost gets killed. The movie ends with melancholic Sam celebrating Christmas, getting drunk with Edgar the raven… when Mordrid mysteriously shows up from the another dimension and new adventures are ready to begin! Unfortunately we won’t see them. Verdict: Like many other Full Moon features this one also suffers from the lack of the third act, and I don’t mean like in the John Rambo (purposely extended second act), I mean more like Bakshi’s Lord of the Ring where you can just see that they run out of budget and abruptly ended the movie without real climax or resolution.
On the plus side Jeffrey Combs’s overacting fits perfectly with the theme of this movie and his literally chewing scenery. Too bad the movie is not up to par. I would really love to see Combs more often as a leading man (outside of Re-Animator franchise).
Trivia: For a (very) short while this movie was called Doctor Mortalis and Band even managed to bring in the legendary Marvel artist Jack Kirby to do some concept drawings. Unfortunately that didn’t continue (wouldn’t be surprised to find out that he run out of money to pay him- wouldn’t be the first time).
What better way to celebrate the historic Wrestlemania XXX than with the Wrestlemania regular The Undertaker fighting monstrous Brock Lesnar, freshly returned Batista fighting Randy Orton for the title and hell- even the original wrestling superstar Hulk Hogan (absent from the WWE for almost a decade), then André the Giant Memorial Battle Royal featuring 30 superstars… and also Scooby- Doo cartoon crossover? Wait! s this for real… I mean REALLY !?
Oh, the horror!
Yes it is, powers that be decided that it’s time to spice thing up and give children what they want and that’s apparently talking dog and John Cena combo. I know WWE tried to move away from the edgier content for a while but this is beyond absurd. Anyway you can “enjoy” in the first trailer, movie comes out March 25th and our review not long after that.
Also McMahon as a good guy for the first time in history!
Just for the record we’d like to point out that we think Superman/ Bugs Bunny crossover was a better idea!
Ever wondered what it would be like if an entire company has been led by women only? I know I was. We probably get the same picture in our heads: cushions and make up everywhere, bankruptcy after the first job, walls decorated with Hello Kitty gibberish, astronomical telephone bills, complete lack of infrastructure and any item that could be even considered as useful, starving employees dragging on the floor looking for a spot to die… That looks real pretty much. But this movie tries to show us funny side of women management. Not that funny I hoped it would be…
Limo service…
We get adult situation on the very start of the movie. Boss of carwash company Melissa (played by Kristi Ducati) is making out on the backseat of her limo. It turns out that their business from the first movie has been a huge success and a purchase contract has been signed with an international corporation Interglobal Industries. CEO of that company Sanders (played by Larry de Russy) promises to Melissa (while he is crossing his fingers behind his back – very typical for heartless financial shark) that she is going to have full control over Bikini Carwash Company. Also, 3 more hot chicks who are in charge of company are there – Amy (played by Rikki Brando), Sunny (played by Suzanne Browne) and Rita (played by Neriah Napaul). We can tell from the first look at them that entire company is consisted of dumb bimbos, who just want to have fun and who are making such remarks as “two million dollars are twice as much as one million dollars, right?”, etc. Suspecting nothing they decide to celebrate signing the contract by dancing naked and spilling alcohol on themselves.
But their celebration is a short lived. It seems that Sanders is not such as good boss as they thought he is. During the board meeting, when Sanders freaks out at his secretary because his glass of water was empty, Melissa did some eavesdropping and learned about his real plans. It turns out that Sanders is interested only in carwash land which is worth more than Carwash Company itself. Of course, for mere two million dollars they are going to buy that land and
build condos on it. Melissa storms in yelling “How could you do this to me, Mr Sanders” at him with her irritating bimbo voice. Although she has been offered to stay as a boss of new project, Melissa resents the idea of her life work (and underwear for that matter) being torn down with bulldozers. Obviously pissed off by her remark made to his open flier, Sanders adds that he doesn’t negotiate with bimbos. Aside how big jerk he is the guy got the point there.
When crisis is up girls do what they know best!
Melissa tries to save things by attempting to seduce Sanders right in his office but he has seen through her. Although he agrees to sell back company to her 10 million dollars. But since she is tried to seduce him he offers to reduce the price for every part of Melissa’s lingerie that hits his carpet. While stripping for Sanders, Melissa drops the same article of clothing twice. I don’t know if anyone other had noticed this goof. So we come to price of 4 million dollars. It would have been 2 million dollars but Melissa refused to screw him. I don’t know why… Many, many, many other girls parted their legs for much, much, much less amount of money. So it comes to this: Sanders agrees to sell them company back if they come up with 4 million dollars until Friday. And Melissa recorded this promise on a tape recorder, just in case it comes to a court of law. But lowering the price wasn’t the only result of Melissa’s stripping. She also got herself and other girls fired. So, with Bikini Carwash Company out of business and only 4 days left until Friday they need to come up with a new plan for earning money. And don’t miss Sanders’ sinister laugh after Melissa leaves his office. It makes him to look more evil.
The oldest trick(s) in the book.
Melissa comes up with the plan of selling lingerie on TV where she and her girls will be models. But they need to takeover The Miracle Network for a week which got national and satellite frequency in order for their plan to work. And how they are going to do that? With their powers of seduction and with help of the only person in company who actually got some brains. That person is Melissa’s assistant Derek (played by Greg Raye), a nerdy looking man who’s glasses get fogged whenever he sees naked breasts. Derek always wanted to be TV producer so choosing him seems to make sense. Oh he is done his part of seduction too, when they came to one of TMN’s bosses who is a hot, nerdy looking woman. Interesting thing is that one cameraman looks like former Serbian minister of police department Dragan Jocic. Hm, makes you think. So, taking over is complete and countdown until Friday may begin.
Selling isn’t going as good as they hoped. Melissa realizes that they are not as tempting on TV as they are in real life. To me it seems that it has something to do with the fact that they look like retarded orangutans while they are dancing in underwear in their commercials. What is the solution then? Simple. Sex sells. Melissa decides to strike right at couples who need some fire in their relationship/marriage. Of course, according to them, lack of fire is caused by not enough sexy lingerie. So, Melissa goes for back up… One of her employees, hot blonde Cindy (played by Melissa Barrick) is the perfect person for dirty commercials.
The only reasonable way to assure business success.
BOOM!!! Sales is through the roof suddenly!!! Every couple wants (at least male part) special lingerie that will get dousers back to their trousers. Sanders starts to be worried so decides to get himself a spy. Which one of Melissa’s girls will have that honor? Of course dumbest (and probably the hottest) one among them – Sunny. He managed to get her to his side by appealing to her vanity. Also, he chucked in a diamond ring and brand new house in offer. It worked, of course. You can’t go wrong with materialistic things when you need to win over a girl. Even if you need her just to betray her friends. Hell, betraying a friends is a small price for having expensive ring on her hand and place where she can mate. So, in the next day Sunny was busy with writing down all rules that girls have broken in their commercials and sending them to Sanders. Just in time when Marshall (played by Garro Ellis) from the FCA (Federal Communications Administration) arrived to check what is going on National TV. You can see his reaction below.
As you have already guessed Amy (who is lawyer of Bikini Carwash Company) seduced Marshall and he gave them some bonus time. The rest is just cliché fill up. Melissa discovers that Sunny betrayed her (and forgave her for that matter), girls engage more hardcore features in their commercials while screwing on and off camera, managing to earn more than 4 million dollars until Friday which board, consisted of old men, was happy to return to them, Sanders gets fired, etc… Happy end, more bimbos screwing around and breaking “Emergency condoms” glass every fucking 2.5 minutes.
Conclusion: This is a cute story about bunch of sluts who try to save their half-ass company so that they wouldn’t need to do some actual work. I don’t even want to comment acting since there is none in this SMUUUUUUUT! garbage. It would be much better movie if there weren’t shameful jingles done by A.Z.R.O. group inserted whenever screenwriters had a blackout. In short, first part was much better. It got some meaning after all. This is just SMUUUUUUUUUUUT!!!
If you check out the IMDB page for Street Gangs of Hong Kong you can learn that this is a movie about ” an ambitious martial arts student who infiltrates a murderous gang in the hope of finding the man who killed his father”. Not a one word of this is true. Now lets set things straight and start from the beginning.
Staring newcomer Wang Chung!
This movie was made in 1973 as a Show Bros’s answer to “new” genre of contemporary action films with less influenced by Peking Opera and more by gritty street fighting you could find on the streets (and especially roofs) of Hong Kong. The leader of the said genre was of course the late, great Bruce Lee. Public unanimously embraced his hits like The Big Boss, Fist of Fury and The Way of the Dragon and that made Show films( with their extensive wife-work and lavish costumes) look like a relic from the past.
Never the ones to back out from the challenge Show Brothers decided to branch out and make an urban, hard hitting movie of their own. The result can be observed right here and it’s one hell of an oddity, even by today’s standards! Movie punches you straight to the gut from the get go with rapid psychedelic colored images of martial arts training accompanied by some tribal, wild drums that send the whole room spinning. Before you recover from that you’re attacked by (even worse)images of people eating in a butcher shop/ restaurant in slums of Hong Kong.The level of disgust you feel can only be compared to the one agony you experience when watching Yugoslav Black Wave films (link). Our hero is of course doing some dishes at that awful place.Then he goes to deliver some food to the local Kung Fu gym full of young and skinny people putting in the work hours.Young John Shen takes a minute to devastate a punching bag (or two) but afterwords insists that he doesn’t have time for things like Kung Fu. Of course he again demonstrates his Kung Fu two seconds later when he takes the money for the food (yes, you need Kung Fu to get payed around here).
Next morning he again practices his Kung Fu and gets into a fight (verbal one- this time) with his father because of his smoking habits. Father practically chases him out of the apartment (placed in the even worse slums than the fist ones- if that’s possible) and then he’s stricken by a sense of horrible gut-wrenching guilt. That pattern repeats incredibly ofter during the film. Meanwhile … throws the cigarets to some neighbor kids, practically toddlers but already nicotine addicts! Man they really start early here. He goes to his job and there we find out his ruthless employer is in fact his step father- that might not be so bad but some Triad lowlifes decide to poke him because of it and he loses his mind. They settle it the old fashion way- fighting on the junk yard, full of stuff that can kill or cripple you. The only worse place would be the top of the tall building (but then I hear young Chinese people like to do that too).
They start early in China, really early!
Badly beaten the gang return to their boss, fatty who operates a whore house and pretty much spends all his time there. He gets mad at a gang members because he planes to rob a Wing Kee’s whorehouse that’s guarded by Johns’s father (we learn- a really tuff dude). They should perhaps change the strategy. Now, in the meantime John loses his job (because it seems no one likes young people here in Hong Kong), and gets into another argument with his dad. Running away he meets up with his girlfriend but that also somehow escalates into a 30 on 1 all out brawl. I guess if I had John’s luck I wouldn’t survive a whole day.
After the horrible fight is over his girl is mad at him- even thou he risk his life to defend her honor. Things then get more introspective and we get some interesting flash back sequences that include John’s father beating on his mother while he explains that his father is in fact a good man- it’s just the hard life that made him that way. Now, that theme is quite fascinating- son loves and respects his father, and his father adores his son and cares about his deeply, yet every time they are in the room together they almost kill one another. If it wasn’t so ridiculous it would be touching.
…I really do!
Then it the ultra romantic scene he’s girlfriend instead of supporting him urges him to get a new job and John pissed again- just walks away. After roaming aimlessly for a while he runs into a cripple, the dude that lead all the gang members against him. Of course cripple is now all fun and games because they need John’s help. Having nothing better to do, he excepts to see their boss Big Sean, in the whorehouse of course. Big Sean, knowing how teenage boys are gives John a whore to calm him down before they get to business. Seeing a naked woman body John completely losses his mind and jumps on the whore like he’s fighting for his life.
Morning after (John spend the whole nigh with the whore) he finally has that conversation with Big Sean. Shockingly he doesn’t accepts his offer and decides to walk away. At this moment you have to admit that John rules. He almost fucked the life out the dude’s whore for free and then just went home. To his credit he did promise that he’ll pay Sean back as soon as he can. That of course sequeyed into another all out brawl, this time with motorbikes! This thing is going crazier by the minute.
After a devastating and grueling fight with bikers he ends up almost killing the cripple (big Shawn’s retarded brother) with a 2×4 and gets meet hook in his shoulder for the effort. He gets out alive but this time just barely. Police picks him up and detain him and humbled he bags his father to come and pick him up. Father, having a perfect sense of how to further destroy their already shaky relationship refuses. Whit that he practically sealed his fate- you’ll see how very soon. Left desperate without the help of his father John became the victim of the supreme big boss of the Triads who different than his underlings has a more cunning approach. He gets John out, gives him nice clothes, a car and his main ho Funny. It seems that a main thing to do in Hong Kong, what everyone is striving for i getting piss drunk and chasing whores. In the end John brakes and promises to help them get the codes for the safe in the warehouse under the condition that he’s father will not be harmed. Now the scenes where he pretends that he wants to help his father just to get the codes is probably the only truly touching scenes in the movie. The only time they are actually proper father and son is in fact a set up for the inevitable tragedy.
Some father and son time…
After a moment of doubt John gives codes to the Boss just to learn that his father will be the one guarding the place that night (even thou he initially traded the shift with some other dude). In desperate attempt to stop them he breaks into the mob’s safehouse (some kind of sawmill facility). Unfortunately faced with a full rooster of the gang he falls short and end up tied to the chuck waiting for a saw to cut him in two. Yes it turns out that the big boss of Mafia is… EVIL.
See how evil he is…
Triads surprise the old Mr.Shen but everything is not black- it seems that in Hong Kong regular weapons for the guards is a shotgun! Now, he’s a bit short on bullets but he uses the shotgun to whack people on the head so it’s still good. After taking a beating Triads fire back with a host of big sticks and beat the old man to the ground. But after a second or two he is back on his feet and using a high pressure hose to fuck the triads up. Man, this dude is unstoppable! They eventually get him down again just because of the sheer number but Mr. Shen fought like a lion right until the end.
John survives his horrible ordeal but wakes up to find out that his father is dead. Devastated by gilt and fueled by uncontrolled rage he escapes the hospital and goes to the whorehouse that he burns to the ground after beating the crap out of everyone. Than he goes straight to flat of the big boss Lam. The fight gets increasingly bloodier by the second and he even gets a broken leg and harpoon in the stomach. He still finds the strength to enact his revenge (by choking the boss with a harpoon line). Having nothing left to live for as soon as he hears the police sirens he throws himself from the building and the last thing he remembers is doing Kung Fu with his father and then everything goes black. And officially every major protagonist of the movie is dead, that reminds me of the movies my grandma likes to watch.
Verdict: Ok, the main problem with this movie is that the attempt to make a realistic action scenes kinda backfired and turned into a mixture of what producer thought was realistic (and that’s mostly stylized moves minus the wire-work with added gore,), horrible social realism, and ton of late 60es, early 70’s psychedelic rock music and images thrown on top. Now that kind of mix is a thing you experience probably once in the lifetime and I’m not sure if even the same people would recreate it if they had to. Still, beside the point that they absolutely did not hit their mark- they sure hit something- and the end result is still all kinds of awesome.
Deadliest Prey (2013) is still red hot but David A Prior is at it AGAIN! It turns out he made two films back to back, first being the fables Deadly Prey sequel and the next one being possibly even more intriguing Relentless Justice. Yes, the title evokes a “Seagal’s revenge thriller” (practically a genre of it’s own at this point) and that is not too far from the truth, but the revenging is done here by a lovely lady Leilani Sarelle (Basic Instinct). The rest of the cast is also more than impressive, having veterans like Eric Roberts (Runaway Train, The Dark Knight and everything in between), epitome of awesomeness Mr. Wernon Wells (Commando, Mad Max: The Road Warrior), Sherrie Rose (Tales from the Crypt, Unlawful Entry), Lisa Lanloia,Tara Kleinpeter and of course Ted Prior (Priors always come in twos).
Turn away, nothing to see here!
The Plot: Former Australian Intelligence operative Victoria Dev Ries (Leilani Sarelle), lives a quiet life in suburban America where as a single mother she raises her only daughter and trains fighters in her own M.M.A. gym. But when her daughter (Mimi Michaels) goes on a camping trip and fails to return, she is forced to go back into action. It would seem that a handful of people, including the Mayor and his girlfriend (Vernon G. Wells & Lisa Langlois) and Sheriff (David Campbell) along with a handful of others have a rather strange hobby. They like to hunt people for fun. And they are rather good at it, but when it comes down to hunting Victoria, they need help and so they bring in another former Intelligence operative, Joe Mangine (Mark Rolston) to balance the scales for them. But this may not be enough because for Victoria the only justice she knows is Relentless Justice.
She made a promise to kill him last… she lied!
Enjoy the trailer and we’ll update you on the release date as soon as we find out. Good to see Prior Bros. firing on all cylinders!
After nearly retiring , and still fighting serious illness B (to Z) movie kingpin Albert Pyun found the strength to finish off his magnum opus (semi- sequel to both of his early career cyber- punk outings) CYBORG NEMESIS.
Final piece of the puzzle is completed as he cast (still unnamed) young actress that will open and close the movie. Final scenes will be shot in Ryolite (Nevada) and will officially signal the wrap of the lengthy shoot of CYBORG NEMESIS. Big part of editing is already done with sound designer Michael McCarty still working hard as we speak. Score will be handled by Pyun’s long time collaborator Tony Riparetti (Mean Guns, Postmortem).
With a cast of old favorites and new talent: Sasha Mitchell, Dru- Anne Perry, Joei Fulco, Joseph Cannon, Daniel Faust, Jessica Delgado and Kim Coture this films actualy has a potential to be not a swan song but a return to form of sorts for Pyun who spend last couple of years working on ultra- small productions, making unofficial sequels to films (of others as well as himself). Visibly enthusiastic he called this his firs balls out Sci Fi movie- in outer space. So, even thou he is rehashing the old themes here- there seem to be a silver lining as this movie shows a more focused Pyun who surrounded himself with a bigger, more professional crew to help him realize his vision.
P.S. He still promises a few surprises in the final movie (Gruner cameo perhaps?), so we’ll have to wait and see what future brings. Besides cyborgs and space stations and that kind of stuff.
One of the main reasons our blog/website exists is David A Prior’s Deadly Prey. That’s one of those rare movies that pushed us from being aficionados to professionally reviewing movies. So it’s only natural that we would celebrate the day we got long gestating sequel (shot almost 30 years after the part 1) in our mail.And now among the first (our fantastic colleagues from Action Elite were little faster) you can read everything about the Deadliest Prey.
Movie starts with Colonel Hogan, ruthless ex- military officer walking up in sweat. He dreamt of Mike Danton, again. Obviously he’s been doing that for the better part of 25 years. Guard informs him he’s got to get his shit together ’cause he’s getting out in 30 minutes. He is then picked up by a hot redhead, ovbiasly a fan.
In the meantime little blond boy wakes up his father, ’cause it’s time to throw the thrash… then we find out that he’s father is none other than unstoppable Mike Danton! Denton doesn’t seem too thrilled by his chore but he asks for coffee and does it anyway. Unfortunately it turns out that the years haven’t made him invulnerable to his one lone weakness-taking out the thrash sneak attack!And before you know it Denton is stunned and packed like a sack of potatoes. Movie cuts to the unlikely trio of hackers gets bored with their video game life and surfing the net find the mysterious stream of man hunting. And we can all guess who’s the man being hunted can’t we? Denton stands face to face with his old nemesis- and game is all set to go. Denton takes a minute to promise swift death to all but Hogan (who he promise a slow, painful one) and as Hogan screams “now you run, son of a bitch” the hunt is finally on!
Hogan is also seemingly in cahoots with shady internet businessmen- so he earns money from the manhunt stream and also hunts Denton (theoretically) killing two birds with one stone. Denton starts disposing the mercenaries one at the time… and instructed by his previous experience decides to steal a pair of pants, and some nice boots too!
“I’m not doing this shit barefoot again”
And when Denton get’s into a groove you better watch out. Armed mostly with a just a pocket size knife he starts casing mayhem on (surprisingly young and agile) group of would be mercenaries. Hogan doesn’t seem to bothered with this (I guess he plans on having a stream on for some hours) and also suddenly realizes he hasn’t gotten laid in almost 30 years. So he grabs his second in command redhead military chick (played by Tara Kleinpeter) and goes inspecting the troops (haven’t heard that one before).
“I don’t want to be disturbed for the next 15 minutes or so”
Surprisingly, Ted Prior looks good as an older, more chiseled Denton. Gone is the look of surf- boy bodybuilder replaced with a more “no bullshit” Clint Eastwood attitude. He dismantles everything they send after him leaving just one survivor with a message to Hogan. Hogan receives the message right away (it seems he didn’t last the full 15 minutes) but doesn’t seem too thrilled. In fact he rewards his soldier by shooting him point blank. And then things get really interesting- Fritz Matthews is back as Thorton’s twin brother ( by pure happstinance because someone from his church pointed towards something David wrote about him on his blog and decided to hit him up after 25 years ) and he’s not happy about Denton cutting his brothers arm and then beating him ’till death with it.
In the meantime Danton is making friends, it turns out his old war buddy Kaplan is one of the mercenaries (sound familiar?). After a little bit of fist fighting Kaplan decides that he can’t go on with it- and offers to help Danton out. Denton seemingly disappears from Hogan’s eyes aka cameras but that just pisses him off and he decides to lead a hunting party himself (backed by Thorton ofc). He also shoots a couple of internet entrepreneurs that helped him set everything up- just because. After an introverted moment or a two in which he thinks about his family Denton returns to doing what he does best- wrecking everything on his sight. But he didn’t count on Lt. Thorton (part 2) and soon it finds himself captured and gagged.
Hogan interrogates him for a bit- and describes all the torturing he means to deliver and I must say David Campbell has grown more manic with time. Redhead Sophia then takes her turn seemingly jealous of the all attention Hogan is giving him. As soon as she’s gone, Kaplan shows up and frees Danton and they make daring escape… BY BLOWING SHIT UP!
Unfortunately Kaplan dies and it seems that Denton will meet the same fate… when the deadly trio of ridiculous hackers picks him up (’cause they managed to tracked down the source of the feed). Now, Danton can finally reunite with his family and everything will be OK. Unfortunately family is not home! Being a strategical genius Lt. Hogan send his mercenaries to kidnap his wife just in case and Denton is met with deadly Sophie finally ready to deliver on her treats. Denton does what he generally does with women he doesn’t like- he back fists her and shoots her all kinds of dead.
He starts off with some old school traps and continues with stealth slicing and dicing. After the first trap- bomb goes off he ditches the stealth mode and adopts more straight forward Rambo approach.The last bargaining chip Hogan’s got is Danton’s wife. Unfortunately for him that doesn’t last for long. Hogan finally looses it and orders Thorton to off the woman. So it seems they’ll be two for two in Denton’s wife killing business. But not- someone shot Thorton in the shoulder and that’s a wild card- Denton Jr. who sneaked out on hacker bunch and decided to help out his dad.
Chip of the old block
Then the original Denton jumps in and let’s just say some are end up flying in the process. Just before a final showdown between Denton and Hogan the trio of hackers shows up… and they die.Denton proves harder to kill- one of his ultimate traps finally pays of a Hogan ends up disemboweled. The End.
Verdict: Even though this movie is even more low budget affair than the original Priors actually managed to improve on the original in some ways. The copied the structure of the original completely – tweaked it just enough so it flows more natural. Also the fact is Ted Prior is no longer muscle bound hot-head but actually a capable actor and that changes things up. Now don’t get me wrong- Prior can be as corny as it gets when he needs to be but now he’s got that Eastwood ironic detachment that makes things even more hilarious. Also- David Campbell is hitting an all time high, in this movie- this is one of my favorite madman ever caught on screen. But most of all this movie has an incredible “blast from the past” vibe to it and it brings back all the B-movie all out action trashiness that seems incredibly fresh in today’s PG-13 ultra- budget centered industry. Anyway, the years haven’t hurt Priors at all. Now I just hope to see Prior Bros. fallow this up with a couple more trademark action romps that they’re known for (and a nice slasher in old school Sledgehammer/ Aerobicide style wouldn’t hurt too).
Trivia: David A Prior when asked about a possible Deadly Prey 3, gave free rains to his nephew to make a Deadly Prey: Next Generation as soon as he’s 18. I wouldn’t be surprised if that actually happens, the kid has the making of the action star.
Note #01 (Un)fortunately we don’t have any recent nude photos of Ted Prior.
Note #02 WM Crew would also like to thank PRIOR BROTHERS ENTERTAINMENT for providing us with DVD for review in such short notice. Class acts all the way.
Never gets old…
Blond 80’s chick proves without any doubt that it was Rainmaker’s golden triangle bang behind the ambush.
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